My GF of 2 years just broke up with me lads, I really thought that she was the one as stupid as that sounds...

My GF of 2 years just broke up with me lads, I really thought that she was the one as stupid as that sounds. I didn't realise there was a feeling this bad.
And no, i'm not going to kill or hurt myself before some of you guys say that I should.
What do I do my friends?

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Give us the nudes

I second this. We can only help you then user.

None to post man, she wasn't comfortable with that sort of thing

This

I know that feeling man. It hurts, but honestly time is the only way to start to get over it. You move on, never fully but you do with time

Thanks man. It's be easier if I had a solid backbone of support but my fam didn't give a shit and most of my friends were her friends too.
Should I still stay friends with her or just drop it all?

Honestly it's best when you can just drop it all, slowly if you have to. But I don't know your life it may be better for you as friends who knows.
In years to come when you feel you are truly over then its okay to be friends again. Which reminds me today is my exs birthday...

Heck fren, that sucks. The smart thing to do is to drop it all, at least in my experience. Feel for you, just remember it gets better with time, bud

Mourn the loss, eventually the pain will pass, but don't try to force it to, that only prolongs it and makes it worse.

Do not stay friends. I mean be friendly when necessary but do not seek her out as a friend, shes gone. Forever.

I appreciate this guys. Almost all of my friends immediately left me for her side and as sad as it sounds, I really didn't know where else to go

date me instead OP

Trust no one

It's a perfect time to learn an instrument or visual art. The pain is a tool.

Honestly man just take your time. There really isn't anything else. Get out with family and friends when you can other than that it just takes time we've all been there

They don't sound like your friends, then. Fuck 'em. Find some friends that are your friends.

Will do ahah
I've been wanting to start learning piano for a while, ive been in a slump with game dev and wanted to take a break to do music stuff anyway, so I might just do that man.
I feel like they will come around eventually but I don't know what kind of way she is making me look to them so maybe they'll just drop me

This. Unless she cheated or did some shady shit, always better to remain friendly and not burn bridges unnecessarily. But definitely don't seek her out as a friend, that usually leads to nothing too good. And coming from someone who went through the same thing after 3 years of being with my ex, I thought my world ended, and it's true, may not seem like it now, but time will make it better...might suck, but will definitely get better down the line

It sucks. You will feel good for about a month or so. Then you miss the attachment and get all sad. Then fuck some random bitches and feel much better in about 6 months and she will bug you. You have to dismiss it or you will feel much worse. It will get better OP.

Bah, get fit. Channel the yhought of her fucking tyrone into uour workouts. After 6 months, be chad and get a fitter chick or play the field. Its easy. May seem hard now but in future you will see this freedom as a blessing

The worst part is that it was sudden and almost without and way of knowing beforehand. I will follow this though, she is still an incredible person either way and I will keep friendly

Will probably start a gym membership soon, no excuses anymore

heroin user lots and lots of heroin it's what I did and 12 years later i'm clean and sober and still miserable.

There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are LOTS of ‘special someones’ out there for you, just ask the divorced/widowed person who’s remarried after their “soulmate” has died or moved on.

This is what trips people up about the soul-mate myth, it is this fantasy that we all at least in some way share an idealization of – that there is ONE perfect mate for each of us, and as soon as the planets align and fate takes it’s course we’ll know that we’re ‘intended’ for each other. And while this may make for a gratifying romantic comedy plot, it’s hardly a realistic way to plan your life. In fact it’s usually paralyzing.

What I find even more fascinating is how common the idea is (mostly for guys) that a nuts & bolts view of life should be trumped by this fantasy in the area of inter-sexual relationships. Guys who would otherwise recognize the value of understanding psychology, biology, sociology, evolution, business, engineering, etc. and the interplay we see these take place in our lives on a daily basis, are some of the first guys to become violently opposed to the idea that maybe there isn’t ‘someone for everyone’ or that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet or exceed the criteria we subconsciously set for them to be the ONE. I think it comes off as nihilistic or this dread that maybe their ego investment in this belief is false- it’s like saying God is dead to the deeply religious. It’s just too terrible to contemplate that there maybe no ONE or there maybe several ONEs to spend their lives with. This western romanticized mythology is based on the premise that there is only ONE perfect mate for any single individual and as much as a lifetime can and should be spent in constant search of this ‘soulmate.’ So strong and so pervasive is this myth in our collective society that it has become akin to a religious statement and in fact has been integrated into many religious doctrines as feminization of western culture has spread.

