Can we have a thread about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

Can we have a thread about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

What is your favorite verse in the bible? What is your favorite version of the bible for that matter?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=ts3YWVFUnvU
biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1 Samuel 18:1&version=KJV
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Douay Rheims, nigga!

Genesis 19:8

Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

#deusvult

“Make the earth tributary to you.”

that picture is of jesus holding a letter that some dude wrote to some other dude who runs a town or city or something and the letter is a witness statement of him self.

Galatians 6:7
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."

Luke 9:60
"Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

would jeezy have approved of traps ?

Romans 7:15-20 is me in a nutshell.

Every verse from Revelations
Seriously God, end this miserable existence and start anew

No one but faggots approves of traps, not even Sup Forums. If Sup Forums is the asshole of the internet, traps are the hemorrhoid upon that asshole.

Ezekiel 32:15

When I make Egypt desolate
and strip the land of everything in it,
when I strike down all who live there,
then they will know that I am the Lord.

How do you like your Jesus Sup Forums?

I fucking despise christanity but some verses make me kek.

Like the one where a woman shan't talk over a man or some shit. Or if they have sex before marriage they must be burnt on a stake.

Loving, forgiving, grace-giving and correcting.

All characteristics of Jesus, not the way I like it, but the way he is. Imagining him with my ideals is called Idolatry.

>I fucking despise christanity

>not going to baptist churches
>not seeing the q t chubby negresses sing
>not seeing the q t metrosexual white folk playing in whole bands
>not being a decent member of society
>not bring casserole to the wednesday potluck bible study dinners.

I'll pray for you.

>I fucking despise christanity

Christianity or Christians? Don't confuse the messenger with the message.

Job 29:16 King James edition

>Can we have a thread about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
Oh boy. Here we go. What happened to all those others gods?

Like that one, too!

Ezekiel 23:20:

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Fine. I despise preachy christans and the religion.

>Can we have a thread about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
Sure
>What is your favorite verse in the bible?
Dont know a single one
>What is your favorite version of the bible for that matter?
there are more versions?

youtube.com/watch?v=ts3YWVFUnvU

one of my favorite albums ever

You are free to start threads for your god of choice friend, be it Zeus or Mohammad. No judgement here.

I'm gay so those prayers are wasted breath.

Also, you can keep your negresses.

>What happened to all those others gods?

The topic is Jesus Christ, not "Is Yaweh the one true God?" Don't be edgy, it's not a good look.

>there are more versions?

Are you retarded? The bible is old as fuck and wasn't even originally written in English, of course there's multiple versions. It's been translated, translated, and translated again multiple times over.

I thought atheists were supposed to be intelligent.

Lords everywhere

Bible don't hold back. It's not full of people skipping around singing songs. It's real talk, nigga.

Numbers 31:17-18
"Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves."

Matthew 16:18-19

And I tell you that you are Peter,[a] and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades[b] will not overcome it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be[c] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[d] loosed in heaven

Fuck off, protestants.

literally no bible-following christian church believes or preaches this.

Friend, no worries. Don't listen to the GOP, Jesus was OK with homosexuality.

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1 Samuel 18:1&version=KJV

>Are you retarded?
that comes from a religious faggot? pretty bold
>The bible is old as fuck and wasn't even originally written in English
I always thought Jesus was an American
> It's been translated, translated, and translated again multiple times over
So, was there a Dinosaur Version too?
>I thought atheists were supposed to be intelligent.
I dont know. Some people believe there exists a Man on the Moon and some people dont. I let you be the Judge of it.

Samuel 15:3: "This is what the Lord Almighty says ... 'Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.' "

Psalm 137 "Happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us / He who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks."

That's wrong though. There exist bible-following christian churches that prohibit women from being pastors etc.

>Fine
I wasn't trying to 1-up you, I just wanted clarification.

>preachy christans
Preachy people in general are annoying. /fit/izen here, my co-workers give me shit because of my diet.

>the religion
What about Christianity annoys you? I mean besides the people who practice that faith?

I'm only asking out of curiosity. I like hearing people's reasons. It annoys me that people hate Donald Trump, but when asked, they don't even know why (or have their facts straight).

Maybe so but they dislike gay sex.

No but I have read the verses. Unless I'm retarded and muddled them up.

>or have their facts straight

or DON'T have their facts straight*

yes, that's true, but they don't say a woman "shan't talk over a man". Even in the most patriarchal of churches they still allow women to freaking talk.

