Ladies and gentlemen, how do we increase our profit margins?

Ladies and gentlemen, how do we increase our profit margins?

Reduce eligibility for employee bonuses.

riiiigghhhhht

Replace space marines with xenomorphs.

breed with alien queen

Create a theme park where you can fuck life-like robots. We'll call it Weyland World.

NO BONUSES

Bonuses for company cats.

youre lucky to even be GETTING a bonus!

In the event of an encounter with alien life, let's do everything in our power to kill the crewmates and cause as much chaos as possible.

xenomorph abortions for some, miniature american flags for others

get rid of the old man

Do a forceful take over of SEEGSON

How about we focus less on the whole xenomorph thing? It hasn't worked for years, why do we keep trying?

A xenomorph army is the only thing keeping WY from being bought out by Walmart

we capture an alien and use it for our bioweapons division!

Because that has worked the last four times we've tried it. Who the fuck keeps hiring guys with dumb ideas?

You're fired! Get out of wherever our headquarters are!

we give them a bigger bonus if they die in mission, so we save on salary AND bonus

Japanese wasp xenomorph?

b-but alien weapons!

If my mind serves me well, Seegson is but a fucking joke to WY. In the game they put a lot of exposition in the computer terminals. And you dont need to go that far, in the scene in which the WY synth representative fight with Seegson's synth the former hands out the latter's ass with ease so de differences in technology development became awfully obvious

Which movie is this happen?

Best Interactive Movie

???

shit, I really hope we get an isolation sequel soon. shit was may favorite game that came out that year

isolation was shit

...

I think alien infestations are a major tax write off, sir. Perhaps we should capture some uncontrollable alien organism and then inadequately contain it in hopes that it breaks out. The amount of money we save on the write off far outweighs our losses in terms of facilities and personnel.

fag

>that is is why
stopped reading right there

How about we start whoring out our synths as sex-bots?

Xenomorphs too. Hell I know some freaks out there willing to pay top dollar to fuck a facehugger.

with this!

WEAPONISE. XENOMORPH.

Use Xenomorphs planted with a self destruct device implanted in them as your soldiers.
Maybe try to use some basic electric inputs as a form for guidance.
Breeding of theese Xenomorphs would only happen on remote and uninhabited moons, overseen by androids.

kek

>Colonise Klendathu
>Crossbreed Xenos and Bugs
>???
>Profit

Do you have any idea how expensive androids are? We have an unlimited amount of peons that are much cheaper - and more importantly, replaceable - in the event of an accident.

Let's put colonies on other planets and just let them colonize them and harvest their natural resources.

I think that was working pretty well until we started making them all get face raped.

Bio-Organic Clothing line.

Anybody remember the book where xeno hormones become a commercial product and an athlete on xeno-roids runs so fast that he flays himself around a steel girder?

What about the bonuses?

Learn the lore before ever replying to me or my wife's son again

Yes I read that one, pretty good

Lets weaponize xenos so we can fight aliens that don't exist.

Predators exist user

Hey, uh, what's going on in this thread guys?

The only bonus a worker shall receive at our xenomorph breeding facilities is the ability to spend their normal salary on Weyland-Yutani goods by virtue of staying alive long enough to spend their money.

can we talk about the bonus situation?

what's it called?

let's build robot aliens

>just EMP my shit up senpai

The company would implement a kill switch that would activate if such an event were to occur. Right?

kek

Well yes, they're be rigged with 2oz. of C4 each headset

Alien Harvest.

I think

Um... Excuse me sir. W-what is it this company actually does?

We Build Better Worlds By Raping Faces With Aliens.

Right.

I don't know why anybody would weaponize any animal for use in combat.

The clean-up afterwards would be fucking horrible. You'd have to kill all the aliens and clean up their barfy shit on the walls. Not to mention all the infrastructure they destroy trying to get at all the humans. And that's assuming you've isolated the infestation to a space station - if you let these fuckers loose on a planet you'd have all the dog-sized xenomorphs to deal with too.

People need a ridiculous amount of ideal conditions to survive. They need oxygen, water, food, warmth, and are vulnerable to being disabled by an incredible amount of synthetic chemicals which we already have today.

stop. you're acting hysterical

Is that also the one where they use queen jelly as a hallucinogenic drug and there is a cult built around worship of the drug/Alien?

The cult thing is Earth Hive, I think. They're the ones that fuck Earth over.

You'd use a genetic disease to kill the xenos once the attack is over.

Cleaning up the corpses and other detritus would be much quicker and cheaper than rebuilding a colony you had to bomb to take over. Bio/animal attacks look like accidents and are easier to deny, allowing you to attack with impunity.

The biggest risk factor is your target deciding to nuke their own colony to stop the xeno. Then your margins are fucked.

maybe we should make an android that doesn't touch everything obsessively.

maybe we should make an android whose head can't easily be knocked off its shoulders.

...

Works for Umbrella.

FPBP

Do the same thing without knowing what we're getting into numerous times and fail yet again, and repeat.

>Cleaning up the corpses and other detritus would be much quicker and cheaper than rebuilding a colony you had to bomb to take over.
Unless those fucking corpses are acid bombs that can eat through a ships hull.

