>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepdada
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.jpg
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this choco
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy's good boy wins again
Be me
Dude what. If dubs show face or pics
Roll
Fuck one more
I.give up
roll
rollllllllll
I bet you fucking wear vans dont you you little fucking peice of shit, you know what no, your not even worth shit, your worth less than that, if a prostitute met you i bet you couldnt even fucking pay her to fuck you, id be afraid you'd be able to say anything back to me that would even remotly hurt but you fucking emos can only hurt yourselfs when your cutting your fucking wrists, so take a fucking hint and end it, no one wants your cancer on this site.
fucking rolllll
ffffffffffffffffffffff
>be me, 27, mummy's special boy
>rudely awakened from an all-night marathon watching my favorite Twitch streamers
>"user GET IN THE CAR, WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALD'S WITH MOMMY'S SPECIAL FRIEND TYRONE"
>mfw my wee wee made the sticky milk that smells like mushrooms and it's stuck to my pajamas
>"Mummy, my jammies are sticky!"
>hear a loud exasperated sigh from the next room
>"user, wipe your wee wee down with the special washcloth and get in the car! Hurry up!"
>rub special washcloth all over wee wee and bum hairs
>get mad
>get FURIOUS
>not even nuggies can tempt me from my cave
>open mummy's door, she and her special friend are having special hugs
>throw special washcloth at mummy
>"AYO BITCH WUT DA FUCK"
>mummy is pissed now
>grounds me for two weeks
>tip my favorite streamer 100 neetbux for showing her tits
>wee-wee milk comes out again
>mfw mummy's gonna have to get me another special washcloth
Rollllll
>be me, wake up at 5 pm
>excited for celebrating my 30th anniversary of being mommy's good boy
>roll out of my limited edition Cars 3 Lightning McQueen bed
>put on my Crocks and super man cape for my special day
>Just as I'm walking down the stairs mommy walks in the door with a strange brown man
>"you look like burnt tendies"
>"user this is Tyrone, he's going to be your new father, we're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate our engagement"
>bitch forgot about my special day
>hatch a plan
>before they leave I sneak into the back seat of mommy's station wagon
>my impressive girth causes the tires to deflate but they won't notice
>they get in the car and start driving to dinner
>thetimeisnow.jpg
>BEGONE CHOCOLATE DADDY
>my ree outburst startles him and causes him to slam into a tree
>over the sounds of mommy's sobs I can hear sirens in the distance
>new daddy is taken away in a special sleeping bag
>mfw I defeated the brownie king
>mfw mommy takes me to Chili's for chicky crispies for my special good boy anniversary
King of my domain
Dude what
I need more
>me
>Mommy's Roly Poly Baby Booby-boo
>Playing Warframe
>2 days to finish Mag Prime
>lolno
>Go to rush. No platinum
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Bellow for mommy to bring her credit card
>No mommy.
>THIS SHALL NOT STAND!
>Heft self out of limited edition DXRacer gaming chair, farting to propel myself upwards
> Waddle from room, kicking over poopy bottle in the process. Oh well, mess for mommy to clean!
>Glance at GBP calendar
>600 Good Boy Points
>Stop to make out with hot waifu on calendar to celebrate
>She wants the D
>Go downstairs
"MOMMY BRING THE CREDIT CARD! YOUR BABY WANTS TO OWN SCRUBS HARD!"
>Mommy and new daddy Chad on couch.
>Mommy's crusty roast beef is eating new daddy's fist!
>New Daddy deserves it... Or is he trying to crawl up mommy and become the new baby?!
>ENGAGE REEEEEEEEEEE
>Fall down stairs, wallow my way to the bottom
>Piss and shit everywhere
>Vomit to lubricate my path, a glorious penguin in motion
>Slide across floor, slam into couch
>New daddy Chad screams, yanks fist out of mommy's vagina
"BABY KNOWS THE GAME YOU PLAY, MAMA'S FAVORITE HE WILL STAY!"
>New Daddy tries to kick me, slips on puke puddle
>Hits head on coffee table, goes to sleep
>Heft myself up, punch mommy in crusty cooter
"CREDIT CARD!"
Mommy cried tears of joy, and I pooped on New Daddy to show I'm the favorite. Life is good, Sup Forums.
>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Black Panther
>mummy and new daddy are in the back row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"
And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
More
What's the point of this fake story? you loser.
>be me
>playing cs:go
>mummy and new chocolate daddy are wrestling downstairs
>suddenly get a hunger for tendies
>walk over to my GBP board, waddling through the shit jugs and piss bottles
>i have 40 Good Boy Points...enough for an extra-large chicken tendie meal!
>i run downstairs to tell mummy
>bang on her bedroom door
>"Mummy, mummy, I have 40 GBP! I want tendies"
>she says "Sorry user, I'm busy, maybe you can cook the tendies that are in the freezer"
>BITCH JUST CROSSED A LINE
>i run back to my room crying and screaming and shitting my diapies
>get an idea
>i grab my special 5000 GBP damascus katana
>run back downstairs
>as I kickdown mummy's door i scream "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU FUCKING NORMALFAGS, SMELL MY SPECIAL DIAPEY SURPRISE!"
