Hey Sup Forums, I'm bored, so I'm gonna tell you about something. I used to date this girl who was a nasty ass bitch...

Hey Sup Forums, I'm bored, so I'm gonna tell you about something. I used to date this girl who was a nasty ass bitch. Back then I was a beta piece of shit with no self-esteem, so I put up with it for about a year and a half. At least I got some stories out of it, right? Bear with me, there's a fucking lot of this. Names will be changed. The girl will be "Jen," her daughter will be "Kate," and her mother will be "Snorlax." Ok? Let's start at the beginning: how I met and started dating Jen.

>be 18, depressed
>try to kill myself by OD but my step-dad finds me and gets me to the hospital
>get sent to a psych hospital for a few days
>while there, meet a girl, Jen
>meeting a girl in a mental hospital, surely that's not a red flag
>I ask how she ended up here
>she took a bottle of pills to make her mom feel bad about an argument they had
>she planned on throwing them up after her mom knew, but couldn't throw up, so the hospital sent her here
>surely that behavior isn't another red flag
>we met at meal time, we're actually on different units
>I'm in psych, she's in CD (chemical dependence aka the addiction unit)
>she says she's in CD for being addicted to Monster Energy (sounds believable, of course), talks her dr. into moving her to my unit
>starts hanging out around me, flirting with me, talking about how she has a bf but she's going to break up with him because he's terrible
>tells me about her 3 year old daughter, Kate
>she gets out first, gives me her number

I know what you're already thinking:
Yes, I should've immediately known to not get involved. But I had never had a gf and she was kinda cute and gave me attention. I was blinded to the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS red flags...and I contacted her when I got out

cont, obviously

following

go on

Go on you cuck

talk more faggot

>get home and find that she friended me on fb
>send her a message to say hi and give her my number since I have hers
>she immediately messages me back, crazy all caps excited messages
>calls me to tell me she broke up with her bf
>ask her out, she says yes, we'll go out later this week
>she has to get off the phone
>messages me later, says "sorry I had to help my mom take a bath."
>wtf
>don't want to be rude, so I ignore it and think she must've meant something else
>spoiler alert: she didn't
>we decide to go ahead and go out the next day
>we meet at a park, I meet her daughter
>after half an hour she drops off her daughter for her mom to babysit
>Snorlax is happy to babysit for a couple hours
>you may be wondering why her nickname is Snorlax
>well, she's absolutely the fattest woman I've met in real life
>you can smell her from across the room
>the side of the couch she sits on is caved in
>she keeps a pint of Canadian mist on the table next to her couch
>the house smells like absolute shit
>3 dogs and a cat
>Snorlax doesn't stand, just leave Kate with her and have fun blah blah
>oooooooooookay then

Go on.

More

>go out and hang out for a few hours
>Jen asks if I wanna watch a movie at her place
>fuckyeah
>we go back to her mom's house
>ooooooooooooh I see
>Jen and Kate live with Snorlax
>We just go into Jen's room and tell Kate to stay with Snorlax on the couch so we can watch tv
>40 year old virgin is on
>"lol that's me" -- me sperging out
>Jen is surprised that I'm an 18 year old virgin and tries to fuck me
>sperg out, get nervous, I say we should save something for the second date
>didn't expect her to give it up this quickly
>after some making out, she asks if I'm her bf
>say yeah
>she sprints into the other room
>"MAMMA I HAVE A BOYFRIEND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
>whattheactualfuckisthishousehold
>Snorlax says "congratulations baby"
>well, I guess now I have a gf

moar

Lord, no.

lmao go on

mom ill be famous!

