Thank you for coming to Crabstravaganza, sir! Here's your order, with extra butter. Please enjoy your film!

Thank you for coming to Crabstravaganza, sir! Here's your order, with extra butter. Please enjoy your film!

... wait a minute, sir. Are you alone? You are aware of our no singles policy, correct?

daymm Taye Diggs career really went downhill

I'm not alone, this is my falcon Shiela

m-my other friends are in the theater already

>Implying my nigga Robert wouldn't give me a pass.

My own wife's son kicking me out of his theater

Sir, you know I can't just let you in there. How can you prove this? What's your proof?

"Nigga"? Excuse me, sir? I'm going to have to call the guards if you're going to use such crass language.

My nigga you know me, you always drop me a fat bud in my popcorn before I go in. So come on homie, lemme in.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave before I call the guards. I do not deal drugs, and I am most certainly not "your nigga".

Do we have a problem here, Robert?

>tfw you paid a homeless man to be your +1 just to celebrate Crabstravaganza
>tfw he died in the car ride over to the cinema of homelessness

I wanted crab legs so bad I just put sunglasses on him and pulled a Weekend at Bernie's routine.

You are never alone when you are with Robert.

I'm not alone.

M..my boyfriend went ahead to the showers and wanted me to pick up some snacks.

how much for 1x Deluxe Crab Hat and garlic butter dipping sauce my good man Tyrese?

>Not bringing your snacks to the shower to wash them off before you go into the Kino-simulator.

But I'm not alone, sir. My waifu is here with me.

My falcon is in the showers

>people who go into the theatre showers without flip flops
Truly disgusting.

...

>You are aware of our no singles policy, correct?
Indeed but i guess this Benjamin can fix the problem

>tfw no car and not enough money to afford a homeless person
Be thankful for what you have user :'((((((

>tfw you meet qt's working on their craft in the theatre ateliers

Can I grocery shop here?

I WANT EVERYONE HERE TO KNOW THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH ROBERT. HIS PHYSICAL BEAUTY AND KIND, APPROACHABLE TEMPERMENT ARE UNPARALLELED IN THE FIELD OF FILM AND TELEVISION DISCUSSION. ALAS, THIS LONGING MUST REMAIN UNREQUITED FOR MY WONDERFUL ROBERT WOULD NEVER ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH A 40 YEAR OLD NEET MAN WHO LIVES ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MOUNTAINS. SO INSTEAD I WILL BE HONOURED TO BE RESIGNED TO DEFEND HIS HONOUR AT MY EVERY OPPORTUNITY. WATCH OUT, BOYS!!! THIS IS ONE SPECIAL GUY.

Yes, Johnson. Please remove the virulent racist from the kinocenter premises.

Nearly pissed myself with laughter

Is that a bribe? I'm calling the police. Stay right there, sir.

>before I call the guards

wuz you a king or sum shiet?

...

Kek

don't worry Robert. i brought my cinema falcon and it's already perched on the seat next to me. thanks ;)

Are you disparaging my royal ancestry?

HOL UP

hey robert

...

>Not having the decency to preen her feathers with your own tongue
Disgusting

I'll have you know I checked your penis last week and pretended to be the one that made a dookie in the ball pit so I could save your ass.

Let me through.

I actually identify as 2 people. You aren't gonna number-shame me, are you?

What are you talking about? I have my body pillow right here

Damn, Samuel L Jackson looks like THAT?!

>ahhh just fuckin with ya user, you know you my homeboi
>here have another crab leg for fluttersky*
t-thanks robet I love you
I mean - n-nothing ok bye

*fluttersky is my falcon

how the fuck are you supposed to eat crabs legs without making a noise in the theater

welcome to Sup Forums, here's your free loli and copy of TDKR

You deepthroat yourself with it and suck it until the meat comes off

kek

I'm never alone, I would like to buy another ticket for God!

you got me

Each seating cubicle is soundproofed, duh

Haha, yes.

...

...

