I want to die. Anyone else do too?

I want to die. Anyone else do too?
I fear hell too much to do it.

Inb4 I trigger an atheist

I've been mentally destroyed for 6 yrs. It started off with something and now it's that along with other things.

I am alone. No friends. No career. 23. Going to school part-time. Feel like shit. Have felt lile shit since I was 16.5. I used to do 17k pushups with 45 lb in a month, 51k situps in a month, etc. As a 16 yr old. Maybe someone will remember a previous post I made a while ago.

Point it what made me stop was what triggered my suicidal thoughts and holy crap did it mess me up. I would rather hang from a cross while sweating blood than to have endured this hellish life.

I am in a "pick your poison" situation.

I can continue to live and suffer immensely every single day (I honestly think I have a bit of brain damage now) or I could kill myself and burn in hell.

No happy endings. Can anyone relate? Idk. Hopefully some random guy shoots my head one day. I can't even buy a gun since I've been to the mental hospital 3 times. I don't even like guns but I think I would have shot myself by now if I jever had my rights taken. If only they minded their own business.

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every second of every day, I catch myself saying "i wish I was dead' under my breath all the time
sometimes I think other people might overhear me and it sucks

but yet here I am, and there you are

>no friends, no career, school part-time, 23
Same except turning 25 soon. But I don't want to kill myself because there are things I still want to do. The key is to keep yourself occupied. Find things you wish you did in your free time and do it.

27 here

That sucks OP. I also feel the same. I'm studying computer science now, 0 friends and 0 motivation. I recommend you to seek a psychiatrist, perhaps some antidepressants will help. Also, you said you had no friends, but do you have any family members?

I feel you... want to die too

God loves you op

I fight the battle every day. I've felt this way my whole life, even when I was a child. Things have gotten worse over the years.

I fucked a girl who ruined my life with her lies when I was 19. I'm now 27 and still dealing with the reprecussions. I work a job I loathe and is going nowhere, despite me being highly qualified to move up.

I finally found a girl after 8 long years that I wanted to date, but she ended up leaving to go back home and take care of her parents.

Any time I start getting ahead, start feeling happiness, something happens and fucks it all up.

I'm so tired of living, of dealing with this shitty life. There's nothing worth living for, for me. Every day I get closer and closer to the edge and am smiling down at the jagged rocks below. One day, my torment will end. One day. Until then, I suffer.

aaaaaaaaand thats what weed is for. Better to be a dumb, smelly but smiling stoner than being suicidal most of your life

also I found a solution here it s op:

To appreciate life you gotta appreciate suffering.
happiness is nothing without suffering
you call happy people ignorant, they don't see the sadness, the pointlessness
but it's actually you who's ignorant, because you have seen all the suffering and ignored the blessing of life

My friend you've got to figure out for yourself what it is you've got to do. There's nobody in this existence that can decide what to do for you and this is good. This is good because for the next few weeks that is your assignment, figuring out what you want to do. Like what you want to do in general. Maybe you discover something that sparks a tiny bit of interest. Then you live your life stubbornly hanging on to that small slice of joy and living as a stoic because you know there is something for you in this existence. Something in this vast universe that is there just for you. 7 billion years this planet has existed and you are here, right now, in this very specific arrangement of atoms, posting on Sup Forums looking for something. If there is anything you get out of 4 chan let it be this: no matter how lost you are there is something out there for you. Good luck Sup Forumsrother

Nigga you dumb? Cannabis is hella dangerous for someone who has mental disorders. Besides, weed isn't a miracle medication you can use everyday, at least if you don't want to end up like a retarded zombie.

The thought of always being able to kill myselfe has made me more free, happy and looking on bigger goals than some shitty girls or other present crap, you need to search big goals to work on and accept life as only a game, eventually ending anyway.

huh the hospitalizations took away your right to buy a gun?
Can I ask what you went in for? I've been hospitalized twice, once for getting piss drunk, blacking out, and raising hell by trying to race cars on my dirtbike/starting a bonfire/general drunken shenanagins and someone finally called the cops. The second time was drug induced psycosis leading to pretty much the same thing. I havent tried to buy a gun since but at the last place I was shoved in I asked if this would affect my ability to do anything in the future and they said it shouldnt and wouldnt even be recorded as a mental case but a general hospitalization. Maybe ill try next week and see if I still can, I own a gun and did when both events occured but they werent taken so I assumed I still could purchase one.

