Memes aside, Rogue One was boring as shit. The only redeeming part was the very end, when Vader started whooping ass...

Memes aside, Rogue One was boring as shit. The only redeeming part was the very end, when Vader started whooping ass. This movie wasn't gritty, tense, or anything else that Buzzfeed is trying to meme down your throat. Not a single character was memorable or important, the plot was whacky as fuck (HURR DURR I LEFT A HOLE FOR YOU MY STARDUST, BRING DOWN THE SHIELDS), there was absolutely no tension or risk because we all knew how it was going to end. If you took out the Star Wars elements, this would be a bottom of the barrel "war movie."

I've read reviews saying "Disney has proved that not every Star Wars movie needs a happy ending." What the fuck? This is the definition of a happy ending. The protagonists succeeded and set off the chain of events that would lead to the fall of the Empire. We knew this was going to happen 40 fucking years ago. They don't need to live for a "happy ending."

But we don't need a surprise ending if the characters are meaningful. Yet, they were the most forgettable, soulless, one-dimensional characters since Episode II. This movie would have been infinitely better if they merged the sidekicks into single characters and made us actually give a fuck about their lives. The two Asian dudes and the two dark haired dudes come to mind. Why the fuck are they separate? Who the fuck were they? Instead, Disney took this movie as an opportunity to cram a bunch of cheesy, one-dimensional characters without any obligation to carry them on in new movies. "The Force is with me and I am with the Force" - expect this to be the new tattoo you see on balding permachildren for the next 50 years.

And yet, despite all this, the horde of manchildren fanboys are falling over themselves to suck this movie's corporate cock. Going on and on about its "depth" and "tension." The dollars will continue to roll in as a new Star Wars movie is released every year for the next 20 years. The Mouse always fucking wins.

>I don't like people enjoying things

why is vader alive? he died on death star and blowd up episode 6

>people enjoy eating their own feces
>"Hey stop doing that"
>"YOU JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE ENJOYING THINGS"

>shit analogies right on cue

>assmad star wars cuck who also unironically enjoys eating his own feces right on cue

yea it was garbage.
Is this even disputable?

if you think it's a good film you belong with the other little niggers on

This nigga really does like eating his own shit

You can't say you enjoyed all of it. Shit only got good when they arrived at Scarif.

nobody knows they fucked up

The beginning scene was pretty well shot.

>Make a movie that relies 100% on the characters since everyone knows the story
>make the characters boring and without any kind of background or personality

Fucking hell even TFA made good enough job when it showed us Reys normal life. This, we got nothing. Fucking nothing. You're just supposed to care because the movie says so

>>people enjoy eating their own feces
Wow, didn't realize I made Rogue One and then enjoyed it.

>inb4 RO defender starts bashing TFA in defense

This

Don't you have a food analogy to throw at me also?

She eats magic bread and roleplays as resistance fighter how interesting

why do people pretend ep 3 didn't have the saddest ending ever? anakin murdered a bunch of kids. what's sadder than that?

If you're this upset, kill yourself or move to some godforsaken shithole of a country.

Nah she was in prison. Cassians an agent for the rebellion and the chinks are essentially beggars on Jehdi. It was all there

The force is with me and I came to bargain with dormammu

what did they mean by this?

They called the kids younglings which completely removed any drama from the situation and made it completely ridiculous

You can trivialize every character in the history if cinema if you want. But the fact is there was some background to her, if you didn't like that fine, but at least it was there. With Rogue One, there wasn't shit. Her personality was a complete mystery to the audience halfway through the movie, and by the time she was established as a character (pretty boring one at that) you had already lost interest long ago

good post OP

HOWEVER

>the only good part was the fanservice!
I'm gonna freely admit that I haven't seen the film, but this sounds like bait to me even if the film is actually bad

>>no tension because we know how it ends

So every single historical film lacks tension and is therefore shit.

This is some low level bait.

YASSSSS OP TRUUUUU

The movie was great.
I loved the characters.
Go fuck yourself.

i unironically absolutely agree.

