I was severely depressed and deeply suicidal. I wished to kill myself. I stabbed myself, jumped off a bridge, took enough drugs to kill a small elephant, tried to hang myself, even slit my throat. It surprises me how some people die so quickly without even intending to do so and yet in my case I simply would not die. Eventually I concluded I must obtain something without a cure and a 100% fatality rate. This something was abrin.
However, the vendor - DarkMart, who apparently was a legitimate vendor at one point before his account was seized by law enforcement - was FBI and so once I expressed interest in purchasing abrin he reported my activities to local police here in Manchester. On the 16th of February 2015 a dozen officers burst through my door wearing armour and carrying semi-automatic rifles and dragged me, nearly naked, into a van. I was taken to a police cell where they quickly diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder and removed my glasses from me just in case I broke the lenses and tried to kill myself with the glass.
I learnt who my real friends were then. Whilst I covered for my friends (who were to various degrees involved in drugs), most of them not only told the police everything but even made things up about me. In fact, there was only one friend who kept silent and did not betray me. People are fickle. For the three days I was there I spent probably 18 hours in interrogations and whilst asleep I had a man sitting with the door open watching me at all times just in case I tried to kill myself. I remember really wanting to masturbate but being unable to. They did buy me a lot of McDonald's though.
Eventually I was moved to Barton Moss, a YOI, where I remained for two months. Barton Moss was characterised by boredom, loneliness and isolation. The other inmates noticed I was different - I was intelligent (compared to them), wore glasses and had no interest in socialising with these degenerates. They harassed me until I hit one over the head with a plate. It didn't really stop them harassing me, it just make them cause a distraction and pummel me whilst the staff were doing something else. I held my own though. For those two months I lost about a fifth of my body weight and did nothing but watch television and read books. In modern British prisons people often complain they're too soft, but the real reason behind this is to facilitate isolation of prisoners. No communal showers, recreation is in your cell (which only you and staff are allowed in) toilets are en-suite... I almost forgot how to talk to people in there. I would've much preferred a traditional style prison.
It was very boring.
Initially I pleaded not guilty to the charge - which was initially 'intent to cause acts of terrorism' but had been changed to the very, very uncommon charge (so uncommon that I was the first person ever charged of it) of 'intent to procure a biological toxin, namely abrin, without peaceful or prophylactic purpose.' My defence was that suicide did constitute both a peaceful and a prophylactic purpose; it harmed no one but myself and if you interpret depression as an illness you could see abrin as a medicine. Of course, if this was accepted then anyone could buy poison and claim it was for suicide and it wouldn't be illegal, so the judge ruled it was not peaceful or prophylactic and thus ruled that I was guilty, which I accepted. By that I mean I claimed I accepted it. In reality I do think that suicide is a peaceful purpose.
Ethan Wilson
It was actually a landmark case; the first of its kind. If the judge had ruled me not guilty it would have literally established a new law. I don't think he really considered the possibility I was actually innocent though, not for a second. He made his made up immdiately; it would be chaos if he found me not guilty and suddenly murderers are buying poison and when caught simply claiming it's for suicide and getting away with it. However, because this was my first offence and I had behaved very well in the YOI and because it was not in the public interest to keep me incarcerated and because I could receive better mental health outside of the YOI I was released on a 12-month remand order. This basically involved going and seeing a couple of people a few times a week and occasionally doing community service.
Annoyingly despite it being a 12-month remand order I received on April 20th (three days before my birthday - a nice birthday present) it wasn't until May that it actually finished for some reason. It's a spent sentence too, so I have no criminal record. I think I have to declare it if I'm working with children or something though. Overall it was pretty shit and my fellow inmates were pure scum. They all despised me and I despised them. I got into three fights, and despite their hard-man reputation I found I was able to win if I hit them with something heavy whilst their backs were turned. I genuinely think the world would be a better place if they had never been born.
i tried that as well. my mother caught me and it devastated me. i know it's irrational since i still was planning to kill myself but seeing her face, her crying and her desperation just broke me. i couldn't do it like that.
Jackson Russell
So there was two of you who was the other person?
Jace Sanders
So instead of placing a knife in your heart or something you decided to be a pussy
Dylan Perez
If you want to die at least do it in a cool way.
Samuel Hernandez
tabloid papers. neat work of fiction though.
Austin Brown
although i'm curious how hanging yourself failed.
Juan Young
some random girl. she was a mutual friend. she had no idea the stuff i was ordering to her house. i don't even know why she was letting me order stuff to her house.
Logan Thompson
>tried to hang myself, even slit my throat. timestamp pic of throat, lets see those scars
Andrew Young
strangulation is actually really difficult. i'm pretty muscular and the rope just didn't constrict my neck enough. i tried a drop hanging afterwards and the rope snapped and i broke a leg. i had to explain to my parents i was trying to kill myself after that considering the rope around my neck. the look of sorrow and disappointment will always stay with me. abrin's a pretty cool way to die. it's unique at least. i don't know anyone else who's died from abrin poisoning. plus it's one of the only things without a cure and with a 100% lethality rate. even shooting yourself in the brain with a shotgun isn't 100% lethal.
Samuel Bailey
i tried. missed the heart about 30 times. my entire chest was covered in gaping wounds. at the time i was severely delusional and i figured i must have pierced the heart but was invincible.