I don't feel close to them either so I don't talk to them.

Why

You don't say what the main problem is. But mental problems makes everything seem shittier than they really are, even _if_ you are in a real shit situation. Most shit can be solved even if it doesn't look/feel like it.

Start exercising. Cleanses the mind while building your body.

And you are fucking young. You could start a completely fucking new life in. let's say, 7 years and still have a complete life without shitty garbage ahead of you. Fact.

1 suicide attempt. Also, when I was evaluated by a social worker, theu called the paramedics to pick me up.

Suicidal = they will take your gun rights away

>Start exercising. Cleanses the mind while building your body.

Ironically that is the main problem. It had to do with my obsession with training and how that was the only thing to give me meaning. It's a long story and I have like 5k notes explaining it on my phone. It's a lot of things but above all, I was emasculated and I feel like I have shit genes. It really is a long story.

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1. Hell doesn't exist. It's a made up concept to control weak-willed (you).
2. Get Sertraline and take 1 pill a day for a week and then switch to 2. Do it fo 6 months.
Ideally, if you can afford it, get a cognitive therapy.

Source: just did it myself after being ready to an hero. Now life is a lot better.

I take sertraline. It helped a lot. Now, I choose not to take it. I was taking 200mg a day. The problem, however, is that when it eventually wore off, I felt shittier than I would have if I hadn't taken it at all. I decided to just be depressed rather than have a good day and end the day miserable.

damn sorry to hear that man, having to go through the hellscape they call a 'mental health unit' and then having the right to own a gun taken away sucks shit. I hope you can get through this man because personally I think once you get past the tough times you might find something to make life worth it, but I wouldnt blame you for taking your life if it ends up that way

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Dude, common knowledge. I don't have the time and the patience to lecture you on something you should know. Just go to google scholar and search for "cannabis and depression" or "cannabis and mental illness".

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>I takeenag sertralinhjlte. It helpihred a lot. Nojkew, I choukose not to take it. I waskjff takinkjdg 200rfmg a day. The problem, howerkiver, is that when it eventually wore off, I felt shittier ukjffgthan I would have if I hadn't taoyken it at all. I decided to just be depressed rather than have a good day and end the day miserable.
g5lol

1. I can argue on and on about how wrong it is to believe we weren't created but I'm not going there.

In my eyes, it is the weak-willed that DON'T believe in a creator because atheists can't cope with the horrible concept of hell so they choose to believe there is no creator as they can't handle the alternative.

2. I am getting therapy but I already know it won't do crap because I know what is bothering me and what the therapist doesn't get is that I don't WANT to accept my certain predicament. It has to do with who I am fundamentally. Also, I am taking sertraline 50mg and it is going to be bumped up the next time I go.

I honestly think talking+pills will only mask the problem. My ACTUAL problem is basically impossible to fix.

Long story short, I can't break-even. I have a huge opportunity cost and nothinf will make up for it. Not even a trillion dollars. Not sluts. Not drugs. There was only one thing that had meaning to me and it was stripped from me. It broke the very foundation of my being. Emasculated me. Turned me into a little boy.

That's why I mentioned therapy. Anti-depressants are not any sort of magic pill, they are only giving you time to fix your life by temporarily fixing your brain chemistry.
So just taking those won't help unless you start make changes. I started making changes: got a job, got back to gym, started dating and all that.

Now I can't even imagine thinking of killing myself anymore.

The fuck even happened? If ONE THING can send you down a 7 year "I want to kill myself" spree and sent you to the hospital it better have been fuckin' important.

The thing is, I have no reason to be upset. I have a job. I exercise daily. I dated for the first time in 8 years and was happy, but she had to move away to help her mother's worsening health conditions.

I have everything I want in life, and more. I have no reason to feel the way I do. Therapy has never helped me. I periodically do self-reflection, which let's me examine my life and what is wrong with it and what I can do to fix it. That has helped me progress so far in life that I'm doing things I never dreamt possible.

