I hate myself

I hate myself.

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I feel so tired, I can't play anymore, I can't do anything I just feel tired and everything is shitty. Evrything.
I wake up tired, I go to bed tired then I can't sleep.
Nothing excites me, nothing interests me as before, I feel empty and dead and I kind of want to die but not really. I don't know what do I want, what do I need, how to come out of this, how to be better.
I try to do my best when I am at work but I hate it. I hate everything.
The reasons I still try my best is because of philosophy and virtue.
Because I listened to Dr. Peterson and I think I understand that if I don't even try to be "good" thats how I conjure Hell into being.
If I give in to my fear and anger and resentment and nihilism and I spread it around me it's like a disase that would only create more misery.

I still love virtue. The nine noble virtue.
Courage, discipline, fidelity, honor, hospitality, industriousness, preservance, self reliance, truth.
I keep telling myself to be virtous like a mantra, Evry day many times, I try to keep motivate myself by it or by thinking about Kirito or Ryuji, what would they do?
Be a hero, bear the burdens, I'll do my best! Just like the ones I look up to.
I trying to be as good as them but I am failing all the time. I am angry a lot when I am at work, then tired and guilty, then upset again, then empty and dead and nervous and anxious and different combinations of these and similar negative feelings. I cannot do a danm thing right. No matter what I say or what I do it's always somehow just bad. I am the problem.
I can barely hold myself toghedher.
I want to give up.
I don't want to work.
I don't want to see people.
I don't want to talk.

I don't want to come out of my room.
I don't want to be in this fucking cold all the time.
I don't want this suffering both physically and mentally all the time.
I don't want to decay. I am failing and falling apart bath physically and mentally.
I WANT TO SLEEP AND I CANT SLEEP.
Then I sleep and I WAKE UP! I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP! I slept 10 hours yesterday and I woke up naturaly then I wanted to sleep again, that was my first thought, just please for fuck sake let me sleep! Why do I have to wake up?
I want to end this. But I still cant do it! Why? Why? WHY I can't do it? WHY do I want to live? Why do I still have hope? Why do I keep doing this? This is not even reasonable anymore!
I know that I can't get the things I want and even if i could get them I wouldn't be as happy as I think I would be. And especially I couldn't make others happy.
The problem is me!
My neuroticism won't go away, my burdens will only get hevier, I have no options, and the end reward is the same anyway.
So why am I still here?
What do I do?
How the could I deal with this?

I know Sup Forums is the place that gives you any answers, it's a fucked up place with fucked up people, but it's a palce for shitpost and this is shit and I have nowhere to go, no one to speak to. So here we go I post this shit.
I guess I am just angry and desperate and alone and I want someone to at least aknowledge me.
So Fuck you all! And fuck my life!

*isn't
It isn't the place...

ahh, I can't even write a damned sentence right.

same

Lower your standards. A good day for Ice Cube was not getting shot at.

...

TL;DR please

>How the could I deal with this?

Start with a second grade grammar book retard.

My mom just told me that feeling ashamed and hating yourself is a sin... Really made me think hope it helps u too

I am already a piece of shit, I am on Sup Forums ffs how lower could I go?
I pretty much percive my life as one step away from rock bottom.
Under this is only homelessness. Or being a leech in my parents house.

That's okay we hate you to

Do a heroic dose of acid.
Bad trip and realize what's wrong
Success?!?

True.
I am probably retarded too. Thank you for pointing out. It looks like there is no end to my flaws.
But still, fuck you too!

Dont we all?

K

OMG! I GET IT NOW!
The only way I can really be happy is if I pffjhhhhyyytytttt88892w34

You shouldn't. Only you matters so if you hate yourself you hate others.

Assuming post was somewhat real. Everything here is make believe.

:)

This

Imam doing what I always wanted to do. It'll take time but I'm in the process of opening a very good restoraunt. I starved a child, so this is my "dream".

Rock bottom is just another place to be, same shit there as at the top. You can have all the things you want and still not be satisfied.
Create a problem, solve the problem. No matter how minor do that every day and eventually it'll start to feel like you're accomplishing something. Even if it's like.. cleaning up a spare room.
I just gotta move the desk and re arrange some shit....

I don't know what it's like to be happy because my conditions weren't always there. My government robbed me. Everyone I ever knew betrayed me in one way or another. I thought I found someone that wouldn't. But here I am posting this shit on Sup Forums.org. I took it too seriously and I shouldn't have. Can you blame?

This post is very real.

Who cares

Ask a starving child why he doesn't have food on his table next time you bream your meal.

Break.

youre probably always tired because you have a shitty diet

He has 1 problem. Food
I gotta find food too, and a bunch of other bullshit.

At least you can find.

Well that's assuming I have any money to buy food.

Keep assuming.

welcome to the club

ok

congratulation

You are not the only one suffering, welcome to Sup Forums, user

Fag blogpost, try tumblr

Welcome to the club

we are one and the same

It all starts with a single step

More water and a bowl of rice, perhaps a walk in the dark, or some weed and a set

Please don't give up, if you want the very best people for your future please look into electronic dance music around you (ResidentAdvisor) and eventually get to that point. I was 17 and terrified but people at parties you do your research about (can help with that) will give you faith in humanity a way you wouldn't believe until it happened.

Here if you want to talk

youtube.com/watch?v=ebzEEEdjHj0

Been a rough stretch too, but eventually the steps add up if you make they're actual steps

Thank you!
I love Bonobo. And electronic music.

I don't know who is the girl on the pic but she is beautiful.
I wish I could be worthy of someone like her.
I wish...
...
...
for many things but none of that will happen.

I don't know why but I feel like you are the first one here who really tired to help.
I know it's weird but it kinda touch me.
Thanks.

I think I will go for a walk.

It feels like it because its true :-D

Still an user though, but you better start believing the things you want in your future