>chocolate daddy is confused
>i take off my diaper and throw it directly towards his head
>he screams and falls to the ground, my poop in his eyes
>i then unsheath my katana and chop off his pee pee
>he screams even louder
>"THAT MUTHA FUCKA CHOPPED MY DICK OFF I'LL FUCKIN KILL HIM CALL FUCKIN 91-"
>mummy hits chaddy with the night lamp and he falls limp
>she says he could be blind and that they need to put his pee pee back on or something
>leaves saying she'll take him to the hospital
>i wait 5 hours
>mummy comes back with an extra large kfc chicken tendie meal and a mountain dew
>she's covered in mud and leaves for some reason
>whatever
>but you know what they always say!
>"It always endies with the tendies"
>mfw
Poor Tyrone
>be me
>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches
>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
>I tell her to fuck off
>she sighs
>"I-i-t's okay, user. It's not your fault you're special."
>Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that?
>Ffwd 1 month later
>now she just wears really red lipstick, fishnets and short skirt and goes upstairs every night with a male friend to play 'games' with a locked door.
>lying bitch, how can we still be poor and she can still play around?
>sometimes I hear beating and her crying.
>note to self: buy noise-cancellation headphones with GBP.
>my tummy is hungry
>I go upstairs and knock on the door
>"MUMMY YOUR BEST BOY IS HUNGRY. I WANT TENDIES."
>no answer
>I put my ear against the door
>hear them exercising
>faggots must have put in earpiece and listening to music
>no one fucks with my tendies
>go to backyard
>climb up tree outside mummy's window
>am big-boned but tendies motivate me
>see their silhouette behind curtain
>he's helping her do sit ups
>I am Enzio Auditore
>swing like pendulum and crash through window
>I roll gracefully and crash into mummy's drawer
>don't know why they're not wearing clothes, it's not that hot
>her friend is spilling mayonnaise on her face
>her male friend goes wtf
>he storms out and says he'll never "spend money on a stupid whore again"
>mummy just sits there and cries
>I bang on my chest and scream "I WANT TENDIES"
Tfw when she already left cooked tendies on the dining table before all that.
Fucking rip
>Be me, mummy's number one boy
>sitting in dark room illuminated only by my computer
>reach out onto my plate for a tendie
>nothing
>"Mummy, your big boy needs more tendies!"
>no response
>"Mummmyyy, I'm getting hungreeEEEE!!"
>silent
>fuck it, ill get my own tendies
>lift myself off the ground
>Mummy doesn't get me a chair because i keep breaking them
>i'm a growing boy get a stronger chair cunt
>i'll get her for that later
>wade through the sea of poo jugs, piss bottles, and cum rags that litter the floor
>don't bother lifting my feet off the floor, tip over dozens of jugs and bottles that sink into the stained carpetry
>finally make it to the stairs
>each step makes me sweat
>make it to the top
>waddle down the hall, the kitchen is at the very end
>fuck
>slowly make the trek across the sahara desert for my tendies
>get to Mummy's room
>it sounds like she and new new chocolate daddy are wrestling again or something
>hear Mummy crying
>door is wide open, look through
>Mummy is tied up and chocolate daddy is using his third thumb to play tag with her
>Mummy sees me
>"user, help! Call the police!"
>phone is all the way in my room
>fuckthat.jpg
>continue my journey to the kitchen, ignoring her screams and chocolate daddy's primitive whooping
>finally get there
>get my tendies
>waddle back to my room
>Mummy's screams are still loud
>put on my noise-cancelling headphones and go back to playing minecraft
i dont get to see her anymore
you are gay
i can't tell if fake or chrischan
That's the point? Doesn't make any sense. You are all worthless and weak.
>be me
>mommy's big bouncing 550lb boy
>having a bubbly bubble bath in my reinforced steel tub
>making tendie flavoured bubbles from my poopy hole
>love feeling them tickle past my mighty 2 inch peepee
>squeeze extra to hard to make an extra big bubble
>suddenly the water turns to gravy
"REEEEEEE! MOMMY! I POO POOED IN THE BATHY TUB! NOW YOUR BABY YOU MUST SCRUB!"
>no answer
"MOMMY! THE WATER IS ALL BROWN AND STINKY! THERE'S TENDIE JUICE ON BABY'S WINKY!"
>still no response
>i lift my ample frame out of the brown smelly sludge
>it has rendered me covered in slippery poop juice
>slide my way downstairs on my belly to see mommy and another new chaddy daddy cuddling on the couch
"oh, user... i thought you were still in the bath... didn't you play with that plugged in toaster i gave you?"
"BABY POOPIED IN THE BATH! CLEAN IT UP OR FEEL MY WRATH!"
"listen champ, your mom and i are trying to watch the movie. how about you go upstairs and give us some private time. you might wanna clean up too, you smell like shit"
>i can feel my tard rage building
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab my loot crate exclusive replica minecraft sword and strike chaddy daddy in the head
"that's it you fat little shit! you're gonna get it!"
>he charges and attempts to grab me
>my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal
>i slip out of his grip and waddle upstairs towards the bathroom
"got you now bitch!"
>he charges me again but slips on a stray turdie tendie which sends him flying towards my rusty brown bath
>hold his head under the kf sea of poop as he struggles to fight for air
"DRINK MY RANCID TENDIE JUICE, THEN YOU AND I CAN FORM A TRUCE!"
>suddenly he stops breathing
>he must be dead lol
>talk to mommy
"CHADDY DADDY DROWNED IN CRAP! NOW MOMMY MUST TAKE THE RAP!"
"sure user, prison has to better than this"
>get tendies at the police station
>turns out the death penalty is legal in this state
>mommy BTFO
I guess she should've taken better care of her widdle baby.
