Long shot but I could use someone to talk to. My wife and I have been together for over 3 years...

Long shot but I could use someone to talk to. My wife and I have been together for over 3 years, our first wedding anniversary coming in March. Everything has been fine. We have our occasional arguments but who doesn't. I've never physically or emotionally abused her or anything like that. I actually moved from FL to NC just to be with her.

About 2 years ago she ended up getting pregnant. We ended up losing the child however due to her blood (she's O negative and has to get a special shot otherwise the body attacks the baby). This was the first time she's ever been pregnant, but it was my second child lost.

A week or so ago, she started acting differently and we ended up having a discussion. In that discussion she revealed that though she doesn't regret loving me, she regrets me moving up when I did (7 months long distance before moving) and regrets marrying to soon. She also said she had no idea why she was feeling this way.

Last night, she went out on a girls night with her boss and a friend (boss is like a second mom). I didn't mind and gave space, however it started getting really late and I know she doesn't like driving at night. I start trying to call her and get no answer for a hour. Finally get a text saying she's gonna stay over there and honestly I flipped shit a bit. She's debating a divorce but has no idea why. According to her I've done nothing wrong and every question is answered with "I don't know".

I'm at a complete loss. I don't know what to do. She says she's unhappy but doesn't know why. I'm just sitting here completely blind while she gets comforted by her friends and I'm honestly scared to fucking death. She's still over there and I don't know if/when she'll come home. What do I honestly do? Do I just give her space? Do I go over there? I'm in so much pain and haven't slept which caused me to get physically sick.

picture not related, just a nice background

>long story short
>proceeds to write a long ass article about his butt aids

I never said long story short, I said long shot. If you're gonna try to be edgy at least read it properly.

self bump hoping for some kind of advice, despite how harsh it may be.

Go to couples therapy.
You need a 3rd person to help get things out in the open.
If you give her space. She will just add that to a list of reasons to file for divorce. If she is not willing to try and make it work, then try to get a no fault divorce where you don't lose any of your property or money.

Be firm and tell her you are waiting for her.
None of you will decide anything before talking first.
Have a talk and find what happened.

What do I do to get her to go to it? She hasn't even come home yet. I'm not worried about the money part simply because she makes more then I do so she would actually be losing it.

Oh excuse me, i'm retarded. Go ahead.

She shut her phone off so I can't reach her. I could go over there but it would just end up causing a scene.

Doesn't help she's with a friend and her boss who I'm sure wouldn't let her leave to begin with.

The next time you see her. Be very assertive.

Basically rape the shit out of her. Show her who is boss and inform her she isnt leaving.

After your done using her hit her if she attempts to put on any clothing.

RISE AND REPEAT UNTIL SHE SAYS "YES SIR"

One of two things will happen. She will stay as a loyal fuck toy. Or she leaves you which she was planning on doing anyway but at least now you had some amazing sex (from your perspective) and have degraded her and come out the victour

Tell her something along the lines of

" hun, we have been together long enough for me too know your hurting, I try to ask you whats wrong, and you avoid it. I care deeply for you and don't want you suffering in silance. Would you be willing to go see a therapist with me so we can work on these problems together?

I'll keep this in mind. Do I just sit around miserable in the mean time until she decides to come home?

Relationships are about communication. If she is not willing to do this, she's not willing to work on the relationship.

How often do you two have intercourse.

Your going to be miserable. Go out side and get lunch. Breakfast, dinner, whatever. I personally like going to dairy queen and getting a butterscotch dilly bar. It reminds me of my grandfather and the times we had.

Generally I'd say between 2-4 times a month. A couple weeks ago however, she had a huge sudden sexual urge burst and wanted it every day. It honestly scared me a bit. I mean, yay more sex, but it was out of character. We actually just had sex the other night.

You know..it's possible she's pregnant again, and afraid to lose this one as well.

Sounds like she's getting side dick or being groomed to get side dick. I'd definitely tell her to get out and pound sand. But that's just me.

I agree with this. It's part of why I was angry. I wear my emotions and such on my sleeves. If I'm happy, I act happy. If sad etc etc. I'm also a firm believer of if something is wrong, I bring it up right then instead of letting it build. She doesn't. She'll bring it up weeks later or act like nothings wrong.

This

I thought about that myself. She has shown no signs though. No missed period, takes birth control regularly. I know that's not a 100% failsafe but still. And if she is, she needs to get a shot ASAP otherwise the body with just kill it again. I don't think I could handle losing a third, especially when the last time I actually saw it in the toilet and had to flush it.

