What went wrong? obviously if you thought I'd write right here you're fucking retarded

What went wrong? obviously if you thought I'd write right here you're fucking retarded

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Evan Almighty was better

The evolution time lapse was great and so was the war time lapse.

Everything else, from costumes, art design, casting, acting and dialogue was literally one of the worst things Ive ever seen.

I don't really remember much of it but it was alright.

This scene was great

youtube.com/watch?v=FFCXHr8aKDk

le grimderp everything

forced romance

The shitty design of the Watchers. I imagine that's a leftover from the graphic novel but damn it's bad. How did those Geodudes mate with human women?

how does the biblical version end?
does noah really become bummed out and drinks a lot at the end?

it was a pretty great movie. I love god just pwning and drowning sinful faggots left and right and exploding rock guys. old school biblical horror.

>does noah really become bummed out and drinks a lot at the end?

Yep

And then he curses his nigger son and all his descendants to forever be slaves to the white man.

I'm not making this up.

additional questions for those who have read the bible:
was god placated after mostly wiping out humanity?

when did god stop being so mean? is it mentioned in between old and new testaments?

so we're all supposedly just descendants of this incest fuck fest between like 8 people?

i know nothing about the bible

I actually thought this was a pretty entertaining movie

Maybe it's better if you evaluate it just as a movie and not as a bible story

after the flood he made a promise with humanity to never do it again
afaik

It insulted Christfags by showing Noah get drunk, which is haram.
Not enough rock-creature backstory.
Not enough based Methuselah.

>Not enough rock-creature backstory.
nephilim.

>what went wrong
>Darren Aronofsky

Gee I wonder...

>when did god stop being so mean?
He didn't, he just invented Hell which is worse than anything else he could ever do.
>so we're all supposedly just descendants of this incest fuck fest between like 8 people?
Yes, but that's okay because it's a miracle.
Gesundheit.

The ending
Holy fuck, that guy climbing aboard, that awful fight, and Noah wanting to kill the baby were 0/10

It'd be really easy to make a fan edit
>Cut out the shots of retard getting aboard the ship
>Cut to black after creation sequence

Sectumsempra.

>He invented hell
Looks like this guy really did his research! He KNOWS why he dislikes the Judeo-Christian God :^)

Fire and brimstone come from the Jews, and the god of the Jews. But Kek is my god, and Kek lives in the memes. And from Kek we learn the secret of dubs

>when did god stop being so mean?

He didn't, Christians are just pussies who can't stand the idea of an angry, vengeful storm god who actually requires them to do stuff instead of just believing in him, so they created a bad fanfiction with their very of Gary Stu protagonist.

>It insulted Christfags by showing Noah get drunk, which is haram.

It's only haram in Islam, and it's canon.

but muh forced suspense

Praise Kek brother.

Aronofsky should stick to making kinos like the Wreslter and Pi

>Christians trying to reconcile religion with modern science
More offensive than the creationist museum tbqh

nah, not really.

you think aronofsky is a christian?

>that flaming sword scene
>all the niggas drowning clinging to the rock
>cannibalism n sheeeeit

fucking crazy ass movie

Greatest sin of this film is the shitty performance Ray Winstone gives.

The trailers hyped me for epic destruction too but it was unrealistic to expect Gladiator meets bible. I hoped for it anyway.

Wow Drumpf voters are this stupid huh?

You thinks Christians are different from Jews?

the director really thought his audience could suspend disbelief as they watched him try to explain angels as possessed meta rocks.

fuck off commie

It was an ADAPTATION you stupid fuckhole

actually Judaism doesn't even have hell, it's very mum about the afterlife
the closest they have is talking about Gehenna which is a burning trash pile outside of Jerusalem. Christfags took the imagery of the dead being thrown into it as metaphorical for some reason and extrapolated the whole eternal hell business

If thats true, why does Hollywood allow Satan worshipping illuminati sex orgies?

>when did god stop being so mean? is it mentioned in between old and new testaments?
Old testament stories were emo fanfictions made by Jews in exile after getting BTFO by Babylonians, Asyrians and Persians and doomed to work in slavery for generations. They had a lot of angst and banked all their hope on their angry vengful God striking down their oppressors. The New Testament, on the other hand, was feelgood gobledygoop made to convert a bunch of pagans and hippies, so god became all about love and acceptance. Down the road Angry god came back from time to time (Islam/Calvanism/Inquisition era), but mainstream Roman Catholicism has embraced the happy beard man. Jews still think hes a jerk tho, hence why half of them are somehow "athiest jews", whatever that means.

