This had a surprisingly flat plot and one dimensional characters and relied almost exclusively on Harry Potter fanboy...

This had a surprisingly flat plot and one dimensional characters and relied almost exclusively on Harry Potter fanboy references and CGI that looks like pulled from a video game. The main character had the bare minimum of motivation and backstory for a "hero" character and then there were the "awkward sidekick comic relief", "bantering romantic interest" etc. cliches Overall it wasn't even Harry Potter tier and felt more like a wacky Night at the Museum/Pokemon crossover movie.

What do you expect from the prequel to one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

His motivation is that he has something he really loves doing.

Maybe one day you'll find your motivation too, OP.

Was the protagonist autistic or something?

Why does he keep talking, facing away from who he's speaking to, then continue his sentence.

Yeah he is. I figured it out after the scene at the ministry where he starts screeching "Don't hurt muh animals!" over and over.

>ywn feed Newt's beasts aphrodisiacs
>ywn shackle him to the floor naked on all fours
>ywn gently stroke his trembling freckly back while he whimpers "M-mister a-user, w-w-what are you going to do to me?"
>ywn see the shock on his cute face as you open his suitcase and release the aroused beasts
>ywn spread his pale perky cheeks and reveal his twitching boy cunt to the animals while he babbles in terror
>ywn watch his eyes go wide and hear him scream in agony as the first beast mounts him and thrusts its fat monster cock up his tiny hole
>ywn trace the rim of his tight pink asshole with your fingers as it's stretched impossibly tight around a dick bigger than his arm
>ywn put your hand on his flat belly to feel it bulge out every time the creature thrusts inside
>ywn call him a filthy beast whore when the pressure on his prostate becomes too much and he cums hard all over himself
>ywn wipe away the helpless tears running down his cheeks and press your leaking cock against his pretty pink lips
>ywn ignore his pathetic attempts at resisting as you push your dick down his throat and grab his messy red hair, using his abused body like a fucktoy
>ywn feel his throat contract around you as he chokes and gags each time his bowels are flooded with cum
>ywn pull out and thrust your dick inside his now loose and sloppy hole, rubbing his pregnant-looking belly as you add your cum to the rivers of fluids running down his bruised thighs
>ywn thrust 3 or 4 fingers inside him and finger-fuck him to one last orgasm while his whimpers and pleas for mercy turn into pleasured moans
>ywn gather him up in your arms and carry him to your quarters, kissing his sweaty forehead and telling him he did so well for his animals
>ywn make him dependant on your kindness and obsessed with obeying your every command, no matter how degrading

just die in my sleep already

> some transsexual typed all that out

>It's a Newt dresses up like a girl because it makes him feel sexy episode

This was a kids movie... jesus h christ

Newt was cute though, would fugg.

>it's another Eddie Redmayne being a prettier girl than his love interest episode

Why does this keep happening?

I like her nips

img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1416/31/1416319655081.webm

Of course it was one dimensional it only had one main character. The original movies have three main characters and are therefore three dimensional.

WEW

Katherine is cute! CUTE!!

There were barely any harry potter references you retard. It was a great stand-alone movie.

if by cute you mean plainest of all plain janes

This is everything that's wrong with Hollywood. Fantastic Beasts is the perfect example of the modern Hollywood movie. It casts the hit Hollywood star of the minute and it's loosely connected to a wildly successful franchise. This movie was made for the sole purpose of making money. There is no other reason. Rowling, Yates, the actors, everyone... all in it for the money.

It's easy to imagine the pre-production meetings... You know, that cute tree in Guardians of the Galaxy was really popular among audiences, let's have one of those. And people really liked that dive bar with lots of goofy creatures and fun music in Star Wars, let's have one of those too. It's frustrating when I hear people call this film imaginative. There's a reason all the fantastic beasts look so cute. Because toys.

Yet again we see Eddie Redmayne overact, taking the role of "autistic British wizard" to a level not needed. There was no chemistry between any of the actors, which made for awkward moments throughout the whole 2+ hours runtime. The relationship between Colin Ferrell and Ezra Miller especially seems unintentionally predatory.

There are two completely separate plots that are sloppily connected. One of the plots is pushed so hard and is used only to create a franchise of this thing. If they focused on only the fantastic beasts instead of the bizarre possessed horror aspect with a cheap twist, the film might not have been half bad.

In the end, yet again, almost a whole city gets destroyed in the climax. By now it is beyond tiring and by my count that is how FOUR big budget movies have ended in 2016. And by what, a fucking dark cloud. The whole film, each and every scene, is predictable, features terrible CGI, obvious blue screen, lifeless sound stages, and is riddled with plot holes.