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
> be me
> raised as an only child (I'm only 38)
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "PISS OFF SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
Roll
>be me
>mommies good boy
>wake up at 3am after fouling myself in the middle of my short 11 hour nap.
>tum tum grumbles and rumbles
>time for tendies is the message my tummy sendies.
>scream: MUMMY MUMMY TIME FOR TENDIES ALSO TROUSERS NEED A CHANGIES
>Hear faint sobbing
>hmm a mummy crying? there can be no denying she must be punished for all that crying.
>roll out of bed and knock shit jugs onto my favourite waifu pillow again.
>mummy will have to clean that after I have finished with it.
>waddle out of basement and go to mummies room
>crying is getting louder, and making me madder.
>use my stealth ninja skills to sneak up stairs
>bitch must've used samurai detection as she stopped crying and said a cuss.
>kick open door, so it lands on the floor
>see new daddy on top of mummy, suddenly it was clear. mommy wanted to give me tendies but new daddy stopped it.
>as I inhale air into my big boy I see mummy start to cry again daddy looks scared until I use my secret move
>an ear curdling REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE leaves my mouth.
>My vision starts to fade and i nearly lose balance but persist.
>when it ends new daddy's ears are bleeding.
>drag him out of bed as he screams he can't here anything.
>throw him downstairs and use my warrior leap to land on him at the bottom of the stairs.
>start jumping up and down on him, screaming naughty daddy you have been baddy now my tendies mummy can sendies.
The fucker doesn't even move and stopped screaming after i throwed him, mummy scuries down the stairs weeping she must've been happy to get me my tendies.
underrated holy kek
>be me
>momsy is at work
>major craving for tendies
>I've saved my GBP for 2 days
>get on my electric scooter
>Go to place with playhouse and funny clown for tendies with new r&m sauce
>ask dumb bitch at counter for 50 tendies and lots of r&m sauce
>she says that will be 14.49.
>holy shit I have 50 GBP mumsies has been inflating the tendies price.
>I say ok. Dumb bitch at counter stares at me instead of getting my tendies.
>she asks "sir are you going to pay?"
>dumb slut get me my tendies I'll tell mumsies how many good boy points it cost
>no sir you need to pay for these. Dumb slut must never get GBP because she is so fucking stupid
>people start surrounding my electric scooter telling me I'm holding up the line.
>fuck off normies im trying to get some tendies
>other dumb slut places tendies of counter.
>I reach for tendies and stupid bitch pulls them away from me saying I still need to pay.
>wtfisthisshit.jpeg
>start screeching I want my tendies and funny r&m sauce you Fucking dumb slut give them to me you dumb cunt!
>guy tells me to stop screaming and calm down.
>fuck you normie faggot I want my funny sauce
>I start shitting myself because of this injustice.
> Shit starts to leak out of my diaper and on to the dickheads shoes.
>he shoves me away from him and tips my scooter.
>I start crying writhing in my puddle of piss and Shit on the floor.
>I just wanted my Fucking tendies and funny sauce
>cops arrive and slap on hurty bracelets
>get taken to bad boy building
>Mumsie arrives and takes me home. Picks me up lots of tendies and sauce from different place with playhouse and funny clown.
>eat tendies with funny r&m sauce
>tastes like shit.
>throw it out the window and demand ranch
>mfw
Idk why the fuck you normies are even talking about this shitty sauce it's not even worth all the effort to get it.
shut up nigger
>be me
>Mummy's perfect little 22 year old
>Daddy passed away a few months ago from a hurt chest after yelling at me to get a job
>before he died he put a little me inside Mummy's tummy
>Mummy starts talking about how nice itll be to have a baby around again
>"But aren't I the baby?"
>"user, you know I'm going to need help raising the baby, you're going to be a big brother and that means responsibility."
>i get mad and tell the whore that I'm not going to share her with that thing inside her
>"user, its time to grow up."
>Mummy gets fat and starts asking me to do shit around the house
>changing my own diaper, answering the door, whatever
>"user, could you throw some chicken tenders in the oven for me and get me a prenatal vitamin shake, I've got a craving!"
>TOO
>FUCKING
>FAR
>go upstairs to Mummy's room and grab her nail polish remover off the nightstand
>go downstairs and pour it into stupid fucking healthy-baby drink
>grab her cunt-face
>"Open wide!"
>Mummy chokes down nasty smelling smoothie and starts to scream and cry
>I keep telling her itll be better this way but she wont stop trying to hit me
>shake all gone so I decide to head back to my room for a nap
>she can make up for everything shes done when I wake up
>Mummy calls 911 screaming about bleeding from her piss-flappy downstairs parts
>I stomp on her phone and tell the bitch that if she calls them again I'll put rat poison in the next smoothie
>Mummy lays on floor for a few hours before she drives herself to the hospital after I fall asleep
>Mummy disobeyed me but baby is gone now
>all is well
>Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not before going through the Wendy's drive through
>Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs
> Be healthy 400 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the counter
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "user! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "user! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies on my tummy
> gobble them up and run to living room
> mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> doesn't even poke me with the ouchie-medicine like she does everyday
> Decisive victory
>be me
>be 23
>mummy's special little guy
>at mcdonald's getting chicken tendies with my saved up good boy points
>very long line
>get near the front
>need to go pee pee poo poo
>"MUMMY MUMMY I NEED TO GO PEE PEE POO POO NOW NOW NOW"
>mummy looks embarrassed
>says new daddy won't be happy about this
>takes me to little boys room
>I get into stall and begin my poo poo dance
>accidentally miss toilet
>hear something in other stall
>look over
>A man has pee pee mayo like daddy's all over his hand
>he notices me
>"WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITTLE AUTISTIC SHIT"
>mummy runs into little boys room
>takes me into little girls room
>all the girlies go shrieky
>mama watches me go pee pee poo poo
>get back in line
>finally at front
>"I WANT CHICKEN TENDIES WITH A MINECRAFT TOY"
>mummy hits me
>"we will take an order of chicken tenders to go"
>"BUT MUMMY I WANT TO GO ON THE PLAY PLACE"
>she gives in
>set down at play place
>devour my tendies in one swoop
>"MUMMY MUMMY WHERE IS MY MINECRAFT TOY?"
