Meanwhile, in Hogwarts Sup Forums

meanwhile, in Hogwarts Sup Forums...

AHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING NIGGER

Hermione's pussy is very pink. i saw her masterbating in common room.

Look I'm just trying to make a rational and adult argument that black wizard kids should be segregated, what's eveyrone getting worked up for?

Slytherin masterrace reporting, how does it feel to be a mudblood cuck?

vote bernie lads!

>I'm inbred so I'm p-pure
enjoy your magic anemia

>cast imperio on mom
>sucked her boobies
>release the spell

life as a wizard is best.

Hufflepuff best house

>nobody puts great expectations on you
>confirmed canon that they make the best and most loyal friends
>7 years of chilling and testing that herbology dank
>other kids go around killing each other over retarded sport competitions or the house cup
>meanwhile your dorm is right next to the kitchen so you can sneak some good shit in
>slytherin and gryffindor kids become enemies who kill each other, ravenclaw are antisocial eggheads while you get a comfy job in the countryside as a vet or something

Meanwhile, on Sup Forums we discuss what was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>go to wizard school
>do not discuss wizard stuff
>instead discuss politics, race and memes

>implying there aren't mudbloods in Slytherin

>contraceptive and anti-VD spells
>spells to keep your dick hard and keep cumming
christ almighty can you imagine the fuckfests in that school

CRASHING THIS BROOM

Professor Quirrell, Im Auror

How do we stop the ""goblins"" from stealing all our money

AYO HOL UP
*takes chocolate frog from cart without paying*
YOU BE SAYIN THAT
*Rides off on someone else's broom*
THAT BLACK
*breaks into Hermione's wizard sleeve*
CUD BE ANYWHERE?

don't keep your money in (((Gringotts))), invest in broom manufacturers

...

How does it feel to be a house points cuck?

anyone from hufflepuff tryna smash?

I want to fuck hermoine so badly

Voldemort literally did nothing wrong.

>implying we didn't objectively win

Salazar was better, Voldemort isn't even worthy to shine his shoes

His plans were utterly retarded

true
gotta upvote the heck outta this post right here
/r/books for life

The part where he gets caught is especially dumb. Like it was part of his plan or something.

>Voldemort
>the meme version of Grindelwald

Is wizard and muggle race mixing bad, slytherin is telling me it is

>tfw to intelligent four quidditch

>dat 10'' mud-blood dick
Pure-bloods can't even compete!

based

BIG

Good one Goyle

It's actually more of a purple/brown colour.

is it gay to make some polymorph juice to change into a girl and sneak into the boys' dormitory?

The Adventures of Merlin reboot is coming out soon, and all the wizards are played by muggles.

I'm so happy that we've come so far, i look forward to a more inclusive future!

Now that the dust has settled, who was the best and worst dark arts teacher

Harry, did I ever tell you that we oppose Voldemort on moral grounds despite keeping elves as slaves and stopping goblins and other magical creatures from owning wands? They are bad friends.

>canterbury tales
>worth reading
plus, old english is almost impossible to understand for a foreigner

Lupin was the best of course. Umbridge the worst.

>best Lupin
>worst Umbridge
But desu I'd enjoy (fake) Moody the most

Cry more.

"It's that you each, to shorten the long journey,
Shall tell two tales en route to Canterbury,
And, coming homeward, another two,
Stories of things that happened long ago.
Whoever best acquits himself, and tells
The most amusing and instructive tale,
Shall have a dinner, paid by us all,
Here in this roof, and under this roof-tree,
When we come back again from Canterbury."

maybe a dumb foreigner
are you a dumb foreigner?

>Mahabharata
Man I read that back in Hs, it was complete shit. I mean to even put that in the same breath as Ovid should be a criminal act, I mean it goes HP > fan fiction > literal shit > Maha

Lupin>Moody(Crouch)>Snape>Quirrell>Lockhart>Umbridge>Carrow

But how do you know when a book is bad if you dont read it?

