Been making breads for the last few weeks. Normally a lurker. Fuck the logs...

Been making breads for the last few weeks. Normally a lurker. Fuck the logs. We are on week three of marriage counseling/ therapy. I feel I'm learning tools to communicate. She isn't. I'm trying to get to the root of the problem. She brings up shit or better yet things that happen during the week. I've told her twice now that I don't think she loves me anymore. Once in private. Once in therapy. Didn't get any responses. This is killing me. So Sup Forums. My question is. Has anyone ever had to go through marriage counseling/therapy? I truly believe I'm not the only one. A little background. High school sweethearts. Been together since '99. Married in '02. Three boys. 15. 13. 7. No sex. Love and emotion is hit and miss. She went back to school and working a $10 a hour job. I'm stuck working a $22 a hour job 630pm till 300am job. I've worked nights for almost 17 years. I need help. I want to try. I want to learn. I want to love. Ask me anything. I just need anybody's experience. I truly love her.

Bump

Your life sucks, women are stupid, you all are poor and that's all their is too it
Women will always bitch about stupid shit
They'll never fucking admit they're wrong and learn even when it's right Infront of them

Accept your misery
I'm twenty years old and never been married but earn more money than you

Bummp

>logs

Checked


That's cool you're 20. It's awesome you make more than me. But I had a kind and a wife at your age and looking for a house. You didn't need to respond. I'm looking for them oldfags like me that have been through what I'm going through. So fuck off you millennial piece of shit no good fuck tard.

Bumpy

It's simple...... kill the batma....I mean kill the bitch. Dafuq ever with her man. She is thinking she wants you dead. She clearly hates you. Why wouldn't she want you dead?


Beat her to the punch. Stab her in the neck with a pencil, crush her skull with a ball peen hammer. rip her throat out with your hands. However it gets done, make sure Sup Forums knows.

Do it user...... quit being a fucking faggot.

Um you do realize that jail exists right

I understand I'll get this type of shit... I also understand that you've never loved or been loved. I hope someday you feel what I've felt. Maybe one day you can give a lost user your advise instead of shitposting. Like the fagatron you are.

Also before you think i'm some child.... I was born in '83. I've had my kids taken from me in a bitter divorce..... which is where your headed...... it ain't worth it. If she isn't willing to fight for her family, the she deserves to have her throat slit. The end.

You sad misogynist virgin

Bump. Wife with a Leo D look a like at a chive party... was a fun night.

So basically I don't want that. And I know you have advise to not get to that point. So tell me your secrets. That's why I'm here.

Been here too long bump...

HOLY SHIT IS THAT BONNIE?!?!

Bonnie who now? Thanks for the bump.

You need to have higher standards for herself and pull back on what you do for her. If you aren't getting what you want and what you think you deserve from the relationship, she shouldn't be getting the benefits of being with you.

You should still communicate and be an adult, but pull back on other "benefits" in the relationship. Having kids means you have less leverage. She sounds like a bitch which means if push came to shove she may be willing to use her leverage with the kids, such as not doing her part of the paternal chores and responsibilities.


This also sounds like it's been a long time in the works and not necessarily in the stage where you should still be trying new things to make it work. It sounds like you've been doing that.

You may need to consider and perhaps have been in denial that the love is long gone. This happens for many reasons and ultimately it's pointless to try and assign blame. At the end of the day you'll benefit the most from being the best version of you you can be, and that could mean walking away from the relationship if she doesn't love you and /or isn't willing to change what she puts into the relationship.

Lastly, if she believes you aren't willing to walk away she'll never give you what you want. And, to really be in love she should come to a realization that she wants to do those things for you without you negotiating.


It's always tough and complicated to redraw the lines of a relationship, especially when they're long term relationships, especially when there's kids. But, your kids will be better off in the long run with a happy and successful dad. How you handle this marriage will be an example to them of how to handle their relationships. Staying in a shitty relationship is sending your kids the wrong message. Being able to walk away from a toxic situation, even if it's with their mom, to be the best version of you that you can be and for real happiness is an important lesson to teach them.

Don't let this distract you from the the fact that in 1966, Al Bundy scored four touchdowns in a single game while playing for the Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 city championship game versus Andrew Johnson High School, including the game-winning touchdown in the final seconds against his old nemesis, Bubba "Spare Tire" Dixon.