All Disney Star Wars content sucks dick. This one too.

the movie was meh but the only redeeming part wasn't just Vader, the final act in its' entirety was very well done

The opening scene was kino reminded me of Inglorious basterds

How is Darth Vader even still alive?

ITT: An aging adult autist evaluates a kid's movie from the perspective of an aging adult autist

Isn't time you moved up to adult fare?

I bet the blind chink was one of the younglings who only got burning ash pieces of other younglings in his eye when Anakin mowed the temple.

Nice try, fag. Yes, you know how it will end, BUT there is nothing interesting in the middle, don't forget the dull characters and no interesting twists to the story.

Nah it's GOAT

Who has the webm?

Why would Darth Vader not be alive? This is set directly before the events of Episode IV, did you even watch the movie?
imo this film was carried entirely by its costume/set design. It was gorgeous to look at

No, the Vader scene at the end is actually sick. I found the film a little boring (the characters were given very little and just hastily assembled to be props in the story), but the Vader scene got my heart going. Proper evil dark wizard warrior shit

Throw more analogies, autismo. These are hilarious, with just how hard you're trying to force them as fact.

I thought the movie wasn't exactly boring like others have mentioned. Gareth is almost as shitty as Michael Bay though. There isn't much focus on proper editing, the actors don't act with much conviction or enthusiasm, the first 80 minutes of the movie is so monochromatic and dark that it makes you want to literally throw shit at the screen, the ending is ripped directly from fucking DEEP IMPACT for fuck's sake.

You can't literally like a SW movie because it's hurr durr original if it's average at best and dislike TFW because hurr durr it's just a reboot of TFA but it was well made. kyselves

You know what I mean. TFA being a remake of ANH. I just woke up excuse me and shit.

what's it like being wrong AND living with autism

I've hated everything that's come from star wars since Disney took over, but this Rogue One was actually decent, didn't feel like a soulless rehash, it definitely had some problems but it was actually made with care and originality which is more than TFA can say

>ROOOOOONE

I've kind of been amusing all this Rogue One hate threads are bait and they aren't really ... real.

Cos R1 was just so much better than TFA it hurts and a whole lot of people here were riding TFAs cock.

Cons
>the entire beginning was just jump cut after jump cut
>the middle of the movie was just boring
>non of the characters were memorable(I left the movie and didn't even remember the names of the main characters)
>Shadow Trooper get hyped up but just end up jobbing and doing nothing
>Tarkin and Leia CGI face uncanny valley
>Main character girl suddenly gives a shit about the Rebellion after its established she just cares about her dad
>VADER FUCKING SAYING QUIPS

Pros
>entire last half of the movie was good
>Rebels are finally shown to be the scumbag terrorists they truly are and not the goody two shoes they are often shown as
>The robot, he was a funnier character than we've had before

I gave it a 7/10, it was just ok movie

pretty much more or less agree with this post

although, did they ever even mention the names of the main characters (beyond the girl, Jin or whatever?)

also to add to the Cons, the space scene was frustrating because none of the capital ships fired anything, they just stood around until they got blown the fuck up. why??? are Capital ships in the star wars universe not supposed to have any weapons?

I agree with some of what you said, but
>jyn hates the empire, and when she sees her dad's message it gives her both motivation and method to get back at them and pretty much gives her life purpose
>uncanny valley was definitely there but the cgi tech keeps getting better

Honestly Jyn erso is one of my favourite characters in Star Wars and I don't understand why people say she was underdeveloped. Sure you don't get to see what her favourite brand of cereal is or what her past-times are but you learn everything you need to about her to make her choices and fate meaningful.

>best star wars action ever
>boring
pick one baiting faggot

Can someone who has seen the movie tell me what the scene from the trailers, where a cloaked figure kneels next to white light, was about? who was in it? thanks

why did darth vader still live

You are a dense motherfucker aint ya? Ya dumb son of a bitch.

I've never agreed with a post more than this. Bravo user.

