Why can’t I get laid Sup Forums

Why can’t I get laid Sup Forums

get that shit off your face faggot

i dunno? maybe you talk like a retard.

cause you've got a dumb squirrel on your chin

def this. bio is pretty quirky /zany. shouldn't be a problem. its the goatee broseph.

U lack "essence"

Because you don't have an actual job

Shit is it really that bad? I like it but I sent in my profil to Anything4Views today and he said I looked like a kid toucher on stream and it made me rethink my choices

look in the morror
>that's why

Please elaborate

it's not terrible...but it's not good either. I would shave it. maybe get your ears lowered also. you should clean up after that. not bad looking at all. best of luck mang

>My only goal in life is to become immortal and die.
Just end it now dude

You lack confidence, you 2nd guess yourself constantly, you're never sure of yourself.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Yeah really guy, that goatee is pretty trash. Actually lemme revise that, it's reviling. Also, a better haircut would work better, something shorter. If I had to improve one thing it would be the goatee. It's ballhair coming off your chin.

Maybe becos parents are right? I mean, look at ye. Shit beard, Trudeau hair, a fucking earring, picture of black guy on wall, 'jazz'... Get it together already.

You're 6'5" so you're fine. Shave your facial hair and get a haircut. Buy some newer clothing, better fitting pants - khakis and jeans. Post picture of yourself afterwords and profit. Maybe consider changing your info, but definitely keep the fact that your 6'5" in it.

I can shave but new clothes is not an option, I’m a freelance jazz musician so money isn’t really a thing for me haha

Get a good haircut and get rid of the goatee. That's it.

SHAVE THAT FUCKING RAT ON YOUR FACE YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Ok well try wearing solid color shirts, no camo and consider taking your earrings out.

...

pros: Beard is good for munchig rug, needs trimming, 6'5, so probably hung

cons: stupid fucking bio, freelance jazz performer, poor fashion sense, horrible photographer, needs haircut.

And don't wear baggy pants

He could play the starving musician thing up. Some girls are reaaalllyy into that shit. But yes, shave and cut your hair.

Shave the pubes off your face get a haircut that doesn't look like a 13 y/o boy, take a pic away from your cod signs and super mario, wear something that doesn't show you got 150 headshots

Music ed major, and that fucking rat on your face.

I only wear joggers pretty much anyways

Music ed major is essentially saying "Hey, I'm a real dumb fuck, and I am feminine enough to work in feminine careers."

That is a hilarious profile. You should really start fucking doods.

What do you guys think about full beard instead of goatee? Or just clean shaven

you look like a fucked up ed sheeran with a retarded beard & less talent

Too much Sup Forums stench.

You have a shitty personality.

Can’t argue with that

gtfo ivar

Also: try not giving a shit about getting laid. It's like magic.

Improve your appearance and maybe ditch the self-deprecating jokes until you appear confident enough to get away with them.

1) Most important is to relocate the creature living on your chin. Ditch it immediately. If you have scissors, go to the bathroom and cut it off right now.
2) Get a haircut that's shorter on the sides as soon as possible. Nothing wrong with some length on the top, but the shaggy sides make you look like a 14-year-old pothead. And once you get this cut, learn how to style the top. Don't just let it all lay on your forehead like a default lesbian haircut. You aren't trying to look like Ellen DeGeneres.
3) When it comes to women, simplify your attitude. Stop trying to be the "qUiRkY wEiRd uNiQuE" guy. Girls don't fuck that guy.

Yeah you’re probably right about the 14 yo pothead look. I need to get on this

>freelance jazz musician
get used to the idea of never having money

For real, it's not your appearance.
Stop *worrying* about how you look. It's okay to *care*, but don't be self-conscious about it. Just make a decision and trust it.

Stop being nervous, anxious, whatever. Just *relax*.

Honestly I didn’t really care until my trombone teacher commented on one of my photos and said “that’s some hellacious facial hair” then I got roasted by chad on stream and so I thought I’d get a consensus on what people thought and it seems like basically everyone says I should do something else. Obviously ain’t working because I haven’t fucked a girl in a while

shave the beard cut the hair. get laid easy

You look like a hobbit, which will only attract hippy-dippy chicks who think the May moon festival is a real thing.

But you probably act like an uptight conservative, judging from the "Soldier of one" poster on the wall.

Trim the beard. Get a haircut. Stop pretending you're someone you're not.

I’m actually very conservative. But I still love all the hippy shit so whatever

I’m a jazz player so I kinda have to be

...

Maybe shave your hair short as hell and go with a 5 o clock shadow look if you can grow your sideburn hair, just make sure to keep it short as hell. Your bio is a bit strange, look up one of those bio tutorials.

It used to be extremely short so I might go back to buzzing

>Predicted.

I am a published academic specializing in dating apps. I follow other scholars are David Buss, and Cindy Meston, primarily, and have a PhD.

Firstly, it's the beard. Shave it. Statistics also show that you should not smile in your photos with teeth. Good on you.

Shorter hair. Crisp, and clean. Make it look good. If you do not know, then find a barber.

If any of you all have questions AMA. I have 15 published articles to my name regarding the top five American dating applications.

10/10 supermodels would fuck

>15 published articles

Posts on Sup Forums

#facts

Okay Definitley cutting the hair and ditching the beard then

PhD here.

Do not buzz your hair under any circumstances. Show me all of the photos you currently have on your dating app profile.

Also-- what are you specifically looking for? Relationship? Hooking up? Friends? What do you want exactly. I need to know this to help you.

