"Well America, you did it. And no, you didn't get an A+ on your history quiz, but you passed "Electing a Mentally Unstable, Toupee-Wearing Neo-Fascist as President" 101 with flying fucking colors!"
>Audience laughs and applauds furiously
"But, I need to be honest with you America. As a Brit living abroad, I've come to expect this sort of thing from you guys. It's like coming home and finding Chris Christie sitting on your couch eating your leftover General Tso's chicken. You're utterly shocked and appalled at first, but you aren't all that surprised."
>Thunderous applause and laughter bellow from the audience, numales begin leaking their semen on the stage and women begin menstruating, coating the floor in a thick film of cunt blood and cum. Others lose control of their bowels and bladders, creating a piss, shit, cum and blood lasagna on the floor.
"But I mean REALLY! What was half of America thinking? Putting Donald Trump in charge of your nuclear codes is like putting Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of a Shriner's Hospital!"
>Audience members begin laughing so hard they fall out of their chairs while projectile vomiting and begin rolling around in their own piss, shit, cum, blood and vomit
"But, let's get to the bottom of this. Obviously, people of color in this country didn't want a tiny-handed reincarnation of Mussolini as president. So who's responsible for this monstrosity?"
>Audience member yells "WHITE PEOPLE."
"YES. YES. WHITE PEOPLE. THANK YOU. SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT."
>Audience cheers, applauds and begins foaming at the mouth while strangling each other for being white
"Now white people. We ALL know we suck! But now I'm giving you an opportunity to make it all right! The window behind me is open! Jump out and end your white privilege once and for all! But first, go to your phones and Tweet with the hashtag "whitesnotright" before you end it!"
>Audience begins jumping out the window, tapping on their phones as they commit suicide en masse
LOOK I MADE THIS THREAD AGAIN BECAUSE MODS DO NOTHING!
Michael Taylor
Is this from the latest episode?
Leo Adams
It was good until you started invoking the hur hur muh White People victim complex.
Jayden Carter
Eerily accurate.
Wyatt Rodriguez
Calm down, you childish retard. Trump won, sure, but you still have to deal with the rest of us who actually give a shit about human rights.
TL;DR: Fuck off, Trump supporter.
Adrian Murphy
...
Brody Martinez
>human rights
???
Cooper Williams
human rights are a meme
Dominic Bailey
Do you write for the show?
Oliver Harris
Can I get a link to the latest show?
Luis Flores
>Live in a democracy
>Doesn't care about the rights and dignity of fellow citizens
Samuel Ross
For Human Rights.
For Hillary Clinton.
Pick one, dipshit.
Anthony Evans
KEK is with you, brothers.
Mason Price
>"Now white people. We ALL know we suck! But now I'm giving you an opportunity to make it all right! The window behind me is open! Jump out and end your white privilege once and for all! But first, go to your phones and Tweet with the hashtag "whitesnotright" before you end it!" >>Audience begins jumping out the window, tapping on their phones as they commit suicide en masse Oh how I wish the white guilt faggots would actually do this.
Anthony Morris
Has anyone else noticed humor has boiled down to wacky similes recently?
Owen Thompson
>Fellow citizens are slowly calling for my death and genocide of my brothers >Wonder why I don't care about them
Jace Wood
Nah nigga, I was wondering how you equate a Trump victory with the stripping of human rights for the entire American public. What exactly is going through your head? How do you go from X to Y?
Kevin Murphy
>creating a piss, shit, cum and blood lasagna on the floor. >even Sup Forums is talking about spirit cooking
Dylan Mitchell
I don't understand. Please compare it to something I know about and spoonfeed me so I know when to laugh.
Elijah Hernandez
Spirit cooking sounds like one of those memes and or conspiracy theories that will literally go nowhere and just turn into an all out autism fest.
Isaac Garcia
this kill all white males fucking racist sexist shitlords
Sebastian Rodriguez
THINK AGAIN
Jacob Russell
Seriously, FUCK middle white america... uneducated racist shitlords much?
Christopher Sanders
>the rest of us who actually give a shit about human rights
John Ortiz
What will his new role be in a Trump administration?
Jordan Jenkins
Auditing the Fed
Daniel Watson
Maybe they aren't racist but Cletus and Jedediah sure as hell are uneducated. I feel that the United States needs to allow everyone a college education so that they can actually see the world around them. News Flash: There's more to life than your tractor and the local fucking Walmart.
Landon Rogers
Not enough animal jokes with him pointing at the image over his shoulder and SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS
Gabriel Long
Hitler dubs confirms it
Oliver Lopez
You're implying liberals are capable of critical thinking, they arent. If it doesn't fit their narrative, they disregard and try to pretend it exists. It's how pie in the sky shit like socialism is still around
Tyler Rodriguez
Everyone already is allowed a college education, people are just surprised they have to pay for it. Seems that teachers don't work for free after all
Hudson Rivera
>Complains other don't think critically
>Proceeds to strawman
What do you mean by this?
