Well Sup Forums, I really fucked the poodle on this one

Well Sup Forums, I really fucked the poodle on this one.

I met a girl from okc 2 years ago, fucked on day 1. When I met her folks, everything was cool. I wanted them to like me, so I straight up lied an said I had a bachelor's degree; stupid, I know. Fast-forward to now, and I really care about the girl. Her family is great to me. Annnndd her dad just offered me a job for 80k a year predicated on my degree. He wants a resume.

WTF do I do? This is a time crunch thing too. I'm kinda freaking out.

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Lie on your CV.
Say cert got lost in house move.
Nobody will check.

Check em

I think they will do a background check though. He works for a large major news organization.

What degree are you supposed to have?

A bachelor's in integrative studies with a focus on computer science. I probably already have the skills needed. I'm currently in school for an associate's in programming and I've worked a fair amount with computer science. I've made some simple apps and games.

This is an oddly specific lie to perpetrate. Seems almost as if this is not a true story...

I would say that this would be a really boring thing to lie about, but I've seen some stale shit here. It's only specific because I was asked about it. I don't care if you think it's a lie. Just give advice for the situation.

dig your lie as deep as you can go and post results

>Welcome to our home user. Our daughter has told us so much about you.
>So tell us a little about yourself.
>I HAVE A BACHELOR'S IN INTEGRATIVE STUDIES WITH A FOCUS ON COMPUTER SCIENCE
So you just had that at the ready? Couldn't say something as simple as just computer science or engineering? Not do you see why it sounds so stupid?

Dude, troll somewhere else. Integrative Studies is sought after. He knows I'm computer oriented. He's does network maintenance at the news center and we talk about.

That's my current plan. I'm really looking for alternatives though.

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Dude take your fake gay story somewhere else. It's overly complicated to be true and genuinely isn't interesting, hence the lack of posters in the thread. So just kys.

Sounds like a lie George would say on Seinfeld.

Why are you even in this thread? It's not supposed to be entertaining. I'm seeking input.

kek'd

Because you're a faggot and watching you get annoyed at how shitty this thread is makes me laugh. You're terrible at coming up with more lies to continue this shit thread. Case in point:
>integrative studies is sought after

Lol might as well put Vandalay Industries on his resume

OP is a dumbass

Don't keep lying, if you really like your GF and their parents, tell them the fucking truth!

It will most likely ruin your relationship with both parties, but you can't be helt liable and punished (this can get huge on courts so don't do this shit)

So there are 3 ways this could go

1. they break the contact with you (still better option than being sued)

2. her father accepts your apology and offers you a lesser paid job

3. the offer is off the table

jew detected, into the ovens he goes

Yesss. Real advice. Thank you.

Am I just supposed to blurt it out though? How do I approach this? Because I really do want to keep my relationship.

Just drop it in the middle of your suicide note. They'll only remember the beginning and end anyways.

Clever

I don't know man. I bullshitted my way into a lot of high paying jobs and my resume is completely fake.

I think the difference is though, that I just went into the room with confidence. You have an 'in'. You have a current employer who is vouching for you.

You can ask him to also introduce you to who the hiring manager would be. Go out to cofee. just chill. you might even be able to get hired on the spot that way.

If you go in to get hired and they tell you they will be doing a background check on you.

You can ask them what sort of things they are looking for? (it's all in how you ask.. you can position it like.. 'hey. just quick question. I've always been curious. do you have any idea what kind of stuff they look for in a background check? '

Some background checks companies do aren't full ones and they are just mainly checking to see that you aren't a criminal. Others they do more thorough.

Just thank him for his offer and explain why you can't take it, afterwards everything will go naturally. Just be honest and real don't make yourself smaller than you are just because you lied, everybody lies. You could even make a compliment out of it by saying something like you liked them but you didn't want them to think less of you just because you have no finished education.

If he dislikes you, its something you have to live with, since, you know, its your own fault.

If he still likes you, you are a lucky bastard and should be happy that he didn't throw you out of his house.


The relationship part is something completly diffrent, women are women, she might take it like you lie alot or not. That depends on her as humans.

Have you thought about declining his offer politely? Our are you too stupid to consider that?

Does her dad have a management position and is he the one offering you the job (or is he simply recommending/endorsing you and you would have to go apply for it?)

If he doesn't have a management position.. and let's say you apply for the job and they deny.. Depending on his role, they might not be able to disclose that info to him. So you can just tell him it didn't work out or they decided to go with someone else. no harm done.

Well he can do this too, but once it's out, it's out and he won't find any jobs anywhere and then he's even more screwed. Man up, tell the truth, that you lied and your privat and professional life will be happier.