>congratulations, baby

bumppp

>about 3 months of dating go by
>mostly normal as I recall (all the craziest people hide it for a while)
>the only major development is learning why she was really in CD
>fairly heavy painkiller addiction
>her grandpa is prescribed painkillers by the VA but doesn't like them, so he gives them to her
>of course your grandpa is your drug dealer
>whatever I have a gf and I'm not a virgin anymore
>so after 3 months, Jen tells me to move in with her
>pushes it and pushes it and I give in
>leave mom's house and move in
>on the day of the move-in, she's cutting herself in the living room
>wtf
>you're the one that forced this, why are you stressed
>fortunately Kate isn't here, Snorlax took her to Grandpa Dealer's house
>Jen calms down and all of a sudden this is my shit-smelling house
>now that we live together, things slowly but surely reveal themselves to me
>for instance, Jen starts only bathing ~once every week or two
>when she takes her pants off, you can smell her vag from across the room
>what is hygeine
>later find out that part of her shower problem is that she doesn't take showers, only baths
>pisses in the bath water every.single.time.
>teaches her daughter to do the same when they take baths together
>to clean her vag she dildos herself with a bar of soap
>has to be careful with picking a towel to use
>wanna know why? Stay tuned

Type faster fag boy

...

i don't believe

>to clean her vag she dildos herself with a bar of soap
That’s pretty creative tbh

>so she points to a towel in the laundry basket
>"Smell that."
>why the fuck would I do that
>"Smell it. Smell it. Smell it."
>fine, jesus
>wtf
>heaven's no, this is absurd
>this is foul
>what was this used to clean?
>"Ask Mamma."
>nah bud
>so she tells me
>Snorlax is a level above morbidly obese
>let's say she's "grossly" or "grotesquely" obese
>you may not know this, but when someone is fat, the rest of their body doesn't re-proportion itself to make up for it
>i.e. your limbs stay the same length
>i.e. her arms couldn't stretch across the vast, greasy wasteland of her body
>i.e. she couldn't wipe her own ass
>so Snorlax, being a brilliant engineer, realized that instead of wiping, she could just floss with a bath towel
>have some mad diarrhea?
>just grab a towel!
>have some more insane diarrhea because your body is failing, you fat sack of shit?
>just grab a butt towel!
>after flossing, she would just throw the towel on the ground so she could use it again next poop (usually there were at least 2 a day)
>never did laundry, so if Jen didn't wash the towels, Snorlax would just use the same ones over again until she did
>holy fuck no way this person cannot be real

thats acually more unhygienic to dildo soap probably why she smells bad giving her self bread infection

pentrate

>hot bread injection
stop

Please go on

OP a year and a half ? ass flossing with the same towel wasnt enough to be like fuck this. Honestly i judge you more than them.

Fiction and falsehoods, user.
But an interestingly written story none the less, OP.

Before I get back to Jen, I just HAVE to talk more about Snorlax
>a Snorlax's natural environment is one cushion on the couch, so caved in from her weight that sitting on it is just cushion on floor
>Snorlax will only get up for 2 reasons: it feels the need to feed, or the list of things it needs to attend to has enough things on it that it is worth standing
>allow me to explain
>Snorlax is watching Chopped and realizes the dogs need to be let out or they'll poop: add that to the list
>Snorlax is watching Master Chef and realizes that she has 16 plates on her little corner table that need to go to the kitchen: add that to the list
>Snorlax is watching Hell's Kitchen and realizes that she has to pee: add that to the list
>to Snorlax, the effort involved in standing is only worthwhile if there are enough items on the list
>I mean, who's gonna stand for one thing?
>often, this would have the same end result
>Snorlax's failing body would lose muscle control
>Snorlax would start involuntarily pissing herself because she held it too long
>Snorlax would briskly waddle to the bathroom, shouting:
"LOOK OUT, I'M PEEIN, I'M PEEIN"
>or, on occasion:
"LOOK OUT, I'M POOPIN"
>generally this would be followed by the call of the Snorlax in need of aid:
"JEN, GET ME A NEW PAIR OF SHORTS, I PEED ON MINE"
>and Jen would oblige
>and I would laugh and die inside

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry

keep it coming lad

Keep goin'

dude you re fucked

THIS THREAD IS FUNNY

MOAR!!!!!

This is why God created Sup Forums for moments like this boys for moments just like this.

wtf
I dont know why I always think these are going to be magical stories that I could only ever dream of and they always become like ths

All 100% true. And I to this day judge myself over it. There's a clue to my staying that I haven't yet mentioned. See, I'm an addict. I get addicted to things. Number one I'm an alcoholic. So let's step away from Snorlax for a moment and take a look at another piece of the puzzle that is the household in question.