>she quickly leaves to get me my minecraft toy
>see play place
>waddle over to slide
>begin to climb up play place slide
>somebody comes down the slide knocking us both on the floor
>tard rage engaged
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>smash kids head against window
>window breaks
>he is crying
>jump on him and sit on his face
>hear a snap
>he goes to sleep
>mummy runs back in with my minecraft toy
>mummy grabs my wrist and rushes me to the car
>"why user, why?"
>says we have to 'go on the run'
>mfw
>be me
>be 20
>be first day of high school (held back alot)
>mom drops me off
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here user?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"user, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success
>be me, 27
>mummies special boy
>dreaming of enjoying my tasty tendie treats when suddeny
user WAKE UP, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL
>stupid bitch mummy wants me to go to normie school
>reeeeeeee and cuss her out
>she drags me out of my room, I clutch hold of my computer desk and hold on for dear life
>bitch somehow pulls me out of my room
>all while I'm screeching and reeeeeeing
user, you dropped out of school and now you need to finish it so you can move out and new daddy can live with me. Now go.
>don't even get a big enough breakfast and mummy made me shower and dress up in normie clothes, jeans and a tee shirt
>arrive at the school building
>apparently these two big teachers have to follow me around but what ever
>so many normies everywhere start crying for mummy and I peepee all over my jeans in the middle of class
>everyone runs out of room
>I'm rolling around in peepee when suddenly
Tendies
>I smell tendies!
>I dash out of this room and dart down the halls while in my underwear
>screaming "TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES"
>see some normies standing in lunch line
>they're stealing all the tendies!
>tackle some slut and take her tendies, go to lunch line and grab handfuls of tendies
>girl is on floor crying
>YOU DARE TOUCH MY TENDIES? NOW MY POO POO YOU WILL ENJOY!
>Shit all over dumb bitch cunts head
>big teachers finally caught up and try to catch me
>good luck, all this running has caused me to sweat
>can't catch me I'm so greasy
>run around stuffing these tendies into my mouth
>when I'm all done hear sirens
>fuckers called police
>proceed to vomit
>REEEE! MY NUTRIENTS HAVE ESCAPED MY BODY!
>stuffing delicous tendie goo into my mouth when I'm tazed by a pig cop
>wake up in hospital with mommy crying beside me
>and thats why I'm never allowed back in school
"a glorious penguin in motion"
Incredible
Holy fuck someone take this kids keyboard away
>"It always endies with the tendies" topkek
>>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
My fucking sides
>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>Dew explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and orange juice
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now
>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies
>goes to fake story board
>complains when he reads a fake story
MORE MORE MORE
>wake up at 1pm
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>colored most of it so I start drawing doodles outside the lines
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw
How fucking long did it take you to cook all this shit up OP
> be me 34 year old mama's bundle of pure joy
> she's loved me every day since she was 15
> been in bed all day thinking about tendies
> hear a loud noise from the kitchen
> maybe mama makes tendies for her boy
> gets all excited and waddle into the kitchen
> not without taking breaks in between every 2 steps
> all sweaty and greasy arrive in the kitchen
> mama seems to sleep with her face on the table
> lots of weird tasting ketchup and raw tendies next to her head
> stupid bitch fell asleep while making tendies
> grab the oddly shaped star wars blaster next to mommy and hammer it into the side of her head
> she does not wake up
> REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE until I shit myself
> still no motion
> go back to my room and put tendies from the table into the microwave
> still taste odd
> mfw mama is sleeping for 3 days now and starts to stink
> mfw she doesnt want to talk to her boy
> what did I do to upset mama
I read each of these. So much time wasted. Is there something wrong with me?
roll for the sake of Sup Forums
GODDAMN DUBS THIS SHIT OP DELIVER
one last attempt for me
>Or is he trying to crawl up mommy and become the new baby?!
DYING
>Be me, 542 lbs of proud, big boned badass
>In my room playing Sonic Free Riders
>Tumbly gives out a rumbly
>Reach for another handful of Bugles but the bag is empty
>"It seems my food has been depleted. I guess that means some more is needed!"
>Engage my mommy pager device aka pounding on the wall with my strong thick big boy arm
>Let out a scrart (screech fart) to convey the urgency of the situation
>Mommy comes into the room, dark circles under her eyes
>"user it's 3:45 I have work at 5:00 and I only just got to-"
>"Cease your whining, vile whore. I'm out of snacks and I need more! Fix me tendies now, posthaste, or my vengeance you shall taste!"
>Brandish my katana and threaten to slice open a poo sack
>"That's not a katana user that's a wiffle ball bat"
>Whack!
>Mommy sighs and turns to leave when her nightgown snags on the dresser, jostling it and causing my Ayanami Rei figurine to tip over
>"o-oh user, your doll I'm sorry"
>"She's not a doll, and now you're through! I'll drown you til you rest in poo!"
