Meanwhile, Sup Forums visits the movie theatre

Meanwhile, Sup Forums visits the movie theatre...

>sorry sir, but I'm afraid you are violating our no singles policy. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

2 dozen crab legs please

*shifts in my seat*

Where are the showers located? Need to freshen up before the kino.

Why doesn't every seat in this theatre have a handwashing station?

JESUS FUCK SHUT UP MAN I'M TRYING TO ENJOY THE KINOPLEX

>go to local kinorama with "girlfriend" to watch the latest masterpiece in the Peppa Pig Cinematic Universe
>literally everyone in the lobby is dressed in red and white sweaters

I was so overwhelmed I had to flap my hands to calm down. They could have warned me.

welcome son

two popcorns for me and my girlfriend.... and one large diet pepsi

*sips popcorn*

>the theater coalfire generator is off
>theater's Serjeant-at-Arms informs us that we must use the theater's exercise bikes to power the projector or serve a six months internship at the soda brothery

>well well big guy looks like its just you and me
>*blocks your seat*

what do?

Excuse me there's assigned seating.

>There's been a complaint about the presence of a black man in this theatre, we're gonna search everything so we can locate him and remove him from this theatre.Apologies for the inconvinience.

About to watch Disney's new tropical MasterPiece, which bears the title Moana.

>step on to the Singles Shame conveyor and pay the $500 singles tax
>am slowly moved past all the singles while they snicker and throw tomatoes at me and the other single viewers
>get to pick 1 food item from either day old crab legs or expired butter bricks
>choose old crab leg because Im trying to watch my weight
>finally get seated under the bleacher style seats developed to hide singles
>couple of goths sit in front of my viewing slot, their large black pants covering everything but a n envelope sized viewing area

All in all, not a bad experience.

...

Bitch just fucked up

I only like Aryans, sorry.

I was fine with the Anvils, I was fine with the eagles, hell, I was fine with the penis inspector but mandatory ball pit in my kinoplex is too far.

your feet can be on my lap during the film but there's no way you're going to stop me from watching Mel's comeback film, lady

>implying anyone from Sup Forums would talk at a theater

>>am slowly moved past all the single
>past the singles
YOU FUCKED IT UP

...

I just greentext in my head whenever I go to the theater

I once got a handjob and blowjob in a packed movie theather. People on either side, and the row behind were all making eye contact with me and giving me dirty looks meanwhile my chick is bobbing up and down. Some of them were with their wives and families, lmao. The worst thing was that I hadn't washed my dick for like a week, and so the smell filled half of the theater and It made even me dry-heave a little.

True story but no one here will believe because they're mostly weak faggots

>not bantering with the lads throughout the movie

>tfw your favorite theater upped their required clapping quota

I know artists deserve recognition even if they are not present, but 30 seconds of standing ovation seems excessive imho.

>close up of woman's butt on screen

*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

>people laughing out loud in movie theaters

>want some extra butter in your popcorn white boi?
>i know you crackers love that nasty yellow stuff

Europoors will never understand the freedom from clapping.

Throw my bag of popcorn into the air and spill my soda onto the seats once the movie is done.

Anyone enjoy making a huge fucking mess at the theatre?
If they're charging me $14.99 for a ticket, $11.99 for a bag of popcorn and $7.99 for a small drink, they fucking deserve having their theatre trashed for ripping me off.

MOM'S

>not yelling WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THIS every time a character says a line

I usually get a little cheeky and put a cucumber in my bum and squeeze it out at the end of the movie.
I call it the poocumber

>hold up sir! all single male customers are required to go through a mandatory penis inspection

>not asking the person beside you "who was in the wrong here?" everytime characters interact with each other

Same. I'm a /jobcreator/.

Just to think, I'm helping people getting employed and boosting the economy by leave a little mess here and there.

>tfw one of my friends didn't clap loud enough so the ushers chopped off his left hand

The last time I went to the theater these kids were throwing coins in the air. So the coins would catch the projector light and shine.

How annoying.

>tfw you forgot to clean your smegma

Do Americans actually do this?

>in cinema
>kid keeps kicking back of seat and yelling his head off
>usually mild mannered, but this time it's too much. I snap
>reach behind me, grab kids legs
>fucking catapult the little shit over my head
>kid goes hurtling through the air, rips through the kinoscreen and lands in the ballpit/vape zone beyond
>everyone stands up and starts clapping and cheering
>kids mom kisses me on cheek

Closest I've ever had to a relationship.

I know, right? Feels good to know that you're stimulating the economy and creating jobs every time you go to the theatre.

Do eurorpoors actually not?

OOPS!!!!

That was me.

Yes, we eat it from the floor

it's very comfy and natural, you should try it sometimes yuroshit

Such selfless people we are.

If only everyone trashed the theatres like us unemployment wouldn't be a thing.

...

is that a piece of toilet paper?

>his cinema doesn't have cola and popcorn troughs

...

Cinema's aren't what they used to be

I hate it too when the ushers switch on the giant fans with people about.

They are strictly for popcorn removal only.

>Bitch looking at the ceiling
High as fuck.

fuck off where's my boy jamal at

Where is Robert?

He got beaten to death by some liberals because he was a Trump supporter.

>hiding my popcorn in my foreskin so that I don't have to pay £20 for a bucket
>falls out as I buy ticket
>get kicked out
>mfw I lost all my popcorn

>t-that's okay. I'll just sit on the floor and worship your feet