Q: One of the things that intrigues me is how you arrive at conclusions about certain genres of music. For example...

Q: One of the things that intrigues me is how you arrive at conclusions about certain genres of music. For example, you openly dislike heavy metal. Why is that?
A: Because it's symphonic bombast without the technical complexity of classical music, although there is a lot of virtuosity. I can say this--I'm 72. This isn't the time for me to start liking loud guitar solos. That music is so masculine in a retrograde way. I don't like it. It's a very 19th century idea of power.

this man is the biggest Beatles cocksucker in the world

yeah but he's not wrong there

>That music is so masculine in a retrograde way. I don't like it. It's a very 19th century idea of power.
this is /metal/s nu-male shitposting from the other end

Does he mean all metal subgenres by the term "heavy metal"? Because this is doing a big disservice to black, death, folk, industrial etc. metal subgenres which are absolutely not what he then describes. Whether you like that kind of music or not you cannot say it's all "symphonic bombast".

If you don't like a particular genre of music, fine, I accept that, everyone has different tastes. But for fuck's sake, is it that hard to say "Well, I don't like metal personally but w/e. Different strokes for different folks."

I mean, the reasons he gives for disliking metal (symphonic bombast? huh?) make absolutely no sense at all.

his unintended compliments apply to the all the good kinds of metal
even raw bands have bombast

It's because he's an English major and has to write deliberately obtuse explanations for simple things to show off his thesarus skills.

He's an old fart with a serious case of "if the kids like it, it's bad".

If those Black Sabbath reviews are an indication, he's been at it since he was in his 20s.

Critics like deliberately ironic, left-wing, deconstructivist music that also has a vaguely retro feel to it. That's pretty much the nuts and bolts of it.

>is it that hard to say "Well, I don't like metal personally but w/e. Different strokes for different folks."
He's a fucking music critic, if it all comes down to "well I personally don't like it" he has no job.

>complains metal is too machismo
>gave good scores to hardcore bands

hmm

why would he answer a question specifically asking 'why' with that, you milquetoast pleb?

yeah this is really hardcore obtuse stuff... smell the glove hehe

And with that, you just explained why "professional music critic" is a joke of a career. :^)

Seriously, I don't mind RYM or Encyclopedia Metallum reviews, but people who do this for a living should be laughed out of the building.

lmao lou nice one

From reading Christgau's review of Street Hassle, he seems to have been feeling a slight degree of guilt over this.

based lou

I mean hardcore bands are good because they don't take themselves too seriously. Unlike metal where they're literally all retards that look like the three witches from Macbeth with guitars.

>Unlike metal where they're literally all retards that look like the three witches from Macbeth with guitars.

A lot of that is also tongue-in-cheek and designed to be funny.

Personally, my favorite rock critic was the Brit Nick Cohn. Now there was a guy who was fun to read. I disagree with about 60% of his conclusions, but he was still entertaining to read and you could understand his POV even if you didn't agree with it.

I felt that Cohn stood out because the guy had a sense of humor about himself and the music he was reviewing. He always believed "C'mon, it's just rock and roll. Quit taking it all so seriously." That's something Christgau and so many others fail to grasp, and even worse they treat their personal subjective tastes as objective truth. Few things are more annoying. There are some American critics (Jon Landau) who took self-importance to levels of obnoxiousness previously undreamed of.

Really ? Because Varg seemed to think it was serious enough to kill someone over it.

Varg is just an autist that nobody takes seriously.

I'm not exactly rushing to defend metal here, but there is plenty of (good) self-serious punk and plenty of jokey metal. I don't see why anyone who enjoys punk would have any sort of philosophical dislike of thrash, death, sludge, or any of the other punk-influenced subgenres. They have the same root.
Now granted, there are other subgenres that have fuckall to do with punk, but also fuckall to do with machismo.

Reminds me of Queen. American critics ran them into the ground because their British sense of humor and irony totally went over the heads of people like Christgau and Dave Marsh.

I think if a critic has any purpose at all, it's either to analyze the music in a way that people can combine with their own judgment to figure if it's worth their money, or to increase the appreciation of a work by dissecting it and sharing personal experiences (but in a professional way, not in that RYM this-album-reminds-me-of-my-high-school-crush way). I don't see the point of people like Christgau who treat music as a vehicle to write vignettes they consider witty.

>I don't see the point of people like Christgau who treat music as a vehicle to write vignettes they consider witty

Or worse, to push political agendas they approve of.

>I'm not exactly rushing to defend metal here, but there is plenty of (good) self-serious punk and plenty of jokey metal.

Even the classic metal like Priest and Maiden had a lot of humor and in-jokes in their songs.

He's been saying the same exact thing about metal with the same exact arguments for decades. You could read stuff he wrote in 1982 and same thing. The dude has clearly never developed a single new insight in all these years.

You'd be surprised at just how few new ideas most people develop over their life.

