>be me >mommy's big bouncing 580lb boy >having a bubbly bubble bath in my reinforced steel tub >making tendie flavoured bubbles from my poopy hole >love feeling them tickle past my mighty 2 inch peepee >squeeze extra to hard to make an extra big bubble >suddenly the water turns to gravy "REEEEEEE! MOMMY! I POO POOED IN THE BATHY TUB! NOW YOUR BABY YOU MUST SCRUB!" >no answer "MOMMY! THE WATER IS ALL BROWN AND STINKY! THERE'S TENDIE JUICE ON BABY'S WINKY!" >still no response >i lift my ample frame out of the brown smelly sludge >it has rendered me covered in slippery poop juice >slide my way downstairs on my belly to see mommy and another new chaddy daddy cuddling on the couch "oh, user... i thought you were still in the bath... didn't you play with that plugged in toaster i gave you?" "BABY POOPIED IN THE BATH! CLEAN IT UP OR FEEL MY WRATH!" "listen champ, your mom and i are trying to watch the movie. how about you go upstairs and give us some private time. you might wanna clean up too, you smell like shit" >i can feel my tard rage building "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" >grab my loot crate exclusive replica minecraft sword and strike chaddy daddy in the head "that's it you fat little shit! you're gonna get it!" >he charges and attempts to grab me >my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal >i slip out of his grip and waddle upstairs towards the bathroom "got you now bitch!" >he charges me again but slips on a stray turdie tendie which sends him flying towards my rusty brown bath >hold his head under the kf sea of poop as he struggles to fight for air "DRINK MY RANCID TENDIE JUICE, THEN YOU AND I CAN FORM A TRUCE!" >suddenly he stops breathing >he must be dead lol >talk to mommy "CHADDY DADDY DROWNED IN CRAP! NOW MOMMY MUST TAKE THE RAP!" "sure user, prison has to better than this" >get tendies at the police station >turns out the death penalty is legal in this state >mommy BTFO
I guess she should've taken better care of her baby.
Andrew Taylor
please don't post something like this on here again.
Easton Adams
Trips of truth
James Adams
nuff said
Elijah Rodriguez
I'll give you 6/10 tendies, because it is funny to laugh about death penaltys.
Chase Cox
You wasted your time
Adrian Brooks
wow hadn't seen this one. love tendies stories, thanks user :)
Carson Diaz
>wake up at 3pm >fill piss bottle >waddle out to check GBP board >finally reached 100 for not shitting in the car yesterday >REEEEEEEEE in excited delight so loud and high the window cracks >too out of breath to walk >roll into kitchen where mummy is doing the budget "MUMMY MUMMY NOW IS FUN DAY TIME FOR TENDIE SPECIAL SUNDAE" >mummy slowly looks up, her eyes wide and quivering "b-but I-I have to work today and that takes four hours to make..." >heave myself upright, all 450 pounds >face is bright red and sweating bullets from exertion and fury "NOW I SPEND MY GBP, SO MAKE TENDIES TO PLEASE ME" "I c-can't... we don't have any..." >what the fuck did you just fucking say to me you little bitch >begin quaking with apoplectic rage, jiggling like a triple decker jello mold >throw mummy to the ground and start tearing off her only dress "YOU FORGET TO BUY THE MEAT, SO NOW IT'S YOU WHO MUST EAT! I AM NO LONGER BENDY, SO NOW YOU SUCK MY TENDIE!" >shove my cock in mummy's mouth >haven't washed in months of course "TOASTIE ROASTIE! DUMMY MUMMY!" >mummy pulls away gagging and sobbing >it's ok, five seconds was long enough "SPRAYO MAYYYOOOOOOOO" >blast all over mummy, grunting and moaning like a semi passing on the highway >inexplicably have huge volume despite jacking it eight times a day >make sure to get it everywhere >point and laugh "CUMMY TUMMY! CUMMY TUMMY!" >laboriously turn around and shift backwards "STUPID BITCH COLD LIKE ICE! NOW MIXED WITH CREAM THAT'S NICE! REMEMBER I'M THE BOSS! NOW ADD THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!" >spray diarrhea all over mummy for solid minute "ROASTIES MAKE ME WARY, CUZ THEY LACK A CHERRY! NOW SUNDAE IS COMPLETE! ONE IN CHARGE IS THE NEET!" >wheeze and collapse from exhaustion, falling on top of mummy and trapping her underneath layers of fat >takes three hours until strong enough to roll back to couch >piss myself five times >grind trail of filth into carpet while rolling >mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up "w-who's my b-big boy..."