>for (((some reason)))

maybe cause it's easier to control good goys when you tell them that if they misbehave they'll be sent to the naughty corner in the afterlife

>angels are aliens
>it's actually a post apocalyptic story that takes place in the future
i know right

Took a girl on a date to this. I'm a conservative Christian. She's a liberal atheist. I thought it was meh. She loved it. We never went out again.

hey guys I have a great idea, lets try biblical stories from an agnostic perspective!

Because it's environmentalist garbage.

They mated with them before, didn't they?

Ignore all the other responses.

What changed is that the old testament is essentially the Jewish source material aka the Tora. Suddenly this dude comes along and changes everything (Jesus).

The New testament is essentially Jesus fan fiction and has close to nothing to do with the Old Jewish religion.

Thats why the Jews hate Jesus and why Christians hate Jews (for killing Jesus).

The movie was totally bonkers, which I give it credit for. I'm no biblical scholar but it was so bizarre and off message I respect it for at least being so off the wall. It was more like Conan mixed with Dark Crystal than any bible story.

tbf modern Judaism has next to nothing to do with the old Jewish religion too. Judaism used to be bronze age to the max in that everything was settled by sacrifices, god constantly intervened in everyday life, etc. Now it's all about scholarship, discussion, and keeping tradition

>Now it's all about scholarship, discussion, and keeping tradition

Yeah, murdering goys is just a side effect amirite?

what is Jacobs Ladder?
what is Ben Hur?

kys m8

Literally the only good scene in this shitfest.
youtube.com/watch?v=OwSWRdbSQK0

Jesus knew his Old Testament theology. He preached from it extensively. In his words, he came to fulfill the law.

Yeah we all read Reza Aslan and his revisionist theology. Im an atheist, but I can promise you that Jesus had NOTHING to do with theology. He was a social revolutionary trying to instill his "love and peace" mentality. The few moments where he showed "by the books" theology, is when he went nuts on the vendors in the temple.

Apart from that hes simply a rebel trying to make the world a better place.

They have Sheol which is just a world of darkness where all dead go to. Of course it depends on the period of Judaism you're talking about.

...

Does anybody have reasons they didn't like this sans all of the comparisons to the source material? If you don't consider the source material, I think this is actually a pretty good fantasy movie

The costumes are shit. The art design is shit. The actors are terribly cast (apart from Noah). The story is not exactly NEW. Its full of bullshit dialogue.

We all know what happens. We all know the story. This was a shitty version of an already overrated story.

when it's a bible movie, it's kind of hard to avoid comparing to the source material. Everyone knows the rules of that universe and flipping them on their head is frustrating at the very least

It's basically like a sequel that completely ignores the previous movies and changes everything. Even if it's creative in some way, going against the canon is a sin

I would watch a film based on Methuselah. That was some seriously metal shit when he showed up.

If he didn't know theology why was he always quoting the OT and using parables?

Are we talking about the historical figure of Jesus from Nazareth, or are we talking about the "son of God" who is also the same guy, who died for all our sins?

It just goes to show how fucked up the morality of the Bible is by modern standards.

I'm talking about Jesus as depicted in the Bible.

Matthew chapter 5 shows a heavy reliance on OT theology in order to convince Jews that he is a fulfillment of the law and that they should turn to him.

Im talking about history, not fantasy.

Jesus really lived.

The shit in the bible... well lets just say that its as accurate, as is Lord of the rings.

Okay, but this started because was asking about the narrative of the Bible. That's why I'm talking about Biblical Jesus.

The bible isnt an accurate source for historical context. Im being polite.

Anything you'd read from the Bronze and Iron Age would be fucked up by today's morality. Hell, the standards 30 years ago were fucked up by today's morality.

ton of sci fi in those

Yeah I get that, but my point is that Jesus was more a spiritual rebel, than "the son of god", which was the narration the bible chose.

The new testament highjacked Jesus. Its not history.

>its another athiest completely misses the point and instead jumps on his soapbox to preach a bunch of irrelevant shit nobody even asked for episode

watcher design sucked
forced "DAMNED IF I DON'T GET WHAT I WANT HAHA REMEMBER I SAID THIS WHEN I KILLED UR DAD". should have had some character trait or a tattoo or something else linking the character, not some lame motto
the villain sneaking onto the boat was horrible. the entire plot should have been rewritten.
the ending sucked. emma watson sucked.