Christgau literally admitted he hates macho music because it reminds him of his old tormentors from high school.

lal

He gave the playboi carti mixtape a fucking A- so that’s hardly the case

Most people who like metal at all are numales, especially classic stuff like thrash crap

The reason varg killed euro had little to do with the music

>Christgau is likewise married, and has a child, and his wife had an affair while he was going through a midlife crisis, and all of that and more is in the gooey memoir he published earlier this year, Going Into the City. Like his more formalist counterpart Greil Marcus, Christgau’s attitude toward and descriptions of women, and sex, are hugely distracting, even unsettling; a transparent attempt to overcome the sexless impotence of a Rock Writer standing next to their venerated subject.

>If you’ve ever seen Bill Simmons interview an athlete, it’s the same mortifying spectacle: you’re watching an average-looking guy in a blazer try to talk his way into a nightclub. Even if they’re rich or famous enough to get past the velvet rope on status, they will never fit in there. They will never belong in the club, at the after-party, backstage, or on the tour bus, because they will never be cool. If Nick Kent couldn’t pull it off, nobody can. So to the sucking and fucking and “zaftig” masturbation in his book, I’ve got to say, Bob, pull your head in. Nobody wants to know.

He's a boomer and literal cuckold, his opinions don't matter

top kek

His daughter is adopted as well, she isn't his biological child.

>a transparent attempt to overcome the sexless impotence of a Rock Writer standing next to their venerated subject
Could be worse. At least he didn't become a drug addict and die before his time like Lester Bangs trying to live the life of his rock heroes.

Christgau is objectively retarded, there's no point even talking about it any more

He said the truth about Frank Zappa, so he has that going for him.

Very true. Zappa sucked dick and so his his fedora-wearing fans.

Alas, not everyone has Ozzy or Keith Richards' genetics.

>So what am I supposed to do? Go around and tell everyone how moral I am because Robert Christgau thinks I’m immoral? The guy’s a fucking pinhead, let’s face it. [...] If Robert Christgau writes that I’m not a moral person, there are many persons who will say, “Right on, Robert,“ because that’s the way they feel about it. There’s nothing you can do to change their minds. They’re sick people. Okay?

I still remember some user's post that said something like christgau reviews are entirely based on how much pussy he thinks the artist gets. it was pretty eye opening and made me notice the sexual insecurity in a lot of his reviews

i dont like metal because it doesnt sound good, as in it literally is made up of ugly sounds. often the actual melodies and harmonies being played are excellent, but the artists actively distort them for reasons unknown to something unpalatable

I recall that Zappa also opened a concert once by yelling "Fuck Rolling Stone Magazine!" Guess there was no love lost between him and the music press.

lal

Fair enough and I'm not going to challenge you on it Some people "get" the distorted guitars, others don't. But at least your reason for not liking metal makes more sense than some rambling nonsense about symphonic bombast or whatever the hell Christgau said.

Ah yes, Christgau-metal-posting continues stronger than ever.

That's probably also why he's always ranting about misogyny in rock. The insecurity in those writings is oozing out of them.

Why are mealfags so touchy?

They're cranky when they're hungry

^This.

Go and circlejerk to some nu male with an acoustic guitar bawling about his girlfriend dumping him.

Christgau is a nu male who feels sexually threatened by the virile metal barbarians.

I doubt he's listened to anything but a few entry level bands like Metallica anyway.

He's probably listened to a fair bit of metal, he just rarely bothers reviewing it.

The original soyboy

Holy god is this pathetic.

Here's a Cure review in which he talks about how much he thinks Robert Smith gets laid, despite the fact Smith has been with the same girl since fucking middle school

>Staring at the Sea: The Singles [Elektra, 1986]
Caught in his least lugubrious moments, Robert Smith stands revealed as a guy who gets a lot of skin because he believes he can live without it. He just won't play the "stupid game" that hooks the definitive "Let's Go to Bed," with its rotating I-don't-if-you-don't challenges--care, feel, want it, say it, and of course play it (and now let's go to bed, it's getting late). Guys who don't make passes because they wear glasses hate him for this, as do guys who don't get laid despite their muscular bods and heads. Above the fray, I think he's kind of amusing myself--a real cool type. B+

>Smith is married to Mary Theresa Poole (born 3 October 1958), whom he met in drama class at St Wilfrid's when he was 14.[8] They do not have children,[188] as they decided early in life and in their marriage that they did not want children. Smith himself was against it saying he not only objects to having been born but refuses to impose life on another.[189][190] Smith adds that he also "does not feel responsible enough to bring a child into the world".[190] Smith and Poole have 25 nephews and nieces.[190]

Truly, greater autism was never wrought.

Also his comment about "poor not actually abused Jonathan Davis" when the guy was literally molested as a kid.

>Smith himself was against it saying he not only objects to having been born but refuses to impose life on another

top kek