How do you fake a life threatening mental disorder during medical examinations?

How do you fake a life threatening mental disorder during medical examinations?

I want them autismbux bad.

What are some of the best ways to fake it, and what is good to fake?
Just suicidal thoughts or what?

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eat my shit

> Use some repetitive phrases
> Avoid eye contact
> Have quirky clothing, like lace up your shoes a particular way or only wear shirts with squids on them
> Tell them your stressed and go play with a tap/faucet, run the water and put your hands in it to destress
> If they give you a pen to write with, take out some wet wipes and scrub the fuck out of it
> have some candy with you, arrange it in front of you in a straight line by colour or size. Unwrap each piece a particular way
> Talk about a particular subject that they'll know nothing about- German ww1 rifles or Ducati engines
> Bring a small writing pad filled with numbers and lists, like weather for every single day over the last year; type of clouds, temperate barometric pressure wind speed and direction for every hour.
> Forget hygiene that week. Don't brush your teeth, have put stains on your shirt. Make sure you smell like ass

I'll try think of more for you

thanks my man

>Eat 30 tabs of acid
>Smoke a pound of salvia
>Go to the loudest heavy metal concert you can find
>Have the worst trip in history
>Get permanent ptsd
>Profit

What could go wrong?

>>Eat 30 tabs of acid
I think that's enough to die or at least turn into a vegetable.

Is schizophrenia the red pill?

Metal concerts are great fun when tripping though

LSD isn't that toxic
You'd need a couple grams to od, and normal doses are measured in micrograms.

>What are some of the best ways to fake it, and what is good to fake?
By successfully killing yourself. Everyone will believe you then.

No, but it will fuck up your personality.

STUTTER A LOT

I literally had a severely autistic roommate one year at college and he was a major stutterer. Talk too fast, trip on words, NEVER stop talking. Act like you're on cocaine or something

No worries. I can't stress enough the lack of eye contact. Refuse to look them in the eye. Stare at your left hand or out the window the entire time.
> While waiting alphabetise and straighten up the magazines in the lobby
> Sit on end of the chair like your on a spring ready to fire
> Show signs of nervousness, rock back and forth just a little, lick your lips or try make saliva, occasionally tap your ears or behind your neck in the one spot (don't overdo it)
> Have a random go to phrase that makes no sense. repeat it a lot if things are stressful 'its not the one for driving' 'nemo, don't touch the boat'
> Try use flat tone throughout
> Tell them your fav food is bananas and that's all you'll eat, you know the price if bananas in every supermarket. Tell them Ecuador and Philippines grow best bananas because of soil quality and humidity. But sometimes spiders are in the boxes and they have to use insecticides. Best incesticide in your opinion is 'insert two minute long speech here, random facts about bugsprays in Quito
> tell them what your fav movie is. Let them know you've watched in 1,275 times. Tell them you turn it on at 6:02pm so that it stops exactly at 7:30.
> Your wallet has to be full of exactly the same banknote/bill denomination, all placed exactly the same way.
> Talk about a baseball game between the Browns and the Cubs that happened in 1932 where the temp was 115. Who the pitchers were, what happened in the fourth innings. Compare it to a game that happened in 1947 where it hit 117, explain that players now have to go to the dugout when it gets to 100. And games are called off if it hits 105.

Fuck. I think I have Autism.

Don't be surprised. The majority of people on this site have autism.

Same dude, we can find comfort knowing that there's others, eh?

ive faked having a mental disorder when i was in the 7th grade before taking a test. one thing lead to another i was in a mental hospital for 9 days before leaving. the benefits? i got xanax that me and my friends tried up until sophomore year and teachers were less hard on me. i dont reccomend it though, because therapy is extremely annoying and not a lot of people will wanna be away from you. you should just sell guns

Do people without autism notice?

How likely is talking about jews running the world will work?
I mean talking about how Isis never attacks ISrael even though they are literally 20km from It, they can't do shit, jews are behind everything and give precise and detailed information.

this is pure gold.

Also learn from this guy:
youtube.com/watch?v=D04wb7P_v-4

Youre reatrded.

>Yep
>A blessing and a curse

>Checked
And yes, they notice. Ever wonder why you can’t get laid?

Lol

If I have aspergers could I get NEETbux?

As a person who is insane but functions alright and doesnt want to sign up for goberment gibs me dats, you sound like a worthless nigger. All of the things you mention seem reasonable to convince a layman, not a doctor who is trained well. They know to look for false signs, if you plan to.d do this dont do stupid shit like not showering fo r a week, you need to be 100% convincing. You need to become the madness that you intend to replicate at least tempprarily as completely as you can.

You should stop being a welfare nigger and work for a living, you pathetic manbaby.

See

No

Damn, that's not far enough on the spectrum?

Wasting your life working 40 hours a week to make someone else wealthy, how honorable.

Why not just shush and let OP get caught being a societal parasite?

Even if youre pretty severly autistic its hard to get on the goverment dollar unless you are unable to work and require a cartaker. Even then though they tend to put you in a group home and they are awful unless you really are a mong.

Those doctors tend to be good people who try hard and they never get to all the people they could be helping, they dont need this nigger looking for a handout stopping others from getting real help.

Thanks for the info, user.

My friend worked i one of those group homes, shits rough.

Suckling from Uncle Sam's teat, how honorable.
Wrestling niggers at the frozen foods aisle for the last bag of crinkle-cut french fries, how respectable.
Being such a pathetic manchild that you can't even imagine a life doing a job you like because you don't know how to find work that isn't a factory or fast food position, how wise of you to give up.
Do us taxpayers a favor and spend all your gibsmedats on candy. Maybe you'll die a little quicker and the rest of the world can forget you ever existed and move on quicker.

hair-trigger temper

Holy shit
On second thought, OP, you really should go for the autismbux thing. You really deserve it.