Think you are right.
Long time since I read these books tough

No man, this isn't a regular house that you're renovating. These are space-bases. The Xenomorph will shred and melt everything to bits to get at people and the repairs would be fucking obscene and the people will certainly defend themselves by shooting the acid baloons.

The amount of money to house and maintain the Xenomorph to be combat ready would be absurd. Everyone already knows they exist - infestations don't just fucking happen. It is literally easier to deny a bullet to the back of the head even with security cameras and ID scans or whatever.

Not economical or practical. Even less economical to carry chickens and cows around for fresh eggs and milk.

fu

Conventional warfare is more practical and economical.

But it's not as fun.

no more complimentary peanuts on space flights

...

got me

We can try to market this surplus of xeno-Ripley hybrid clones.
Harvest them for organs perhaps, this human-xeno genome is highly adaptable! Just think of it! No chance of rejection by the host!
We can grind the rest down into protein!

sorry, Make THIS happen!

Holy fuck I bought that one issue back when I was a kid. Only one I ever bought. What a weird call back.

The navy bred and trained dolphins for a project back in the 90s. When it came to live test the dolphins froze to death because the project heads didn't communicate well enough I guess????? Trained non arctic dolphins and tested them out by Alaska. Idk. Go America.

...

no more 'bonus situations'

The military has so much money it isn't even funny - same with civic, state, and national infrastructure. They'll pay $50,000 for a renovation job that an ordinary tradesman could do for $5000. Because their contractors know they can overcharge and they'll pay it because nobody gives a fuck.

I was working on a job for the city, cost around $200,000. Did the job, then just before the final installation some guy comes along and says something needed to be changed. And we were like, "we did the job exactly to your specs and all the parts were custom cut and are sitting right there" and he was like, "that has changed" so we said "this is going to cost you another $200,000 because we have to tear it down and re-order a made-to-order part and he said to do it.

My fucking tax dollars go to things like THAT. Every day. We can't pay for schools but we can do that? What the fuck.

Let me tell you what politicians are like. They just have to spend the money otherwise their budget gets axed. So every fucking year there are millions of offices (commercial and government) all across this country just buying new computers and printers just because. And they do it because it makes them look busy. They spend their money on useless charitable events that help nobody instead of doing something that matters.

I have to work five days a week and some people have it worse with multiple jobs. But these people spend a month of the year just fucking traveling on a plane when we have fucking Skype.

Was that the one where the leader of the cult was a guy who wanted to know what it was like to give birth so he wanted an alien baby or something?

More like Gayland-Punani

Partially, he visited a pregnant whore so he could imagine what it was like to have something growing inside of him. I think some people were susceptible to alien psychic waves or something and so he had an unconscious desire to spread the xenomorph horde. Been so many years since I read that.

because no one else has posted it

Yeah it was that. They were group-dreaming or some shit and it led to them unleashing the Xenomorph on Earth.

I always figured it would be fucking crazy people that would do that. There is no way that any sane corporate or government entity would let that shit loose on Earth. And if they did, they would have nuked a continent off the face of the planet before letting it spread.

When a nuke is dropped on a major civilian center it will be batshit insane people who do it. Nobody in this day and age would actually use a nuke unless it was against actual crazy people. Even North Korea is a rational actor and wouldn't actually nuke anybody.

Well user we have conventional ordinance more destructive than nukes now, and modern atomic weapons are designed to be as clean as possible upon detonation.

I honestly cannot recall any mention of the bonus situation except in the case of Burke.

Was that seriously the motive behind all the fuck-ups? A payout?

The bonus situation is only mentioned in Alien, because Brett and Parker don't get as much money as the others and they want more money to land on an alien planet and pick up an 8 foot tall murder machine.

The rest is memery.

one word 'cunnybots'

No, seriously, how did Weyland-Yutani even become a corporation when every plan they have is "Make killer alien that inevitably kills the crew and proves uncontrollable"?

The alien thing came late in their lifespan, dude. The Company basically owns everything in Alien, hence why they call it the Company and not Weyland-Yutani in the first film.

shit yeah I do please excuse my really really really old gw2 filename

>tfw no sitcom about desk employees at weyland yutani and their boring office jobs managing xenomorph stock holdings

...

they only went out of the way to get the creature in the first film

in aliens, the company had either forgotten about it completely or the attemp in alien was a clandestine operation by a faction instead of the company proper, because they had no idea they planted a colony on the derelict planet until ripley showed up. even then, picking up the alien was entirely burke's idea

in alien 3, they're just trying to take advantage of a situation that just landed in their lap

in alien resurrection, they were not a player in that film's events, having been swallowed up by walmart a long time ago. kind of begs the question of why the mad scientists didn't just pick up some black goo from lv-223 and make a new set of xenos instead of trying to clone ripley over and over

Who the fuck let this hothead into the meeting? Are you from Seegson? Listen sir, we all know how butthurt you guys are after that whole fiasco with the Sevastopol, but this here is the big leagues, and you, my friend, are definitely not big league material.

I'm doing my part!

Yep. Aliens: Genocide