>What about Christianity annoys you? I mean besides the people who practice that faith?
Not him, but it's annoying that it props up faith as a virtue. It's annoying that the Old Testament is openly evil while the New Testament is dangerously naive at best.

Ezekiel 25:17 “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Women talking != women talking over a man.

My favorite version of “the bible” is the Watchtower rewrite, which is indoctrinating ignoramuses into shunning their own bloodline for simply figuring out that it was all woo in the first place. Other than that, godders need to grow a brain cell or two, and stop being so gullible. It’s a disgrace to humanity.

there are no verses anywhere in the bible that advocate for burning sexual criminals at the stake.

>So, was there a Dinosaur Version too?

"He is the first of the works of God; let him who made him bring near his sword! For the mountains yield food for him where all the wild beasts play. Under the lotus plants he lies, in the shelter of the reeds and in the marsh. For his shade the lotus trees cover him; the willows of the brook surround him. Behold, if the river is turbulent he is not frightened; he is confident though Jordan rushes against his mouth. Can one take him by his eyes, or pierce his nose with a snare?" (Job 40:15–24, ESV)
All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you. Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth. (Leviticus 11:20-21, KJV)

"Behold, I am against you, Pharaoh king of Egypt, the great dragon that lies in the midst of his streams, that says, 'My Nile is my own; I made it for myself.' "Ezekiel 29:3

“In the same way also the men, giving up natural intercourse with women, were consumed with passion for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in their own persons the due penalty for their error.” (Romans 1:27)

there are literally no verses anywhere int he bible that advocate for burning sexual sinners at the stake

great movie, but not actually in the bible.

I was simplifying if you want to get the text from the storytime book go ahead.

>What about Christianity annoys you?

The requirement that you believe in an all-powerful man in the sky who has a plan for all of the billions of people on Earth. But that plan can be altered if enough people beg him to change it.

That shit's retarded.

And

The belief that some people are more or less loved by the said spaceman as evidenced by their lot in life. Setting aside the dumbassery that is the particularly American prosperity gospel, the idea that spaceman just doesn't love the starving African kid as much as the fatass American kid is reprehensible to all things attempting to be moral.

Religion is a fucking scam. A hypocritical, power-hungry, money-making scam. Christianity is the standard-bearer for it all.

It's in the new new testament. God just told me. Believe it or burn in hell.

>I'm gay

Christian here, the way I interpret the Word, BEING gay is not a sin, but participating in homosexual behavior is. Like all those guys who claim to be straight, then go and suck a dick.

Besides, there are tons of sexual immoralities which errbody (except for maybe asexuals) are guilty of.

Eh. Could have sworn it. Maybe I'm just retarded. Either way I like my version better.

> tldr religion is scam
Sure it is. It's institutionalized capitalized spirituality. It's kinda the abuse of spirituality.

Who would win in a fight, Jesus or Buddha?

Buddha. He can just tackle jesus.

Jesus is too scrawny, gotta go with thicc Buddha.

Ezekiel 25:17

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

you are retarded

Either way, wasted prayers. If hell DOES exsist at least it will be warm.

Jesus of course, Buddha doesn’t know to to fight.

Tough call.

Let's see here:

Jesus can walk on water.
Buddha would float.
Advantage: probably Jesus

Buddha seeks enlightenment.
Jesus says he is the light.
Advantage: tie

Jesus is a scrawny little shit
Buddha is a fatass
Advantage: tie, unless Jesus tries to take the fight to the floor, then Buddha all the way.

explain. maybe because I think Dinosaurs are a real thing?

...

hang on a sec. let's think about this rationally.

think about humans and snails. humans can think, rationalize, plot, strategize, etc. snails are probably pretty dumb they move slow.

most snails have probably never seen a human. If you ask a snail if humans exist, the might scoff at you and say yeah like there's some race of really smart two footed people that can build buildings and control fire and make semiconductor supercomputers and go to the moon.

so why is it automatically silly for humans to think that there is a greater being than us, if we can easily observe there are lesser beings than us?

>it props up faith as a virtue
But (imo) faith is a virtue. You would have faith that your wife would not cheat on you, right? That's a good thing to have. This is just faith in a different thing. Why do you think think faith isn't a good thing?