>Get off the bed with a mighty roll
>Clutch my sword
>Take a deep breath and begin my charge to defend my lady's name
>I'm not closing the distance fast enough, mommy's getting up!
>Another scrart startles her enough to freeze her
>Grab the nearest poo bag and drop it on her back
>It doesn't break
>Time to show my full power
>"Attack my woman, you craven trollop?! Beware, your baby packs a wallop!"
>Bring my katana down on top of the bag, bursting it and covering mommy in my chocolate
>Mommy's cries and slips in the poo
>See Rei on the floor
>Combined with this alpha display, I'm pretty horny
>Start rubbing my willy now that mommy can't stop me
>She looks up in horror as I let a milky load rip all over her pathetic existence
>Lean on dresser for support
>It can't stand my high-test figure and breaks
>Splinters fly everywhere.
>My hide protects me but they cut mommy's necky-neck
>She stops moving
>Still hungry
I'm THIS close to calling child services
>be me
>630 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards
How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.
>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone
great success
>alarm goes off
>"REEEE REEE REEE, oh, it's just my alarm"
>bitch mom forces me to have one so i don't sleep past 1
>remember it's tendie tuesday
>a smug grin cracks into my face
>heave 460lb body out of bed and zoom down stairs
>catch mummy just as she's about to leave
>"MUMMY IT'S TENDIE TUESDAY GET ME TENDIES OR YOU HAVE TO FIGHT ME AGAIN"
>she winces and sheds a tear knowing how close she was
>"a-user, i'm already late i have to go or mr. sheckleburg wil-"
>she already sees me nervously whining
>"sorry user i have to go"
>charge her but the bitch dodges and flees to her room and locks the door
>i run up to it and pound on it
>YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, BITCH YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR ABUSING YOUR LITTLE BOY REEEEEEE WHEN I GET IN THERE YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD, DO YOU HEAR ME, BITCH!? DEAD!
>pass out from too much exercise
>wake up, she's gone
>groan, scream and tear the carpet out as i lay on the floor in despair
>plan to get back at her with what little sense i have in my primal rage
>throw that idea out, decide if i play nice good boy she'll reward me with tendies
>put blanket over torn carpet outside her room
>throw piss bottles out
>here the door jiggling
>put on my best good boy smile and wait for her to open it
>two cops walk in with her
>"that him?"
>"yes, take him away please for god's sake"
>teehee! who are these men, mommy?
>trying to contain the rage in me
>"yer gonna come with us son?"
>cry and kick but they muscle me to the car anyway
>three days pass and i stay in an institute
>get to go home with mommy
>she curses under her breath about them "not holding me further"
>give her the papowee of a life time when we get home
>her head cracked on the tile floor and she wouldn't get up
>eventually the landlord came and found her
>authority's find me hiding behind couch, crying
>have to go to a trial, they make me dress funny
>court ruled that i was innocent and had me plea insanity
>get sent to a home with other special people
>THERE ARE NO TENDIES HERE
>mfw
>it is 11pm, can hear mummys slippers timidly shuffling up the stairs to tell me its time for beddy-bie
>i am dressed in mummys bra and panties that I stole from her drawer while she was out getting tendies for din din
>am peacefully writing love letter to my imaginary waifu
>hear timid knock on my door
>"h-honey, its lights out time. open your door so i can give you your night-light"
>dumb fucking bitch doesn't understand that i go to bed whenever i want. i dont need whores like mummy telling me what to do
>yell from other side of door, "TENDIES FIRST"
>"n-no baby boy, you don't want to upset your stomach and make poo-poo again do you?"
>feel rage seething throughout my plump, pink body
>roll out of bed and start pounding floor
>TENDIES TENDIES TENDIES
>o-okay honey, but then you have to g-go night night. your mummy has to be up bright and early tomorrow for work
>i win, she goes back down to heat up my leftover tendies. listen to her cry while starting microwave
>pee-pee starts to get stiff
>she comes back upstairs and i open door, she has FUCKING 3 tendies on a plate and FORGOT MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP WITH APPLE JUICE
>"h-honey, why are you in mummys undies? i t-told you not to go in my room while i'm gone"
>i began to shake violently
>hit plate of tendies out of her hand
>she begins sobbing
>pick tendie up off the floor
>point it at her, tell her to lay down and open her mouth, and teary eyed, she obeys
>violently face fuck her with tendie, jamming it down her throat until spit bubbles out of her mouth and she begins vomiting
>stomp on her meany face
>"next time, you make me 50 fresh tendies when i ask, bitch"
>she gets up, picks up tendies, and goes downstairs to cry
>i continue to write my letter. that'll teach her
>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom from when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves, her eyes tearing up
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and punch the shit out of her
>She's out cold
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, then write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."
