>The director of “Rogue One,” Gareth Edwards, has stepped into a mythopoetic stew so half-baked and overcooked, a morass of pre-instantly overanalyzed implications of such shuddering impact to the series’ fundamentalists, that he lumbers through, seemingly stunned or constrained or cautious to the vanishing point of passivity, and lets neither the characters nor the formidable cast of actors nor even the special effects, of which he has previously proved himself to be a master, come anywhere close to life.
the director was so constrained by star wars' shitty lore and die hard fans that he didn't take any chances to make a more interesting movie tl;dr rogue one was too safe
Adrian Ortiz
congratulations you found the one bad review in the sea of millions of positive ones
Asher Lewis
No need to be so defensive, user
Christopher Davis
I checked metacritic and it had tons of mediocre to bad reviews. Almost half.
Joseph Clark
He clearly didn't want to review the film and doesn't want to review other SW films in the future so he self-sabotaged with impenetrable writing and braindead opinionating. His assertion that Attack of the Clones and Phantom Menace aer the best SW movies is what made it obvious to me
Asher Fisher
>metacritic next time try the site that matters
Joseph Anderson
>hates on metacritic
Nice edge there. Of course you know where to go for your truest of true reviews right.
Ryan Collins
>the site that matters Which one?
Sebastian Robinson
What a fucking bungled sentence.
Camden Flores
maybe he means rotten tomatoes, although both sites are aggregators so what's the difference anyway
Nathaniel Miller
>smart people who cant write properly
FUG
Connor Moore
Whichever one gives it a higher score
Cooper Howard
i cant fathom what this guy is trying to say? does he not like it? just say its shit then, you dont have to prove to me that you have an online degree
Juan Lopez
Do I have to an English professor to fully appreciate the quoted sentence?
Henry Wright
B-but it sounds smart, r-right guys?
Angel Evans
Also he knows how pointless a review is for this particular movie
Tyler Bennett
>a glib facsimile
Caleb Baker
It's muh purple prose, but basically >a mythopoetic stew so half-baked and overcooked, a morass of pre-instantly overanalyzed implications of such shuddering impact to the series’ fundamentalists >the script wasn't well thought through and is basically just a bunch of lame throwbacks to all the other SW movies >he lumbers through, seemingly stunned or constrained or cautious to the vanishing point of passivity >Edwards is so terrified of doing anything that would upset anyone that he does nothing of note at all >and lets neither the characters nor the formidable cast of actors nor even the special effects, of which he has previously proved himself to be a master, come anywhere close to life. >actually relatively self-explanatory but just in case, Edwards fails to utilise anything and everything he was given in order to make the movie good t. Literature degree
Matthew Davis
is this based brody?
Jeremiah Ramirez
thanks friend, im a dummy wage slave who works in a warehouse, i dont have time for all that fancy book learning, i just like my laser swords and space wizards
Carson White
>wage slave who works in a warehouse We're not so different, you and I t. Literature 'degree'
Brandon Morales
What a shitty fucking sentence.
Oliver Jones
From my point of you, its the people with degrees who are proles!
Samuel Cook
fuck fuck fuck this is disappointing.
I never trust glowing reviews the first week of a blockbuster. It all seems like shills blowing smoke up my ass and fanboys in denial.
This is Phantom Menace all over again. I was really excited to see this tomorrow.
Levi Rodriguez
Wow what an intellectual!
Christopher Rogers
>tfw to hibrow for star wars
Luis Baker
"There’s none of the Shakespearean space politics, enticingly florid dialogue, or experiential thrills of the best of George Lucas’s “Star Wars” entries (“Attack of the Clones” and “Revenge of the Sith”)."
It's a sarcastic article not worth the paper or megabytes its printed on.
Leo Hughes
>sarcastic >review
come on lad. I know it's disappointing but I'm glad for honest takes instead of the shills.
I'm not gonna see this movie because the general opinion is that it's a jarring mess until the final battle and end scenes. I was hoping they'd do something new and interesting with Star Wars.
I was excited for this until yesterday but I hate giving full price for stuff like Suicide Squad that gets ruined in editing & doesn't have much of the classic villains.