Sebastian Sanders
To say I slit my throat isn't actually entirely accurate. I actually just stabbed myself in the throat. As in, I held a screwdriver by the handle with the pointy bit pointing straight at the centre of my throat and then thrust it into my throat as hard as I could.
I think I would have almost certainly died from that injury if I wasn't in the hospital recovering from a drug overdose when I did it (I smuggled the screwdriver in). It went straight through my carotid artery apparently but the star is just a little dot. the blood was absolutely everywhere though.
Owen Turner
>strangulation is actually really difficult. i'm pretty muscular and the rope just didn't constrict my neck enough. i tried a drop hanging afterwards and the rope snapped and i broke a leg. i had to explain to my parents i was trying to kill myself after that considering the rope around my neck. the look of sorrow and disappointment will always stay with me.
and special-ordering an obscure poison was the next thing you thought of?
Nathan Williams
Try a higher bridge
Bentley Foster
Oh man, bullshit story
Isaac Johnson
i can't actually remember the order of it all. i tried overdosing on several different types of drugs, a couple of types of hanging, stabbing myself, jumping from a bridge, getting into fights with strangers at bars, drinking bleach. i think i actually ordered the abrin quite early on and i was just trying other stuff whilst i was waiting for it to arrive. then of course a dozen armed police arrived instead and arrested me whilst i was naked. thinking about it i should've charged at them and got shot to death but in the surprise i froze up.
Camden Bennett
it was literally all over the news how the fuck could i fake that
Nathaniel Rivera
I dont give a fuck about the specifics, but a screwdriver stabbing usually leaves a pretty noticable scar
b8 thread, lets move on
Jonathan Gray
that sounds like a very poorly thought out plan
Eli King
It was, incredibly. Note I was incredibly delusional and suffering from depression at the time. I was in such a state that if I passed a window pane without any glass in it I would've just walked through it without thinking. My parents essentially put me under house arrest.
Blake Scott
Are you an expert in screwdriver stabbings? I really don't like showing this shit off.
Also are you suggesting I fabricated all of these news reports?
Andrew Turner
I'm suggesting you're not the guy in the news reports and you're attention seeking.
And no, not an expert on screwdriver stabbings but I've seen a few.
Adrian Flores
your story interests me OP, ive gone through a fairly similar although with less of for lack of a better word explosive results; I've had 3 attempted suicides, one attempted overdoes, an attempted hanging, and an attempt using an exit bag. however when found out by the police I was hand cuffed and dragged to a local hospital with a mental ward where I was locked up for about 2 weeks while they mixed and matched various anti depressants and anti psychotics; when released from the ward I had found that the few friends I had being my roommates had decided I now had 2 months to find somewhere else to live, never heard from them again other than one text I received telling me Im an awful person for putting them through me being in the hospital which always struck me as an almost inhuman response to see a friend suffering. I don't really know where im going with this post but I felt something of a kinship with you OP and felt like sharing
Elijah Nguyen
Good old retards.
Asher Watson
In one of those articles it shows this house (mine). Go on Google Maps and search for 'OL5 0LQ'. See what you find.
Grayson Cox
If I was as incapable of understanding the purpose of a fucking timestamp as you are, I'd off myself too
Levi Anderson
That's really fucked. I'm sorry to hear that. In my case because I was trying to buy poison they put me in prison. After I got a few people actually felt guilty and I actually reconciled briefly with a few people. Then, of course, it all collapsed again.
Evan Barnes
What would be the relevance of a timestamp? Do you think that I just magically know the postcode of this house which belongs to the guy in the article even though it's not mine? Think about what you're typing before you post.
Henry Wood
yeah I assume that would be the primary reason for the different consequences we received as well as Canada having different laws around mental health; after a fairly long wait in a holding cell at the psych ward I was interviewed and deemed to be only a danger to myself which granted me some small freedom to at least walk around the ward floor as I wished
Adam Perry
they did the same with me, thinking i was only a danger to myself, but the other inmates were such scum and harassed me so much i got that revoked when i hit one of them with a plate and subsequently got the shit beaten out of me by his friends
Brayden Morris
i mostly just sat by the window and watched the city so I never really had to interact with the other people held there
Luis Watson
what I'm hearing is somebody who isn't timestamping because they know it'll make it obvious they're roleplaying.
knowing a postcode does not make a story true user.
Jayden Jackson
i tried but because i was different and the people i was in there with were all very emotionally underdeveloped teenagers they harassed me a lot. and what you get told about how they'll stop harassing you if you beat the shit out of one of them isn't true because it just made them target me even more. it was pretty shit. i had never even been in a fight before and suddenly i'm being targeted by car thiefs and murderers and shit.
this little rat was the worst. everyone hated him. he told his supervisors how guilty he was but then bragged how he murdered someone with one punch. he pissed me off so much i kicked him in the face but again i've never fought in my life so he got the upper hand. still i won a few weeks later through cheating.
Connor Russell
i don't even live there anymore. i live in dormitories at Manchester Metropolitan University.
seriously, how would i know the postcode of the house in which the guy (me) was arrested? you can look it up on google maps and it clearly shows that house. my name is zak casey by the way. the judge didn't allow my name to be released due to my age so you are all privileged.