OP. I know it's hard. If you truly love her you can only tell her that you love her and how it would crush you if she left you. In the end though if she doesn't want to be with you there isn't really much you can do. Tell her that you're willing to work through any issues that there are together with her. If she is dead set on leaving you and cannot put in any effort to fix it then you have to let her go. Again, I know this sucks but look at it like this: You deserve to be loved. If she isn't able to do this then this will give you a chance to find someone else that can.

Sorry to tell you this but this is the number one indicator of a spouse cheating. 100% she has side dick(or pussy) and has not gotten the nerve to tell you.

I'm home when she's home. There's nowhere she could have gone to do anything with anyone else. I have been skeptical about her possibly talking to someone but I know she's not physically doing stuff.

options:
-she hasn't figured her shit out and is struggling to do so. therapy is the answer
-she has figured shit out and just doesn't want to tell you. answer: relationship is fucked either way.
-she's depressed. answer: therapy

Go into a conversation with her without any judgement. tell her its okay if she wants to break up with you, but you need to know because it changes how you act from here - whether you try to get counselling or whether you break it off. her answer or lack thereof should tell you what you need to know.

do it tomorrow, not tonight. give her warning.

Lease is in both of our names and I don't make enough to pay this place alone along with my other bills.

She works outside of the home right?

She went out with her boss?

She is fucking her Boss. Sorry

That gives her opportunity away from home

I will as soon as I can get a hold of her. I'm scared about sending to many texts because it might make things worse. I sent her a text this morning saying I love her and didn't even get something back for that.

Her boss is a female and essentially a second mother. I'm not particularly fond of her, but I know she will protect her and not let her do something like that.

Then time for you to get steppin out the door bro.

The lack of sex once a week average and the sudden burst of sexual energy is one of the biggest indicators of an affair there is.

I can't say for sure but from what you've said if I was in your position I'd suspect her of cheating.

yep. hard as it is, gotta hold back right now. talk to her in person. if it happens in two days it's the same as it happening today, get drunk and watch escape from new york and play CS:GO or whatever instead.


as for the lease: trust me its not a fucking big deal. you'll be out, what, a few k max? right now I'm looking at breaking it off with a girl I bought a house with. it's a messy fucking shitstorm and I'll be happy if I only lose ~70k out of it.

Which she'll deny like she has been. I just don't understand how this just happens like that. 1 day happy, next day she doesn't even know why.

The lease is up in May, I just don't have the money to pay the rest off (rent is 814$).

Is that movie on netflix or anything? A distraction would help slightly.

Before I forget as well, I wanted to say thank you for everyone who is trying to help or even listening. It honestly means a lot considering I don't have a lot of friends since moving here. It's definitely calmed me down a bit and much better then just getting my mom's view.

I love you guys/girls

I know this is kinda a weird question, but has she ever had any genetic testing done? I'm specifically curious about whether or not the has a MTHFR mutation. If she does, try to get her to stop eating all breads, pastas, cereals, etc that are fortified with folic acid. And supplement with methylfolate and methylcobalamin.

I only say this because I kinda was acting like your girlfriend before fixing my diet. I could not talk to my SO and tell her how I felt because my thoughts were so fucking horrible that I had to keep them inside of me. The thoughts of despair, frustration, and anger built up so much that I started to project them onto her. There were problems between us but it was mostly because my head was too fucked up.

When I fixed my diet, it was like a switch went off in my head after about three days. It was incredible.
Mainly what I'm saying OP is that there's a good possibility that your GF is suffering from some serious depression and having feeling that she can't talk to you about. It's possible that she's telling her friend about the trouble between you and her, but isn't telling her friend necessarily about her underlying depression and anxiety... but that's the root of it.
If she can't fix it with diet then she may need to get on an anti-depressant. Regardless, it would probably be good for her to talk to a therapist, but if she's like me she won't want to.
Best of luck OP.

>Is that movie on netflix or anything
no clue, its only a torrent away though. I live in a country with shitty netflix.

as for the money: It may not seem like it living week to week but you can absorb a loss of a grand or two. you can take out a short-term loan or put off some shit or live off noodles for a month. a few K can always be figured out unless you're right on the edge.

if she's not a total cunt, make a deal with her if it comes to that. you're both adults. just do some maths and say 'hey I cant pay the full amount up front but I'll pay you $100 installments over the next x weeks is that cool, happy to put it in writing'.

We had blood work done when we lost the kid and that's how we found out about the o negative thing.

As for her diet, she is pescetarion (dunno if spelled right). Vegetarian but also eats fish. As long as I've been with her, she gets head aches a lot which I've told her to go to a doctor for. Lately she has also been getting an upset stomach every time she eats.