>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I continue to shout while beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
Jesus christ give this cunt a medal
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
>you look like burnt tendies
Fucking lost hard
>Be hanging out with my daki-pillow (Mikiru is best waifu)
>Mommy comes in and asks me if I want to go to Friendlys for a platter of tendies and some icy creamy
>Clap excitedly and rush to the car with Mikiru
>Sit in backseat with her, mommy gets to car and starts driving us to Friendlys
>Mikiru gets frisky and starts eyeing up my crotch
>Decide to give her a show
>Pull out my cock and start tugging it around
>Mikiru looks at it hungrily, cum on her face in a matter of seconds and scream
>Hear mommy sigh from front seat and mutter that she made a mistake
>Tell her it's okay,I love mommy and I can get her her OWN Daki
>She sighs, obviously with relief
>We get to friendlys, get out with mikiru and we order three plates of tendies and frenchies, thinking about what kind of Icy Creamy I'll get
>Mommy orders a glass water and some toast
>Asks for three slices instead of two
>Warn her not to go over board or new Chad Daddy might not like her flab flab
>Shes so grateful for my advice that her eyes start to water
>Me and Mikiru finish our tendies and mommy makes a comment about me not throwing stones
>She KNOWS I'm sensitive about my beautiful curves
>I control myself, but Mikiru is in love with me
>She lunges forward and attacks mommy for disrespecting her hubby
>Waitress comes over and grabs me
>Why grab me? Mikiru is the one hurting mommy!
>Realize... the waitress is in love with me too
>Lunge forward and start making out with her, Mikiru stops attacking mommy for some reason
>Waitress pushes me away, I knew I should have stuck with Mikiru
>Shit pants and start crying
>everyone in restaurant staring at us
>Manager man comes and says we have to leave
>Never got my icy creamy
>REEEEEEEEEEEE
>Go home with mommy, she's apologizing for ruining my night out
>Tell her that after TONIGHT, only a threeway with mikiru will make up for what she did
>Mommy starts sobbing tears of joy knowing that she can do something to make me forgive her
>mfw
winrar!!1
ur a fagget
>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"user, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"user SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello user how was your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"user NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"user ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>*vroom-vroom*
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"user, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"user stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room, rubbing her fresh bruise
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
>be me
>mummy's chunky 550lb miracle
>wakeup at 5pm
>roll over in my playpen
>something is missing
>my waifu pillow is gone
>that bitch has kidnapped her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>no reply
>roll out of the pen but too fat to stand
>crawl along the floor
>poopoo and peepee bottles fall and spill in my wake
>my soiled mlp onesie becoming a jackson pollock canvas of poo and pee
>roll down the stairs and see mummy in the kitchen
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER, WHORE?!
I-I don't know what you're talking about sweetie
MY WAIFU! WHERE IS SHE!
Your pillow... thing. I took it to get washed, it was all gross and crusty
MY WAIFU PILLOW I SHALL FIND, THEN YOU SHALL EAT TENDIES FROM MY BEHIND
>pull myself onto my legs for the first time in weeks
>can feel my knees buckling under the weight of my ample frame
>i strap on my naruto headband, grab my minecraft sword and waddle out the door on my chivalrous quest
>people gag as i pass them on the street
>others flee in terror at the sight of me lumbering down the street trailing poopoo behind me
>get to the laundromat
RELEASE HER FROM HER SOAPY PRISON!
>laundry lady looks shocked
e-excuse me
MY WAIFU YOU ODOROUS CRONE! I AM TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS HOUSED WITHIN ONE OF THESE SPINNING DEATHTRAPS!
oh, y-you're mrs user's ch-child... your mother's laundry is over here
>i see my love being drowned in a vortex of water and suds
REEEEEEEEEEE! SHE'S DYING YOU MALODOROUS FIEND! HOW CAN YOU LET AN INNOCENT FLOWER WILT AND DIE THIS WAY!
>i use all my tard strength to rip the machine door from it's hinges
>water floods the room as i stand triumphant sword held high and waifu in hand
>make my way home expecting tendies for the returning hero
>instead see the blue and red flashing lights of the law
>they tackle me to the ground, the stench causing them to vomit all over me
IS THIS HOW AMERICA TREATS IT'S HEROES?!
>they separate me from my love and throw me in the back of a car
>i can see them dragging her away as my eyes fill with tears
>never see her again
Good one, makes a change
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them usually. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more
You have an Oedipus complex don't you.
>shit my pants more than once a week
>cant do anything beyond addition and subtraction and even then I can only do it in intervals up to 12
>people still talk to me in a baby voice even though im adult
>the cashier has to scan my debit card for me or ill mess up
>cant pee standing up
>burn the oven mitts all the time because I always turn on the wrong burners and mommy yells at me
>try to fill my cuppy up with ice but it always overflows because I hold the button too long
>dont know how to make my bed so I need mommy to fix the sheets all the time
>got a kitten for a present and loved it like crazy but ended up killing it when I accidentally sat on it
>dont know how to button up my own shirts
>people make fun of me because my shoes are always on the wrong feet and I still have to wear velcro sneakers
>never learned how to cut my food with a knife and fork so when we go out we have to ask the kitchen to do it special
>half the time forced to order off kids menu because I dont know what im ordering otherwise
>cant remember my television channels when cartoons are on so mommy has to change it for me
>spent my entire life in special ed even though I was too self aware to enjoy it
>Monday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>user you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>user please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of piping hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
>Be me
>Mom isn't an alcoholic, depressed sack of misery
>Dad is still home, supporting his family, loving me, his son
>They both have a wonderful marriage