It's chronic. I have no reason to feel the way I do, yet I do.

1. Everything you said doesn't make sense. Religion is a tool to control masses through fear. Period.
2. In 2015 I opened a store. My very own store. Which I had to shut down half a year later due to a local crisis. This fucked me up really hard and also put me in debts.
Now I got a job and built another business, that already started generating profit.
The older and more experienced you get, the less important any problem look like.

Cannabis can amplify schizophrenic ideations, or trigger schizophrenia in certain people who have genetic dispositions to this. Cannabis isnt always good for certain cases.

It's one of those things where words won't do it justice.

Sort of like how I can't understand how much a person loves another person based on words.

I was stripped of my lynchpin. The very core of my being. I was emasculated and now I feel like an inferior degenerate. I'll keep what actually happened to me to myself.

>So..He was behind of it...

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That sucks Sup Forumsro. We are very similar in that regard in terms of self-reflection and, what I would assume, quite rational thinking.

Well, I can only hope that you'll get through it.

1. No that is just your opinion and I don't feel lile justifying my views because then this will turn into a religious argument i.e. will habe nothing to do with my main point of my post

2. I disagree. I have only gotten worse with time, not better. Like I said, not even a trillion dollars can fix my head. Not sluts. Nothing. There is literally no way to break-even anymore.

Yeah, let's agree to disagree. There's no point in those arguments.

Yeah. I've worked hard. I went to jail. I was homeless. Then, from the ashes of my life, I rebuilt everything. I own a house, own a car, have a good job and a large social circle. I've got nice things.

I've accomplished so much, yet I still feel empty.

>inferior degenerate

Motherfucker we're on Sup Forums. I'm fairly sure that's a requirement to get on the board in the first place, let alone post.

Unless you're dead, there's always something to build back up to. Get help, get back on your medicine, try something new, pet a dog. You gotta dig yourself out of a self-defeating rut or you'll be 35 posting "Ask a kissless virgin" threads in the future like some pathetic cuck. I don't even know you and I know you're better than that, man.

Also, if you're scared of Hell, and this is coming from a non-religious person, go to church, man. Participate in the community, make some friends, etc. Church is a coping and community building mechanic in this shitty game of irl.

The bible is not supposed to taken literally, it was something of literature made up of allegorys to provide lessons and the beginning of moral thinking.

Thank the Lord fucking Jesus, I can mix my fabrics!

I am someone who was suicidal for many years, take my advice or leave it, every person has their own circumstances. I have facial palsy affecting one side of my face and was a virgin til age 28. I have since found a woman who loves me and makes me happy, removed all negativity from my life, found stable work, started working out, and am blessed with a son that unlike me, is quite handsome. I plan to restart school next year. I am making the most of this life even though it started as shit. I had zero self esteem and no faith in the world when i was your age too, but everything changes. I am so glad i stuck around and manned up, life had treasures waiting for me that i never dreamed i could attain. I wont tell you to change your views or that it will get better but at the very least hang in there. 23 is very young (im 34 now and still feel young) so hang in there.

Read Jordan Peterson's - 12 Rules of Life

Book changed my life and how I thought about myself and the stupid shit I was depressed about. Never said this to anyone until now, but I really think my family suspected nothing on how much I was going to kill myself a few points in my life. I'm in my 30's. I'm always the happy-go-lucky favorite guy to be around by everyone in my family and friends circle. It's crazy how fast my thought process changed after reading this book.

That's my best advice. Hope it helps.

Buck up and join the french foreign legion, go die in some shithole country, go out swingin.

haha pussy, grow some balls, the harder the conditions are, the harder iam going to become.

Read your bible. Suicide doesn't get you in hell. You go to Limbo.

The only reason I havnt killed myself is because im afraid of what I'll miss out on

>I'll keep what actually happened to me to myself
You galactic faggot. It's an ANONYMOUS board. Spill that shit, nigga. We're all dying of boredom here.

>Official Thread Retard

please tell me how you told her your a virgin at 28. i am 25 and virgin and its reason im not dating cause i got no experience and no job. what do i do... i dont even got any physical disablities just mental ones. anxiety/depression