Anyone have any funny greentext stories? Feeling down tonight

anyone have any funny greentext stories? Feeling down tonight.

bump

>log

brilliant
all better now anonymous :)

bump up

>past friday
>my birthday
>just 2 persons of my family remembered that my birhday was that day, my godmother and godfather
>spend my birthday totally alone alone, with a cake just for myself
>only ate 1 slice the rest is still in the fridge

fun story

...

I know you're trying to be depressing, but all I read was:
>a cake just for myself
Sounds like a win to me.

Btw happy belated birthday, ya big dork.

>tonight

I’m always curious about this on Sup Forums. It’s only 12:39pm where I’m at, where is tonight?

UK, its 20:42 here

haha, this is a good one

Ok OP, I'll greentext true OC just for you.

>Be me in crazy brainwashing facility for teens in Montana
>23 hours each day we are "on silence"
>Can't go to bathroom without explicit permission
>Reading on my bunk to try to escape reality
>Hear yelling and see people running into the bathroom
>"Holy shit, they're not even getting sent to the hobbit; wtf is happening in there?"
>Hop down off my bunk and go look in bathroom
>See a guy named Jesse looking stunned at one of the stalls
>Look in stall
>See a coiled mound of shit in the toilet that literally rises above the toilet seat
>Jesse had to scoop all the shit into a plastic trash bag and keep it with him for the rest of the evening

>Turns out that Jesse had been holding in his shit for about 3 months in an attempt to get to the hospital

Jesse has dedication

It was the best night of my year in that hellhole. I was so fucking happy. I'll never forget it.

There was so much shit. I mean, these were industrial toilets, not those small house ones. I don't think I'd believe it if I hadn't seen it myself. Talked to several doctors about it and they say it can happen if the shit backs up all the way through small intestines.

What were you in for?

how did you end up in the facility in the first place?

My parents were ultra-repressive and I got depressed. Cut myself like an emo fag, but legitimately doing it for pain and not attention. Accidentally hit an artery one night.

Holy shit he's so troubled and probably on drugs and about to join gangs.

>Sends me to facility full of druggies and some legit gang members

>Never tried anything before, but tried coke, weed, nitrous, and booze when I got out.

Yikes.
Hope you're doin' better now, dude.
Did ya make any gang connections on the inside?

Once I got out and moved out on my own, things got way better quick (hence why I blame my parents/circumstances and not my mental health). The nightmares were the worst and culture shock almost got me killed many times, but they wore off and things are great now.

No gang connections, but that's cause they were EXTREMELY strict about sharing any contact info, and that was before myspace/social media. Writing down a phone number was a hobbit offense.

hobbit offense?

I dunno why they called it the hobbit, but it was a separate building that had a couple small white rooms made of wood, and a wood bench for furniture. Lots of blood and come inside lol. I never got sent there but saw it when on cleaning detail at one point.

madness.
Is it still around? If so you should try and get it shut down by the cops.

>be me
>Work at warehouse as security guard
>At 4pm have to scan shit ton of temps going home
So there was a small area just before the door where I worked with another guard. The temps would stand at the door, exiting the warehouse and coming into my area before leaving out the door.
>Wave the next temp in
>Nigger wearing white t, baggy pants etc
>Have to use airport scanners/wand
>I scan my man's front, end bending down to his shoes
>"Okay dude, turn around"
>As I stand back up I notice two girls (temps) watching this
>Both are red faced
>One is laughing
>One has a look of horror
>I am perplexed
>I begin to scan his back, get to his baggy ass
>MFW he has fucking USED toilet paper sticking out of his pants
>This dumb nigger has diarrhea-tier shit stains on a line of TP sticking hanging out of his pants
>All I can manage is "thank you"
>He walks off
>Old man at the door stops him, says he sees something on dudes back
>Nigger pulls it out, realizes what it is, stashes it behind my CCTV wall
He was never seen again.

Glad to hear things ended up okay for you user.
Seems like getting sent to one of those places would do way more harm than good.

Gross.

Thanks guys. It was shut down years ago after a girl managed to kill herself with a sweatshirt within a 5 minute period of time (impressive as fuck). She had been talking about killing herself for weeks but they kept telling her parents she was doing well.

It was waving gently in the air current behind him as he walked too
Watched it on video with the managers the next day, top keks all around

Not very funny, but was still somewhat funny.

>17, Sophomore in High School
>Just discovered Bible Black eroge game
>Fucking love beating my meat to it
>Get inspiration for starting a high school rumor about a bdsm dungeon in the basement
>Spend a few hours devising a method of dropping the rumor
>Tell 5 people slightly different versions of the story.
>One saying nothing happened, another saying it's still being used, another about satan, and a few other details I can't remember
>The next day, I write the rumors in post it notes
>Stick the notes onto my shoe so that when I walk, I simply shift my heel and the note comes loose
>Perform this method five times with varying notes
>Day passes, nothing happens, give up on hope of starting a meme

>Next week, people are muttering to themselves about the basement
>Turns out a student went down to the basement in search of the BDSM sex dungeon
>Scoffed at first, but then heard what the student found
>"There was a large room with a few desks in the middle with chains on it"
>Holy shit, what the fuck?
>Obviously this could be easily explainable, but it didn't help spreading the rumor
>Few days pass, people are still talking about it until we're called to attend an assembly
>Principal says, out loud through the microphone
"There have been rumors circulating that staff have been performing sexual acts in the basement of the school, I'm here to address that is not the case. I ask you all to not continue to spread this rumor further, ruining careers is not a joke..."
>Trying not to laugh my ass off, along with more than half the assembly

>Eventually, some weeb came out saying how the rumor was a direct rip off of Bible Black.
>Didn't help his reputation, but did kill the rumor.
>MFW weebs keep ruining everything...

8:24am in Sydney

Little did user know, there really was a BDSM dungeon.
The weeb kid was planted by the school.

Shit, does this mean I missed out on some erotic black magic that could've granted me futa wishes?

You'll have to go back and check it out.

I'll search for loose bricks and foreign chained notebooks

...

...

>There are casualties
Every time.

Cackled like a schoolgirl

...

...

This one always gets me.