She's the RH negative, as for mine I don't know but I know for sure I'm not the same.

went through a similar thing, "i don't know" is a lie she just doesnt want to admit anything. she still has some feelings for you but the thrill is gone and she has feelings for someone else.

she will cheat on you. she will divorce you. end it now or be a cuck for life. "i don't know" is bull shit.

Deep down I know it's bullshit. Whether or not I want to admit it. I can't do anything until I have some kind of answer though.

Mm mm mm. The truth is here.

Its amazing to see strangers come to together to help each other.. Gives me faith in humanity

Thats the thing, no matter how much you push it or try you will NEVER get an answer. she will cheat on you and break up with you. when you are then all alone and feeling cucked she *may* give you an answer a few months after the incident or more than likely she still wont give you the reason why.

sorry to be the bearer of bad news but when she isnt even able to admit her own issues its over.

At least someone still holds faith. I lost that years ago.

If it is cheating though, I would need to prove it. That would be committing adultery since we are married.

I honestly try to hold it, but this situation is making me lose it. The saving grace is everyone here trying to help.

she is getting long dicked and you are now a cuck.
man up move the fuck out

You’re fucked. Take it from someone who has been through something like this.

She cheated on u because she's unhappy and gutless, feels guilty now and realizes she should went te divorce route a while ago

I know this because this is exactly how me and my ex ended (me being the girl)

I hope you signed a prenup

Being honest here she sounds completely insane. I don't know if it's anything on your part but that bitch is clearly not right in the head.

GETTING MARRIED

If she doesn't know and isn't even trying to elaborate, then she isn't trying to make the relationship work, and whatever the reason is, in such a case you're better off without her.

The fact she hasn't come back and isn't responding to you is quite telling. When she comes back, if she ever does, confront her, and try to make her see your side of things. She might not know where she is, and everyone has ups and down, but you don't have to go through this yourself.

I'm sorry mate. Try to keep some emotional distance while trying to solve this. I know you want exactly the opposite, but if you don't do it, you will get hurt, and it already hurts. But you need to know what the fuck is going on, and if she won't even tell you, then you should bamf out of here.
Seeing a counselor is good advice, although I'm of the opinion that if she's now going blank on communication about emotional matters like she's doing, then a counselor isn't going to do much I'm afraid.

Strength and honor, OP.

demonic trips

try couples counselling, she needs to realise she is putting you in a really shit position when you just want to keep your relationship healthy.
If she doesn't want to try, ask her why, if she responds with the usual "I don't know" bullshit, she isn't even fucking trying, let her know that.
If the spark is gone, its up to you both to try and salvage it or not, but her stringing you along is not cool, let her know that.

Remind her of all the good things, and tell her how much you love her. Show your affection.

A relationship can go bad for lack of good things or presence of bad things

If the romance has fizzled, rekindle it with marital rape.
Make sure she doesn't see it coming, spontaneity is a lost art in relationships.

couples counsoling is a waste of time you could be having play time

Just ask yourself, OP, do you really LIVE to be mad/ sad / bad?
CUT the things OUT that make you feel BAD, but first analyze what the fuck is BAD.

> overweight = stop eating burgers
> painfully dumb = go eat a book
> fucking dumb cunt wife thats fucking around for fun and wanna divorce = go out and rek some pussy, it clearly shows that you give waaay to much fuck about that ONE woman, theres like 1000 outside your door ( dont take the granny across the street )

it maybe was a nice ride, BUT you are not HERE to solve other peoples FUCKING PROBLEMS. its clearly HER problem, SHE has to solve it, while leaving YOU UNHARMED!!

fuck women all they do is trying to control you. break out and go to a bar, tell another woman what your women is doing and i guarantee you get atleast 1 sorry fuck out of it

Cut your losses and let her go. Sorry user.

The others have a lot of the long term stuff covered (communication, therapy) so I will just have a few additional comments and then some short term advice.

In general I advice that, despite the grave situation, you keep a cool head and comport yourself in a way that would elicit respect from yourself, if you were a bystander in the situation, and from others (particularly your wife). In essence, try to remember what attracted your wife to you in the first place and behave accordingly. Also, ask yourself whst attracted you to her and if that is still the case.

For today, I would advice you go out, get some distraction and get some fresh air. Go to a movie, go to the park, hit the gym, get something to eat or buy a book and go to a cafe. Sitting around and waiting for her isn't good and the ensuing discussion when she arrives won't be productive. Leave a note, have your cell with you and go out till the evening. Either she will call and you can talk about having a discussion or you come back at night and go to bed.

If she doesn't come home at night, write her one message tomorrow to let her know how to reach you if she wants to talk. I would at that point, also mention that she is being disrespectful to not consider your feelings enough to let you know what is going on. Just don't be sarcastic or mean or something.

Good luck