I'm probably going to kill myself, AMA.
I don't enjoy doing anything, from video games to schoolwork. A task feels rewarding but I either dislike doing it or, at best, it eases the passage of time.
I would be sad for my friends: they are wonderful people and deserve someone better than I am. I'd regret that they would mourn me, but I know they would be able to move on, as with my family.
I think about living and I become depressed. Every day feels the same, and I don't care where I'm going in life. I don't have any significant other, and I've never had a good relationship that was meant to be. I've given away too much of myself, had my heart broken too many times, to reconnect. I'm constantly sad and tired of it. I just want to stop living, because I don't believe I can ever meet someone.
I'm probably going to kill myself, AMA
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I really don't enjoy living. I have no desire to keep this up for long enough that someone finally thinks I'm worthwhile. I haven't ever been worthwhile, and it would be naive of me to think I ever will be. I've only ever led myself or others on. I do not believe I deserve to be with anyone.
I haven't ever accomplished anything meaningful, and even my acceptance into university was something of a fluke. The only thing I have going for me is my philosophical intuition, and I have met only one person who liked that aspect of me. She was the one who got away, and she's happier with someone else now. Go figure... I never deserved to be with her. I would've preferred if she hadn't led me on.
I can't imagine anyone to be with. I've tried connecting with girls, but I'm never who they were looking for. I need to find someone who is one in a million, and I already found that sort of girl, and lost her. Even if I could ever deserve a second chance, with anyone, it's hard to stay optimistic.
I think that it could eventually happen, if I live long enough. I am literally always sad, and I don't enjoy doing anything. My friends ease the pain but they can't take away this feeling of being hollow inside. I am sorry to do this to them; they are all I'm living for, as I'm certainly not living for myself, and there is no one who loves me as I would want to be loved. That was so long ago that I've almost forgotten. I'm 20, for reference.
I have no regrets, because I can't change the past. There are so many things that I would have done differently. The worse part is that I'm incapable of making the optimal decision. I have a dent in my skull, probably from being dropped on my head as an infant. As good as I'm told that I am, I'm not even a complete version of myself. No one would want to be with me.
I've studied magic in its various forms; hermetics, alchemy, yoga, healing. I want, more than anything else, to have a mended brain and skull, but no one in my life thinks that's possible, let alone that I'm capable of doing that.
I thought I had fixed it twice before. If that were true, then it is at the hands of others that my skull was redamaged. It was certainly not my own doing, at any point. This is probably proof that I should not live.
I am always sad, and I have an impossible task to solve before I can even attempt to live for my dream. The future I want to accomplish is meaningless because it is infinitely far away with my head being the way it is. I would need someone by my side. No one would ever be with someone like me.
Even if I fixed my skull and restored my brain... I still don't think I could find someone. Goodbye world. This life was only sadness. I'm sorry to have caused any suffering at all. I have only ever suffered, and I would not wish that on anyone at all.
...
I don't care about money.
>I'm not going to kill myself, AMA.
ftfy
>Why?
You care about women? and you know uh uh uh coitus?
I couldn't imagine why I would change my mind. I really don't want to keep living like this.
Yeah, I realize money enables that and pretty much everything else in life. I have enough money for now. I'm not going to pursue it in excess.
So i dont understand , use money = fuck bitches . If that doesnt do it start up a drug habit. i mean there are plenty of ways to hit more bottom than you already have and you can have fun doing it. when that last last red cent is gone then kill yourself.
I don't want something meaningless. I'd rather people remember me fondly. My last memories will be of me hurting more than I already do if I go fuck bitches. I don't have any more of myself to give away.
You have money go buy drugs.
