Sup Forums, I feel as though my life is coming to a close. Enjoy some older pictures from when I started browsing many years ago.
I am 25 years old. 2 short years ago, I would have told you I had it all. Family and friends I always saw, a dumbass restaurant job with people I cared about, a college degree I didn't feel the need to leverage quite yet. Not a single worry about the future, because I would eventually get around to it right? Well, I finally decided to get around to it. I got a new job in the industry in which I studied.
It started with me moving about half an hour away from town. Surely this isn't too far away from my friends, right? I can be half adult, half kid and still see my friends. The weekdays I couldn't because of my consistent M-F schedule, but I was able to still go back and see them over the weekend. No problem. Everything seemed fine, I was easing into the corporate life without having sacrificed too much, and hey having decent money was pretty cool.
It was slow at first. Every now and then, there would be a weekend where someone in the core friend-group that was too busy to show up. No big deal, we would still try to get some of us together, or just plan for the next weekend. I also had moved into an apartment by myself, the first time I have lived without another live thing in the place. No more annoying, shitty roommate that smothered me. It felt so great at first to finally breathe, but every now and then it would feel a bit lonely. Sure I hadn't been romantically involved with someone for a long time, but I was too busy working and having fun with my friends to feel as though it weren't an issue. But as time went on, I saw my friends less regularly - some of them in unfortunate circumstances where they are unable to go out, some extremely depressed and lost in life, some too busy with their own relationship...
Man. I don't talk to my brother nearly enough. He lives out of the country for school, and I used to be so good at keeping in touch with him. He and I are very close to each other. Sometimes I wouldn't respond for a day or two to his texts, but I would eventually address his texts. Line by line, giving every word the attention it deserved. Sometimes it would be a few days, and I would feel bad for letting it slip for so long. But I was a good brother.
It has been weeks since I've given my own brother more than 2 minutes of my time.
A few months into working, I moved to first shift. I was ecstatic, surely the cause of all of my woes and loneliness was being on second shift, right? I enjoyed seeing the sun again, I made a point to see individual friends on weekdays just as a fuck you to the old second shift life. My not-shitty work ethic was then noticed in the shitty work place by management, only in during day-shift I was then promoted into a new position where I worked on my own, rather than on a team with other people. I celebrated my first corporate promotion with my parents in the old restaurant where I used to work, not recognizing a single face but my server, who I knew had been stuck where he is in life due to one too many DUIs.
I was unaware that dinner, that day, was the beginning of the downward spiral.
I started working more hours. I lived further away, as the new job had me in an office about 10 miles further out than the old one. I had not seen some of the friends I cared about the most in over a month. The group chat we all used to be so active in was slowly dying. I see no future in the company I work for, mostly because I don't want to get involved with the truly and insanely retarded decisions management made day after day. I didn't cut it for the interview I had to try and get out of that shithole. I got more tired, day after day. My body apparently was built for the second shift life style, as I now needed an alarm to drag myself out of bed, barely in time for work. I was truly lonely, but I kept pushing forward.
It's been almost a decade since I felt anything for a woman. I would still crush on a girl for a brief period of time, but not really care to follow through - I wanted something real, but never dreamed there would be someone out there that understood me. A mutual friend got us talking, and we would talk together at night while we revisited WoW to kick around old memories. She didn't live too far away (70 miles), and somehow we got around to hanging out. First time was cool, but we did not have much time. We got back into our routine and kept talking online as normal
This past weekend we hang out again, this time for a much longer period of time. The first time I hung out with her, I just enjoyed her presence, but did not feel anything more than friendship. I didn't feel any attraction.
The longer I looked into her eyes, noticed each and every individual feature in her face, the way she smiled, the way she laughed, I was smitten. After the near-decade of flying solo, I finally crawled out of my hole, and saw in her a whole new life that I had been missing. She said all the right words, understood all the right things, like all the same things... I had no idea it was physically possible for a woman, let alone another person to have the same thoughts and expressions as myself.
I dropped her off at home. I told her I enjoyed all the time I've been spending with her, and told her goodnight. I got home at 3AM after a long drive, my head was spinning and I had no idea what to feel or how to feel. I felt as though I had a legitimate chance with this girl. Maybe this cold, lonely, greasy heart will finally beat again, and she could breathe new life into my hollow existence. But this was very, very short lived. She started messaging the friend of mine, asking if he had ulterior motives. They talked for a long time, and she told him about she's only ever been with shitty dudes, but did not know how to not be attracted to them.