I want to transfiguration my dick to be huge

Best I can do is transform your needle into a matchstick

>not the most powerful wizard
>not the most evil wizard
>not even the wizard who's killed the highest amount of people

lol

Somehow amusing that Lupin and Lockhart were the only teachers that werent Deatheaters or pawns to Deatheaters

Lol

sounds about right
you're not complaining are you? Only stupid mudblood DA'ers get this easily triggered

lul'd. Cantebury tales is boring af. It's an early social critique, that's it. Plus, it's praising the aristocracy. I've had a written exam on it in british litterature. Got an A.

And all of them tried to kill or hurt Harry at some point

>it's praising the aristocracy
Is that supposed to be criticism?

>2017
>paying for school
>not learning deep web spells for free

I sure hope not

>2016
>still doesn't have Internet or tv
Fuck hogwarts, who here is transferring

the books are more like 1995 tho

no, it's criticism of social mobility, in the sense that everyone has a determined place in society. Almost all of the characters from the third estate try to be something they're not. They're all flawed characters. The knight, however, is praised.

>boring af
stopped reading here

Was Voldemort the worst (((Dark Lord))) of all time? All he did was take over the apparatus of the state.

>Let's keep elves as slaves and not grant them basic rights
Sounds fair
>Let's ignore modern technology and scientific advancements and teach teenagers spells in a huge castle in scotland
..Sure
>Let's play a sport on broomsticks that makes no sense with only 2 important positions while everyone else just tries to kill each other
Yeah alr...
>and let's make the kids play it
...What could go wrong?
>Let's ignore background checks for our teachers who will be living in the same building as young, easily manipulated children
Well, teachers gotta teach
>Let's bully every creature that isn't a human wizard and generally look down on them and occasionally use them as guinea pigs to demonstrate our worst spells
Obviously
>We hate non-wizards and mudbloods!
Woah there pal. Kate Middleton's pretty hot. I'd totally 'teach' her, if you get me. I'm sorry, we can't compromise there
A wizard war is the only option

Technically, The Canterbury Tales was written in Middle English and should be recognisable to native speakers but it will be difficult.

Beowulf is Old English and that's basically just Frisian mixed with 4 other Old Germanic languages and almost entirely unrecognizable from modern English.

HOL UP MAH NIGGA BLACK'S ASS COULD BE ANYWHERE YO!

Does anyone remember that huge slut Cho Chang? Was there anyone she wouldn't fuck?

harry

>the chosen cuck

>have to write 30 sheets on the history of magical beast tort law
>just imperio my roommate to do it

who else cruising to an easy job in the ministry here?

Can't believe Albus Dumbledore was part of Jimmy Saville's gay pedophile ring

>he's a hogpleb
Lmao avada kedavra yourself, britpleb

So when did you have suspicions Dumbedoor was a fag? I thought something was up in Half Blood Prince when he read a fucking Heat magazine in the muggle's house bathroom while Harry and Slughorn waited and he mentioned how much he enjoyed it. Nobody enjoys Heat except for women and fags.

>Tfw you'll never take part in a Hufflepuff masturbation session

>Uagadou was created at least a thousand years prior to the time of Harry Potter. Although a number of smaller schools were to be found in Africa, Uagadou stood the test of time and achieved an enviable international reputation.[2]

>At an International Symposium of Animagi held in or around 2016, the Uagadou School Team attracted a lot of press when their exhibition of synchronised Animagus transformations caused a near riot. Many older and more experienced witches and wizards felt threatened by fourteen-year-olds who could turn at will into elephants and cheetahs, and a formal complaint was lodged with the International Confederation of Wizards by Adrian Tutley.[2]

>Uagadou students were skilled in Astronomy, Alchemy and Self-Transfiguration. Since wands were mostly a European invention, Uagadou students preferred and were able to cast spells by pointing the finger or through hand gestures, which gave them a sturdy line of defence when they were accused of breaking the International Statute of Secrecy.[2]

what did rowling mean by this

Why would anybody want to work in the ministry outside of say, Ron's dad, who expresses a genuine interest in research?

They never really explain the economy of the wizarding world.
There's no industry, no agriculture, of their own.
Where do they create?
Where do they earn money?
It doesn't seem like they can just create food for themselves, but why couldn't they?
What motivation do they have to do a job when they can go anywhere and do anything?

