Be me

>be me
>mommy's big bouncing 580lb boy
>having a bubbly bubble bath in my reinforced steel tub
>making tendie flavoured bubbles from my poopy hole
>love feeling them tickle past my mighty 2 inch peepee
>squeeze extra to hard to make an extra big bubble
>suddenly the water turns to gravy
"REEEEEEE! MOMMY! I POO POOED IN THE BATHY TUB! NOW YOUR BABY YOU MUST SCRUB!"
>no answer
"MOMMY! THE WATER IS ALL BROWN AND STINKY! THERE'S TENDIE JUICE ON BABY'S WINKY!"
>still no response
>i lift my ample frame out of the brown smelly sludge
>it has rendered me covered in slippery poop juice
>slide my way downstairs on my belly to see mommy and another new chaddy daddy cuddling on the couch
"oh, user... i thought you were still in the bath... didn't you play with that plugged in toaster i gave you?"
"BABY POOPIED IN THE BATH! CLEAN IT UP OR FEEL MY WRATH!"
"listen champ, your mom and i are trying to watch the movie. how about you go upstairs and give us some private time. you might wanna clean up too, you smell like shit"
>i can feel my tard rage building
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab my loot crate exclusive replica minecraft sword and strike chaddy daddy in the head
"that's it you fat little shit! you're gonna get it!"
>he charges and attempts to grab me
>my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal
>i slip out of his grip and waddle upstairs towards the bathroom
"got you now bitch!"
>he charges me again but slips on a stray turdie tendie which sends him flying towards my rusty brown bath
>hold his head under the kf sea of poop as he struggles to fight for air
"DRINK MY RANCID TENDIE JUICE, THEN YOU AND I CAN FORM A TRUCE!"
>suddenly he stops breathing
>he must be dead lol
>talk to mommy
"CHADDY DADDY DROWNED IN CRAP! NOW MOMMY MUST TAKE THE RAP!"
"sure user, prison has to better than this"
>get tendies at the police station
>turns out the death penalty is legal in this state
>mommy BTFO

I guess she should've taken better care of her baby.

please don't post something like this on here again.

Trips of truth

nuff said

I'll give you 6/10 tendies, because it is funny to laugh about death penaltys.

You wasted your time

wow hadn't seen this one. love tendies stories, thanks user :)

>wake up at 3pm
>fill piss bottle
>waddle out to check GBP board
>finally reached 100 for not shitting in the car yesterday
>REEEEEEEEE in excited delight so loud and high the window cracks
>too out of breath to walk
>roll into kitchen where mummy is doing the budget
"MUMMY MUMMY NOW IS FUN DAY TIME FOR TENDIE SPECIAL SUNDAE"
>mummy slowly looks up, her eyes wide and quivering
"b-but I-I have to work today and that takes four hours to make..."
>heave myself upright, all 450 pounds
>face is bright red and sweating bullets from exertion and fury
"NOW I SPEND MY GBP, SO MAKE TENDIES TO PLEASE ME"
"I c-can't... we don't have any..."
>what the fuck did you just fucking say to me you little bitch
>begin quaking with apoplectic rage, jiggling like a triple decker jello mold
>throw mummy to the ground and start tearing off her only dress
"YOU FORGET TO BUY THE MEAT, SO NOW IT'S YOU WHO MUST EAT! I AM NO LONGER BENDY, SO NOW YOU SUCK MY TENDIE!"
>shove my cock in mummy's mouth
>haven't washed in months of course
"TOASTIE ROASTIE! DUMMY MUMMY!"
>mummy pulls away gagging and sobbing
>it's ok, five seconds was long enough
"SPRAYO MAYYYOOOOOOOO"
>blast all over mummy, grunting and moaning like a semi passing on the highway
>inexplicably have huge volume despite jacking it eight times a day
>make sure to get it everywhere
>point and laugh
"CUMMY TUMMY! CUMMY TUMMY!"
>laboriously turn around and shift backwards
"STUPID BITCH COLD LIKE ICE! NOW MIXED WITH CREAM THAT'S NICE! REMEMBER I'M THE BOSS! NOW ADD THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!"
>spray diarrhea all over mummy for solid minute
"ROASTIES MAKE ME WARY, CUZ THEY LACK A CHERRY! NOW SUNDAE IS COMPLETE! ONE IN CHARGE IS THE NEET!"
>wheeze and collapse from exhaustion, falling on top of mummy and trapping her underneath layers of fat
>takes three hours until strong enough to roll back to couch
>piss myself five times
>grind trail of filth into carpet while rolling
>mummy gets hose and mop, starts cleaning me up
"w-who's my b-big boy..."

