ITT: Things that disturb your cinema experience

ITT: Things that disturb your cinema experience.

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People who need to pint out the obvious. this happens mostly with comedies. For example, let's say a character slips on a banana peel and someone says "ahah yeah, because they are slick".
This kind of shit; at least it's a decent idiot detector.

Autists. Some guy was checking out his phone one last time and making sure his ringer was off when I went to see Hacksaw Ridge and the second that the movie was starting, before the production company title cards were over, some fat neckbeard was asking him to turn off his phone. I wanted to chuck my full pounder of cider at him.

People who talk softly whenever there is silence

People that shoot up the theater while I'm trying to watch the plane scene.

niggers

*cough*

The fact that I don't have a gf

The seats, I want my legs up sometime but theirs no space

niggers

When the Cinema showers have a no snake policy

>when you buy some popcorn and toss it out and replace the contents of the bag with doritos

I just want to hold someone

People munching on popcorn
People eating awful smelling nachos
People slurping on drinks (particularly annoying)

That guy who eats his loud as fuck M&Ms one at a time for the entire film and eventually someone tells him to stfu, but he keeps doing it unashamedly.

Also when groups of children sneak into a film they're not allowed to see and cause trouble. And they know nobody will do shit because people are scared of interacting with children

When the movie doesn't live up to my expectations

the asshole who won't throw back your paper plane when it lands near him
the autist who gets mad when you rest your feet on the back of his seat
when the cinema let a single in and he starts opening fire on the audience

If the public of the movie includes autistic children then you're watching the wrong movie user.

>can't bring my body pillow because it has a strong odor

You can hold your pillow and think about me

When the theater has a no anvil hammering policy

Whats the point of even going if I cant bang my anvil with a hammer?

When there are only kid-size dildo-chairs left and the dragon dildo doesn't reach my prostate.

Blacks.

Wtf?

What are you meant to do during the slow parts of the film, if you can't smith?

I don't get this, people who thinks that the silent part of the movie, would be the PERFECT time to talk, og eat candy. Do that when they movie is loud guys.

People desu. I've rarely gone to anything but press screenings in recent years.

teenagers who aren't there to watch the movie but to prove to their friends how hilariously sarcastic they can be

>because they are slick
I'd laugh my ass off if this happened desu

Do Americans really shoot people and clap at movie theaters?

Back when i was a kid going to the movies became such a hassle because of my dipshit sister that i stopped going to them.

>New movie comes out
>Mom forces me to bring little sister to it "because she wants to see it"
>The second the movie begins she will immediately start asking what's going on in every scene and why the characters are doing X
>If i tell her i don't fucking know because i've never seen the NEW MOVIE before she'll just get pissy and continue asking retarded questions

She was only two years younger than me, so she can't use the dipshit little kid excuse.

People actually clap at the end of movies. It's fucking weird to watch considering they will all start doing it at the same exact time.

>wallet falls out of your back pocket
>can't find it without going under your seat, so you wait it out
>or did you leave it tlat the counter?
>were you pickpocketed?
>have to kneel down to search after the movie

Umm... EXCUSE ME? What would your mom say if she knew you were being racist on the internet?

>it's in 3D
>I wear the 3D glasses over my own glasses because otherwise it'll be blurry

>putting a wallet in the back pocket

This is why you're a virgin.

>his mom doesn't hate niggers

MOM'S GOING TO FREAK BECAUSE I HATE SPICS

this is b8

>watching Dr. Strange with my friend
>he keeps falling asleep
>wake him up so he doesn't waste his money
>part where Strange fights the goons for the first time
>kills one
>black guy in the back "He deadddd!"
>theater erupts in laughter

Commentary is sometimes perfect

Why would you put your wallet in your back pocket?

Had an asshole literally fall asleep next to me when watching TFA because my friend is paranoid of strangers sitting next to him and I changed seats with him.

It was a rehash but god damn don't snore like a dumbfuck and at least pay attention to the cinematography.

stop baiting faget

I went to a late night viewing not too long ago with a friend after we had been out drinking. Snuck some beers in it was pretty chill. The only other people there was two couples and like halfway through the film the two guys started squaring up to each other. It added to the experience though desu we just watched them fight and drank our beers.

You're that guy aren't you bitch

>13 year olds on Sup Forums

No seriously I never understood that.

Syrian and Afghani immigrants

ALLAHU ACKBAR

>nigger on Sup Forums

Niggers actually post here instead of playing basketball or robbing liquor stores then killing each other?

Maybe they post here while robbing liquor stores and killing each other.