youtube.com/watch?v=58Rk7BJCSdA

I come to the conclusion that ONEitis is based in sociological roots, not only due to it being a statement of personal belief, but by the degree to which this ideology is disseminated and mass marketed in popular culture through media, music, literature, movies, etc. Dating services like eHarmony shamelessly marketeer and exploit exactly the insecurities that this dynamic engenders in people desperately searching for the ONE “they were intended for.” The idea that men possess a natural capacity for protection, provisioning and monogamy has merit from both a social and bio-psychological standpoint, but a ONEitis psychosis is not a byproduct of it. Rather, I would set it apart from this healthy protector/provider dynamic since ONEitis essentially sabotages what our natural propensities would otherwise filter.

ONEitis is insecurity run amok while a person is single, and potentially paralyzing when coupled with the object of that ONEitis in an Long Term Relationship (LTR). The same neurotic desperation that drives a person to settle for their ONE whether healthy or unhealthy is the same insecurity that paralyzes them from abandoning a damaging relationship – This is their ONE and how could they ever live without them? Or, they’re my ONE, but all I need is to fix myself or fix them to have my idealized relationship. And this idealization of a relationship is at the root of ONEitis. With such a limiting, all-or-nothing binary approach to searching for ONE needle in the haystack, and investing emotional effort over the course of a lifetime, how do we mature into a healthy understanding of what that relationship should really entail? The very pollyanna, idealized relationship – the “happily ever after” – that belief in a ONE promotes as an ultimate end, is thwarted and contradicted by the costs of the constant pursuit of the ONE for which they’ll settle for. After the better part of a lifetime is invested in this ideology, how much more difficult will it be to come to the realization that the person they’re with isn’t their ONE? To what extents will a person go to in order to protect a lifetime of this ego investment?

At some point in a ONEitis relationship one participant will establish dominance based on the powerlessness that this ONEitis necessitates. There is no greater agency for a woman than to know beyond doubt that she is the only source of a man’s need for sex and intimacy. ONEitis only cements this into the understanding of both parties. For a man who believes that the emotionally and psychologically damaging relationship he has ego-invested himself is with the only person in his lifetime he’s ever going to be compatible with, there is nothing more paralyzing in his maturation. The same of course holds true for women, and this is why we shake our heads when the beautiful HB 9 goes chasing back to her abusive and indifferent Jerk boyfriend, because she believes he is her ONE and the only source of security available to her. Hypergamy may be her root imperative for sticking with him, but it’s the soul-mate myth, the fear of the “ONE that got away” that makes for the emotional investment.

The definition of Power is not financial success, status or influence over others, but the degree to which we have control over our own lives. Subscribing to the soulmate mythology necessitates that we recognize powerlessness in this arena of our lives. Better I think it would be to foster a healthy understanding that there is no ONE. There are some good Ones and there are some bad Ones, but there is no ONE.

>look in the mirror and say you have value
>go work out
>buy new clothes

>get back out there

>DO NOT ACT LIKE A FAGGOT AND OBSESS OVER HER - ITS FUCKING OVER user, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON

>get laid and have a great life

>THE CARDINAL RULE OF RELATIONSHIPS

>>In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect. For my own well being and that of my family’s, I need my employer more than he needs me, ergo I get up for work in the morning and work for him. And while I am also a vital part for the uninterrupted continuance of his company and endeavours, he simply needs me less than I need him. Now I could win the lottery tomorrow or he may decide to cut my pay or limit my benefits, or I may complete my Masters Degree and decide that I can do better than to keep myself yoked to his cart indefinitely, thereby, through some condition either initiated by myself or not, I am put into a position of needing him less than he needs me. At this point he is forced into a position of deciding how much I am worth to his ambitions and either part ways with me or negotiate a furtherance of our relationship.

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The same plays true for intersexual relationships. Whether you want to base your relationship on ‘power’ or not isn’t the issue; it’s already in play from your first point of attraction. You are acceptable to her for meeting any number of criteria and she meets your own as well. If this weren’t the case you simply would not initiate a mutual relationship. This is the first comparisson we make with another individual – call it ‘sizing up’ if you like – but we make innate (and often unconscious) comparisons about everything and in the case of initial attraction we decide if the the other person is acceptable for our own intimacy. From this point it becomes a cooperative negotiation.