The most realistic explanation I can think of is that they have high level connections with muggle governments and industry who supply them with food and supplies in exchange for minor magical boons.

It's not gay if it's a Hufflepuff.

Mainland Asia really got kicked in the dick when it came to getting a school.

India and China have a ridiculous amount of the world's population but there isn't a single magical school between them.

job security, breh
you can just jerk around all day and never get fired

You

already breaking the law

But why get a job?
You're a fucking wizard.

Hey guys, I think I can get you threw 7 years of Hogwarts in one easy lesson:

To do magic, point your wand and say the name of the spell you want to cast.

That's all.

Why are there no schools in the most populous parts of the world but two in western europe

not everyone is great at every kind of magic, man. the only thing I'm really good at is making my wand light up

Same reason people join Starfleet. In a post-scarcity society, people work for pleasure and for an allowance of the things that cannot be infinitely replicated.

In Star Trek that includes transporter credit or latinum. In HP maybe that's Floo Powder or to be allowed to keep your Broom Licence

it's because rowling is a hack

jj abrams should reboot the harry potter universe.

>Since wands were mostly a European invention, Uagadou students preferred and were able to cast spells by pointing the finger
lmao

Communist China got rid of all magic users doing the Maoist period during a huge genocide they hide as starvation.

USA's food and fluoride water destroyed any magical abilies amongst the population.

vote for me for wizard king. i will kill all the je-goblins.

Because nobody cares about china in the west

>This ancient Japanese school has the smallest student body of the eleven great wizarding schools and takes students from the age of seven (although they do not board until they are eleven). While day students, wizarding children are flown back and forth to their homes every day on the backs of a flock of giant storm petrels. The ornate and exquisite palace of Mahoutokoro is made of mutton-fat jade, and stands on the topmost point of the 'uninhabited' (or so Muggles think) Volcanic island of Minami Iwo Jima.

>Students are presented with enchanted robes when they arrive, which grow in size as they do, and which gradually change colour as the learning of their wearer increases, beginning a faint pink colour and becoming (if top grades are achieved in every magical subject) gold. If the robes turn white, this is an indication that the student has betrayed the Japanese wizard's code and adopted illegal practices (which in Europe we call 'Dark' magic) or broken the International Statute of Secrecy. To 'turn white' is a terrible disgrace, which results in instant expulsion from the school and trial at the Japanese Ministry for Magic.

SECTUMSEMPRA
SECTUMSEMPRA
SECTUMSEMPRA
SECTUMSEMPRA
SECTUMSEMPRA
SECTUMSEMPRA
NIGGER_________

>Mahoutokoro's reputation rests not only on its impressive academic prowess, but also on its outstanding reputation for Quidditch, which, legend has it, was introduced to Japan centuries ago by a band of foolhardy Hogwarts students who were blown off course during an attempt to circumnavigate the globe on wholly inadequate broomsticks. Rescued by a party of wizarding staff from Mahoutokoro, who had been observing the movements of the planets, they remained as guests long enough to teach their Japanese counterparts the rudiments of the game, a move they lived to regret. Every member of the Japanese Quidditch team and the current Champion's League winners (the Toyohashi Tengu) attributes their prowess to the gruelling training they were given at Mahoutokoro, where they practise over a sometimes turbulent sea in stormy conditions, forced to keep an eye out not only for the Bludgers but also for planes from the Muggle airbase on a neighbouring island.

shit translation

In this viage shal telle tales tweye
To caunterbury-ward, I mene it so,
And homward he shal tellen othere two,
Of aventures that whilom han bifalle.
And which of yow that bereth hym best of alle,
That is to seyn, that telleth in this caas
Tales of best sentence and moost solaas,
Shal have a soper at oure aller cost
Heere in this place, sittynge by this post,
Whan that we come agayn fro caunterbury.

>To 'turn white' is a terrible disgrace

>To 'turn white' is a terrible disgrace, which results in instant expulsion from the school and trial at the Japanese Ministry for Magic.

that and the inner strength you clearly need to train like the force

>To 'turn white' is a terrible disgrace
SHE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

The US clearly has a school though. Are you unable to interpret a map of the world?