Niggers. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.
GODDAMN SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Where do they get the time to eat fried chicken and watermelon?

No. I actually work with LITERALLY that very guy, He's the one fatty who despite working a job that involves exercise he's still fat. Yes I know that douche personally

don't worry, i never undestood it too. it's just uncomfortable to sit and walk with a wallet in the back pocket

>he puts a wallet in the back pocket

thats a big snickers

It's uneven as fuck and just wrong. You've also got the added protection of cutting a hole in your pants pocket to rub your balls or a thief touches them when reaching for it but doesn't know you keep your money in your sock.

>tfw polarized 3D glasses don't work for me
Ture story niggas, the optometrist gave me a pair of 3D glasses and showed me a test card. I could only see the babbymode-easy parts of it clearly, that only the doctor from Cannonball Run couldn't see.

>People who clap at the end of movies

>he doesn't give applause to Robert at consessions for the delicious crab legs he made

kys

Normies

>2016
>actually going to the cinema
>not enjoying kino in your own house with a sick set up and lazy boy chairs

I bet you all enjoy the films of Michael bay

Yes, people who refuse to clap for the projectionist after the military advertisements get shot on sight for not being patriotic.

When the usher catches me masturbating...to Zootopia

>Lying about having nice things
>In the off chance it's true not seeing your friend Robert and having friends/house to invite friends too.

Kill yourself

couples making out

They get shot for not participating in the pre show butter wrestling turned orgy.

Sitting next to this guy

>be me
>tired of popcorn
>take the popcorn bucket that my theater hands out and while I'm home I put a small bowl of cereal and a pint of milk in it.
>I put the lid on the popcorn bucket so the cinema employees won't flip
>movie starts
>grab bowl of cereal
>pour milk in it
>start eating and enjoying my movie
>some guy notices
>"did you really fucking bring cereal in here?"
>look at him with a mouth full of cereal and decide not to say anything and just continue eating
>guy walks out of room
>moments later he comes back with a cinema employee and points to me
>fuck
>I have the choice to give the cinema my cereal and milk or to leave the cinema
>stuff as much cereal in my face as I can
>leave my empty bowl in my seat
>grab my milk and popcorn bucket and leave


That dude was such a douchebag. He couldn't even hear me eating, he just happened to see my because he was sitting on the same row.

That's almost plausible

>groups of people who whoop and talk loudly during the movie

there, better?

Went to see Avengers 2 or whatever with my friend. There was a group of grown men and women behind us who laughed like retards to every single quip no matter how shitty. It's just baffling to me that people like that exist.

>kino

Remind me what this overused term has been bastardized to mean on Sup Forums again?

Except for the no singles policy

The theatre I go to, before every single movie plays the same shitty coca-cola commercial about a guy talking to his wife about when they first met.

It plays this shitty cheesy music about true love, and just shows this annoying teenage couple having their first date.

It just pisses me off because I go to the movies alone, its like it was meant to make loners feel bad.

Not only that, but they've had the same ad for the past 5-6 years now. They have to play it right before the movie EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Fuck I might as well just post it
youtube.com/watch?v=LAodjaoMQ6k

>bringing children who cannot read to watch a subbed movie
>checking facebook while the movie is running
>faggot who discuss the plausibility of things in the movie

I've grown to hate the cinema.

when people laugh too hard at the wrong jokes

maybe you live somewhere with no black people, but i can assure you those faggots aren't trying to be edgy. there is no stereotype more true then black people being fucking awful assholes at the movies. If there are more then 10 black people at the movie you go to you may as well just try and get your money back and leave.

I'm pretty sure most people would be racist if they had to see movies with black people all the time. I don't know if it's a culture thing or if they are literally less evolved but they act like fucking chimps. You could go to the zoo and get a handful of chimps, put them in seats in the theatre and you would have pretty much the same experience.

damn son, where are a few niggers when you need them? if you had some blacks in that movie they probably would have beat that faggot up for being a snitch.

4 u lmao

I only go to the cinema to see special showings of old movies. there everyone is white and alone. no snacks are consumed. no females draw my attention away from the kino. and I can impress my fellow kinophiles with knowing, patrician snorts of appreciation throughout.

Did these people have lotta loyalty for their hired guns?

No singles policy's exist for a reason, user.