Action can be boring when there is no tension or weight to it. There was no tension in this movie and the characters were shit why should I care if they're in danger? At that point you're just watching shit happen. You might as well aRch the scene on YouTube with no context. It'll have the same affect.

Came here to post this 2 bee honest

Not a perfect movie but enjoyable and certainly better than TFA or any of the prequels. I'd watch it again and am actually looking forward to future movies whereas I went into this one pretty much prepared to never watch another SW movie again

Dark Vader

It's Vader's butler telling Vader to get out of his luminotherapy tank to greet a director of the Empire.

>didn't feel like a soulless rehash
You're right. Instead it was a soulless war movie in space

>being THIS upset over a movie designed for children that you didn't have to watch, but cucked yourself into doing so anyway knowing you wouldn't like it for the sake of shitposting
You autists are something else, I'll tell you that.

>Why did the funny robot die Mommy. Mommy did the rebel girl die? Mommy why did everybody DIE?

You know, for kids.

I enjoyed it but they really needed to go more edge desu. It ended up being a really weird middle ground where some aspects were "gritty" and others were too goofy.

I'm just glad they didn't go full quip like TFA.

Fuck the CGI characters were so distracting.

Disney proved they could do really good CG with young Michael Douglas but Tarkin was over animated and looked fucking weird.

They should have not shown him full on in full light so much, and instead had him facing away from the viewer and in darker environments when he wasn't. Also simply just have him in it less. Fuck sake CGI Tarkin gets more screen time than the real one did.

And they didn't need to show Leia's face at all. They could have shown the rebel hand the harddrive to someone in a hood, then they turn around and take it off to show the back of her head and the hair, so everyone would know who it was.

>ROO...ONE
ROOOOOOOOOOONE!
or just kangaroos?

I thought it failed as a story but it did well with the overall tone. I appreciate the concept.

The narrative ultimately failed to utilize the characters in any meaningful way, making them all bland and forgettable. The cast was so large the few good actors were barely given time to make the characters their own and the characters end up with minimum screen time before being rushed to the next plot point.

We forget who they are, we don't understand why they're making the choices they do, and when they die we feel apathy rather than empathy.

But what it did well was showing the Rebel Alliance as an actual insurgency, one that isn't pure good but operates in extreme moral greys. Where there are extremists, the idealists, the pragmatists all forming a loose coalition of factions who often don't see eye to eye on the issues and solutions. A rebellion that has to resort to spies, sabetours, and assassins to accomplish their objectives and when they attack the Empire head on, there are no jedi or the force to save the day. It's a suicide mission for their ideals.

In my opinion, they should've focused less on Jyn's personal feelings and relations. Instead of making the primary journey being about getting to her father and then avenging him, it should have been about trying to piece together a fractured rebellion for a single cause, in the hopes of getting the Death Star plans. Actually use characters like Saw in the story rather than just as a plot device to get the message to Jyn and moving her forward.

Or scrap that entirely and make it a spy thriller movie about Mads' time with the empire attempting to get the message out and avoid capture.

ROON ROON

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE POST THE HALLWAY WEBM

>You can trivialize every character in the history if cinema if you want
Yeah like you're trivializing every character in rogue one because you want to.

didn't darth vader's ship blow up like half the rebel fleet when it showed up

>made movie with female lead
>market it as some kind of feminist achievement
>the entire movie is essentially omaha beach scene with sci-fi pew-pew paintjob and feature porn movie-worthy character "development"
What did they mean by this?

I honestly didn't care at all about the characters which are bland and forgettable. Action sequence in the second half of the scene is pretty good though.
Can't rate this more than a 6

Also I liked how Rebels dumped their entire ground force. Right, who would give a shit about these fuckers.

>living in the U.S.
>not exposing children to violent media nonchalantly
Don't be retarded

.. and yet, it was the best Star Wars movie since Empire Strikes Back.

It's not for everyone, and I'd save my breath criticising other movies than what is essentially just the cinema analogon to a truck stop dinner.

I love when a reviewer's ability to make a case is so weak they have to resort to ad hominem attacks on anyone who possesses an opposing viewpoint.

Step up your game, faggot.