Its all in your head. Its easy to understand but hard to break out of. Your brain is used to the state it is in. You aren't going to snap your fingers and be all cheery, shit doesn't work like that. As with anything, you need to work at it. Your brain\body will want to keep in the state it is in because its easier, you need to force yourself out of the self-destructing behaviors at all costs. Life isn't about being happy all the time. Life is fucking depressing as fuck. Life is about the little things that make the depressing parts less memorable. If you dwell on them its just going to get worse and worse.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE, IT HELPS. Walk through the park. Walk to the store. Do something where you are in the sun. People aren't meant to be inside all the time, it changes the chemistry in the body.
SMILE MORE, IT FUCKING HELPS. Nobody cares if its fake, everyone has a fake smile. Fake it until you make it, thats how it works. If you smile, you are more approachable. Nobody wants to talk to someone that grumbles at them every time they try and say good morning.
>Medication makes things worse so I'm on my own
Good, that shits fucked up. The best change comes from within.
>Never had a gf
It doesn't matter, stop measuring your self worth through other people.
>Girls aren't interested in me
It doesn't matter, stop trying to get approval from other people. You need to change and accept who you are before someone else will.
>Lost all my friends from isolating myself 2 years ago
They were probably assholes anyway
>Have to ask people to invite me places
Good, they will let you tag along. Keep doing it. Meet other people.
>Hate my job
Who the fuck doesn't, welcome to society. Get paid, get over it.
>Borderline autistic
Great, you and everyone else. Like 90% of the people I work with have autistic traits and just don't care. The amount of social obliviousness of people makes me want to fucking kill people sometimes.