>I run down the stairs whenever dad gets home, he hugs me and kisses my mother on the cheek, telling me that he’ll go play basketball with me if I waited for him to go change out of his suit and tie
>I go help mom in the kitchen with dinner, the house is spotless
>I go outside a bit later, best game me and my dad have played yet
>Best friend joined in halfway, amazing pitcher
>Friend goes home, I’ll see him in school on Monday
>Dad and I go eat dinner with mom
>We play a board game after dinner and watch a movie
>Get a bit tired, mom kisses me goodnight and both tell me they love me
>Room is sharp and cozy
>Bed is comfortable
>Shelves lined with books and action figures
>Lay in bed thinking about how great tomorrow is going to be
>BATTERY LOW/BATTERY LOW/BATTERY LOW
>Take off my VR headset
>The musk and foul stench of my piss bottles reeks, making my nose hair coil
>My body pillow is corroded and eaten through with my semen
>Shelves are lined with hentai and Japanese figurines scattered about
>Rotten, moldy pizza boxes on the floor, 2 liters are being used for my bathroom breaks
>Mom bangs on my door, slurs something then returns back downstairs
>Opens the door to a piece of bread on the carpet that says “Happy 31st birthday”
>Closes the door
>Hear a gunshot and a thud come from my mom’s room
>Sit back on my bed
>Plug in my headset
>Try to sleep until it’s charged again
> NEET in the making
> 23 years old and 240lbs momma boy
> Discovered how delicious tendies are
> gaming all day, all night
> sometimes because I forget mom brings tendies up my room
> daddy insists on me getting a job
> can't find one because economy
> Start to make income by creating bots to farm gold and shit in WoW
> Because of the time it takes to set up the bots and manage my funds I can't leave room
> Start to piss in empty milk jugs
> Tendies want out again
> No choice but to shit in another jug
> give daddy money from my bots to shut him up
> I slowly detoriate into a full fledged NEET
> my neck gets t h i c c
> my beard gets long and greasy
> my hair too
> clothes go from XXL to XXXXL
> room starts to smell like plague ridden towns in the middle ages
> still get my funds going
> lose will to socialize
> start to harass mom and dad when they don't feed me
> discover Sup Forums one day
> mfw they all write stories about me
Nice
>be me, a healthy, handsome, bouncy 31 year old baby boy
>come downstairs from an exhausting day of playing video games and consuming anime
>waifu really proud of me for coming in second in a game of PUBG and winning 8 of my 13 league of legends games
>tell mummy of my conquests, ask for some tendies
>she's tired and makes a small quip about her breast cancer
>remind mummy that her breast cancer isn't going to kill her
>she gives me a look
>remind the confused and bewildered female that I asked for tendies, chop chop
>"user, I have to get ready for work. I showed you how to make them yesterday."
>have no recollection of such events, politely inform her she's lying
>"That's ENOUGH. Go to your room."
>[ettv]wrong.move.bitch.S01E01.mkv
>assert my girth and alpha male dominance
>push mummy to the floor and choke her
>on the side of her neck mind you, as to not crush her windpipe. women love being choked, thanks redpill
>she lies on the floor and takes it like the submissive female she is
>after a few minutes stop and politely remind her I don't ask the same question twice
>she doesn't respond
>typical stacy
>return to my humble aboad upstairs as she starts flopping around and foaming at the mouth like a bitch in heat
>I've seen enough anime to know she's having an orgasm
>smirk realizing that I'm good looking enough to give even my own mom an orgasm without sexual penetration
That being said, my fellow Sup Forumsros, how do I break the news that I'm not sexually attracted to her when I go back downstairs tomorrow? I know she has an Oedipus complex, but I don't. Should I leverage this into more good boy points?
The unspeakable horrors await the new family.
>My eyes open and see the blank computer screen
>Mommy must've cut the power to my room
>Joke's on her, over the course of 7 years I have accumulated approximately 13 million Good Boy Points, which should be enough to last me until death
>"TENDIES, TENDIES, IT IS TIME. MUMMY IS AN UNGRATEFUL SWINE," I wheeze with a devilish grin
>Rise up from my chair, a thick layer of grease and mold sticking to the back of my cumstained asscheeks
>Waddle over to the bedroom door, feet squishing through poop and pee
>Light shines in through the windows, realize that I haven't seen the sun in 19 years
>Oh well
>I hear Mommy crying in the other room, slowly move in that direction
>She's sitting at the kitchen table, tears and snot running down her face
>"FIRE DEEP WITHIN MY LOINS, MUMMY WILL PLEASE MY ACHING GROIN."
>The sobbing stops and she looks up
>I'm naked, my cock proudly standing at half mast, most of it weighed down by the various rolls of belly fat
>I slam her weak, anorexic body to the floor and tell her to start sucking
>She's trying to resist, lol
>Easily snap her jaw open
>Her blood makes for excellent lubricant
>"MUMMY SHALL LICK AND LICK, PROVE THY WORTHINESS OF YOUR BABY'S DICK."
>Her teeth begin to fall out, she doesn't need them anyway
>I cum and she makes gurgling noises, spasming and pointing to her throat
>I left her up by her hair, she's not even recognizable anymore
>"MUMMY IS A CHURLISH COW, TO THE FREEZER YOU GO NOW."
>She grabs a box of my favorite brand
>It's Kid Cuisine
>Good fun and good food go great together with Kid Cuisine!
ghay
Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendys.
Spend my hard-earned good-boy points,
on Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints.
Mummy lifts me to the car,
To find me tendies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats,
in comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies none remains.
She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy.
Tendies are the only food,
That puts me in the napping mood.
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by raging, hungry fire.
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries.
My good-boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned.
But there's no tendies on my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling into her eyes,
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise.
For she who is un-pooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders.
>>It's Kid Cuisine
>>Good fun and good food go great together with Kid Cuisine!
Hooraaaaaaaaaay!
Moooreee
>Wake up at 4pm
>Hear talking downstairs
>Start yelling I NEED MY BIG BOY SLEEP
>Waddle over to the door, knock poo-poo jar over
>*whoops, guess mommy has some work to do* I knock over another just for good measure.