I am fucking dying

those hips tho

>Sir, you know I can't just let you in there. How can you prove this? What's your proof?
He wasn't alone.

>Roll up to the theater with my falcon Samson
>Penis inspection is taking ages because some fat fucks have esoteric dicks and the pliers were missing
>showers full of pajeets that are barefoot
> wait 20 minutes until the room is sufficiently clean
>rush in when the gates open to get a good perch for my falcon
>Civil war finally starts playing
>At the big fight scene the man chained to the corner for coming alone starts screaming
>it's an absolutely blood curling high pitched cry of horror from having seen this 7 times a day for months
>the bee boy accidentally realeases the bees too early and the bee cubicles haven't emerged yet
>call for Samson and try to find shelter in the cuck shed
>it's absolutely jam packed with Swedish foreign students
>Hide in the corner and hope the doors unlock before the panicked stampeding crowd runs me over
>water slowly drips on me from above, they probably are watching Harry Potter 4
>curl up and feed cold crab legs to Samson for 6 hours until the 3rd replay of the movie ends

Family owned one screen theaters from now only

Domo arigato Mr.Robert-o

>bust out laughing
>professor asks me to explain what I'm laughing at
>hold up my computer with this thread pulled up
>mumble through a half assed explanation
>professor just stares at me and continues the lecture

Fuck you

Course?

Pathophysiology

Any other UK bros here? The complimentary tea machine at the front of the screen broke down earlier, t'was shite

Dont you know who i am?! how dare you!

Fuck

faggot

>That one guy who tried to sneak in his Hawk insisting it was a Falcon
What the fuck is wrong with people?

Does anyone have that overhead map of the cinema screen? It has things like "cuck shed", aviary and so on. Please

You earned this (you) friend.

>water slowly drips on me from above, they probably are watching Harry Potter 4
why of all lines did this one slay me?

are daring synthesize going too far?

The penis inspector is supposed to hand out cinema maps right after you pass inspection, I apologize that you didn't get one. Here you go sir!

Nevermind, I found it. I died the first time I saw this

PLEASE FUCK MY WIFE!

...

>aviary
every fucking time

aren't you quite the simpleton?

If you're looking to be cuckolded, the bull pen is located just past the popcorn pits, sir! Please note you have to go to the cuck shed for the film in case you do decide this.

Is this theater partnered with the Interracial Breeding Grounds?

I'm am quite intelligent actually.

Yes sir! We're 100% IBG approved and certified.

No sir, but we are sponsored by Your Wife's Son Softworks™

>being a falcon cuck

step aside, peasants

>that one guy that brings the crow

every. fucking. time.

>guy brings his dog into the theater instead of using the theater doggy daycare

I hate it when these fuckers ignore the rules, I always end up getting dogshit on my cinema sandals

>when the theater's Lap Inspector sits in your lap the entire movie

he's supposed to move on after ten minutes at most

It's nice having an eagle so you can sit in the first class eyrie seats away from the plebs.

Did you try asking him to move?

>didn't pass the lap inspection certification course

There's 15 weeks down the fucking drain

Here's your (you) m8

My fuckin sides

>few years ago at movie theater
>eating popcorn
>grab something weird
>it's a gold card
>mfw I snuck in with a stuffed falcon so I could get better seating
>have to explain why he died during the movie to the guards so he doesn't have to enter the tournament
>have to sob my heart out holding what is essentially an oversized beanie baby and pretend I have lost a dear friend this day to Spy Kids 4

Fucking theaters, man.

>his local kinotorium doesn't have a crematory in the basement

You brought this on yourself

jesus fucking christ.

>Lap inspector is a girl

Well done.

>Kino Palace
>not having guards in a palace

Holy shit I'm dying right now.
Does the falcon meme have any particular origin?

meme?

America, you fucking ignorant foreigner.

Yeah, like your theaters don't actually let you bring falcons and shit, right? It's just a joke, I'm asking how the joke originated.

The falcon thing is real man. Mainly on the US East coast though.