This principle isn’t so much about ‘power’ as it is about control. This might sound like semantics, but it does make a difference. It’s very easy to slip into binary arguments and think that what I mean by the cardinal rule of relationships is that one participant must absolutely rule over the other – a domineering dominant personality to a doormat submissive personality. Control in a healthy relationship passes back and forth as desire and need dictate for each partner. In an unhealthy realationship you have an unbalanced manipulation of this control by a partner.

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Although control is never in complete balance, it becomes manipulation when one partner, in essence, blackmails the other with what would otherwise be a behavioral reinforcer for the manipulated partner under healthy circumstances. This happens for a variety of different reasons, but the condition comes about by two ways – the submissive participant becomes conditioned to allow the manipulation to occur and/or the dominant one initiates the manipulation. In either case the rule still holds true – the one who needs the other the least has the most control. Nowhere is this more evident than in interpersonal relationships.

Too many people who I counsel and read my posts (here and elsewhere) assume that this Rule means that I’m advocating the maintaining a position of dominance at the expense of their partners; far from it. I do however advocate that people – young men in particular – develop a better sense of self-worth and a better understanding of their true efficacy in their relationships (assuming you decide to become involved in one). Don’t get me wrong, both sexes are guilty of manipulation; Battered women go back to their abusive boyfriends/husbands and pussy whipped men compromise themselves and their ambitions to better serve their girlfriend’s insecurities. My intent in promoting this Rule is to open the eyes of young men who are already predisposed to devaluing themselves and placing women as the goal of their lives rather than seeing themselves as the PRIZE to be sought after. Compromise is always going to be a part of any relationship, but what’s key is realizing when that compromise becomes the result of manipulation, what is in effect, then developing the confidence to be uncompromising in those situations. This is where a firm understanding of the cardinal rule of relationships becomes essential.

4
There’s nothing wrong with backing down from an argument you have with your girlfriend, but there is something wrong when you continually compromise yourself in order to ‘keep the peace’ with the understanding that she’ll withhold intimacy as a result of you holding your ground. That is a power play, also known as a ‘shit test’. She initiates it thus becoming the controlling party.

No woman’s intimacy (i.e. sex) is ever worth that compromise because in doing so you devalue your own worth to her. Once this precident is set, she will progressively have less respect for you – exactly opposite of the popular conception that she’ll appreciate your compromising for her and reward you for your “sensitivity”.

And really, what are you compromising in order to achieve? Set in this condition, her intimacy. That isn’t genuine desire or real interest in you, it’s a subtle psychological test (that all too many men are unaware of) meant to determine who needs the other more. There is no more a superior confidence for a man than one with the self-understanding that he will not compromise himself for the recognized manipulations of a woman, and the fortitude to walk away knowing he can and will find a better prospect than her. This is the man who passes the shit test. It’s called ‘enlightened self-interest’ -— I cannot help others until I can help myself — and a principle I wholely endorse.

Better yourself and fuck another girl as soon as possible.
They only vary in the looks department, listen to some Patrice O'Neal.

>THE DESIRE DYNAMIC

>>You cannot negotiate Desire.

This is a very simple principle that most Men and the vast majority of women are willfully ignorant of. One the most common personal problems I’ve been asked advice for in the past 10 years is some variation of “how do I get her back?” Usually this breaks down into men seeking some methodology to return his relationship to an earlier state where a previously passionate woman couldn’t keep her hands off of him. Six months into a comfortable familiarity and the thrill is gone, but in truth it’s the genuine desire that is gone.

It’s often at this stage that a man will resort to negotiation. Sometimes this can be as subtle as him progressively doing things for her in the hopes that she’ll reciprocate with the same sexual fervor they used to have. Other times a married couple may go to marriage counseling to “resolve their sex issues” and negotiate terms for her sexual compliance. He’ll promise to do the dishes and a load of laundry more often in exchange for her feigned sexual interest in him. Yet, no matter what terms are offered, no matter how great an external effort he makes so deserving of reward, the genuine desire is not there for her. In fact, she feels worse for not having the desire after such efforts were made for her compliance.