The comic based on the same screenplay was dope as shit. So I guess failed acting and fucked up scenery.

It had so much potential and tons of references it could have worked with like Book Of Enoch for example.

...

I couldn't believe I was watching an Aronofsky movie. It was a fucking trainwreck in slow motion. If he wants to do graphic novels, let him do them. Those aren't movies. It's the work of an artist who works across formats working at a period of life when he should have stayed quiet, gestated, and stocked shelves at the local Wal-Mart for inspiration.

Judaism is an interesting meter between pure nihilism and folklore. The most successful ideology (in terms of staying power across both history and physically aside) of the Western civilizations ended up being this fucking Absurdist segment which has its myth, of course, but is predicated on the origin of human consciousness as perceiving that Determenistic conditions aren't a product of any one unilateral force and that one can, at any rate, imagine a position of actual power.

Jesus as a figure within the Jewish culture is particularly interesting because he's essentially shutting down the idea of necessary subservience and bringing a belief back to its constituency from the bureaucracy. And what got him killed was explaining it sufficiency of inner privacy in a situation which economically depended on expansion of surveillance.

>tfw the world finally have a Pope who fucking gets the entire point of practicing benevolence as an actual means of unlocking the subtler mind and exploring the machine
>tfw world reacts with a passe Westworld television program

ROCK MONSTERS

>when did god stop being so mean? is it mentioned in between old and new testaments?
Lol no, god is still a bitch ass nigga. Worship him 24/7 and give 10% of your salary, and your reward is getting to worship him for the rest of eternity. Such a faggot

Yes, Noah gets drunk and exposes himself to his son, then gets all butthurt because his son saw his genitalia and damns him and his descendants for eternity.

>everything I know about the Bible comes from wikipedia

The last act, the fucking last act lasted what, an hour?

My legs fell asleep in the cinema, ffs

>so we're all supposedly just descendants of this incest fuck fest between like 8 people?
Don't worry about it, it's all fake ancient Sumerian shit that the Jews brought when they were released from Babylon.

>creationist museum

Yeah because the New Testament is totally 100% real lol

Best part is that it's in my state and the person who founded it debated Bill Nye in the town I currently live in. My sister in law felt Ken Hamm, the founder, got Nye on some pretty good points.

No, I actually read the bible when I was a young boy.

Hey christfags, you realize that you literally worship a Jew right?

It's not enough to read the Bible. It's an ancient as fuck text and you need to actually study the interpretation to understand what's going on.

ayyy kentucky bro, i heard they are gonna expand it or building another one next to it right?
have you ever went inside?

I don't care, I've wasted enough time of my life reading about that bullshit, the only conclusion I got from it is that I'm glad my parents never baptized me.

Who was this film aimed at?

Normies don't give a shit, and for Christians the film is literally blasphemy (the bible says no one may alter, add or remove its text. The film made up 90% of the story and OC characters and had actual demons build the ark. With added epic fights added to boot. )
The character and motivation of Noah was unrecognisable. Instead of the last good and kind man on earth, he's a gritty antihero who wants the world and his family dead.

seriously, what the fuck was Darren Aronofsky thinking when he decide to choose this project?

> actual demons build the ark. With added epic fights added to boot.
> Instead of the last good and kind man on earth, he's a gritty antihero who wants the world and his family dead.

Goddamn, now you're making me want to watch it

Thanks, my freethinking anti theist friend. Your insightful posts really made me ponder.

They weren't demons, they were nephilim, from what I got from the bible the nephilim were the pre deluge giants who were the result of angels breeding with humans.
If I remember the movie correctly the nephilim in the movie were angels who helped humans to evolve, in the graphic novel they didn't look like rock monsters, they looked like giant trolls that dressed like Mad Max villains.

Interesting, in diablo 3 the Nephalem were human's direct ancestor which, and they were the offspring of angel and demon

You shouldn't learn your theology from video games, user.

This.

He promised he would never drown them again. I think he says next time is fire

>I think he says next time is fire
This is what most people thought that was going to happen in the year 2000.

I thought it was ok.

Like the one thing that bothered me was all the anticipation after noah went ""evil"".

We knew anyway he wasnt gonna kill the babies so i thought all scenes after that were pointless.

And his sudden realization felt so fucking forced.

The movie should have ended after the battle.