Kayden Watson
>me >Mommy's Roly Poly Baby Booby-boo >Playing Warframe >2 days to finish Mag Prime >lolno >Go to rush. No platinum >REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >Bellow for mommy to bring her credit card >No mommy. >THIS SHALL NOT STAND! >Heft self out of limited edition DXRacer gaming chair, farting to propel myself upwards > Waddle from room, kicking over poopy bottle in the process. Oh well, mess for mommy to clean! >Glance at GBP calendar >600 Good Boy Points >Stop to make out with hot waifu on calendar to celebrate >She wants the D >Go downstairs "MOMMY BRING THE CREDIT CARD! YOUR BABY WANTS TO OWN SCRUBS HARD!" >Mommy and new daddy Chad. >Mommy's crusty roast beef is eating new daddy's fist! >New Daddy deserves it... Or is he trying to crawl up mommy and become the new baby?! >ENGAGE REEEEEEEEEEE >Fall down stairs, wallow my way to the bottom >Piss and shit everywhere >Vomit to lubricate my path, a glorious penguin in motion >Slide across floor, slam into touch >New daddy Chad screams, yanks fist out of mommy's vagina "BABY KNOWS THE GAME YOU PLAY, MAMA'S FAVORITE HE WILL STAY!" >New Daddy tries to kick me, slips on puke puddle >Hits head on coffee table, goes to sleep >Heft myself up, punch mommy in crusty cooter "CREDIT CARD!"
Mommy cried tears of joy, and I pooped on New Daddy to show I'm the favorite. Life is good, Sup Forums
Cameron Sullivan
jesus christ whoever wrote this is is either deeply disturbed or planted a camera in my kitchen
Thomas James
>Hits head on coffee table, goes to sleep
lost
Julian Diaz
I kek'd
Tyler Mitchell
It's like I'm really in 2016
Lucas Collins
>be me >be 23 >mummy's special little guy >at mcdonald's getting chicken tendies with my saved up good boy points >very long line >get near the front >need to go pee pee poo poo >"MUMMY MUMMY I NEED TO GO PEE PEE POO POO NOW NOW NOW" >mummy looks embarrassed >says new daddy won't be happy about this >takes me to little boys room >I get into stall and begin my poo poo dance >accidentally miss toilet >hear something in other stall >look over >A man has pee pee mayo like daddy's all over his hand >he notices me >"WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITTLE AUTISTIC SHIT" >mummy runs into little boys room >takes me into little girls room >all the girlies go shrieky >mama watches me go pee pee poo poo >get back in line >finally at front >"I WANT CHICKEN TENDIES WITH A MINECRAFT TOY" >mummy hits me >"we will take an order of chicken tenders to go" >"BUT MUMMY I WANT TO GO ON THE PLAY PLACE" >she gives in >set down at play place >devour my tendies in one swoop >"MUMMY MUMMY WHERE IS MY MINECRAFT TOY?" >she quickly leaves to get me my minecraft toy >see play place >waddle over to slide >begin to climb up play place slide >somebody comes down the slide knocking us both on the floor >tard rage engaged >REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >smash kids head against window >window breaks >he is crying >jump on him and sit on his face >hear a snap >he goes to sleep >mummy runs back in with my minecraft toy >mummy grabs my wrist and rushes me to the car >"why user, why?" >says we have to 'go on the run' >mfw
Jaxson Torres
>kf sea of poop fucking lost it at that
Anthony Taylor
This is how I've been reading Tard Voice.