>it's another "anons team up to gangrape eddie redmayne" thread

He's not gonna make it to 2017 at this rate you disgusting fucks.

Eddie was specifically made for the purpose of taking a million dicks, even he knows this.

based

Can you post this to ao3?

>The original movies have three main characters and are therefore three dimensional

Harry was barely a character.

Meh, this pasta is weak. Abandon it already m8

>ywn force Newt to sleep with you for the sake of protecting his beasts
>ywn magic his clothes away so that he's in nothing but his unbuttoned white dress shirt and socks
>ywn roughly push him spread eagle onto a desk
>ywn bend his smooth freckled legs so far back that his knees are practically touching his face, exposing his sweet virgin boycunt and feminine dick, as he cries in embarrassment
>ywn leisurely kiss, lick, and fuck his hole with your tongue while he blushes furiously, whining about how lewd this is but being unable to stop himself from moaning over how good it feels
>ywn continue eating him out until he cums, the position causing his own semen to splatter all over his face for added humiliation
>ywn chuckle at how cute he is, teasingly rubbing your leaking dick against his hole while licking his tears and semen off his face, before suddenly penetrating him
>ywn force him to keep eye contact with you as you continue to utterly ravage his virgin body over and over, bending him in every debauched position imaginable, till he's so full of your seed that his abdomen is practically bulging
>ywn coo about what a beautiful mother he is while rubbing his swollen belly
>he will never weakly mumble a "t-thank you..."
>ywn then keep Newt as your mindbroken cumdumpster, putting spells on him that cause him to perpetually crave your cock and nothing else

wew

It felt like a pretty genuine movie to me, I think the "let's have 5 fucking movies" thing just turned everybody off.

At least it has a target end. I miss franchises that do that.

What do you call that hairstyle?

>tfw you will.never be a fat baker that fucks his 10/10 wife

Those were the only good characters

I liked Newt desu, nice positive portrayal of autism.

I took my gf to see this because I thought she liked Harry Potter. There were some entertaining scenes, but on the whole I didn't care for any of the characters, and I actually liked the Harry Potter movies. I also think they made a mistake casting some well known actors in the movie, especially Colin Farrell. Why did they bother having Johnny Depp in it for a 2 second cameo? Also we were almost the only ones there, only 2 redneck guys were there and his Sweet Home Alabama ringtone went off like halfway through.

I didn't like the characters, the edgy British wizard coupled with the boring New Yorker muggle and serious secret agent or whatever. Redmayne is not likeable at all. The setting was not likeable. I did not want a movie in the Harry Potter universe taking place in the 1920s. To be honest, it made me hate the entire Harry Potter universe just like the Force Awakens made me permanently hate the Star Wars universe (even the original trilogy is less enjoyable afterwards).

I agree with this pasta.

>There are two completely separate plots that are sloppily connected. One of the plots is pushed so hard and is used only to create a franchise of this thing. If they focused on only the fantastic beasts instead of the bizarre possessed horror aspect with a cheap twist, the film might not have been half bad.

You're right. I walked into the movie expecting cool magical animals running amuck in NYC and instead got some dumbass disjointed narrative about child abuse and religious fanaticism. Fuck this movie

I might have liked him more if he hadn't felt so out of place in the abused kid subplot and if they hadn't tried to give him a last minute romance with Tina when he spent nearly all of the movie with the fat baker.

Fucked

If they wanted to make Dr Who: The Wizard they should have just gotten the man himself. Would have been better than wincing mumbling eddie "the dutch girl" redmayne

I could hang my coat on those fuckers

Wtf, the Danish Girl has Eddie has real tranny

Also it's banned in Qatar, UAE, Oman, Bahrain, Jordan, Kuwait, and Malaysia. lol

>being able to stomach Frankenstein's monster's face

Matt Smith a shit.

>posts on /lit/ once

I couldn't be the only one to get a half chub when they spank Ezra Miller, right?

His hair is too retarded in this movie

you are the only one because everyone's seen his toenails.

>wanted quips
>why is the movie so serious REEEE
kill yourself.

>implying Jacob didn't ream Newt's boipussi
Newt's animals needed a daddy for a reason.

i couldn't be the only one that gets a half chub whenever they see eddie redmayne

more!!!!

why?

you and all of Sup Forums

>77805689
*starts tugging at shirt collar*

I never had a chub for him until this movie. Now I wish I was a Hollywood Jew so I could promise him more Oscars in exchange for letting me mercilessly pound his freckled boypussy.

huh? i genuinely don't understand. i've never watched anything with redmayne in it.

i-is this shota Redmayne?

What's hard to get?

We're ALL homos here.