Her ig is @bonkneerocks she has 3 kids, ages of the kids are way off though it probably isnt her

Higher standards for yourself *

There's a lot of pieces you this that we probably won't get through in a single thread. There are really important questions that you need factual answers to like if she actually loves you, how she sees you (lover, friend, teammate in raising kids). There is definitely deep seated unhappiness in her own life that is going to make it hard for her to truly love anyone, she makes $10/hr at 30+. Be very careful that you don't become the scape goat for her failures. Those situations easily end in cheating and with you without custody. Start making the health of your kids a priority in your counseling sessions. Make it a consistent theme that you and her need to be a unit to best provider for her sons. First I think it's a good and effective approach, but second I hate to agree with other anons that the situation you are describing is not a situation that appears to be heading into a better place for you.

Thank you for not shit posting. Thank you for being real. Thank you for being serious. Your post is exactly what I was thinking. Thank you for typing it out. Thank you for your time and effort. I truly do appreciate it. I have faith now in Sup Forumsrothers taking care of each other. This is why I keep coming back to my and your Sup Forums. Again... Thank you. Your post deserves tits.

Wow... you actually made me laugh once more. I actually have a no-mam t shirt... ha!

You also need to stop this shit about truly loving her. Love is important for relationships but that love needs to be reasonably reciprocal. And depending on the relationships it becomes a lot more about being partners, especially when you have kids.

I would recommend trying to move your therapy sessions to a more goal oriented perspective. Instead of both of you whining about things, establish the #1 relationship goal, and each of you have a #1 individual goal. Hopefully you will agree that giving your kids the best shot at life is # for the relationship. For you, it sounds like "feeling loved" is your #1goal. Keep in mind that although you can't control other people, people will treat you differently based on how you act. For example if there are certain ways you're a pushover and a doormat in the relationship, stop it and you may find that she treats you with more respect.

For her, you will really need to ask her what her goal is. Don't ask her from the perspective of "helping you achieve that is going to help me." really try and be genuine and get a feel for what she's looking for in life. Career success? Something in life she can be good at?


Is she a good mom? Does she go above and beyond for her kids at least? This would tell us a lot more about her.

That's the point man. It'll get better. Rough patches come and go. You'll be alright brother.

She is an excellent mother. I feel she puts the kids before me. She/ we are excellent parents, but terrible at being married. My boys are smart. Not athletic. Ap classes. Straight a students. Probably too smart for their own age. She concentrates on their schooling as of hers. I don't understand it sometimes. I'm retarded. I can't do school. I'm the work horse. She's the brains. We always make it work, but something has changed and now we are here doing therapy. I'm just lost.

I hope some good will come of it. Those are some nice tits.

Be cautious, but don't be rash. Don't jump to conclusions based on anything in this thread or any articles you read. Yes there are common patterns in unhappy people that can be identified, but ultimately you need to react to them because you identified them yourself and not because some of the symptoms matched. Perhaps in your despair of not being loved you've been smothering her trying to make things better. That will only make things worse.

One thing I've learned just recently myself is you need to give people a chance to miss you. Again I don't know what the real time situation is like in your relationship, but give her enough space so she can tell what the difference is with and without you around. Have the confidence to just not know what she's doing and let her be. Maybe start a new hobby or working on something that will improve your income, spend more time with your sons focused on being a dad and raising them. You've got a lot to be thankful for, focus on the good. If she sees you pulling back but still being an adult, still being "happy", having a healthy adult life without her doing anything differently, she might say hey I want some of that.

You've definitely got leverage here with the kids too. Start having some fun weekly stuff with them, don't invite her but do let her know that it's happening and if she asks to come you should let her. Plan stuff like picking up new sports /hobbies with your kids, or just trying new things with them. If things don't work out or stay salty with your wife, your sons will look back one day and thank you for being a great dad despite being "stuck" with her.

I've heard this happens sometimes when women have kids. Find some time to really talk to her about her feelings for you.

You haven't shared what her complaints are about you. What are they? When you try to have sex, what are the reasons she gives you? Have you gained weight? Do you take care of yourself? Do you do things she doesn't approve of?

You're good man... What's your background? Tits again...or a kiss

Both gained weight... I can lose it if I wanted to. She has to work for it. We definitely disapprove of things we do.

Every therapy session we have had she brings up my drinking... She thinks I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.

>It's always tough and complicated to redraw the lines of a relationship, especially when they're long term relationships, especially when there's kids. But, your kids will be better off in the long run with a happy and successful dad. How you handle this marriage will be an example to them of how to handle their relationships. Staying in a shitty relationship is sending your kids the wrong message. Being able to walk away from a toxic situation, even if it's with their mom, to be the best version of you that you can be and for real happiness is an important lesson to teach them.