>the Old Testament is openly evil while the New Testament is dangerously naive at best
I can only speak of what I've looked into this about. If you put those 2 testaments together, it combines the characteristics of God.In the old, he's pissed off and vengeful, but in the new, he's more laid back. Put those together and they balance out.


Thanks for the answer, broham.

>Buddha is fat

...uh what? Siddhartha Guatama was a skinny mother fucker too.

>Implying a snail can comprehend a question.

Absolutely nothing you wrote addresses either of my points. Don't obfuscate.

>In the old, he's pissed off and vengeful, but in the new, he's more laid back. Put those together and they balance out.

Are you saying God is Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino?

"I'm a jew faget and my religon is cancer" Genesis 1:1

>he can't speak snail

Just because you're too stupid to learn another language doesn't mean the rest of us are.

Actually Genesis 1:1 says "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."

he has a white dot on his head!
Is he the king of all poo in loos?
Can he finally teach them how to shit like a human being?

But chinese buddha is fat as a mutt

this is exactly what the dude wrote. I dont know what you are on about

that's not from the bible kek

>Being this retarded. A snail can't comprehend language.

Pretty much. He realized those zipperheads were cool and scared those other cunts off

zozzle lmao

I'm addressing the very premise that you think the idea of a man in the sky is automatically silly. I don't think it is. it's the most childish thing in the world to automatically dismiss the idea that you MUST be the greatest being on earth and therefore the idea that anything greater or unobservable is automatically silly

>But (imo) faith is a virtue
It isn't.
>You would have faith that your wife would not cheat on you, right?
No. I would have a reasonable expectation based on evidence.
>This is just faith in a different thing.
Apples and oranges.
>Why do you think think faith isn't a good thing?
Because it can be used to justify anything and shield it from critical examination.
>Put those together and they balance out.
A psychopath who becomes a hippie isn't what I would call "balanced"

You're welcome.

what is astronomically silly is debating. I will tell you a fact Shamayim is all that the westerners have when it comes to their religions.

When did I say that? I said it is silly to believe that the almighty's plan for billions can be altered if enough people beg him to alter it.

And

I said that the idea that spaceman's love is variable and evidenced by one's lot in life is morally reprehensible.

Learn to read.

this actually sounds pretty fucking sweet user. You should write another Bible.
What name could you give it?

Who cares? Old Testament is just the old Gilgames copypasta

how all whores worship

inb4 dr deletus

dammit

ezekiel 23:20 is best verse

i didn't bother with those because your understanding of theology is incorrect. neither of your statements are true.

sauce?

Ha. You're a funny guy.

Which version of theology are you relying upon to say that what I've said is incorrect? Eddie Izzard's Gospel According to St. Bastard?

>It isn't.
That was opinion, "imo" means "In my opinion". You are free to disagree
>No. I would have a reasonable expectation based on evidence.
In that case, you wouldn't have a wife, which nullifies this example.
>Apples and oranges
I guess
>Because it can be used to justify anything and shield it from critical examination
It could, I guess, but you'd have to have a society that goes along with it. Currently, gays can tell you to serve them and you have no choice but to follow. You can't use your faith to refuse to bake a cake, as the classic example now goes.
>A psychopath who becomes a hippie isn't what I would call "balanced"
If you met the love of your life while she was on her period and being bitchy, but stuck around long enough to see the period end and realize she was pretty cool; wouldn't you call that balanced? Mike Tyson is kind of like that (not comparing to God, just saying).

~Fin~

I'm more of a miroslav volf guy myself.

Topic of thread:

>What is your favorite verse in the bible?

>What is your favorite version of the bible for that matter?


STICK TO THE FUCKING TOPIC!!!!!!!!

>That was opinion, "imo" means "In my opinion". You are free to disagree
I understand. My opinion is that it isn't.
>In that case, you wouldn't have a wife, which nullifies this example.
What is that supposed to mean?
>It could, I guess, but you'd have to have a society that goes along with it.
It happens all the time. Criticizing something that people believe on faith is a taboo. When people receive death threats for drawing cartoons of Muhammad, the response of even the moderately religious is that they shouldn't have drawn the cartoons.
>Currently, gays can tell you to serve them and you have no choice but to follow.
The alternative is to allow business to refuse service to anyone for any reason, including sex, race, and religion.
> wouldn't you call that balanced
The analogy doesn't work because I don't think the New Testament is "pretty cool." It's just bad in a different way.