I'm a male submissive, in a long-term lifestyle D/s relationship with a femdom

I'm a male submissive, in a long-term lifestyle D/s relationship with a femdom.

AMA.

Eh not in the questioning mood

Ask later

why are you such a fucking degenerate?

Did she ever do something you didn't like or aprove of?

synopsis of that relationship, what happens, what she does, how you got into such things, et cetera

The person I'm with currently is very experienced and very good about respecting limits (...but she is very into quite extreme pain play, so I do sometimes have to 'red' out of a scene).

However, I have had previous dominas who were a lot less experienced and less careful about limits.

For example, I once had a domme burn me with a cigarette without asking. She figured since it was ok to whip me, it was ok to burn me, not realizing a cigarette can scar permanently, and not thinking to ask first.

Gotta be very clear about limits in relationships like these.

Is it later now?

How do you even find a girl who is willing to dominate?

well, I tried being a working degenerate, and a social degenerate, but they all had a lot of consequences to my friendships and income.

so really fucking was the only area of my life left where I could try being a degenerate.

It's going pretty good so far.

do you have a chastity cage?

how do you clarify or set these limits without killing the mood and throwing off the whole dom/sub scheme

I've found a bunch, actually.

Some dating sites ( I use OKCupid ) let you use filters to surface a very specific kind of person.

Some of the 'dating' and 'sex' questions on OKCupid questions may as well be "are you a femdom?" ... so I just chat to those people.

But, and most guys don't like this answer, I've met most of my partners by going to munches (vanilla social gatherings of kinky people) and through mutual kinky friends, and building relationships that way.

I think so

I do own two actually. A previous domme really liked chastity, and bought me a few to try.

However, I learned pretty quickly that I just don't enjoy chastity. As a fantasy - control, denial, permission etc - it can be sexy - but in reality, at least for me, it's just uncomfortable and makes me irritable.

So on the rare occasion I play with her I'll wear one during a scene, as it gets her off - but otherwise they're just relegated to the bottom of my toy bag.

what cages do you have?

for me: cb6000s, birdlocked mini, ordering a htv3 nano soon

slow thread

well the first thing to understand is, you don't have to push someone's limits to have enjoyable and sexy power-play.

I know a lot of beginners slip into the mindset of limits as 'taboo' or 'naughty'... and then they start to think the idea of 'pushing limits' is sexy and power-exchange-y....and once that happens, a sub asserting their limits is mood-killing.

Instead I like to assert soft limits in a "this is a bunch of things that will ruin my boner" and assert hard limits as "this is a bunch of things that will cause a fight" - that way there's no sexy allure to 'pushing limits' - and it just seems more like 'being an asshole' - which is what it really is.

Other stuff then is more fundamental: limits discussions happen outside of scenes. The domme should never be finding out for the first time you really dislike X after they've already tried to do it...

for play partners, the 'power exchange' is just a kinky game, so limits are easy to set.

For lifestyle d/s relationships, limits are a make or break for a relationship: If my limits stop you from doing stuff that make you feel dominant, then we're just not compatible.

I have a silicone and metal CB6000 and a custom made chastity device made by a local kinky fabricator.

samefag

Why would I ask myself a generic direct question?

Do you call her "Mam", "Mistress", or something else?

Does she like to pinch your nipples with her fingers?

> synopsis of that relationship

we're dating 2 years. we do generic couply things together, but it's mostly a d/s dynamic.


> what happens

we have sex - but it's not really the main focus for either of us.

Her main kinks are pain play - canes, whips, etc. I'm pretty bad at the pain play stuff, but I'm enjoying pushing myself, and also the huge endorphin rushes afterwards are pretty amazing.

My main interests are power-exchange and service.

We go to events together, meet a couple times a week for lunch, and play once or twice a week. Typical session would be some pain play(whipping, caning, strapping, spanking), followed by some power-exchangy stuff(training, strapon, bondage, body-worship type stuff), followed by angry fucking, followed by lots of cuddling.

but we're d/s all the time, not just when we're playing. we're equals, but she's in charge, and we both take great comfort from that.

for example, she'd order for me in restaurants, get me to drive her places if she was going out with her friends, ask me to run errands for her etc. That's not sexy time, it's just part of our dynamic. She's fiercely independent and self sufficient though - so it's rare she'd ask me to do something that didn't come up incidentally while we were hanging out together (for example - she'd have me empty the dish washer after she made me dinner...but I’ve never gone over to her house just to do chores)


> how you got into such things, et cetera

Been into it since I was very, very young. I've never had any other sexuality but one centered on power exchange. Pretty sure I was born this way, for whatever reason.

> Do you call her "Mam", "Mistress", or something else?

I call my mother 'mam' so definitely not that.

I call her 'Mistress' when we're playing, and if I'm trying to get on her good side or be deferential - outside of that we're a bit less formal.

The dynamic is always there, but the formalities of it come and go depending on what we're doing.

> Does she like to pinch your nipples with her fingers?

Not really actually. She really likes that feeling herself - so I don't think she sees it as a means to cause pain.

Let me restate your question so you can see the answer to it a bit easier;

"How do you find a chick who cares about you as a person enough to do some really fucking weird shit to your butthole?"

The answer is "By having money". Women only do weird sex shit when they think they have to to get shit they want from you.

Does she have any latex? green text with strapons? any sissy stuff?

nonsense. I was flat broke when I first started doing this, and I was still able to find women who shared my interests.