Lucas Foster
He's really working his BA in English Lit
Nicholas Gomez
>illiterate.
Its really not a complicated sentence, the only word that's peculiar is "morass", and the only word that is questionable for its redundancy is "vanishing".
If you're in the habit of writing its usually useful if not even fun to be able to sum up all your thoughts in one sentence. Its entirely grammatically and syntactically correct so why not?
Camden Hughes
My sides
Hunter Lopez
I can easily tell how many serious books the average person in this thread reads per year.
The answer is zero.
Alexander Barnes
Jesus, how illiterate are you people? This is Idiocracy in action
Dominic Phillips
>A talented director didn't do a very good job making a should-be lively movie with a high budget and good cast
What's not to understand?
Adrian Brown
Yes of course that's what he said the point is a) what he's saying is ridiculous and b) so's the manner he's saying it
Adrian Harris
Not OP, but this is the only review of Rogue One I've read that was decently written.
>inb4 "you're just a pretentious wannabe contrarian elitist who liked it because big words=smart fallacy!"
That might be somewhat true, but it doesn't change the fact that the review posted in the OP is the only critique of the movie that has a real thesis and says something, ANYTHING. All of the positive reviews I've read of the movie from major publications so far can be boiled down to "It's Star Wars! There's a lot of cool action in this movie, and some real great special effects. How can you not like Star Wars? There are so many Star Wars movies, and this one is another great one! Disney did good here."
It's cloying and not a single one has given me any idea of the film, as a film, and not as a weird crypto-advertisement that reads like the critic read the wikipedia synopsis and slapped some paragraphs together and maybe capped it off with a generic sentence about how Star Wars is a modern cultural touchstone, blah blah blah, contemporary mythology, blah blah blah.
Mason Murphy
I saw a bunch of normies on facebook circle-jerking an article that was literally block quotes from that review with "Whaaaa???" and "Yaaaaawww?" after it.
I never got why people didn't get that. He said "it's a shallow copy". That's all that glib facsimile means.
Kayden Hughes
>Edwards is a talentless goon wandering through his job like a confused child
Not surprising.
Ethan Rodriguez
I just thought people latched onto it because it was one of the earliest reviews and the entire review was 'A glib facsimile', easy meme material
Caleb Nguyen
so basically the same as TFA
who saw that coming
Jonathan Davis
I guess so. I think the meme was that, out of everything he could have said, he said that. That's the height of writing reviews these days.
Alexander Ward
I think it's an entirely valid review for something that really was a glib facsimile, it didn't warrant much more than 3 words worth of attention
Josiah Gutierrez
>A shallow copy
There. That's not pretentious.
Brandon Davis
>take a single line of dialogue from a movie and make a film about it
How did you idiots not see this coming?
Nathan Wilson
It is to someone ignorant enough to not know what the word shallow means, much like your idea of what is and isn't pretentious revolving around the language you personally are comfortable with I mean, your perspective is not universal, was that dumbed down enough for you?
Carson Smith
>the jew yorker
fake news
Easton Brooks
what's not "fake news"? Breitbart? But oh wait Sup Forums, it's pro-Israel and constantly shills for Jews! What's left, Richard Spencer's blog?
David Carter
But it isn't. He said it's a "glib facsimile", which can be turned into "shallow copy". Glib = shallow, facsimile = copy. There. A shallow copy.
It is pretentious because instead of writing a decent review on why it is a bad film, he resorts to a three word sentence. Okay, fine, but the three word sentence is using superfluous words for no reason other than... What exactly? Instead of actually including a much larger range of readers by saying it's a "shallow copy", two words which are infinitely more recognisable and used in daily life, he has to say "glib facsimile". There is a reason it became a meme, user.
Get your ego out of your ass and understand that your perspective is not unversal, neither is mine, but it's damn right more universal than using 'glib facsimile' to review a film, when going "Copies the originals" could have been a much more informative and helpful... AS A REVIEW.