>me
>Mommy's Roly Poly Baby Booby-boo
>Playing Warframe
>2 days to finish Mag Prime
>lolno
>Go to rush. No platinum
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Bellow for mommy to bring her credit card
>No mommy.
>THIS SHALL NOT STAND!
>Heft self out of limited edition DXRacer gaming chair, farting to propel myself upwards
> Waddle from room, kicking over poopy bottle in the process. Oh well, mess for mommy to clean!
>Glance at GBP calendar
>600 Good Boy Points
>Stop to make out with hot waifu on calendar to celebrate
>She wants the D
>Go downstairs
"MOMMY BRING THE CREDIT CARD! YOUR BABY WANTS TO OWN SCRUBS HARD!"
>Mommy and new daddy Chad.
>Mommy's crusty roast beef is eating new daddy's fist!
>New Daddy deserves it... Or is he trying to crawl up mommy and become the new baby?!
>ENGAGE REEEEEEEEEEE
>Fall down stairs, wallow my way to the bottom
>Piss and shit everywhere
>Vomit to lubricate my path, a glorious penguin in motion
>Slide across floor, slam into touch
>New daddy Chad screams, yanks fist out of mommy's vagina
"BABY KNOWS THE GAME YOU PLAY, MAMA'S FAVORITE HE WILL STAY!"
>New Daddy tries to kick me, slips on puke puddle
>Hits head on coffee table, goes to sleep
>Heft myself up, punch mommy in crusty cooter
"CREDIT CARD!"

Mommy cried tears of joy, and I pooped on New Daddy to show I'm the favorite. Life is good, Sup Forums

jesus christ whoever wrote this is is either deeply disturbed or planted a camera in my kitchen

>Hits head on coffee table, goes to sleep

lost

I kek'd

It's like I'm really in 2016

>be me
>be 23
>mummy's special little guy
>at mcdonald's getting chicken tendies with my saved up good boy points
>very long line
>get near the front
>need to go pee pee poo poo
>"MUMMY MUMMY I NEED TO GO PEE PEE POO POO NOW NOW NOW"
>mummy looks embarrassed
>says new daddy won't be happy about this
>takes me to little boys room
>I get into stall and begin my poo poo dance
>accidentally miss toilet
>hear something in other stall
>look over
>A man has pee pee mayo like daddy's all over his hand
>he notices me
>"WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITTLE AUTISTIC SHIT"
>mummy runs into little boys room
>takes me into little girls room
>all the girlies go shrieky
>mama watches me go pee pee poo poo
>get back in line
>finally at front
>"I WANT CHICKEN TENDIES WITH A MINECRAFT TOY"
>mummy hits me
>"we will take an order of chicken tenders to go"
>"BUT MUMMY I WANT TO GO ON THE PLAY PLACE"
>she gives in
>set down at play place
>devour my tendies in one swoop
>"MUMMY MUMMY WHERE IS MY MINECRAFT TOY?"
>she quickly leaves to get me my minecraft toy
>see play place
>waddle over to slide
>begin to climb up play place slide
>somebody comes down the slide knocking us both on the floor
>tard rage engaged
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>smash kids head against window
>window breaks
>he is crying
>jump on him and sit on his face
>hear a snap
>he goes to sleep
>mummy runs back in with my minecraft toy
>mummy grabs my wrist and rushes me to the car
>"why user, why?"
>says we have to 'go on the run'
>mfw

>kf sea of poop
fucking lost it at that

This is how I've been reading Tard Voice.

