Hello sir! At the cinema alone again I see?

Hello sir! At the cinema alone again I see?

Here's your bucket, I must warn you sir it's quite hot! Please be careful.

Enjoy the show!

Why aren't you on a basketball court?

Can a white person fix my popcorn instead?

Sir, Please fuck my wife

Pardon, sir? That's not appropriate behavior at this establishment.

Sir, you have a gettyimages brand.
I'm afraid we're going to have to detain you and return you to your proper owners.

I voted Trump, Fuck the establishment

*Manager approaches*
>"What's all this Ruckus Jamal?"

>talking shit about based Robert
Your kind isn't welcome here.

I didn't order popcorn... I asked for an icee...

>tfw only theater near me has no singles policy

this thread just depresses me...

Welcome back, sir! No date tonight, huh? What's that, it's your birthday? Of course we'll sing for you!

y-you too...

Thanks.

What the fuck kind of policy is that?

it's to make sure sex offenders or other seedy types don't use the showers, it's pretty common.

Showers at a theater?

uh, yeah?

How else would you wash the eagle shit out of your hair?

>Go to local theater
>They've now got a no-capes policy
They just lost a customer

>eagle

Get some taste, pleb.

Sir, if you'd notice my nametag says Robert. I'd like to file a complaint about your consistent bigotry

Not gonna lie, those popcorn buckets are hot. One time I was handing the bucket to this older lady and

CRAB
LEGS
NOW

>I must warn you, sir.

Don't talk to my wife's son.

>Americans put melted butter on their food
Fat pigs

You better WATCH IT Zade!
*LEANS THE FUCK BACK*

>mfw there was no popcorn topping left for my Coca-Cola bag, so I had to make do with dry crab legs instead

are you from europe or something

Can somebody direct me to the nearest anvil? I need to do some emergency blacksmithing in the middle of this kino.

None of this shit exists in America.

>At the cinema alone again I see?
Why Tyrone, why...

>Be me working at a movie theatre
>Get told they're cutting staff and today is my last day
>Piss all over the bathroom, steal $50 and dunk my black balls in the butter dispenser

maybe not at your ghetto-tier theatre, but all the ones i frequent have showers

Americans are fucking weird.

>Trying to watch the new flick in the local kinoplex
>the furrys playing the ballpit won't shut up

Anybody else have this problem? What do?

> all these newfaggot redditors

Anyway lads, what's your opinion on the new Spokweight anvil? The price increase doesn't seem appropriate for what they're offering

I live in an OUTER - ring suburb, thank you very much.

Ok you flyover fuck.

I had this problem too so I started to take shits in the ballpit, they had it removed and replaced it with maze

Does going to the movies alone really make you look like a loser in life or is this just another shitty meme? I'm generally concerned because I go to movies alone a lot.

idgaf, my friends aren't willing to spend the money to go the the theatre, or have shit tastes, or no attention span for anything other than sports If I want to see something in the theatre I'm damn well going to see it.

Robert?

It's just a meme. True patricians watch kino alone so they can't be distracted.

Perhaps he's wondering why someone would add the topping before the popcorn.

Hello and welcome to Crabstravaganza here at laKinoCiñemaThætre!
Snip snip scuttle scuttlle, haha!

>going alone to movies

was selling popcorn part of your plan?

He's supposed to be black, not jewish, why is he always so stingy with the crab leg sauce

I don't "get" this meme

Maybe, like, not getting it, is what you're supposed to get

woah

>None of this shit exists in America.

kinda like foreskins

SIR! AHEM SIR!

*PROGRAM WHITEY: ERROR OCCURED*

AYYO HOL UP SIR THIS BUCKET IS HOT!

*NON-SCARY BLACK MAN MODE DEACTIVATING*

UGHHH SIR! SIR! I CANNOT RETAIN MY ACT LIKE A HUMAN PROGRAMMING FOR LONG, HONKY CRACKA SIR!

*REVERTS TO DEFAULT NIGGER SETTINGS*
AYYO HOL UP OOGA BOOGA BIX NOOD I BE SLAPPIN YO WIFE'S ASS SIR!

Shut the fuck up.

i laughed

Thanks.

I appreciate your consideration as much I do my popcorn being hot.

>He never went to Crabstravaganza 2015
I heard 2013 was the best but I was only 24 and they wouldnt let me in.

>tfw i'm actually headed out to a casino right now to eat a comped, all i can eat alaskan crab leg buffet.

Face the facts, NIGGERS, your race are a failed race because you're a feckless, unruly, uncivilized horde of feral proto-humans. You never figured out how to live in a society bigger than one or two squabbling families. Abstract thought and problem- solving have never been the black man's strengths, have they? Did they invent a long-lived and intellectually coherent religion? Nope. Did they ever build a city? Nope. Did they even invent bricks? The reason there's no Stonehenge in Africa is because it took more than 20 people to move the slabs of rock - clearly a non-starter in Africa, where assembling more than 20 niggers normally results in a war.

>anvils got into the popcorn pits again

Robert you look ridiculous, it's time to rethink your profession

>projectionist decides to play footage of the Clinton camp losing the election during Problem Child 2 re-screening

Not soon enough

'This isn't all for you is it user?'