>not wanting to violate him while he was confined to a wheelchair, unable to move or cry for help

i guess now we know you're a pleb

yes

>that mouth

Literally built for sucking dick

I agree with everything except that I kinda liked Eddie Redmayne

I haven't seen Theory of Everything, is he cute in it?

No, but Felicity is

>movie stars two prime twinks, grizzled Colin Farrell, and lovable chubby man
>the women are all plain as shit

Did Rowling do this on purpose? Is she trying to make up for the fact that Harry Potter had no decent husbandos?

yes

if it were a soulless cash grab it would've been called Harry Potter 8 and been stuffed with unnecessary references and pointless fanservice. this movie stands on his own, even to someone who hasn't watched harry potter. it didnt try to create memes with the niffler or stupid shit like that. better than any franchise movie this year desu.

>>implying that Harry Potter movies are any good

>he didn't like qt mind reader girl
Your post is plenty of proof that you are a homo

but he doesn't seem anything special... why him?

More pls.

She's charming, but her face is very generic.

Do you think he gave prince william a bj while they were at boarding school?

No, but I'm sure he gave his teachers bj's to ensure good grades

he's been putting those dsl to good use ever since

What are some essential young Redmaynecore movies? I only discovered him through Les Miserables

Colin Farrell was the only interesting character in this movie.

Faggot.

He's got a perpetually cute and youthful face that exudes innocence and has freckles, what's not to get?

Men in Black: Olde Timey Magic Edition

but he wore women's clothing in that one movie... a bit of a turn-off desu.

>he doesn't like cute boys crossdressing

What are you, gay?

I had a few things to complain about when I saw it.

Most obviously, the "Fantastic" beasts. They weren't fantastic. They were boring and underwhelming. This world gave us Basilisks, phoenixes, dragons, hyppogriffs, dementors, and so on, and we get bubble-nosed hippo-rhinos and squid-faced buffalo. What the fuck were these? Most of them looked more like they should be in a Star Wars film, not Harry Potter. The only real "fantastic" thing was the Thunderbird and it had a really underwhelming design.

Also, I found it weird that the witch-cop's sister was like "I'm a legillemens" as if it was something you're born as, not a discipline of magic like it's supposed to be.

Is he going to be coming back or his character just tossed aside now?

>doesn't appreciate creativity

fuck off

fpbp

>Harry Potter had no decent husbandos
NEVILLE. FUCKING. LONGBOTTOM

They were "creative" in the sense that a 2 Yr Old is creative as he brutally assaults a piece of paper with a crayon. Anybody can slap together a boring, ugly alien-looking thing. None of the creatures had any precedence or proper feel within the HP world.

Also, you're a nigger

>NEVILLE IS SO HOT OMG XDDD

He's average at best, end this meme already.

>Was the protagonist autistic or something?

Yes, feminine autistic shy boys are what women want nowadays.

Alphas on suicide watch.

When I dropped my ironic gay shitpost, I never thought that people would actually like it and this thread would turn into a homoposting fuckfest.

Thanks Sup Forums, you made me legitimately sad that I'll never cum inside Eddie Redmayne.

Thoughts on this hiney, Sup Forums?

10/10 would creampie

Its implied the real graves is dead

They better fucking bring back Farrell, I'm not sitting through 4 movies of bleached Depp.

D-do you think his feminine penis has freckles too?

But not in Iran! Guess why...

His lips have freckles, so I'd say yes, it does.

I still want to know if it was really his feminine penis in that scene or just a body double's.

>His lips have freckles

I wonder if it's possible to get his lips so red that the freckles become hard to see.

aren't those the gayest countries though?

I had to turn it off about 40 mins in. I didn't even want to finish this boring shit

>A-user, I'm embarrassed about my freckly lips, the bigger boys at school kept teasing me about them
>I-I heard that, uh, semen, is good for the skin, so maybe... only if you don't mind of course...

>ywn be one of the most powerful jews in hollywood
>eddie will never beg to suck your dick for more awards
>ywn fuck his mouth so hard and violently that his lips become red and swollen
>ywn cum on his hot sensitive DSL while calling him a dirty slut
>ywn invite your fellow jews to come and run a train on him
>ywn feel Harvey Weinstein's cock brush against yours as you both double penetrate sweet Eddie

Wait, they show his dick in the Danish Girl?

Relax, Eddie fingerblasts himself to these threads.

Yes, with a loving close-up.

I was more interested in his qt feminine tummy and tiny waist though.

>This had a surprisingly flat plot and one dimensional characters
Uuuh, did you ever read Harry Pooper? It was always like that.

Seriously, Harry had the character and personality of a wet mop and everyone else was cliche as fuck. In the movies at least, never read the books.