>be me
>630 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards

How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.

tendies greentext are getting so surreal they are getting out of hand

>be me
>Mummy's perfect little 22 year old
>Daddy passed away a few months ago from a hurt chest after yelling at me to get a job
>before he died he put a little me inside Mummy's tummy
>Mummy starts talking about how nice itll be to have a baby around again
>"But aren't I the baby?"
>"user, you know I'm going to need help raising the baby, you're going to be a big brother and that means responsibility."
>i get mad and tell the whore that I'm not going to share her with that thing inside her
>"user, its time to grow up."
>Mummy gets fat and starts asking me to do shit around the house
>changing my own diaper, answering the door, whatever
>"user, could you throw some chicken tenders in the oven for me and get me a prenatal vitamin shake, I've got a craving!"
>TOO
>FUCKING
>FAR
>go upstairs to Mummy's room and grab her nail polish remover off the nightstand
>go downstairs and pour it into stupid fucking healthy-baby drink
>grab her cunt-face
>"Open wide!"
>Mummy chokes down nasty smelling smoothie and starts to scream and cry
>I keep telling her itll be better this way but she wont stop trying to hit me
>shake all gone so I decide to head back to my room for a nap
>she can make up for everything shes done when I wake up
>Mummy calls 911 screaming about bleeding from her piss-flappy downstairs parts
>I stomp on her phone and tell the bitch that if she calls them again I'll put rat poison in the next smoothie
>Mummy lays on floor for a few hours before she drives herself to the hospital after I fall asleep
>Mummy disobeyed me but baby is gone now
>all is well

Actually, I find it amusing. Keep 'em coming, OP.

>be me
>Mother’s golden child with a healthy ratio of fat to muscular mass
>come home from school
>I tell Mother that I aced the Latin 4 test
>she is extatic
>calls my Grandfather
>he congratulates me and tells me how proud he is of my accomplishment
>gratification received I return to my domicile
>adjust my 4d glasses
>sit down at my non-Euclidean desk
>begin to write my greentext
>about an autistic peepee the frog
>I want to live a life of zero expectations like Peepee
>the BGF call
>they want me in early tomorrow to perform some more brain surgery
>Mother was going to prepare French toast for breakfast tomorrow
>mfw

>Be Mommy's handsome prince and her only baby
>Asshole dad is always grumbling about my glorious NEET lifestyle
>Washed up wagecuck Chad, always bitching about being a FORMER marine and how his "brothers" have sons who have disgusting 3dpd slags and degrees and what the duck ever
>Asshole dad blows his dumb jock brains out
>I am next in the line of succession
>Scream for mommy to kick out all these stupid fucking mourners, it's time for my monthly washy washy
>Bitch comes up to my room, sniveling and crying, confused.
>"B-baby boy, I'm glad that you're being so good and taking your washy washy without a fight."
>Dumb whore does the scrubbies, I wince through as she lathers up my glorious big bones. I'm growing so big and so strong
>Stronger than her
>Time to consummate my new throne and make mommy my happy queen
>Grab her arm and throw her down
>She didn't know how strong her baby boy was but I can tell she's impressed
>Pull out my peep and she screams that she hasn't washed under my glorious uncut foreskin
>Too late. I'm almost halfway into her belly button in a flash. Feels right
>Finish my kingly duties in an impressive minute as mommy cries, presumably that stupid dead chad dad took so long to off himself
>"H-honey, let me finish cleaning you u-up..."
>GET THE FUCK OUT MOMMY WASHY WASHY IS OVER
>Dumb whore leaves, glazed in my kingly cream. I go back to glorious NEET life. She brings me tendies, as I am the new king.