I really want to believe this. 50 here, 25 years married with wife who went crazy, vicious, abusive. No way back from that. Things are a little easier recently and I'm staying for the kid. but that's me, now. Things may change and maybe it's different for everyone.

And the rest of what that user said makes good sense. Sometimes it's not so easy to see the reality of a situation while you're in it.

Tell me your secrets...tits to excite your interest

Did her parents have alcohol problems? It drove me fucking crazy for years, anytime I wanted a drink I'd get shit for it, it almost made me not drink until I just said 'no' to her. I'm an an occasional drinker, and well behaved on it, never angry or violent. Turns out I was getting all this projection about how her father was.

user, the answer is simple and you even seem to know it. She doesn't love you despite the feeling you have for her. You gave it a shot to fix the marriage and it didn't work. For your own sanity and for the kids you need to be happy and leave.

Her dad was the only one that was/ is decent. 4 brothers. Dad is oldest. Next one is a druggie piece of shit. Next one an heroed back in '98. Twas an alcoholic. Next and final... pedo. Registered. Druggie... to top it off... She was molested by her uncle that's in prison and being moved around for obvious reasons on her mom's side... her mom and her aunt are the only survivors out of that family. 3 sisters 1 brother. 2 sisters made it. 1 brother in prison. Last sister is a goldigger.

I'm a technology consultant, but in a 7 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. Not married but have some issues we're working on.

[email protected], burner email I have if you want to keep in touch

You might hear from me. Don't forget this thread.

Secrets? Dunno. Probably that we always seemed to be 'convenient' for each other, got through college, started business together, had kid. But sex was never the best I've had, and emotionally she never really gave herself fully. I was ready to leave after about 5 or 6 years but there is this new agey/women's psychology magazine thinking which says that you have to work at relationships, and 'work on your stuff' together. Well I bought into that, tried, but all I got was her PMT-fuelled craziness and anytime there was an issue, she would bring up something from the past. Every. Fucking. Time. It was never about what was happening then, but always some unresolved resentment she was harbouring. No grace; she could never let anything go, ever. If I was less than 100% she could never just laugh it off and say, oh that's just user, he'll be OK in a while when he's had a few minutes to himself. Everything had to be poked, dissected, scrutinised. And that was always with blame. I don't think she has taken responsibility for anything in our relationship in 25 years. She is the most self-absorbed person I've ever met. Maybe not quite Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but close.

It was easy in those circumstances to be distracted by porn, the earlier days of Sup Forums, but I never had an affair. Probably would have if the chance arose.

I'm not a gambler, alcoholic, womaniser, or Aspie. I work and pay the bills. I've tried to be her friend and lover and got it all thrown back at me with a viciousness way out of proportion to anything I might have done.

So no secrets really, just another story similar to what we see here from time to time. It's turning me into a mysoginist, keep seeing the same things here, and living it myself. Thing is, I had a lot of pussy and relationships before this one, and I didn't used to feel that way.

Not a great advert then for recreational drugs. She might find the loss of control aspects of alcohol difficult to be around.

Hey man, sorry to hear about the situation. How old is the kid? Son or daughter?

Agree with this dude. Could be something to talk about. Whether or not you're an alcoholic, if she perceives you to be one that's gonna be an issue.

9 year old girl. Bright, emotionally aware in a way I never was but she gets angry. She's been aware of atmosphere at home since before she could talk. Broke my heart when I first saw evidence of that.

It sounds like you both have different priorities on a deeper level. After reading this whole thread, I think you made something work because it was "easy" and she settled along with it because you were good enough to have her kids and provide, etc. But the problem is she "settled" for you.


You've also worked nights for 17 fucking years. Do you see your kids? Do you spend actual quality time with your wife? And by quality time I mean time when you guys are both on the same wavelength. Not with one party preoccupied with doing something else, but like an actual date where you have a whole evening to yourselves?

Start by doing a 15 min date everyday. No phones, no kids, no sleeping, just you and her being forced to talk to each other for 15 min. About anything. Right now you are with a stranger, so if you really want to make it work, you have to get to know her all over again. And she has to open up.

I have been to at least six marriage counselors. In theory, I think it could help. In practice, most have no skill and don't know what they are doing.

Marriage is very hard, and probably ultimately unsatisfying. Two adult people change and have diffrent ideas about how to live.