So, fellow anons, whom I have shared this shit board for the better part of my life: I am here today, far away from my friends, never responding to my dear brother, watching my parents only get older, grinding my life away at a meaningless job just to come home to an empty, soulless nest.
This girl I've fallen in love with - sure there are many more out there, and sure, I don't know her full story. But I have been an unloved degenerate with no passion for too long, and I have lost everything that made my life truly worth living. I like to think of all the ways I could improve her shit life (she comes from a broken, sad home - she has admitted that to me on multiple occasions), but in reality, I need HER to save ME.
Sup Forums, this may be my last shot at happiness. Right now, things look grim with her, but I am sure I will seize victory from the jaws at defeat, right? I've always had an unnatural luck... things would always work out in my favor as a kid growing up, so there's no way this will go wrong. Right?
I really need all the luck in the world for this, Sup Forumsros. I need this more than anything else. I am watching everything crumble around me, while my hopeless body can do nothing butch watch. The tears, are coming now. I hope to no longer be in pain soon.
Thank you for listening, guys. This is my home. This place is what shaped the core of my personality. Even if I hate that what I've become is unlovable, I still cherish each and every laugh and tear I've shed with you guys.
Take a vacation op. You’ve still got a long life ahead of you. Realize that this isn’t the end for you. Just the end of an era. And the beginning of a new one.
Austin Morris
Sup Forumsro, I'm sending you all the luck I have left. God knows, you can use better than I. Make sure to update us on what happens. Can't wait to see you all happy with your wife and kids soon. Words cannot describe how much I want you to be happy. Thanks for spending your time with us.
Some of what you're feeling is just part of the shittiness of growing up, getting stuck in the cycle of adulthood and the depression and disenchantment that comes with it. Hang in there user, don't know where you are but it's winter here and that makes everything especially grey and bleak. Springs coming soon, and with it new opportunities. You sound like me a few years back and it was aids, then one day I met someone from here that I never would have thought I'd be married to and shitposting next to. Even if she's not the one, don't lay down and die. Someone is out there for you. Sometimes it takes a while but you'll find her. Keep your chin up.
It gives me hope to see people read my horrible, painful thoughts and only say nice things. It reminds me of the sense of brotherhood that Sup Forums taught me, the sacred bond between internet strangers.
I will sleep a little better tonight. Thank you for reading the words of a broken, horribly depressed man, everyone. I will look at this thread again in the morning for motivation to keep pushing forward.
No matter what happens, there will always be friends out there for you. Never give up user. Don’t let it win.
Tyler Mitchell
And finally. Good luck user. Best wishes and love.
Levi Perry
Laugh at adversity user. Something my pops told me a long time ago.
And my own personal advice: Get religion. Doesn't have to be organized religion you can mix and mash one up for yourself. But find a reason to love strangers and help people and find a purpose larger than just yourself. It can be saving all your pocket change all year and donating it at christmas time... And start practicing meditation. Sitting and walking (awareness) meditation. Get some books and keep at it, like any exercise you wont see much progress right away but its really healthy for your mind.
Liam Ward
satan also, check all these wins user.
David Sanchez
Got any more old screencaps of this sort? Preferably ones you took yourself
Eli Ross
Man is this a wonderful thread. It feels nice to find a thread like this from time to time in the dreadful place this board is. I seriously doubt I can give much advice on this matter, you seem to have gone through way more than I have. But I can't help but relate to your story. Living a couple hours from home, only going back on weekends, friends slowly drifting away, falling apart from the family I used to be so close with, the depressive feeling of loneliness setting in... Luckily for me I'm fortunate enough to have a couple of awesome flatmates and someone really special to share my life with. I've also always felt that unnatural luck you mentioned, so since I can't give you much advice just a have a good piece of my luck user, I really hope it goes well with you. Good luck on your quest for happiness
Christian Cook
Kys and her and your shit brother and your shit parents Your a loser. Waste of air.
Goodspeed user, don't lose your faith in yourself; give your brother a call, I'm very sure he'll cherish it. And remember that the only love you must seek is the one you could give to yourself.