>he doesn't realize the daughter has already told her parents the truth and the dad is fucking with him
Ah to be this naive again

Well that's what you get for lying. You're 2 years too late to fix this problem.

This, but commit to pursuing an education. If you tell him that you enrolled in school, you look like less of a cunt

yea because saying no to a 80k/anno Job is smart, right and if the father might ask even more questions why he would decline such a Job. Only an Idiot would do such a thing without a good reason.

Honestly at end of the day though, your best action is to probably just come clean to dude.

Tell him "hey. I have to come clean. Honestly, I may not be the best fit for the job. I would love this job, but I am still going to school and don't have my bachelor's yet. I was super nervous the first day I met you, I really respected you as a man and didn't want to seem like a failure in your eyes so I said I already had my bachelor's. Please forgive me for being stupid."

Then buy him a beer.. Or a hooker. and you're set bro

If so, telling the truth would be his key to the pockets of her parents. Since, he might be an Idiot but an honest one.

>everybody lies

I don't. Too stressful, to many things to keep track of. Lies beget lies beget lies, it never ends. I can't be bothered to keep track of who I told what story, so I just don't lie and I don't do things I will existentially regret. I'm not perfect, but the things I do that I regret only affect me.

>being this retarded
You are aware people decline decent paying job offers all the time, no? Oh wait, that's right, you're 16 and don't understand how adults function.

>i. think, they put wrong prices!!

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The dad has a business, he's better off learning on the job. College is useless and expensive.

After reading OP's problem, I would not put him in the category "Adault" tbh

Wow! Who is she? Has anyone source?

That's kind of been my mentality regarding this. I'm just worried it'll blow up in my face.

That's also crossing my mind a lot. It's so hard to admit to something like that though. He really does like me. We burn it down and drink together all the time. I feel like my gf will easily forgive me though. He's a more critical guy.

I can't think of a sensible way to say no. I make chump change right now and he knows it. He's trying to do me a huge favor because they just had an opening.

Her dad is just endorsing me. He personally knows the hiring manager. He's a level 4 tech (that's up there). He's trying to get me to work under him as a level 1.

and that's something I didn't consider. They might not be able to tell him. Holy shit. You, my good user, just earned yourself 1 internets. Thank you. Sincerely. I needed that input. I feel silly for not thinking about that. I'm stressing and it's making it hard to think clearly.

what is this, a sitcom? you just fucking tell him the truth.

You are stressing because you are a fraud. How does your girl not know you are still studying by the way? You really shouldn't lie about shit like this. Only lie when you are compelled to through the threat of force and your life will become so much easier.

>They might not be able to tell him. Holy shit.
yeah just make him look bad for recommending you in the first place. quit being a cunt. own up to the lie.

>>He really does like me

Don't risk this by keeping your lie alive. Man up tell him you've made a huge mistake and go for a beer.
As said the worst that could happen is that he dislikes you, which i doubt is going to happen, if he feels you are a sensible guy.

Which would sell; the sensible guy story, BY TELLING HIM THE TRUTH

I really like this answer. Man, that's good. You should write.

That's Bruna Butterfly. She's actually a trans individual...

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This!!!

>>>/Adv/

>
>That's Bruna Butterfly. She's actually a trans individual...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>inb4 the dad goes full psycho, smashes the beer glass and slashes poor anons throat

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I think this is good advice. I'm just having a super hard time announcing how much I such to these people I love.

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Well, he had it coming lul

CV?

Well, if you don't lie in the first place, you won't have to worry at all and this thread wouldn't have to exist.

Like resume

exactly like a resume
it's a resume

Curriculum Vitae, resume is supposed to be just a single page, a CV is more detailed.

No it's not

Tell him you feel uncomfortable working for family as you are afraid mixing business with personal matters is bad for the overall cohesiveness of the family unit and for this reason will seek employment elsewhere. Just be polite about it and thank him excessively for the job but you dont mix business and family.

Tell him you lied. If he can offer entry level at 80k then he'll appreciate balls.
>Team America I Like Balls.jpg goes here

First of all, you´re a fucking retard for lying.
second, tell them the truth, will be awkward but life will be easier, say shit like you were nervous and wanted them to like you blah blah, just dont lie.

This is really good. I wonder how convincing of an argument I can make against nepotism though. I like how you put it, but this job is an incredible opportunity. It seems insane to pass up. Also, I considered tanking the resume. Like, poorly structure it, make it look like crap. Misspell a word so they don't pick me. Idk. I'm grasping at straws. Your approach seems reasonable though. Just hard to pull off.

Watch "Catch Me If You Can" and have a notepad and pen handy