Newt Salamander

>Newt Salamander

WOW SUCH A CLASSIC ORIGINAL WITTY NAME

What did you expect from one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

It's Scamander get your names right if you're gonna complain twat

TORRENT WHEN?

>Basil Oregano

Is this jizz djinni in the flick? And more importantly is she waxed?

every single god damn time lmao

also that lit chart is horrible

not in the movie and she seems to be waxed

Too bad.

Did you seriously make this thread just to post the copypasta?
And you didn't even change the beginning

0/10 apply yourself

It's like these are made for children or something

>newts are orange
>Newt has ginger hair

poetry?

>an entire 5 part movie series made from a 100 page '''book'''

As a kid, reading Fantastic Beasts made me wish there was a movie that shows all of them. My younger sister felt the same and she loves the movie. Don't forget that this was made for children.

>open HP thread
>chuckle at the first sentence of the meme
>close tab

I've told you a dozen times, you have to adapt this pasta to suit Fantastic Beasts. Fantastic Beasts is not about a boy wizard and his adventures at Hogwarts Academy.

As much as I love being American, the lack of hairy women is heartbreaking.

God why do I want to put my dick inside him so bad?

Just imagine the autistic noises and expressions he would make.

It's like that everywhere nowadays. You'd be more likely to find them in America in various hipster/hippie/vegan/feminist/whatever the fuck subcultures. Smaller countries = higher percentage of normalfags.

Do note the "Seattle" in site name.

That's part of the meme buddy.

>atlas shrugged
kek

I never noticed Clifford for President before. Is that a new addition or was it always there?

indian luna lovegood?

come back with one for fantastic beasts or you're fired

This is everything that's wrong with Hollywood. Fantastic Beasts is the perfect example of the modern Hollywood movie. It casts the hit Hollywood star of the minute and it's loosely connected to a wildly successful franchise. This movie was made for the sole purpose of making money. There is no other reason. Rowling, Yates, the actors, everyone... all in it for the money.

It's easy to imagine the pre-production meetings... You know, that cute tree in Guardians of the Galaxy was really popular among audiences, let's have one of those. And people really liked that dive bar with lots of goofy creatures and fun music in Star Wars, let's have one of those too. It's frustrating when I hear people call this film imaginative. There's a reason all the fantastic beasts look so cute. Because toys.

Yet again we see Eddie Redmayne overact, taking the role of "autistic British wizard" to a level not needed. There was no chemistry between any of the actors, which made for awkward moments throughout the whole 2+ hours runtime. The relationship between Colin Ferrell and Ezra Miller especially seems unintentionally predatory.

There are two completely separate plots that are sloppily connected. One of the plots is pushed so hard and is used only to create a franchise of this thing. If they focused on only the fantastic beasts instead of the bizarre possessed horror aspect with a cheap twist, the film might not have been half bad.

In the end, yet again, almost a whole city gets destroyed in the climax. By now it is beyond tiring and by my count that is how FOUR big budget movies have ended in 2016. And by what, a fucking dark cloud. The whole film, each and every scene, is predictable, features terrible CGI, obvious blue screen, lifeless sound stages, and is riddled with plot holes.

Perfect. Thank you user. Almost managed me to trigger me in some places.

I liked it

9/10, no mention of annoying girl chanting witch rhymes

That girl and the whole "second salem" aesthetic made me hope there would be burnings at some point. I would like to see Newt get burned at the stake. But I like him as a character so he'd have to be rescued moments before death.

I'm suprised they didn't just call him Matt Smith, considering he is literally doctor who.
>young and quirky, autistic british guy
>bow-tie and scarf
>travels around saving creatures in need
>has a box thats bigger on the inside
>has a magic wand aka sonic screwdriver
>has a female sidekick
>early 1900s America
>can teleport

>77479789
forgot
>shitty haircut
>trenchy coat

>doctor who is quirky, Newt is just plain autistic
>dresses the way men dressed in the 20s
>creatures is what the original book was about nigga what else is he supposed to do
>boxes that are bigger on the inside have been part of folklore for millennia and have been part of Rowling's universe from the start
>see previous point
>has a wife
>irrelevant
>see point no. 4

Stop posting this autistic meme.