>move in with these nasty crazy people
>have a bit of a drinking habit
>yeah, I'm only 18, but before I was stealing my parents alcohol and now Snorlax will share her half-gallons of Canadian mist with me (only $17 a half gallon if you were wondering)
>After a short time, Jen tells me she hates alcohol
>but I like alcohol tho
>tells me I need to stop drinking
>but I like drinking tho
>tells me "here, take this, it'll make it easier"
>Hydrocodone 10mg
>After maybe a month, painkillers are a habit
>not as good as alcohol, but it's something
>soon to find out that Jen and Snorlax have oodles of health problems
>their medicine cabinet is like a goddamn buffet
>hydrocodone (from grandpa), xanax, adderall, and other things that I tried my damndest to get high on
>complete fucking pill head at this point
>on the rare occasion that I turn down a pain pill, Jen will guilt me into taking one
>i.e. "user, either you take this, or I'm flushing it. And you know I have pain. So I'll have one less and you won't even have fun with it, and that'll make it even worse." Shit like that
>being high all the time can make a man put up with a lot
>plus, I really did care about Kate. She didn't do anything to anyone.

I still think about Kate sometimes and get sad. That poor kid is fucked.

...anyway...

Suprises you didn’t kill them of

Moar

how could you possibly live in that environment for a year and a half? did you parents try to stop you? did they at least come see the place where you lived now? how far away was it from your home?

>user, either you take this, or I'm flushing it. And you know I have pain. So I'll have one less and you won't even have fun with it, and that'll make it even worse.

Lol you know what ill take back the judging you comment. Done Roxys and snorted like 200$ heroin daily for past few years. It will definitely make you put up with anything. >10mg hydro pussassboi

...

>Jen has health problems? I hear you ask. What kind of health problems?
>Crohn's, hemorrhoids, diverticulitis...asshole problems
>generally spends a good deal of time on the toilet
>doesn't shut the door
>one time she calls to me
>"user, come here"
>stand outside the bathroom and ask if she needs a pain pill or something
>No, it hurts, hold my hand
>uhhhhhhh
>"Pleaaaasssseee? Don't you love me?"
>Fine
>hold her hand
>"Come closer"
>enter the actual bathroom
>oh no
>heavens no
>the smell is as though a man had died weeks ago, only to be discovered coming out of this girl's butthole
>try to flee
>she holds my arm and laughs
>"stay here"
>pouts and tells me I have to stay and smell it until she's done because she's in pain

I'd like to say I left the bathroom.
I really would.

Damn been coming to Sup Forums since like 2004 still cant green text ...... ... .

THEN WHAT

why the fuck did she have those problems

󠇦 󠇦 󠇦▲
󠇦▲▲

>First thing on Sup Forums to actually make me feel sick

Pics of her ?

Just put a > in front of it Oldfag.

D I S G U S T I N G

If this ends in about three fiddy, so help me god...

Just put a > in front of the text OLDFAG.

pic of family

ew nigga.

>inb4 walk the dinosaur

Holy shit pls op yes

MOOOOAAAARRRR

Ok i can do that all i have to do is copy paste.

I kept away from this place for literal years and this is the first thread I read. Thanks OP, nice greentext so far, can't wait to walk the dinosaur

inklood me.

I thought I loved her. I'd never had a relationship before, I thought it was more or less just how relationships worked. My mom tried to talk me out of it, and I got mad at her for it because Jen was telling me that my mom didn't understand, that my mom was just jealous because she wasn't in love with my step-dad, shit like that. I was young and dumb and fell for it. I told my mom to back off and didn't talk to her much for the year and a half with Jen. When we did talk, it was tense and discouraged by Jen. If it was over the phone, Jen would insist on listening in, so I didn't really tell my mom much. And my mom never saw Jen's house. Jen forbade me to give my mom the address, because she said my mom would call CPS and convince them Jen was abusing Kate and get Kate taken away because my mom hated her. It was only like 15 minutes from where I was.

next post back to shit that might not be as sad. Will still answer questions.

Lol in all honesty. I've literally been on here since 04 but just started commenting like this past month. I was too scary

OP is holding up a long standing tradition when Sup Forums really meant something.

If you have any pictures of snorlax, post them

Yeah give us pics. See if this bitch look good enough to smell shit for.