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Just keep doing stuff dood. It gets easier but it doesn't. Hard to explain. I was in a 6 year relationship with my highschool sweetheart. She left me the end of junior year and went full slut mode and vindictive bitch. I was saving up for a ring she told me she wanted when we first started dating. First I went through depression. Then anger, then degenerate living (Lots of random fucks, lots of drugs and booze) and now I'm quiet. I go to work, go to the gym, actually havn't had sex in about 8 months and don't really care. I'm focused on my mind, body and career. I'm lonely sure, but I just see it as a bump. Eventually you just stop giving a shit but they will pop into your head every now and then for no reason and you will get sad.

2

Negotiated desire only ever leads to obligated compliance.

This is why her post-negotiation sexual response is often so lackluster and the source of even further frustration on his part. She may be more sexually available to him, but the half-hearted experience is never the same as when they first met when there was no negotiation, just spontaneous desire for each other.

From a male perspective, and particularly that of an uninitiated beta male, negotiation of desire seems a rational solution to the problem. Men tend to innately rely on deductive reasoning; otherwise known as an “if then” logic stream. The code is often something like this:

I need sex + women have the sex I want + query women about their conditions for sex + meet prerequisites for sex = the sex I want.

Makes sense right? It’s simple economics, but built on a foundation that relies on a woman’s accurate self-evaluations. The genuine desire they used to experience at the outset of their relationship was predicated upon a completely unknown set of variables. Overtly communicating a desire for reciprocal desire creates obligation, and sometimes even ultimatums. Genuine desire is something a person must come to – or be led to – on their own volition. You can force a woman by threat to comply with behaving in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way. A prostitute will fuck you for an exchange, it doesn’t mean she wants to.

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Whether LTR or a one night stand (ONS) strive for genuine desire in your relationships. Half of the battle is knowing you want to be with a woman who wants to please you, not one who feels obligated to. You will never draw this genuine desire from her by overt means, but you can covertly lead her to this genuine desire. The trick in provoking real desire is in keeping her ignorant of your intent to provoke it. Real desire is created by her thinking it’s something she wants, not something she has to do.

It is scaring me how accurate this was to the relationship I was in, it makes a lot of sense in the long run. I have always held onto her being that ONE, I've always known that there are always others out there but I got scooped up into thinking that she was the perfect person for me.

No such thing. Even your mother will eventually drive you insane. You find someone who's happy to put up with your shit and settle and that's that.

Maybe drop it all if you can. I’m in a similar situation minus the mutual friends. So not really the same. But my gf was older and wanted more commitment but we have busy schedules and live an hour away so see each other at best 3 times a week. Wasn’t good enough i guess so we broke up but not on bad terms at all. I deleted her number so i wouldn’t be temped to text or call her which i did at first as we decided to be friends but every so often she will text seeing what’s up. Makes it hard. Feels good to talk to her but its kind of bland now not much to say and every time we talk there’s that bit of hope that we could work it out and then when days go by without talking it feels worse and worse like the hope fades away but comes back repeatedly.

The worst part is how gay i feel being this lonely but i don’t have the social skills or self confidence to just go out and get another girl.

Good luck OP
Here's the rest from Best of Year One.
I highly recommend starting here for how to remover quickly and not make the same mistakes. Really helped my life. Author is 50 years old and leads a normal happy life. It's not an advice or PUA blog, but just a description of the world. I can't recommend enough.

therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/

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...

8 months out from a break up here. Those first 2 months are the hardest. But now i feel like ive come a long way. And I realize she was no good for me anyways. Keep your head up OP it wont be long before time starts backing you up.

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Best advice. Pay for it if you have to. You need new pussy to wash off the old.

Shoot up a school leave no survivors

Then you dodged a bullet and you have more time to spend with us

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>the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
The law of requisite variety: the variable with the most flexibility has the most power

post her feet

i'll actually have a suss If I have any feet pics

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Thanks for all the help guys, the last 24 hours has been the roughest time of my life and I appreciate it so much that people actually want to help me out, much love fellas

go buy a chair and a rope

In the exact same situation man, what's worse is it was my fault for not putting enough effort in, thinking she'd put up with it and stay. Sucks.

Feels bad man, my case was that I was the one putting in all the effort I think.

Weak piece of shit

Nice try tard, talk about yourself in another post :)

faggot

furiously masturbate while thinking about her best friend/mother/sister. (which ever is hotter)
the spite will heal you

Replace the love with hate. Think of her shortcomings and they're there.

I've started to see a lot of ways where she wasn't as good for me as I thought