Lucas Thomas
>be me >630 Lbs of mummy's golden child >sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day >finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP >look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6 >"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!" >mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies >proudly point at the toilet bowl >wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points >clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150 >cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl >mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them >hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days >can hear them talking downstairs >"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything" >hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything" >girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?" >clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin >girl comes into my room and meows and purrs >have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good >the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games >she's really impressed >eventually leaves after the hour is up >mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy >"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift" >eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards
How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.
Elijah Campbell
tendies greentext are getting so surreal they are getting out of hand
Gavin Anderson
>be me >Mummy's perfect little 22 year old >Daddy passed away a few months ago from a hurt chest after yelling at me to get a job >before he died he put a little me inside Mummy's tummy >Mummy starts talking about how nice itll be to have a baby around again >"But aren't I the baby?" >"user, you know I'm going to need help raising the baby, you're going to be a big brother and that means responsibility." >i get mad and tell the whore that I'm not going to share her with that thing inside her >"user, its time to grow up." >Mummy gets fat and starts asking me to do shit around the house >changing my own diaper, answering the door, whatever >"user, could you throw some chicken tenders in the oven for me and get me a prenatal vitamin shake, I've got a craving!" >TOO >FUCKING >FAR >go upstairs to Mummy's room and grab her nail polish remover off the nightstand >go downstairs and pour it into stupid fucking healthy-baby drink >grab her cunt-face >"Open wide!" >Mummy chokes down nasty smelling smoothie and starts to scream and cry >I keep telling her itll be better this way but she wont stop trying to hit me >shake all gone so I decide to head back to my room for a nap >she can make up for everything shes done when I wake up >Mummy calls 911 screaming about bleeding from her piss-flappy downstairs parts >I stomp on her phone and tell the bitch that if she calls them again I'll put rat poison in the next smoothie >Mummy lays on floor for a few hours before she drives herself to the hospital after I fall asleep >Mummy disobeyed me but baby is gone now >all is well
Juan Kelly
Actually, I find it amusing. Keep 'em coming, OP.
Carson Howard
>be me >Mother’s golden child with a healthy ratio of fat to muscular mass >come home from school >I tell Mother that I aced the Latin 4 test >she is extatic >calls my Grandfather >he congratulates me and tells me how proud he is of my accomplishment >gratification received I return to my domicile >adjust my 4d glasses >sit down at my non-Euclidean desk >begin to write my greentext >about an autistic peepee the frog >I want to live a life of zero expectations like Peepee >the BGF call >they want me in early tomorrow to perform some more brain surgery >Mother was going to prepare French toast for breakfast tomorrow >mfw
Parker Davis
>Be Mommy's handsome prince and her only baby >Asshole dad is always grumbling about my glorious NEET lifestyle >Washed up wagecuck Chad, always bitching about being a FORMER marine and how his "brothers" have sons who have disgusting 3dpd slags and degrees and what the duck ever >Asshole dad blows his dumb jock brains out >I am next in the line of succession >Scream for mommy to kick out all these stupid fucking mourners, it's time for my monthly washy washy >Bitch comes up to my room, sniveling and crying, confused. >"B-baby boy, I'm glad that you're being so good and taking your washy washy without a fight." >Dumb whore does the scrubbies, I wince through as she lathers up my glorious big bones. I'm growing so big and so strong >Stronger than her >Time to consummate my new throne and make mommy my happy queen >Grab her arm and throw her down >She didn't know how strong her baby boy was but I can tell she's impressed >Pull out my peep and she screams that she hasn't washed under my glorious uncut foreskin >Too late. I'm almost halfway into her belly button in a flash. Feels right >Finish my kingly duties in an impressive minute as mommy cries, presumably that stupid dead chad dad took so long to off himself >"H-honey, let me finish cleaning you u-up..." >GET THE FUCK OUT MOMMY WASHY WASHY IS OVER >Dumb whore leaves, glazed in my kingly cream. I go back to glorious NEET life. She brings me tendies, as I am the new king.