Best advice for somebody about to be thrown inside?

Best advice for somebody about to be thrown inside?

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Own up to it.

Lube your anus.

I'd start running illegal gambling operations and cage fights immediately.

Find nice people to befriend and be around. Try not to talk too much. Maybe join a group so you'll have strength in numbers. Be nice and respectful when you can. Befriend the guards. Don't get in the guards' or other peoples' way. Offer to help people out when you can. Volunteer when you can. Don't make yourself stand out too much. Do what you can to not make enemies. Don't do anything that'll get you in trouble or extra charges.

Don't get cum on the guards' uniforms, they will beat you within an inch of your life

as a formal correctional officer, i agree with this. most people just wanna do there time and get out. so just dont do anything stupid to fuck with that, and you will be gucci, if the tank/dorm/cell has rules set up by the inmates just follow them and if you need to get out of the tank/dorm/pod/cell just ask the gaurds dont start a fight or stupid shit like that, cuz that just puts you on everyones badside

>Find nice people

Riiiiiight.

>Best AirBNB ever!

assuming you don't know anyone on the inside already, if you do you should be fine.

When I went in I new people from my where I lived. Get used to the tricks but know when someone is being serious.

One trick we used to play on "fresh meat" was to tell them to go into the welsh guys cell and say they new the girl in his picture, say he new them as a dancer, the welsh guy was in on it and would get mad and tell them she was in a wheel chair, he would quickly cut them loose though, this was a pretty chill wing though.

snitch on anyone you can. if someone has contraband tell a guard immediately in front of everyone

another trick the scousers used to pull was to surround the newfag and tell them they had just entered their toll corridor

fucking lol'd hard, niggeh

Run the fuck away. Leave the country if need be. Don't let the pigs lock you up like an animal.

Lol this

Get sent to the psych ward or solitary 24/7 or get PC.

ProTip: Don't get thrown in jail in the first place

Stare anyone down with superior eye contact. Win every staring competition.

DONT DO THIS. dont listen to most ppl on here bro. ive been to jail did 6 months. most ppl are cool just dont b a dick and dont steal anyones food and you will be fine. TV makes jail seem worse than it is

nigger detected

start practicing with an 8" dildo.

suck dick for ramen noodles

youtube.com/watch?v=z8A85cl5w3s

white as fuck. which is why i only did 6 months. if nigger i would have done 10 years

Did 2 years, find a group and make friends. Don't gamble or loan or borrow anything. If you borrow the rule is pay 2 back for each one you borrow and don't be late. Don't talk about anyone no matter what you see.

Can't help you there mate, did my 4 years here in Sweden at Kumla but we had our own cells, tv, shared kitchen, recording studio, grocery store etc etc.

youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg
everything you need to know

In other words, act like a good house nigger

Hello neighbor

Wtf

get a tattoo of a naked 5yo girl on your back and her cunt is your asshole

...

>tv, shared kitchen, recording studio, grocery store etc etc.

sadly this

(unless you're gay, then enjoy the free ass ramming)

no wonder rape is so popular there, if you get caught they send you to a resort

Yet 90% of the people were white when I was in there.

No, real shit. I've been locked up, and a lot of people there are really nice. They just made bad mistakes or choices.

sauce pls (pic related)

...

Yeah that's pretty much how the rape laws work here.
If we counted only real rapes we wouldn't be so high on the list.

Keep your mouth shut, mind your business, don't stare, follow the rules, don't accept "charity" do not let anyone check you for any reason. If you have to fight and lose, fight and lose.

Fuckoff

but somehow nordic penitentiary system has the lower rate of recidivism in the world and best rehabilitation
really makes you think...

Dont ever owe anyone a favor and keep your head down. Get a job as soon as you can

let no one in close, set your boundaries and let others know, fight like your asshole depends on it when someone passes that line. If you're a tough target you'll get raped less.

Get a book as soon as possible. I suggest the art of war. Try not to spin, it makes you look weak.

yeah for a homogenous society, which it won't be for long unfortunately

Two choices

1. Blend in, keep to a group for safety. Don't start anything but deend your self if needed.

2. Be a nut job. Not some half ass, cocky idiot. be a full blown, crazy eyes, talking to your self madman. Someone who bites someones nose off in a fight and tries to fuck the hole while screaming of god and satan sending demons after you.

I shared cells with the latter, trust me when I say that no one, absolutely no one bothered that psycho.

Not all people in jail are horrible people.
I went to jail for 2 months because I didn't have car insurance. Ruined 5 years of my life because the system will make it hard to get on your feet again.

women are pretty toxic towards men, yet they wonder why men are toxic back?
a man would probably be more than happy to take care of a woman's sexual needs if she asked him to, quid pro quo, but do most women do this? fuck no. they use their bodies and sex as a bargaining chip to get what they want. they are psychopaths who dont give a shit about anyone other than themselves when it comes to social integrity.

granted, there are bad apples on both sides of the fence... but women are more often than not willing to be a bitch to a man, than a man is willing to be a fuckhead to a woman.

oh come on, so many guys are so nice, some are there for stealing food for their family, some there cuz they accidentally ran a light. dont be so daft

Wear several pairs of underwear when you go in....thank me later.

Also dont take it up the corn hole....dont let anyone do you a favor either

Don't drop the soap of Big Bubba is gonna get you

tell them youre suicidal. chances are you'll get your own cell.

You could wear 500 pairs of underwear. They will take it and give you jail cloths.

i think about 20 pairs is the max anyone could wear

1. watch your cornhole
2. try to keep a little poo in your anus at all times (see number 3)
2. anyone tries to start something, reach down your pants, shit in your hands a bit, rub it together and say "NOW LET'S FIGHT"

Truth. Did time in federal prison, this works

its the only way to establish trust with the guards, and at the same time the respect of the other inmates

...

what the fuck too you know pissweak little cunt, in maximum security yeah maybe but like has been said most people just want to do their time and get out

If you started a fight like that with me in jail I'd smash a chair on your head.
Just don't be a cocky twat and you will be alright.
When I was in jail I made friends and it wasn't so bad. The guys who got beat up were the guys walking and talking like they are so hard to beat up. It only makes people want to beat you up.

Make sure you have some money set aside for canteen otherwise you'll spend your days starving on your 1200 calorie diet of dick meat sandwiches and bruised apples.

Are you tryin to kill this nigger?

make sure you get a supply of tampax incase your brown eye gets penetrated because that sucker is gonna bleed if so, using bandages or band-aids won't work

This should be rule #1. DON'T ACCEPT CHARITY OR GIFTS OF ANY KIND. My ass is still sore from my last incarceration. It took me a while to figure out why everyone was being so nice to me.

It's illegal to jack off in prison. Every time you touch your penis that's an extra year!!!!

Muh dick
youtu.be/Pox7gNzEcuU

go to a child playground completely naked and jerk off
Free jail and death from inmates

Damn $6 for a meal?!?
In where I live you could sell that for $45.
I live in Hawaii btw.

a room with food delivered to you is better than a room filled with piss bottles

Randall?

Get some Subutex and prepare for your anus... . You can do the same with some weed, but your butt will not have enough space(?) for the same $$$.
Don´t act or pretend you were an other ("hardcore Gangsta") than you are. Be a man - the best male version of you - not a weird charakter you wanna be - fakes will always fail.
NEVER promise when you can't deliver - and don't believe promisses (like: I will give you next monday ... user will give me sundays in church the money for the subutex)

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