I met a few people from fetlife at these munches, they're all fat fucks too gross to look at

The chicks you've met are decent though?

She has lots of latex. That's more for events and play-parties though.

She looks good in it - but it's a lot of effort to take off - so she usually wouldn't wear it when we play.

Strap on play is a favourite for both of us... but we're both pretty averse to having shit everywhere, so we only do it when I've had time to get reeeeeal clean - which isn't every week unfortunately.

As for sissy stuff - it's a complete and utter turn on for the both of us, so we've never done it. She's attracted to me, so likes me to look like one, and I've got no transgender inclinations at all. So it's a non-starter for us really.

Ive been trying to encourage my wife to be my mistress when we play. She spanks me sometimes and pinches my nipples hard and holds sometimes when I am inside her.

I let this chick fuck me with a strap on. I regret it. Felt disgusting I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me later.

Anyhow. How old are you, how old is she, do any family members know, & what do you think about bdsm contracts?

I have a long distance sub (we've met in person) who's moving in with me in June.

Yep. You get all sorts at events.

I'll admit the girl I'm with currently is fairly traditionally attractive, but personally I don't care too much about looks. I'm hardly a prime catch myself - and as faggoty as it sounds, I care more about personality and how our kinks overlap than I do about how she looks.

If she gets off on fucking me in the ass and hitting me with things, I'll date a chubbster without a second thought.

Someone's telling stories. Or these chicks are total landwhales.

This. I checked out "munches" before and they are the gayest things in the world. A bunch of autists with no social skills orbiting a chick large enough to have her own gravitational field as she holds court in the one place in her life she can get away with it.

I can't think of any other way to say this...
You are wrong. That statement is false, whether you believe it or not. To date, not even looking for that sort of thing, I know of three women who would obliterate my butthole. Their reasons are as follow:

I would do it just because you asked and I love you, but oh boy do I get a kick out of the noises you make (gf who makes about as much money as I do)
And yes, she is absolutely dripping wet after pegging me for a bit and tickling my feet at the same time. No, I don't like being tickled. I think she likes it better that way though.

You're hot and I like being dominant (friend, mild sexual tension for years)

I just like obliterating buttholes and don't get many chances to play with people younger than me (a major face of the kink scene of a nearby city)

> I let this chick fuck me with a strap on. I regret it. Felt disgusting I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me later.

Why would it come back to haunt you?

You said "fuck everyone else, I'm gonna do what I want, and learn what I like" then you went off and did just that. Nothing to regret. Life's all trial and error.

> Anyhow. How old are you, how old is she, do any family members know

I'm 28, current domme is 29. No family members know - sex life is not something I really talk to my family about - but a few of my friends do know some rough details.

> what do you think about bdsm contracts?

I don't think there's really much difference between clearly defined rules, consiquences for broken rules, and limits (which is all good) - and a 'contract' - since a kink contract is never 'binding' anyway.

But I mean, if that's a fantasy that people enjoy, then more power to 'em.

> Someone's telling stories. Or these chicks are total landwhales.

Yeah - because the only way a woman would actually want to get fucked is if they're fat or I was rich...

I'm on the right end of the political spectrum, I'm successful in business & plan on entering politics eventually. This specific woman is very liberal and I don't want a Trump situation.

Any tips for keeping the d/s relationship flame alive? My girl has a very high sex drive (5 years younger than me) and loves humiliation/pain.

of course you are

you niggas are cliches

> I'm on the right end of the political spectrum, I'm successful in business & plan on entering politics eventually. This specific woman is very liberal and I don't want a Trump situation.

I'll never go in to politics, but I can relate with having a lot to lose professionally. Discretion and trust is so important with this stuff.

Assess risks and take caution like you would in any other area of life.


> Any tips for keeping the d/s relationship flame alive? My girl has a very high sex drive (5 years younger than me) and loves humiliation/pain.

Variety helps with keeping things fresh. if you're already kinky, that's easy. Just try different things on different weeks, months. Doesn't always have to b e something you've never done before.

As for sex drive - I'm not sure what advice to give you. Invest in a hood/blind-fold, a good plug-in vibrator and various toys you can use to finish her off quick when you're not in the mood.

If your libidos are wildly different, look at having some kinky rules around orgasm control - she has to tell you about it, she has to do specific things to cum etc - so even if she's taking care of herself because you're at home flat out asleep, you're still 'involved' and she can still feel that power exchange she's pestering you for.

im realy not understanding how can a man can like something like that ?
are you not a real man ?
you are probably bisexual or gay im guessing?

would never let any woman treat me like that, im fine with fucking them hardcore if they like that.... but what you are into kinda crazy...

have you ever wanted to be a girl ??

ho well, it probably mean more woman for me and others real man, im guessing these kind of woman are not woman i would like to date anyway.

> im realy not understanding how can a man can like something like that ?

power exchange is relaxing. Having someone else take the reins - of absolutely everything - can be profoundly relieving.

> are you not a real man ? you are probably bisexual or gay im guessing? have you ever wanted to be a girl ??

Yep, I'm a 'real man'. Ambitious, successful, bearded, muscular, all that shit. I'm not gay or trans or anything.

I like normal sex too, and have vanilla fuck buddies.

I just like bdsm as well.

I never found bdsm people to be anything but cliquish, compulsively consumerist, and blubbery.