What's the weirdest thing you've done to bust a nut ill start

What's the weirdest thing you've done to bust a nut ill start
>be me
>in the middle of a move
>lazy ass parents never pay my phone
>too much of a neet to get a job
>staying at step dad's house for a while
>No WiFi
>have to wait till step uncle comes home and use his hot spot
>want to bust a nut
>go through storage looking for some good porn
>remember I deleted it all after a close call
>fuck.my.life.mp4
>get idea
>get naked
>put phone down recording
>spread my ass in front of the camera
>fap to it
>mfw I cum
>mfw do it again next day
>mfw didn't realize how fucked up I am till a couple days later
I actually think this was the turning point of me becoming bi mfw

Used my hand

Married my wife

>user is a virgin by default

I cranked one out in my friend's room while she went to the bathroom once.
I'm not even attracted to her, she's just a friend. but boobies are boobies

Read your stupid post.

kek

In 8th grade i searched the word "ass" into google on a school computer during class, and the first image was a girl with a toy dino head up her ass and i immediatly went to the bathroom to jerk it. Then in 8th grade, i was sitting in my english class(back cornor was my seat)watching the odysse when i look across the room towards a qt with tig ol bitties barely being contained by the sweater she was wearing. So i naturally curled up into a feedle position inmediatly and put the hoodie i was wearing over my legs and jerked off in class. I had tissue on me already for whatever reason and used that. Was never caught.

>was never caught
everyone noticed but no one wanted to say anything

Look at me Brian so I can finish!

In 8th grade I wanted to bust a nut so during a class movie I went to the bathroom like a normal person and busted

Sounds about right. Pic related.
His classmates reaction when he was doing it.

One time i was staying in my grandparents house for a couple of weeks. I had just discovered jacking off about a week before arriving. My brother was always in the room we were staying in and the bathroom had a blanket instead of a door so you could hear everything that someone did inside.

One time home alone with brother. So i go downstair to try to bust a nut. I see a small white statue of a women with her breast out and pointing a bow up at the air similar to pic relate.
Whip out my dick and start fucking the sofa pillow while grabbing and kissing the statue in my hand.
Bust all over the sofa pillow, i turn it over to hide the stain. I Did this like 5 times and when we left the sofa smelled like dick lol

>be 13-14
>at friend's house
>his little sister is 10-11
>she goes to bathroom
>I go in after her
>seat is still warm
>rest my head on the warm toilet seat
>jerk fast and hard thinking of her doing her business
>instant cum

she is probably the reason I'm into lolis

I was very careful. Also the school i did that in was recently shot up by a kid.

what does the school recently being shot up have to do with anything?

>be me
>straight as fuck
>curious so I bought a dildo cause curious
>late at night, lube up ass, slowly ease dildo in
>surprisingly nice feeling, no prostate orgasm but I finish jacking off and bussa nut
>feel guilt, do again next few nights.
>straight as fuck
>week later throw dildo away in disgust with myself

Dude, both types of gunning have happened at your school.

me but i didnt throw away the dildo

that's fucking gay

>straight as fuck
>likes dildo up the pooper
I have news for you user

>be me a couple years ago
>about to have a bath
>put dick under the tap
>feels good man
>cum after 5 minutes of the water pressure

how come I cannot achieve this shit.

>33

How come i cant achieve this shit

cause fagh

Cause your a wizard user. Now Don your Robes, Grab your Wizard Staff, and embark on a jounrey to your nearest Walmart, because my pal, YOU SHALL BEGIN A QUEST!

my quest for dubs

You have failed

...

used one of these things to jack off, think it was my baby brothers play toy at the time i was about 20, you lube that fucker up and it was the originaly predecessor to the fleshlight, has a hole in the middle like an torus

I sliced my dick open trying to fuck one of those

yeahhh you made sure the join was on the outside and again lube it up
feelsgoodman

Penis +Penis = Gay
Vagina + Vagina = Gay
Penis + Vagina = Normal
Butthole + Inanimate Object = ?

I fucked one of those when I was like 9.

good times

Gaysturbation

Dubs confirms

you must be almost 18 then congrats

Get a job you fucking loser then maybe bitches will fuck you

The all mighty dubs is wrong...
It's Assterbation

Nigga I'm 135 in dog years
Also
>dubs

Same, fucking hurt like hell

>have sock full of rice to use as a hot pack
>untie sock
>insert dick
>use the sock of rice like a fleshlight
>came inside it
I fucked rice

You're a criminal for using this website, become an anarchist. Mises.org

built a sex toy out of toilet paper roll, latex gloves, aquaphor, rubber bands and olive oil

That's hot

Sounds like you have an Asian fetish.

I do but it's unrelated

>be me babysitting my aunts dumb ass 5 year old
>sitting on couch playing some phone game when i get a boner
>hellothere.jpg
>i did the only logical thing and went in my aunts room and beat off with a pair of her panties on my head

is it, user? is it?