I literally could not care less about what you believe or do not believe.

I know this is b8 but I've nothing better to do.
>shit bio (even if its meant to be ironic its self-deprecating and retarded)
>photo with a watery, ungenuine and therefore cringey smile taken in a nonphenomenal setting
I feel like OP is one of those people living behind like 14 meters of bullshit they've built up over the course of several years.

I always find world-renowned experts on Sup Forums

2/10 works every time

Mostly just want sex but open to a relationship

I’m sorry to say but no it’s not bait but thank you

Lose the beard.

The joke about immortality doesn't make sense. It's not funny.

>parents are starting to think I'm gay

reads to a woman as

>god i'm desperate

Would swipe left. Tell us more about yourself. Make sure you've got photos of you doing interesting shit / with friends / looking sharp.

OP looks like he's still dealing with emotional trauma from buttrape at age 11.

Get high, chill out, see therapist.

I like to skate maybe I’ll throw that in

I smoke hella weed and I actually do see a therapist tbh

Awesome, this gives me something to work with. Pic 1 we have already addressed.

Pic 2: Is OK, shows your passion for something.

Pic 3: I don't know what I'm looking at.

Pic 4: A little weird. I wouldn't show you're in the army. Leave something up to when you're on the date.

Pic 5: It's compeltely different from what we see from pic 1. If I were to meet up with oyu, I don't know who I'd be meeting.

Pic 6: It looks like you are forcing a smile. Remove that one.

You need to get a haircut and trim the pubic hair. Work on a smile. You have the ability to be an attractive guy. Remove the earring it's weird.

>might go back to buzzing
Buzz cuts only look good if:
1.) You've an alpha male body physique (which you don't).
2.) Your facial and skull structure is robust and masculine (which your's is not)
If you plan at buzzing, work out for a chad body, and wait 'til your older in hopes that your face roughens up like some guys' faces do.

good advice right the fuck here
Fag here, tbh keep the beard, just trim it rather short, keep it tidy, and ditch the facial hair about your neck.

look pretty solid with the short facial hair but ya the forced smile ruins it

This is bait...

>classroom setting
>rosy, puffy face
>"what do i do with my other hand"
>uncommitted, goofy, cringey half-smile
>pants too long, making ankles look like the base of a contemporary standing lamp

a hard agree on this one, do exactly this

gee whiz thank God we have a fucking doctor in the house to solve this problem

3 was just me recieving a jacket for making this army band thing also I’m not in the army but my friend there is in the marines it was just a flag I have but I can see how people might think that so I’ll provably take it down. 5 was an old photo. And I’m definitley forcing a smile. Okay I’ll see if I can fix this

>You have a medieval haircut
>Gay earring
>Worst beard ever
>Uncomfortable uneasy nervous smile
>poster of a nigger behind you who is more of a chad than you
>Jazz
>'"I'm gay"

Your best look is #6, and even that could get some improvement.
Get /fit/, stop doing whatever is making your face permanently red, and flex your 6'5 godtier height on puny halflings

>vape naysh
Stop.

Ignore everyone else, shave your head and keep your facial hair.

I replaced 6 with this one

this is the only good advice on the thread.

You're welcome

Hmmmm

I'm still not a fan of this one.


Still need to answer me this. What are you specifically looking for? Where do you go to college? Big or small? I need to know these to help you.

1.) Do something with that fucking mop on your head.

2.) Your chin hair looks like shit, get rid of it. Grow a full, even beard or nothing at all

3.) Take the fucking ear rings out and never put them back in

Pro-tips: Closed-mouth smiles are considered more manly. Being "trendy" is bad, but wearing cloths that are in style is an important thing

agree with all except jazz
i fucking love jazz
also not OP

I live in a town of 50k so I’d say a medium to large university

Tell me the state. Are you on campus or off campus?

Op you should also remove most of the band stuff tbh. Band geeks don't really slay pussy.

Yes finally someone else, so rare these days

Arkansas Sate, and off

Oh fuck. Another one of these...

Maybe this would work better?

OP if that is really you the only redeeming quality you have is your height, cut your middler schooler hair off, shave that taint hair off your chin, drop the whole prince of darkness act people think youre a school shooter, start working out, faggot

Ok, rural. You still haven't answered the biggest question-- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR.

Shave neck

A'thank you.

Sex pretty much

telling someone to smoke weed isn't good advice you stupid mother fucker. Kill yourself

JFC, this pic could have had so much potential.

No pink shirts. Your skin is too red for it.

No smiling.

The haircut, I can't decide if I like or not. Try for shorter.

No earrings

What is that on your chin.

Bassists don't get laid. But I do think it's impressive how manyinstruments you play.

Candid pics are shown to be 140% more likely to get likes

Then we are dealing with an entire new playing ground.

I smoke weed twice a day. I have 4 kids by two baby mommas. Works for me...

Shave neck.
Shadow on lower teeth makes it look like you've an overbite. Overbites are one of the most common unattractive things I see in people. If you have one, get expensive surgery, get fit, or kill yourself.
Lose weight 'n get muscles to take the chubbiness off those cheekbones. It looks like they got some real manly potential, but they're just buried in adipose.

Fucking this.

Cut your hair. Number 2 on the sides, leave about 2 inches on top, rounded at the back. Shave that dick tickler off your cum guzzling chin. Lose the faggot earrings. Go outside and get a tan. Wear some better clothing, no cargo shorts, I can tell that's what you're wearing faggot.

Wallet size > muscle size > benis size > brain size

IT'S SO SIMPLE!