You're really quiet user, tell us a joke!

You're really quiet user, tell us a joke!

Okay. It's a riddle. Why do dogs lick their genitals?

Q. How do you make your gf scream during sex?
A. Fuck her up her ass and then pull out and wipe your dick on the curtains in her room.

first one to get on that pole and shake it will get a fresh 100$ bill.

extra 100$ for each article of clothing that comes off...

TURN ON SOME MUSIC DRIVER!!!!

You're really funny user! Let's hear some more!

Yo'ure mom gay

Because they can!

My favorite tasteless joke from comedian Anthony Jeselnik:

>People always say the worst thing about flying is having a baby on the airplane -- nothing worse. I disagree. I could give you guys four examples of when having a baby on a plane was awesome. Although, they were all on 9/11.

so.. uh... girls... wanna.. uh.. have a blowjob c.. contest? I will j.. judge.

HAHAHA HAHAHA GOOD ONE!

Paying like half a grand to see a pair of tits is fucking sad, dude.

my penis

why the fuck am I on a bus with you again?

so, did that twat give four examples or what?

doesn't sound sad too me

money well spent

oh wait... you would rather save it and upgrade your pocket pussy?

Aw, don't get nervous user! Just make us laugh!

I WANNA CUM INSIDE ALL OF YOU

...uhh...i mean y-you too

>as if this situation could ever happen to me
stare dumbfounded, stutter something until they all turn their heads back in dissappointment, some giggling amongst their peers at how weird, and probably a psycho i am.

user's a broke-ass neet and the girls know it anyway

There were four planes that crashed during the terrorist attacks on September 11th. The joke is that any babies on these planes were killed, which is actually very unfunny when you think about it.

>Just make us laugh!
>whips out penis

So there's this dago fisherman...

>money well spent
it's just a pair of tits, calm down. you can have that for like ten bucks

i thought there were only 3 though

It's not unfunny because it's a crude joke, it's unfunny because it's just really not funny.

2 trade centers, pentagon, PA field

"Whose first, bitches?"

"Oh, hey user.. go make me a drink, boy."

agree with this

How do you drown a black man?

Pop his lips

My second favorite dirty joke:

>A boyfriend and girlfriend try anal sex for the first time. The girlfriend says: "Ow, it hurts!" The boyfriend says, "No it doesn't...it feels good!" (pic related)

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan for a lily pad."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

"Sure, how about this," said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

Patty walks into the manager's office and proceeds to tell her, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $50,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." Patty holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone

Omg, he's so nervous! Just make us laugh user.
Wow his face is getting really red...

>PA field
oh, never heard of that one.

time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana!

kek, GREAT JOB you really made them laugh XD. Niggers are nature's walking punchlines.

*front door opens*

"Oh, I almost forgot. I invited the whole squad over. We gonna get wild tonight, sheeeeeit."

I disagree. The payoff is unfunny, but the joke itself is very well-crafted. This is a dead baby joke with a little thought put into it. Anyway, humor is subjective. I love tasteless jokes, and this one is incredibly tasteless.

What a great joke.

Kek'd

Ew.. Uh.. Where I am? Is it a Sup Forums partywan?

you kno wuss a pirates worsst nightmare
a sunken chest with no booty

SHIIIET WE WUZ CLONES AN SHIT

ayy, that's not bad

Zozzle

chikenstrips

"We may not have landed on Plymouth Rock, but ima bout to land a nut on Stacy's face in a minute."

>cropped
LuL

*loud fart*

- How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- ???
- Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to hold the neck of the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with colorful geometrical shapes.

mom, can you eat lights?


no son, why


because daddy told the mexican girl who cleans our house to turn off the lights because will eat it all

*laughing awkwardly*

DEATH RATTLE

Why did you crop out horsey face?

I think the rock might be pressing on your soft spot

Whispers* "He's really weird, I wonder if he's even talked to a girl before."

Hey user, what kinds of things do you do for fun? Tell us about yourself since you don't really have any jokes.

whats a surrealist? haha user is using smart words what a nerd hahahahaa

>Hey user, what kinds of things do you do for fun?
jack off to your facebook pictures

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to say, "I could've done that!"

***

How many directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Directors screw in hot tubs. (pic related)

fukkin kek'd

>tell us a joke
My penis.

>This guy walks into a bar, and there's this beautiful woman behind it.
>A sign over the bar reads, "Cheese Sandwiches: $5; Handjobs: $10."
>The guy asks the woman, "Ma'am, are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
>She says, "Why, yes, I am!"
>He says, "Wash those hands and make me a cheese sandwich!"

what do you call two niggers fucking?

fuckin niggers.

feign a seizure and piss myself

kek, classic.
smart man

An orgy on the bus right now.

This thread gives me massive anxiety

What's best thing about having sex with fourty-two years old?

There's fourty of them

It's this pic right?
It's fucking me right up

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking through Central Park at night? One of them was a salted.

so there is a guy and a bunch of whores in a stripper limo....

"Haha he is soo shy, omg. What are your hobbies user??"

Your life

japanese cartoons and porn.

when I'm not studying for medical school, I'm learning norwegian and polish and working on my cryptocurrency account. I also regularly go to the gym.

I don't have much of a life because I sacrificed everything for the sake of my career and education.

>tfw this makes me excited and horny instead of insecure and uncomfortable
I love being the center of attention

I want to eat each one of you ladies ass and cum in each of you ladies.

And then there's this guy

cringe

A skeleton walks into a bar, and orders a drink and a mop

>ladies ladies ladies ladies ladies

ahhh remember when you were 12 and on Sup Forums for your first time

just joking

So that's what ADHD feels like?

Making youtube videos to to an audience of no one and feeling perpetually sad.

Will you make them eat all the eggs?

yeah funny joke cringelord

you win

"We heard you were really funny! Tell us a joke already!"
"Maybe this will make you a bit more comfortable.."

Jesus Christ, now I'm cringing.

...

when I'm not studying for medical school, I'm learning norwegian and polish and working on my cryptocurrency account. I also regularly go to the gym.
I don't have much of a life because I sacrificed everything for a chance at a good career and education.

Why just stop at their sexy asses? Why not go a step further and eat their shit as well?!

>Guy goes to see the doctor.
>Guy's like, "Doc I feel awful."
>Doctor looks him over.
>Guy's got a sandwich mashed around his ear
>Chocolate cake smooshed into his hair
>Parts of a salad all over his shirt
>Doctor says, "Well first of all, you're not eating right."

Had a situation where a douchebag tried to put me on the spot in front of a whole roomful of qt's. I whipped that joke out and a few others and had those ladies chuckling. That night did not go how the douchebag planned.

found the cuck

Tilda is sexy

Eyup!

im getting nervous just laying here

>mfw some people are actually responding seriously to this thread.

fucking normies, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"Uh, that's disgusting."

>How many dumb ugly blondes does it take to change a light bulb
>*Points at them all one at a time*
>1
>2
>3
>4

Too many potential health risks involved.