Greetings Earth creatures, my name is Xttfewghtog of the 47th sector of the Galactic Federation

Greetings Earth creatures, my name is Xttfewghtog of the 47th sector of the Galactic Federation.

I have been tasked in communicating with this Class 3 planet that your species has named "Earth" and seeing if its society is at a level of development to join the Federation.

According to our database of your primitive global network you refer to as the "Internet" this website is where many intelligent people gather in a ritual of socialisation.

Please converse with me, and tell me how the human race communicates. Ask me questions which I will enlighten you with an answer if your minds can understand the answer.

Open bob for me pleas butiful

Fuck off space niggers, we're full

Fuck off space niggers, We've got it from here. Pretty soon we're gonna colonize our solar system and turn this uncultured shitty galaxy into a white haven

>47th sector of the Galactic Federation
>white

Once we're off this rock, we're going to make sure your women get Earthed.

Unfortunately I do not know what a "bob" is.

I would assume you are making a sexual gesture, however my species does not reproduce or have instincts as humans do. We split into three beings which merge and split into many other new members of our species.

What kind of alien pussy is there in the universe?

show tits or gtfo our solar system

EARTHED

Attention all planets of the solar federation, we have assumed control.

how can blue tentacle aliens compete?

I always knew we'd end up being the terrifying alien invaders.

BITCH LASAGNA

I am aware of humanities sense of competition of territory. We welcome such bravado, but you must be prepared for what you discover beyond your planet .There are many dangers.

There are 5 known evolutionary grids in the galaxy that reproduce using a male/female system similar to the Earth grid. Many members of your species may consider it bestiality though.

hey mr. alien is there donuts in space?
asking for a friend

We call them «spacenuts» and they have three holes.

GET EARTHED SPACE NIGGERS

Fuck off space niggers, we're full.

You can crash on the moon if you want.

Many species do produce dough based food using the living recourses of their own planet.

I recall there are some that use the same "deep frying" method of cooking, and so would be similar to your Donuts.

recognised

if they are niggers it is bestiality.

We already have a station located on your moon. It it not manned, but it is designed to read radio signals from Earth.

Fuckin nematode...

are there lifeforms out there that arent carbon based? Like metal animals, or even gas creatures? i always wondered

That's a tardigrade dumbass.

Xttfewghtog how far away is your home planet located, and how are you able to post this? did you travel here, or join our internet remotely. Assuming you are a more advanced civilization, any chance of our races forming an aliance?

EARTHED BITCH HAHA

good question. Probably carbon or silicon based. Definately no gas creatures, but a lot more research is needed.

There are life forms of life forms. Carbon based life is less common as a matter of fact.

There are Technological, liquid, gas, beings. However there are also life forms beyond current human understanding. Your scientist must open their minds more on what the definition of "life" is.

Xttfewghtog, if you have authority to do so, I recommend you simply nuke the planet from orbit.

its the only way to be sure none of us fucking idiots get off this ball of rock and ruin the rest of the galaxy.

Our planet was unfortunately destroyed by its expanding sun approximately 2.3 billion years ago. The Galactic federation was initially founded by beings of this nature.

Humanity will also face this issue, however it is likely your species will be colonizing many other world by then, with our help.

best post so far

Helping humanity will be your last mistake.

I have studies the histories of hundreds of species , and nearly all of them have done many morally terrible things in their history, my own included.

I mean no offence, but your species is young, and has many millions of years of development ahead of it. Your problems now and upcoming are irrelevant.

SAMEPHAGGINXD

>Xttfewghtog
how do you pronounce that?

WE'LL COLONIZE YOUR WOMEN IN FRONT OF YOU SPACE CUCKS

Xttfewghtog, if Earth is accepted into the Galactic Federation, can you help us eradicate certain lesser members of our species? Anyone who does not possess white skin is a plague to the advancement of Earth. If the Galactic Federation can step in and help with this, I think you would see that we are an advanced civilization that is up the the Federation's standards.

"Nig-ger"

Carefully.

thats what I was thinking lately too!
we need to think about life as a whole, i mean what really is life, if im alive, but im 100% atoms and the are all dead, so where did the "life" part come from?
im just a sack filled with carefully put together chemical reaction machines, but for some reason i know whats going on with me.
so does a rock know when he is falling down a hill? does a storm realise how its drifting over the ocean? probably not but that means consciousness/awareness gets created at some point and it is something actual in the world it seems.
maybe everything is alive and we simply are to slow to witness the lives of electrons and to fast to witness the life of mountains.

consider the following
pic related

Holy fuck we have a middle school philosopher on our hands guys.

OP is not who they say they are

Faque und ghæ.

YOU LOOK LIKE A PINK SOCK WITH BALLS

eradicate the kikes!

It is a result of the translator I use.

It would be hard for a human to pronounce my name, but I would regognize "Zor-for-laga-ta"

how can one, though scientific means, uplift a species, the chimpanzee perhaps, so that he can aid us in the quest for destroying the inferior nigger race?

should be easy to answer then

Please do continue to further display your complete lack of education

There is a pirate of my species called Xttweghtog. I believe they may be referring to him.

do you mind if I just call you Zor for short?

Wow! so how old would that make your civilization then? 2.3 billion years at the very least is a rediculous time! Have you figured out the exact value of the hubble constant, or if faster than light speed is possible? Just to be safe that your not a computer, what is the value of y in 1-2/1-x =y where x=1?

There are areas of your scientific knowledge that would allow you to control the minds of the less evolved species.

I would not recommend using such technology though, particularly for warfare, as it will not help development of life on your planet

You're gonna laugh and cringe when you look back and remember what you thought was deep.

HOWDY PARTNER!!!!My name is sheriff Tad Mc Becker and I'd like to welcome yall to earth!!! If yall need anything just give me a holler. I'm happy to help any way I can, partner.