What's the most retarded shit you've ever done Sup Forums?

What's the most retarded shit you've ever done Sup Forums?
Pic unrelated

i literally set my house on fire while trying to kill a mouse with a makeshift flame thrower

Greentext or else it's not funny

^

I asked Sup Forums for relationship advice and actually took it.

How did that work out for you And? PS green text that shit...

>What's the most retarded shit you've ever done Sup Forums?

bump for this

>be 19 in university
>be a few weeks ago
>no gf since high school
>have crush on cute girl in one of my classes
>girl is deaf, but luckily I know sign language from my gran
>we're friends because of that
>talk in class and message each other outside of it pretty regularly
>never had the courage to ask her out since looks wise she is out of my league
>post about it in one of those "secrets you have" threads
>everyone who replies tells me to man the fuck up and ask her out since she probably doesn't get much attention from guys
>ask her out for coffee the next day
>date goes well, she seems into me
>day after that date she asks if I'd get dinner with her
>go to dinner, she's got a nice sleeveless dress on
>she invites me back to her place where we make out and I slide my hand up her skirt and finger her
>she signs very slowly and deliberately, "FUCK ME"
>sex was unusual but great, cuddled until we fell asleep after
>been on 2 more dates since then, ate her out at the end of one of them
>now we're here, things worked out pretty good

Nice job

I told a dead baby joke to a pregnant black chick

Okay I have to know. What does a deaf girl sound like when moaning?

She didn't moan that much but when she did it was quiet and sounded like a "normal" moan. When I went down on her she did let out a high pitched "AHHH" yelp and grabbed my hair.

i hope things work out for you user

nice work user, hope you make each other happy

Thanks. Truthfully I never expected to get this far with her so I guess she must reciprocate at least some of the feelings I have for her.

Being with her has honestly made me happier than I've been in quite a while. I almost cried when she smiled as she cuddled into me after we fucked, which I guess I could have tried to have made a little special since it was hr first time.

pic of her?

Don't really want to share to much.

She is fucking gorgeous. Good job man!

Awwww... cute. But how in any way is that the most retarded thing you did. Get your attention elsewhere!

Say hi from me, will you? Wish you all the best.

Really happy for you man. Hope things continue to go well!

Reading this made me happier than anything else has on this shitty day. I hope you two have a wonderful future together, user.

I took advice Sup Forums gave me? It could have backfired spectacularly. I'm not the best at talking to girls and my hands were definitely shaking when I asked her out.
Thanks. We've got another date planned for Friday.

german

Nope, UK.

She's beautiful, take good care of her.

Thank you. I will. I've never cared for anyone like I care about her.

this was not commited by me but i recently got back from bootcamp and there was retarded shit out the ass.
>be me.
>be on range getting ready for m 4 qualifications.
>drill sausage lays off slightly on the range so no edgy fag will shoot us all up.
>everyone on best behavior to not make drill suasage mad because he isnt yelling much at all.
>one thing they have to do is make sure we have hearing protection b4 we shoot. it was issued to us at reception.
>better not loose it.
> kid next to me, call him pyle, says he lost one of his earplugs.
>doesnt want to make drill sasuage mad.
>sticks small pebble in his ear to block out gun sounds.
>icantfuckingbeliveit.jpeg
>rocck gets stuck.
>not only does kid have to tell drill sgt he lost his "earpro" but now he has a rock stuck in his easr that he cant get out.
>drill sgt not happy
>has to drive kid to the hospital while other drill sgts fuck us up for letting him do it.

I stabbed myself in the leg with scissors one time, sucked.

Congenital or acquired deaness?

>be me
>fifth grade
>teacher absent
>kids fucking around because dipshits, why not?
>throw paper airplane
>day later, teacher back
>seething with rage on the class because misbehaving
>calls me out for throwing a paper airplane
>put on red as conduct for the day
Got two more school stories

Her cochlear nerves started to degenerate when she was 5 and she was almost completely deaf by 9. She's also electively mute now.

>be me
>middle school, 7th grade
>slow day, last period before dismissal
>my group starts fucking around with the other group behind us
>I draw a crude image of a man jerking himself off
>big dick and big puddle
>slide it to the next group
>one of the guys from other group gets annoyed and goes up to the teacher
>why.jpg
>called up, teacher gives me a choice on which dean to go to
>choose the dean less strict and pissy, go to dean
>given two days of after school detention
One more story coming up

This is really sweet and I want you two to be very happy together

>mute
Even when you're eating her out?

Thank you.She was breathing heavily when I was eating her out and she let out a few quiet moans and a little high pitched yelp when she came. I don't think she even knew she was moaning. I've spoken to a few of her friends and they say she can still speak and that she's terribly embarrassed about how she sounds to other people.

wasted years of my life being a shut in and sitting in front of my computer all day

>be in high school, 9th grade
>kid brings in mescal beans
>other dude comes
>we both decide to try them as a challenge
>lunch time, nearing the end
>we go outside, right in front of the windows of the principal
>we know the potential dangers of doing this, decide to try it either way
>take small pieces as to surely not kill us
>try them on the count of three, two, one
>third dude eats it, mescal beans guy puts it in his mouth
>I put my fingers in my mouth but I don't eat the piece, throw it out before they can see it
> fourth period of the day, school admin comes in to send me to office
>see third guy there, said he got very sick
>beans guy also called in
>long and pointless interrogation before filing us a one day suspension under the terms that our delinquency was drug related
>third guy goes home after father called
>still interrogated, I told them I thought the beans were a type of nut
>sent back to class

was it good pussy?

Yeah, it was amazing compared to the other pussy I've had in my life. It was a little bit too hairy for my taste but I wanted to make her feel special.

Bro I'm happy for you

bootiful, good on you man.

beautiful but with a disability, never want to leave you cause you like her for who she is.

Blessed.

>order blt and lemonade at sandwich place
>lady behind counter presents the lemonade, and informs me of it
>wasn't paying attention for the first half, heard only "...nade"
>think she asked for my name on the order, tell her my name several times before walking away and realizing

well if youre the only fucking guy at her age around her who is actually able to communicate with her, i dont think what you say exactly matters as much
good job regardless

Voted in the last election

I hope that's not the only reason she went out with me.
I believe I truly am.
Thanks.

Probably the cute girl from special needs class in highschool.
She was pretty retarded.

I missed social cues when a girl at college was into me. Body language said tons, but I never picked up on them until later that day. Even then, I had such low self esteem that I kept telling myself that I was reading it wrong.

I never had the balls to ask her out because I didn't want to scare her away and I was ashamed of still living at home, no job, and no car. I was busy getting a decent GPA, but still.

It's more autistic than retarded, but either way, I'm alone when I could've been with the possible love of my life. Don't make my mistake anons, don't be a coward.

I sold my gun instead of using it on myself

play with fire on a windowsill. the paper blew into the room, and burned a part of the carpet.

Stop it! Make this good feeling go away.. you dont belong here.

Shit my pants in school.

>call him pyle
Lost

Tried to dry a hat in the oven and it caught fire