Try to at least be kind to each other. Don't use the kids to fight. Try to stick it out for the kids. Sex is going to suck or be non existent.

Women DO NOT know what they want and are always in a state of dissatisfaction.

Just looking back at your OP, you say your 4 weeks in to sessions and she isn't engaging, bringing up things from the week, etc. One of the techniques of counselling is to not judge what people bring or how they bring it. This gives people a chance to get into the process at their own rate. Even though it might be frustrating, try letting her say whatever she wants to without getting too hooked by it seeming like it's not getting you anywhere. It's the job of the counsellor to call people out if they are constantly evasive. Giver her some time, 3 weeks isn't long.

I'm not OP.

Well, that sad little faggot got put into place

Also OP, have you actually considered divorce and it's consequences? It seems to be an option you are purposely closing your eyes to. Any relationship cannot be sustained on love alone. Since you say you are doing your part but she isn't, there really isn't much you can do.
Don't try to change what you can't. Accept it and make the best of it. Which in this case seems to be getting rid of a toxic person in your live to have room to grow and become happy again.

Duh I wrote 4 instead of 3.

Sorry, OP. Don't know what to tell you. Say, you get divorced now-- then what?

You work a shit job, that's not going to change. Since you make more than her, she'll get $$$ from you. Your kids will be affected and you'll be lucky if they don't end up hating you.

But hey-- you'd be free, right?

Think of all those mornings when you get home, turn on the TV to watch shitty local morning news while you fire up your frozen Hungry Man Salisbury Steak TV dinner. Afterwards, you break out your laptop and jerk off to some loli porn then decide to hit the hay.

You stumble over to the half-bath in your single bed hotel room/apartment to grab a towel to wipe your sad cum off yourself in slow, melancholy movements.

When you're clean you pull the blinds and stumble over to your single-bed and lay awake feeling alone, sad, and realizing that this lonely, pointless existence is the rest of your life. The only thing that will change is you will get older, weaker, less attractive, sicker and sadder.

Congrats, OP. This is the culmination of a lifetime of bad decisions that was set in motion decades ago. Things like marrying a chick after only knowing her a year.

No wonder a deep-thinking introspective wonder like you ended up in a dead-end job and situation like this.

Try to make it work together. It's probably the last best chance you have.

Just leave that bitch, then marry a young one.

i went to marriage counseling once, we split not long after that. came back together and tried to change, been together ever since even though sex is lacking and we have pretty terrible life situation. both halves needed to change and that's what happened, if you change but she doesn't then that's the end. bring up divorce/separation and outline what you feel is fair, that's it. no point in dragging this on if she's not willing to work it out

Putting the kids before the partner is a common mistake. Read about it many times. You guys have to be a well functioning unit for your kids to pick up some important indirect lessons.

Bringing up divorce /separation out of nowhere isn't going to be helpful. OP will look unstable. It needs to be made clear that if things don't improve then the relationship is headed in that direction.

Firstly OK, I'm sorry you have to be in this situation because it's a total bitch. But you need to be concerned for the possibility of divorce. I know you don't want to divorce and I know you're trying to save your marriage, but it doesn't sound like she is. And from what you've said she likely thinks that she doesn't have to. But the pattern is there, and it adds up to a very common and very bad situation.

>earn more than twice what she does
>work night shifts, can't spend time with kids or family
>struggle to help the kids with their studies
>constantly telling your marriage counsellor you're an alcoholic
>building a list of your past failures

It sounds like she wants a divorce. And not only that, but even the accusation of alcoholism in the US can result in you losing your kids. Your wages mean a high child support payment as well.

How is your relationship with your kids? You need to make sure she can't use them against you or turn them against you. Spend time bonding with them, take them out or something. Make sure they like you.

Also contact a lawyer. They'll be able to give you more advice on how to prepare for the worst. But don't think that it can't happen, it can and does and family courts are very biased towards women. Especially if she knows how to prepare and/or play the system.

Good luck OP, and godspeed

32. Went through similar stuff with my wife. We worked it out though bc we both wanted too. The 5 love languages is a good book that might help too. It's really important to make sure your SO knows what you need and you know what she needs. My wife and I had completely different views on what intimacy was and how to show love, we both really had to work on giving the other person what they need and not what we think they need it what we would need. It was tough, and slow. There were lots of fights, but we're in a great place now. GL

Divorce her. Become tranny.

Reflect on your life choices 3 years from now as you stare longingly down the barrel of a shotgun.