>go to see flick during the winter
>theatre doesn't have designated intermissions for you to microwave your socks

jesus christ, what did OP do to deserve such a scorched earth salvo of redpill?

Oh jesus christ robert oh fuck oh jeez I've gone and spilled this bucket all over the floor, why'd you give me such a hot bucket?

I go a lone quite often to see artsy or foreing movies at a local theater and its not weird at all to see other people going by themselves. I wouldn't go to se a summer blockbuster alone tho

Be careful, sir! The dinner is hot!

Back in the 80's my father wanted to go to the Indiana Jones and the raiders of the lost arc but my mom didn't want to so he went alone

Rate

but I ordered a car

I don't know, but get ready to see this pasta on this board a lot more

>not changing the name tag to MATT
come on user

That's a very particular memory to hold user, what do you of it? Does that symbolise your parents relationship to you?

...

yes

Thank you good sir but you're mistaking me for someone else...this is the second time I come to a cinema alone, and the first time was two years ago..I'm alone only because none of my simple minded friends wanted to see (insert kino name here).

fuck you. I live in Bible Belt and our town instituted this policy after the TDKR and Ellioot shooting, they eased up now though

SPEAK ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS TRUMP'S AMERICA NOW

I've been coming alone to this cinema ever since you started fucking my girlfriend, Jamal. You damn know that.

If you could at least let me watch...

>going to the theater alone

I did this, ONCE.

I showered, shaved my beard. I got dressed in my nicest clothes and fedora and headed down to the theater.
>"One ticket to Star Wars The Force Awakens™, thank you, miss."
>"Sorry, we don't sell single tickets."
>"Two tickets to Star Wars The Force Awakens™ then, please."
>"I can't sell you another ticket, if I know you're going to just throw it away."
>"Please, I don't have anyone to go with and I want to see the movie."
>"You don't have anyone to go with? Are you a virgin? Like that Eliott kid?"
>"N-no! What made you say that?"
She obliged, she felt sorry for me.

I went to the counter to buy some popcorn.
>"Sir, can I get a large popcorn and one drink?"
>"Just one drink?.. And a large popcorn? That's a lot of popcorn for someone seeing the movie alone."
>"h-huh, yeah, uh-hh, I guess it is."
Then, he told the girl squirting on the butter,
>"Go light on the butter, he's eating it ALL by himself."
She chuckled.

I got into the theater and I found a seat. Everything was going well, other than a few looks back from a mother two rows up, everything seemed fine.
After the previews, she turned around and asked, "Are you here by yourself?"
I didn't respond.
Then she turned to her kids and said,
>"See that man back there, he's alone, likely crazy too like that Eliott kid."
>"He's who I'm referring to when I say, don't talk to strangers."

I could hear them whispering to each other, then they pointed back and me and laughed.
I heard a vague "he's probably a virgin". I just bit my lip.
One of the kids turned to an adult and said something that I couldn't make out.
The adult got up and walked out of the theater.
About ten minutes later an usher walked down and stood beside my seat. The houselights came on and then a voice on the microphone said,
>"My name is Mark Ryans and I'm the owner of this cinema. We like to run a family-friendly establishment. WE DO NOT tolerate people watching films by themselves."

The usher said, "I think it's best if you go, sir."
At first I hesitated, but then the other theater go-ers started murmuring.
>"Just get lost, loser."
>"Can't you see that you're not wanted here?"
>"OMG, is he gonna shoot us?"
>"Someone call the cops, please!"
As I got up to leave, someone threw a soda at me.
It hit me in the front of my pants and it made it appear as though I had wet myself. I hadn't.
I put my head down and headed for the exit and they kept shouting,
>"Get out of here, weirdo!"
>"Creep!" "Freak!"
I was in tears as I reached the front exit door.
>"Hey, mister." A kid said in the front row.
>"Did you piss your pants?"
Before I could respond he shouted, "THIS FAGGOT PISSED HIS PANTS!"
The theater erupted with laughter, "He pissed his pants!" "HAHAHA" "What a faggot!"
I couldn't open the door, I kept pushing, but it wouldn't open.
It finally opened after I shoved my shoulder into it and I escaped into the parking lot.
I ran to my car, tears running down my face and my pants covered in soda.

...

He should be wearing gloves

The fact that you bothered to make all this shit up is really worrying.

The exact same thing happened to me.

>Just another normal day in the UK

What about the popcorn?

Yes it does.

go on

Here's your (you). You deserve it.

>>"Get out of here, weirdo!"
>>"Creep!"

Um matt...when's the last time you washed your hands?

Was this you at the doctor strange showing last night?
Sorry i didnt come say hi, i was too busy taking pics of your badass outfit.

>H-here's your ticket sir :3 *blushes*

...

Mirin' that early 2000's school shooter aesthetic

whenever I see a faggot loser like you sitting alone in the cinema I go up to them and ask them to leave, once the whole cinema starts cheering for me for getting rid of you filth they always leave.

This, I have lived in a suburb, mid-sized city and big city and never encountered a theater with a no-singles policy or a shower.

I couldn't get any pics of him from the front, but i shit you not he was wearing a band tshirt that was tucked into his pants.also he of course had a neckbeard

CUTE!