>I'd rather people remember me fondly.
stupid cunt, go for it when you're dumb enaugh. You're so young and you think it's not worth living, ha! Get older first and you'll be happy that you didn't. I bet you're fat or something and women don't like you. Eat healthy, work out, do your schoolwork, keep hustling. It's a phase bro, I had that too and my life is awsome now.
yeah, you're not wrong. I really don't have anyone to complain to like this.
drugs just bring me a false reality; when I come down, it is at least as shitty.
do it faggot
I'm skinny, but I can't gain weight. I don't want to get older... life hasn't been worthwhile at all yet. People keep telling me to wait for it. I'm tired of waiting. I'm just plain tired; sleep is the only thing I look forward to in my day to day life.
it's been this way for my whole life, save for a couple of times. It doesn't feel like a phase
If you kill yourself, just leave a letter as to why. I don't look at suicide as selfish or anything, not letting them know why is just kinda douche move.
thats why u smoke weed when coming down
Get over yourself. Just do it or shut up and move on.
I've spent almost the past year being stoned every day as a way to medicate. I'm tired fam
I already wrote one. I'm just looking for people to talk to for a while. My friends don't want to hear about this shit anymore. I've got one class today; after that I'll probably do it.
I am over myself; nowhere to move on to. I started hrt very recently, but even the promise of getting to live as someone I'm happy being doesn't help. No matter what, I am done being who I have been... He's just a disappointment.
How old are you? Are you still going through puberty or @ the ass end of it?
I guarantee you it's an imbalance of chemicals.. Shit evens out, I was where you are, it gets easier I guarantee it.
Don't tell me because I don't care. Life only gets harder and if you struggle with it now then best to get it over with because you will not be able to truck through it. Stop being a nuisance to those around you and just disappear forever.
20.
I'm probably still going through puberty, not that I'm helping stop that by starting hormone replacement lol
I'm about to. All I've ever been is a disappointment.
Then stop trying to get an excuse not to do it by actively participating in this cry for help of a thread. If you're looking for a sign, this is it. Do it and get it over with. Everything is easier when it's over with and I promise you everyone will forget you and move on. So you don't have anything to fear. Once it's over, it's over.
How you plan on doing it? Should dress up like a banana and hurl yourself off a overpass. Sweet story for the news.
/thread
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You're right. I've been under the delusion that I am God for a long while; I can probably reincarnate myself as someone who is whole. I really have nothing to live for. Death may bring me solace, regardless of life after.
exsanguination
You probally wont care, im just a fucking number on the Internet. But mate, don't do it.
If you didn't already, seek some help, get therapy. There are professionals out there who are trained to get you back on track.
Its easy to think the way you do in the dark place you're at right now. But keep fighting. Dying is just way to fucking final isn't it?
You're just 20, theres still so much to come.
You clearly have a loving family and friends around you, no need to waste those realationships or your live. There's ways for you to get through this, you just have to follow them.
You seem like a smart guy, so be smart and stay alive.
You can do it, I belive in ya
Go a week without drugs (including alcohol), and fapping and do some exercise - I recommend long walks, even some basic bodyweight exercises if you're able (pushups, squats) and try to limit your time from the computer a bit and avoid porn.
Most likely your dopamine receptors are fried so they need a bit of a reboot - I'm not a full on nofap sociopath, but sometimes constant stimulation by drugs and porn (as fantastic as both can be) can literally fry your head to the point where you can't enjoy shit. Hence you need to repair that shit. Google to learn more.
^
I don't want to do it anymore. I've sought therapy and it only leaves me feeling worse. I only ever feel sad. Thank you (: please keep being a good person. My time is up now.
I've done this; has not helped. My brain chemistry is permanently fucked on account of my head trauma. Thank you, though. All I want is to die at this point. There is nothing left for me.
Bugger. Sorry dude, good luck on the respawn.
what a faggot. just do it already. this bread is embarrassing
Fuck it dude, your time is only up when a god damm comet hits you in the head.
I know I can't change your mind, but I dont care. Dont waste whats ahead, I know what you feel like my man. I've been there, still am sometimes, but if my lazy ass can get out of there you can,too. This isn't the answere, it never is
Whatever it is you do, I wish you the best mate, but think about it. There is so much out there, you just need to find it.
This Album always gets me down to earth, maybe you'll like it. Have a listen
welcome to the club OP
Just say fuck it to everyone else man. I've found that living my life to please others leads nowhere. Do things you enjoy and eventually you'll find someone worth your time.
Hell, make a fucking list of shit you want to change in your life, and paste it somewhere you'll see it every day. Writing it down makes it real.
Good luck.