James Kelly
Please don't tell me that you think your degree in gender studies qualifies you as more educated than the guy who went to trade school to be an electrician simply because you paid thousands of dollars for a piece of paper?
You retards realize that this sort of autism is why Trump won right? Of course not, you're a liberal and lack critical thinking skilla
Colton Campbell
I honestly believe Cletus is more educated than someone with a liberal arts degree.
Ayden Brown
Personally, I don't think they should be allowed to vote at all. The poor and uneducated clearly shouldn't have a say in how this country is run or have any representation in the government. Ideally the only people who can vote should be those that own property, are college educated, and have a monthly income that is above the national average.
Nathaniel Ramirez
Except it's true, anything that doesn't fit your narrative, you ignore or try to come up with the most retarded reasoning to explain why things didn't go your way. The recent election being a perfect example when you retards felt you had all the keys and the world would side with YOU. Kek
Michael Perry
really accurate, the first couple lines had me thinking this is what he actually said
also >creating a piss, shit, cum and blood lasagna on the floor.
kek
Chase Williams
Yes, keep proving us right. Liberals are essentially fascists after all
Andrew Clark
...
Jayden Bailey
I agree with that, but of course the vast majority of the non STEM courses should not be considered as college education. Also idiots with massive debts should not have voting rights.
Bentley Barnes
>college educated >monthly income above the national average
Wow.
Logan Fisher
>Only people who went to Marxist brain washing centers like me should be allowed to vote
Isaiah Martinez
I mean COME ON
Alexander Roberts
Nigger detected.
Evan Clark
IT'S
Eli Sanders
You're exaggerating a bit, but I understand the sentiment.
Dylan Bailey
2016!
Hudson Collins
This, but make an exception for oppressed minorities like African Americans, Muslims and illegal immigrants.
John Walker
>thinks trump is a fascist dictator who doesnt care for human rights >advocates taking voting rights away from people
whos the fascist? oh right, its only okay because "muh evil wite bois"
Brody Robinson
t. my parents are rich
Jayden Jackson
We aren't named Cletus anymore.
Jedediah is almost entirely an Amish name, except one kid that came close I knew just being "Jed".
We have more black people than you do, and we get along much better. Of course we're not racist. We all feel you idiots are the racist ones.
We don't hate gays. Our churches rightfully don't want to perform gay marriages as per their religion, but that doesn't mean we aren't cool with separating church and state so they get their marriage without appropriating the church's religious culture.
We have colleges. More and more people here keep going to college than ever before. Most people do tend to go into nursing/med or a trade than anywhere else though, which is actually a good thing. Now if some of you would get out of your fucking Fritz Metropolis factory you call a "city" and brought more money here, we could expand our infrastructure.
Just in case it wasn't clear, should you ever make the mistake, a hillbilly requires a hill and no teeth. You won't find them outside of West Virginia. The rest of us are Belles, Gentlemen, Southern, Rednecks, Hicks or Farm Boys. The name depends on the type of person and the area.
Also, we've got NASA launch sites and Publix. If anything that actually puts us slightly ahead. Fuck Whole Foods and fuck Yanks.
Evan White
You might be surprised how something like that would turn out friendo
Jose Ward
Thank you, daddy.
Parker Hughes
There are poor southerners that own more land than you. It's cheap here. Maybe you should reevaluate your own education.
Oliver Adams
Only people who pay taxes should be allowed to vote
David Gomez
>accuses someone of a fallacy >is actually using a fallacy hmm A fallacy does not automatically become incorrect, if you weren't a fucking idiot you would know that. t. Hillary voter, fuckface.
Ryder Bennett
Blacks arent fellow citizens, they are the enemies of America.
That's been the opening monologue for all the liberal TV fucks. They either shame everyone including those on their side for I guess not voting hard enough or acting like it's the end of the world. And the white guild oh lawdy the white guilt is palpable.
Jayden Scott
...
Gavin Price
>Is against trump because he's not letting muslims into the country You know if they're not a US citizen, and don't have a valid visa THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ENTER THE COUNTRY
Caleb Moore
Agreed
We need to make sure white people know they suck so they'll vote in Chelsea Clinton in 2020
Oliver Torres
You should realize that the college-educated vote has been overwhelmingly Republican in most elections since 1952. The only exceptions are LBJ, Clinton both times, and Obama both times; only in 2008 was the distinction particularly pronounced (55% to 45%), in large part due to the Obama campaign bringing out young, usually apathetic college grads. This is in contrast to the 70s and 80s, when the college-educated vote went to Republicans by 15 to 20 percent margins regularly. Even W won the college-educated vote both times.
Ethan Ward
P-PRESIDENT
Cooper Gray
...
Nathaniel Price
It's so eerie to see this level of self hate. Hating your own race doesn't make you any better or cleanses you of any thing.
Julian Rodriguez
I'm starting to think it's impossible to have peace without a homogeneous country.