They say you give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Well Ray...

>They say you give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Well Ray, I just figured out to catch a fish you need a worm, and I'm ready to open the whole damn can of worms, and the early bird gets the worm, but the thing they don't tell you about birds Ray, is that one in the hand is worth two in the bush, well guess what; I've been running around this mulberry bush since I was 14 fucking years old Ray. That's right, my dad made me eat a rat. Casper knew this.


Who wrote this crap?????

>In a world of three blind mice, the mouse with one eye gets the cheese... but that;s just it Ray, I'm blind ass a bat, but I got a memory like an elephant & a cock like a horse. The rooster is coming home to roost, ready to split this bitch wide.

>They say you should make hay while the sun shines Ray. But guess what, the sun was so hot that all my hay caught fire

Huh?

>When I was younger, my uncle Rick took me to the batting cages every two weeks or so. I feel like I'm in the batting cages now, but someone's locked me in the cage and taken my bat. The only question left is, do I catch the balls, or do I dodge them?

>There's an old saying, Ray. It goes "As the twig is bent, the tree inclines". Well I'm a California Redwood and no one's touching my twigs, not even a nosy little woodpecker like you. You try to poke a hole in me, I'm inclined to topple over and crush you. And if no one else is around to hear it, will it really make a sound? Casper knew this.

ooof

I love these. Thank you guys for brightening my evening.

>They say too many cooks spoil the broth. But guess what Ray? I'm alone in the kitchen. And I just shat in the broth

Wha- what?

>You want life to stop suffocating you, Ray? Don't hold your breath. Me? I got gills, and that's why this whole thing smells fishy to me

>They say never count your chickens before they hatch. Problem is that my eggs aren't of the avian variety - they're fucking dinosaur eggs, Ray. And I gotta count em all, because Jurassic Park's grand opening is tomorrow. It's an absolute clusterfuck Ray, a shitshow 65 million years in the making. Casper knew this

>they say you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Well Ray, I've taken a lifetime worth of shots in the last week and I still can't stop staring in the mirror

>evening

It's the afternoon in the only country that matters

>Have you ever heard the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Well here's the thing, Ray. I don't shit where I eat. And I'm tired of running. Casper knew this.

Yeah, too vague. Is he referring to the first season or something?

>My dad used to say you're either the guy that helps the woman cross the road or the guy who walks passed her. But you know what, Ray? Over the years I realized that i'm neither of those men. I'm the bus that runs the the red light doing 80 and hits the old woman.

Canada?

What the fuck? No. that country is full of penguin fucking eskimos. No one gives a shit about Americarussia

Mexico?

They're alright, I suppose. I like their tacos.

>You can't swap spit with the farmer's daughter and not expect to feel mama's eyes staring out the window at you while she puts that freshly baked apple pie on the sill. You gotta be a step ahead of the farmer. You gotta eat the cobbler

>Who wrote this crap?????
(You)

You gotta be unpredictable in this world to survive, Ray. Just look at me. When life gives me lemons, I don't make lemonade--I make fucking orange juice.

>They're fucking feet.
Every time

underrated

Underrated post

>Look Ray, when life hands you lemons you make lemonade but life threw me a curveball and I don't know how to play baseball.

this meme never makes me not cry with laughter.

>Listen Ray, my grandfather told me you can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands. I've been looking at mine all my life, every day since I was 5, and you know what I've just realized? They're fucking feet.