Christian Torres
>The only force at work here is the force of habit. >Millions of people will sit through this thoroughly mediocre movie (directed with basic competence by Gareth Edwards from a surprisingly hackish script by Chris Weitz and Tony Gilroy) and convince themselves that it’s perfectly delightful. t. New York Times
fuck. I wanted this to be good.
Nathan Harris
5 star post
Colton Wood
>it's a Trump voters can't understand words longer than 2 syllables episode.
Gavin Williams
People come here to act dumb.
Oliver Hughes
It's not hard to understand, but it's written in an overly flowery style.
it's fucking worse than TFA. Christ I'd rather some fucking EU writers get hired by disney than rehashing this same old shit with a SJW/diversity/strong women theme all the time. Fucking garbage.
Zachary Rivera
66% score on metacritic fugg
I wanted this to be really good
Michael Lee
5>4>6>3>powergap>1>2>shit>8>7>aborted nigger fetus>rogue one
Angel Bailey
Careful with that edge, son.
Julian Hall
its that guy with the big beard isn't it? i forget his name, richard something? his writing is so fucking pretentious.
Sebastian Robinson
seems like the reshoots ruined it, like they always do
Jose Cruz
>pre-instantly overanalyzed implications
what did he mean by this?
Leo Murphy
DUDE GLIB FASCIMILE LMAO
Jeremiah Smith
it's only a 64 on Metacritic so it's not just a hoity magazine that illiterates can't understand
Disappointed.
Bentley Jackson
Sounds like a dick
Sebastian Bennett
...
Luke Nelson
Classic try hard review He must browse Sup Forums
Hudson Cox
Armond White and Richard Brody are the two sides of the Sup Forums coin
Armond White is the troll who writes inflammatory reviews designed to piss off as many people as possible
Richard Brody is a pseudointellectual who checks his thesaurus every three words and namedrops LE GODARD AND LE TRUFFAUT MUH NEW WAVE every 30 seconds so he can prove his taste in film is superior to the plebs.
Like, seriously, ANYONE who says attack of the clones is the best star wars movie is being intellectually dishonest
Kevin Hughes
If you need to dress up such a simple sentiment so verbosely to fill your word count, then you've got nothing worthwhile to say.
Jason Powell
>8 >being from the future >2016
>1>2 >mvq
Sebastian Reed
>a mythopoetic stew so half-baked and overcooked, a morass of pre-instantly overanalyzed implications of such shuddering impact to the series’ fundamentalists, what did he mean by this?
Asher Allen
>its >twice >missing comma >comma instead of period wew lad
Nolan Taylor
>so half-baked and overcooked
lol
people will pretend this is great writing just to call people dumb
gotta sell newspapers to someone I guess
Carson Moore
>Too safe [Spoiler]Basically every member of the Rouge One team dies[/spoiler]
Still probably shit-show though
Jason Peterson
Why do they stop shooting at Vader when he has that guy on the cieling? Both of his hands were occupied but they just stand there.
>t-they were scared okay! Suuuuure great excuse not to unload as many lasers into Vader as possible. You can film Vader wrecking shit without it looking retarded you know.
Ayden Cook
Brody is the real deal but i don't always agree with him. If you think he's "pretentious" you're an idiot.
Caleb Baker
It's not hard to understand. He calls the film's story half-baked, which it is, and the flash of everything else overcooked. Which it is.
I'd just say the movie's bad whatever.
Henry Gutierrez
they're shills trying to troll people into disregarding the review
only there's a bunch of other unfavorable reviews
63% on Metacritic now. I was excited for it but I won't shill for this film if it's a so-so film.
Joshua Richardson
Wait this is about Rogue One? I was talking about The Force Awakens.
Jose Thompson
>only one guy in a group fights the hero/villain at a time
shitty cliche, i wish there was just one goddamn movie where they bum rush the hero/villain and kill him.
Gabriel Scott
Are we just going to pretend he didn't cite Attack of the Clones as a Shakespearean masterpiece in his review?
Zachary Jenkins
what's the next step in your master plan?
Jaxon Hall
He called the politics Shakespearean but he said that AoTC and RotS were Lucas' strongest films.