Reminds me of how I got my first gf

Checked and check em

For fuck sake op. Go on...
>Need to walk my dinosaur

POST PIC OF MOM

how hot was Jen

OP is not a faggot in this current bread.

I entered this beautiful shithole in 06. I'm glad you stuck with it and decided to comment on such a prominent post.

PIC OF MOM NOWWWWWWW

Fucking hell, user, this is scarily similar to my own life only I was an 18-year old virgin living with my morbidly obese father and the disgusting hog-beast girlfriend moved in with me with her IBS, lack of hygiene and refusal to get a job.

>MAMMA I HAVE A BOYFRIEND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Uh oh

I got a work story I haven't told anyone about
>be me about 4 years ago
>17yrs old
>Work at a shitty sandwich joint
>one day I open with the owners son, and shift lead and a black couple
>couple constantly flirting and groping each other during shifts
>they never even talk to anyone but themselves and are really awkward in conversations with others
>this makes everyone uncomfortable around them
>Owners son and shift lead start talking about how they have a history of fucking in the dirty ass bathrooms everytime they work
>makes sense cuz they were black
>think it's funny but too good to be true
>eventually the owners son leaves and the shift lead had to leave early cuz of family stuff
>fuckme.jpg
>the niggers start to get more frisky and start flirting more
>girl is a solid 2/10 with the body type of Dr. Eggman
>the store is dead and the boyfriend somehow disappeared somewhere
>ask the girl where he went and she says "He's in the bathroom, user."
>ohok
>she leaves out the back and i hear the bathroom door open
>goddamnit.jpg
>get a weird feeling that my managers weren't bullshitting
>sneak by the bathroom hall to see if it was true
>hear loud ass monkey screams and get super weirded out
>get an idea
>opens door and whips out my dick
>guy screams "WHAT THE FUCK,user"
>piss all over both of them
>scream "STOP FUCKIN AROUND, NIGGERS"
>both are screaming while a customer comes in and witnessed the shit show
>i run out of the store and speed off in my car
>never come back and block all the numbers of my managers
>haven't been back since
MFW

...

Ok NEWFAGS THIS IS HOW A THREAD IS DONE. DO YOU SEE THIS YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCKS. FUCK!

That’s just being an asshole OP.

We.Need.Pics

I know what you want, Sup Forums. You want to hear about this girl being gross. Well, I'm happy to get back to that, but I have to warn you...you will lose even more respect for me for putting up with this.

>Jen has 3 dogs
>One dog is the favorite, he's a little wiener dog
>Jen always gives him love and attention
>Jen sometimes thinks dog food isn't good enough for him, so she feeds him human food
>Jen wants to show the dog that she loves him, so she does what anyone would do
>she pre-chews some food
>and lets the dog eat it off of her tongue
>tell her that's disgusting
>she does it more often to prove that it's fine and natural
>makes me wanna vomit every time

I remember one of the few times I said no to her was about that dog
>Jen is mad about something
>"user, how are you gonna make it up to me?"
>idk
>"I have an idea"
>shoot
>"give the dog a kiss"
>wat
>"give him a kiss. right on his mouth. let him lick your tongue."
>nope.jpg
>"it's the only way I'll forgive you"
>too bad then
>Jen spends 5 minutes trying to talk me into it
>for once, I stand my ground
>and I don't make out with a dog

I would call that a win, but I think not making out with a dog is pretty much baseline

I dont think thats OP

After making us read a novel, the least OP could do is post Jen's nudes.

>>One dog is the favorite, he's a little wiener dog
They always have wiener dogs.

>I would call that a win

>complains about quality oc greentext
>asks for gross nudes instead
god fucking damn fuck off you cancerous newfaggot piece of shit

>i would call that a win, but i think not making out with a dog is pretty much baseline

when are you gonna get to the part where you break up with her?

Not OP

how hot was jen for you to put up with this?

>for once, I stand my ground
>and I don't make out with a dog
Fucking kek, mah nigga finally grew a backbone

>they came out of snorlax

This

Yep

P O S T P I C OP

Right it's that kind of shit that killed Sup Forums

Wow. I have a fucked up, sad, pathetic life. But you have far out-done me sir. Thanks for sharing.

That

Checked