>Have the bright idea to hide a load of chocolate-covered flapjacks in my coat so I don't have to pay for concessions
>Buses aren't running, have to walk to the theater
>Warm day, I'm boiling hot in my jacket filled with flapjacks that increase the insulation
>Get to theater drenched in sweat
>Reach into pocket and pull out my wallet
>Guy at ticket stand is staring at my hand
>Wallet and hand are covered in molten chocolate from the flapjack
>Try to crack a joke to defuse the situation
>"I-It's not shit, if that's what you're thinking, haha"
>There's a huge line behind me so the guy gets my ticket as fast as he can with a visible look of disgust
>Keep chocolate-covered hand hidden in pocket to avoid further embarassment
>Ticket stub guy asks for my ticket
>Realise I'm holding it in my chocolate-covered hand which I just put in my pocket and covered in even more chocolate
>Slowly pull hand out of pocket to reveal sodden mass with brown flakes of flapjack on it
>Unfurl hand, luckily ticket is mostly intact
>Stub guy just waves me through with a look that's a mixture of smugness and hatred
>So nervous I'm sweating even more, the smell of chocolate and BO seeping off me
>Awkwardly push open screen door with my back because I subconsciously put my other hand in my other pocket (which I'd also filled with flapjacks for even weight distribution) and I don't want to leave a chocolate print on the door
>Go to my row and mumble to an old couple sitting on the end if I can get through
>They look confused but stand to let me pass
>Realise they were the only people in the whole room, I could have walked around
>Realise it's the wrong film and is halfway through
>I disturbed an old couple in the middle of a movie for no reason and probably dripped chocolate all over their shoes
>Too embarrassed to get up and go to my actual movie
I'd rate the second half of Allied 4/10

t. lives in poverty

...

so the twist is he was his own father? wtf coca cola!

They are truly majestic with time management.

>Watching Avengers 2: Dawn of Ultron
>Eating a tube of popcorn (extra butter)
>I laugh whenever Iron Man says something intellectually witty
>Guy behind me kicks my chair
>"Sir, can you please stop laughing to much? "My wife's African children can't hear the movie."
>Be me and annoyed
>"Shut up dude, I have went to this theater since before those kids were born"
>I imagined what I said to be quite funny, just like Tony Stark, and I let out another laugh but this time it's better because I'm the funny one.
>The cuck guy behind me stands up and grabs my tub of popcorn. I can't grip it and pull it back due to my buttery fingers
>"WTF.jpeg" I shout
>"This popcorn is my wife's kids now"
>"Bullshit" I say as I pull Thor's hammer form the seat next to me
>The entire theater is now looking at me. I must let them know who is in charge
>I put my arms in the air
>"On this day, let us fight! These cuckolds dare come to thy theater. Theater of the immortals. We will not let them have their way and send them to the shadow realm"
>Everyone remains quite
>"I must have impressed them" I thought
>A qt girl is looking at me with a confused look on her face. She has probably never met a man like me before
>I reach for her hand
>"Come with me. I'll keep you safe."
>The cuck pulls out his sword.
>"Don't you grab my wife'a hand!"
>We began dueling
>I know through all my years of practicing with Thor'a hammer that I can't lose. Odin is watching.
>I strike the mortal on his head.
>He begins to weep as I pick up his children.
>"You are all mine now"
>I bow to the spectators and tell them that they too can be like me if they devote their lives to fighting injustice.
>"Lady, take my hand while there is a chance"
>The woman refuses
>This day will live in infamy

>people who bring their young children to horror movies

>people who use the flash on their iphones as a notification led and receive texts throughout the movie

invariably people of lower socioeconomic status in both cases

When I went to see War of the Worlds there was a grown man a few rows behind us who was narrating the entire fucking movie. Like when Tom comes back home and is covered in ash the guy was like "Oh he's dusty", shit like that for the entire film, just saying what he saw out loud, drove me fucking mad

Holy trips of truth.

One time I went to the movies with my friend years back during HS, I thought it would be a normal time but he turned it into his own personal riff track. Shouting shit and making an ass of himself and I was sinking lower and lower in my seat.

He did it again at a musical my highschool gf was in, I don't talk to that guy anymore

Last time I went to the cinéma is when the class was taken on a field trip to see 2 Fast 2 Furious.

It's supposed to mean a timeless piece of cinema that relates to underlying and permanent human emotion and thought

on Sup Forums it means "I like this movie"

>find good seat
>guy about 6'4 sits right in front of me
>blocks about 50% of the screen the whole time
every time

maybe your just 5'4

No, but still a manlet

5'8

Sorry but we don't use subhumans measures here
Use cm you fucking cuck

Sup Forums is reddit so they'll get buttmad about it, but its the truth. Every time there's a group of niggers watching a movie its guaranteed that they'll talk, eat food loudly, and be as disruptive as possible. I wish I was alive back when theaters were segregated.