>Waddle down the stairs to living room. Mommy is talking to a lady in a business suit about "coverage"
>I NEED MY BIGBOY SLEEP
>Mommy looks in my direction and apologizes to the lady.
>Notice that lady has really pretty hair
>Mommy tells me to go upstairs
>Lady has really really pretty hair
>My pee-pee goes hardy-wardy
>The diaper pops off from the force of my pee-pee, leaving me naked except for my Fluttershy t-shirt
>"Mommy is this the girlie-friendie I asked for?"
>I can't believe that fucking bitch finally did something right.
>Mommy looks really emberassed and tells me to go upstairs. The lady is really scared.
>Start waddling over to the lady.
>She recoils back in horror.
>Keep waddling over.
>I slip on the diaper around my ankles and fall to the ground.
>I do a big poo poo and begin crying on the ground, but my pee-pee is still hardy-wardy at my new girlie-friendie, so I keep crawling towards her
>The lady turns around and runs out the door
>Mommy has tears in her eyes, tries to lift me off the ground
>"Mommy, was she my girlie-friendie you got me?"
>She brushes the tears off her face and nods
>"Yes dear, s-she's just embarrassed. She's never seen a boy as handsome as you before!" She says as she wipes away another tear.
>I smile, proud of how handsome I am
>Mommy tells me that maybe if I earn enough good boy points, she will get me another girlie
>She pulls me up the stairs and starts cleaning the floor
>Uh-oh, my pee-pee is still hard
>I get out of my bed and walk up behind mommy
>Tell her she can be my girlie-friendie too
>She looks kind of disgusted for some reason, says mommy can't do that
>I start yelling REEEEEEEE as I rip off my diapers and shove my pee-pee at her face
>She sucks my weenie-peenie to make me stop yelling
Good day today.
>4 am
>happy tummy full of tendies
>be right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddy left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big baby boy, she always says that :)
>i plop down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, hehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many tendies and GBP await me for not waking her up!!
Holy shit this looks disgusting
>5:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw-fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy
Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
kys
>5AM
>bitch of a mother is being loud as hell
>why can't she leave me in peace doesn't she know 3-6AM are fappy and nappy time
>I hear a loud thump
>reeeeeeee this bitch she can't do anything right
>I reeee at her until she just says 'sorry hun-huns'
>that's it, I can't stand this bitch anymore
>I yell back at her
>'I don't want a sorry i demand 50 good boy points and i will kill the hamster if you don't do it'
>fag op mom better deliver
>All this yelling has really been strengthing my peepee
>I decide I will man up i am a man now and I will follow through
>I grab the hamster which mommy gave to me something about turning 30 and being a big boy and learning responsibility
>she doesn't understand i am still a growing boy
>look at hamster
>the hamster has a large poopyhole
>le big idea.jpeg
>I say to hamster odds fap evens sleep
>I slide my hard peepee all the way into the hamsters asshole, casuing it to instantly spray blood averywhere from being torn open
>I guess two and 5/8 inches is too much for anyone to handle
>Oh man this is almost as good as tendies
>start to edge so I pull out
>hard peepee drenched in blood and tiny entrails
>Suddenly my door opens
>I forget to reee and instead my peepee shoots googoo all over mommy's nice work clothing
>'mommy you bitch get back in the kitchen i need tendies'
>I see her just fall on her knees and start crying
>I reeeee as loud as I can until she gets back up and runs away from my room
>Great now I have to scoop the peepee googoo'd into my peepee poopoo googoo jar
>why do i still let her live in this house
>in my room browsing /e/ and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"user, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicky tendies are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is user" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey user, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and Sup Forums
>"what's Sup Forums user?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicky tendies
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKY TENDIES!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"user, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken tenders?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside
Fucking normies.
>Finally got enough good boy points to get a 20 piece nug meal at McDonald's
>time to dine like a king
>Ask mumsy to wash my rarity plushy so I can take her on a date (shes my gf and was covered in cummies)
>user, I'll wash it when we get home from McDonald's, I've got laundry running
>"it"
>Oh
>No
>U
>Didnt
>I'm a classy gentleman who will defend his waifu's honor
>walk into the laundry room and open the running dryer, unleashing a torrent of Mountain Dew colored fury from my pee pee into the hot, drying, clothes
>Next, open up the washing machine, sticking my butt in the open lid, filling it with a mess of grumpy dumpies
>After running for a minute, the smell brings mummy in to investigate
>"user, what is that smell?"
>"Now that this load is dirty, you can wash rarity, right?"
>"That does it, user, I'm taking the internet down for the rest of the month and you can forget about chicken nuggets!"
>She rushes from the laundry room with a pair of scissors to cut the cable
>My 430 pound body is too healthy to catch up to the bitch
>I gasp for air in between 'reeeeeeeeeees' and lumber up the stairs to ex new daddy no. 5's old office
>I have her in my sights
>I attempt to charge, but my left arm has shooting pain, coming from my chest
>I clutch my breast and start to cry
>"moooooooooooommiieeeeeee, save your good boy"
>She grabs the phone in tears and goes to dial, but stops
>She looks at me me with tears and mumbles "sorry user...." as she sets the phone down and walks away
That's all I remember. I guess the neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Just got released from the er. I reasoned with her not to cut internet. She's even gotten me nugs, tendies, and fries for every meal today! She cry's as she hands them to me, and just mumbles 'sorry' or some shit. Glad she's sad about how she treated me and rarity.