I came "this" close to shitting myself in front of my gf. Ask me anything

I came "this" close to shitting myself in front of my gf. Ask me anything.

wat hapn

never over trust a fart, lost a good pair of underwear and any chance i would ever go back to my local grocery store

What's this?

I went to the gym today, and drank preworkout before I drove there (timed so it kicks in right when I get there). Preworkout makes me poop pretty bad (like major brown hose), so I usually get there and go straight to the bathroom. So I go to the toilet, sit and oddly enough I didn't shit. So I'm like ope, welp just gotta be extra careful out there. Do the whole workout and nothing, which is really weird. So I go home, shower and eat with bae, and we both plop on the couch exhausted (she went with me today), and just watch youtube. Now keep in mind that I ate chinese food last night and hade the leftovers for lunch along with banana and coffee for bekfist. All really bad ingredients for a real shit storm, but I had yet to shit since the day before. I feel a fart coming but im next to bae, so you cant just let it rip right? So i let it out nice, long and gentle. Its going and going and going until "spll" it hits something relatively solid and I clench with all my might. But rid in vain, I feel moisture past the desirable point. I think to myself, "shit". Without causing too much sense of alarm, I calmly get up and walk to the bathroom while clinching for dear god. Drop/check pants. Clean "phew". Sit down and unclench, it takes a few second and then dread hits me (you know the feeling right before you shit where you just know it won't be pleasant). I push ever so slightly and two days worth of chinese food comes out with the wrath of god. And I'm still on the toilet at I post this.

A microwave?

...

Why didn't you? You must ascend

solution: break up with your gf

Cause, favorite white shorts and yellow love seat.

grab a handful of poo and go fling it at her

For y?

There was no handful to grab, pure liquid. But if only...

I have shit in front of my girlfriend.
She didn't break up with me, she just makes fun of me all day long. Then again she wears the pants in the relationship so just more reason to belittle me and dominate my 5 incher. Haven't been allowed to get on top of her for 2 years now.

I'll show you later

What's the deal with airline food?

Fag

At least I get sex. You're probably a virgin who wishes he could even hold a girl's hand.

Nice text wall ya fuck

Does you gf poop? Post pics desu ne?

Op here. Don't let her not let you. You get on top without asking, then choke her as you fuck her. Then tell me how much it helped.

Ok, one sec, pissing before.

I don't even want to think what she'd do to me. She prepares all of my meals. She'd probably poison me or plot my death. Plus she's already somewhat abusive to me. She hits me and kicks me as it is. I would try to playfully touch her butthole and she gets mean.

pics of anus?

She won't let me take any nudes. I've tried to sneak many times. But she literally would hurt me till I deleted it. I'm sorry for being such a beta.

...

What is it with American constantly shitting themselves?

They try to skirt around it like "haha I sharted" or "I gambled on a fart and lost" but that just means you shit in your pants.

Maybe if they had designated shitting streets then they wouldn't have such troubles.

Have you ever been to NYC? They have designated shitting alleyways and subway platforms.

for me? nah just remain single, more time for videogames and porn

Ascend

Whats the square root of 35?