Wheres that bloody dumbledore greentext

Wheres that bloody dumbledore greentext

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This one?
>Another year gone" Dumbledore says
>"And now as I understand it, the house cup needs awarding and the points stand thus"
>Every student except Slytherin is disappointed, as they know they are inferior. The numbers prove it.
>"In 4. Place Gryffindor with 312 points", the students clap
>"In 3. Place Hufflepuff with 352 points", the students clap
>"In 2. Place Ravenclaw with 426 points", the students clap
>"And in 1. Place, with 472 points, slytherin house"
>The slytherins cheer, fully aware of how mercilessly they obliterated gryffindor and the other irrelevant houses.
>The Gryffindors can't do anything but sit there, knowing they deserve last place.
>All is well.
>"Yes, yes, well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin", Dumbledore says, but he seems not to have quite finished his speech.
>"HOWEVER", Dumbledore exclaims with a smirk.
>Oh no
>"Recent events must be taken into account".
>Snape, proud of his house, is thrown off visibly.
>"And I have a few last minute points to award".
>All Slytherins start aggressively sweating.
>They know this system is rigged.
>They already feel how they're about to get screwed over.
>"To Miss Hermione Granger, for the cool use of intellect, while others were in grave peril, 50 points".

HOWEVER

>The old man just awarded the mudblood 50 POINTS for being a tryhard nerd.
>The gryffindor boys all have raging boners by now, as they cheer for her bullshit points.
>A Slytherin faints at his table, nobody is mentally capable anymore of helping him.
>They can only stare in disbelieve.
>"Second, to mister Ronald Weasly for the best played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years, 50 points".
>For a well-played game of chess. 50 points.
>Weasly grins like a smug little cunt.
>Some Slytherins start having seizures.
>"And third, to Mister Harry Potter for pure love and outstanding courage I award gryffindor house 60 points"
>What the fuck is "pure love supposed to mean?
>Did he get those points for blowing the grandpa?
>The Gryffindors are hard as diamonds.
>Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are now also pitching tents.
>"We're tied with Slytherin" says the mudblood, not even whispering, so everyone in the otherwise quiet great hall can audibly hear her.
>Some Slytherins slipped into comas, others tried to use the death curse on themselves to commit suicide, but they couldn't say a word from all the shock.
>Draco Malfoy just whimpers about his father hearing about this under his breath
>"And finally, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more, to stand up to your friends. I award 10 points to Neville Longbottom"
>All the Gryffindors orgasm simultaneously.
>Most Slytherins have aneurisms.
>That faggot Longbottom only fucks up, he doesn't deserve shit.
>"Assuming that my calculations are correct, I believe, that a change of decoration is in order" Dumbledore says
>He claps his hands and the Slytherin decoration is replaced by Gryffindor decoration.
>"Gryffindor wins the house cup", he says, also ejaculating.
>Hagrid cheers like the biased cunt he is.
>All the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws throw their hats in the air, as they're all fucking biased against Slytherin

FUCK YOU DUMBLEDORE

>hey minerva, harry potter is the most important wizard alive today, he has survived the killing curse by voldemort which has resulted in voldemorts apparent death. now that he is an orphan and in need of a home, there are plenty of wizards who will take him in as their own, however i have a brilliant plan

>lets leave him here, on the doorstep, at 3am in the morning, in a muggle neighbourhood, where there are hardly any other wizards, with a family who hate him and hoping that they find him early enough since we are now in november and winter is approaching.

good idea!

Who needs green text when you can read this copy pasta explaining how this is one of dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

FUCK THIS CUNT DUMBLEDORE

EVEN AS A KID I WAS ENRAGED

WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THESE KIDS, OLD MAN?

What, this?

pastebin.com/9GfNxeS1

>admitting its pasta
delete and try again m8

We all know it's pasta at this point, there's no need to hide it.

Except for the handful of retards that unironically make arguments against it

>Harry, did I ever tell you that your a living horcrux and for us to defeat Voldemort you have to kill yourself? We can't just lock him up in wizard jail for some reason, so you're going to have to die.
>Im a good mentor.

>pastebin.com/9GfNxeS1
wtf

>know sirius black is a good man who will look after harry properly, dumbledore is probably aware the whole story about him selling the potters out is horseshit
>except for his absolute closest friend still alive, nobody tries to bail him out of the hellprison Azkaban

and then sirius dies horribly two years later

Actually, no. Everyone was convinced Sirius was the traitor.

Well I wasn't.

H O W E V E R
O W E V E R H
W E V E R H O
E V E R H O W
V E R H O W E
E R H O W E V
R H O W E V E
H O W E V E R

BASED

umm, you're new to this aren't you?

You're only supposed to include all permutations, last row is unnecessary.

You know, that makes me wonder.

How the fuck would horcruxes work?

You zap Voldemort with a killing curse or shoot him with a gun, and then what? Does his body go "that doesn't count", and his consciousness continues to inhabit his body?
Do you have to destroy the horcruxes to make the Voldemort that moves around and does things stop existing? Assuming you destroyed his body, how would his soul do anything once the body died? Is he dependent on his followers to "boot up" the souls contained in the horcruxes?
Do the horcruxes "broadcast" Voldemort's soul into a physical or ephemeral "form" where his "mind" wants it to be? How does Voldemort have a single conscious mind if his soul is in multiple inanimate objects, animals, and his worst enemy? If he loses parts of his soul, how does the personality of his central consciousness not change or lessen?
Why don't the wizards just create some kind of jamming device for the signal from Voldemort's horcruxes to stop him from coming back?

I won't read that retarded "excuse me" wall of text but horcruxes simply anchor the soul to the material world. At the same time they are conscious pieces of his soul. When his body is destroyed his soul doesn't "pass on", however it took him 11+ years to regain a body. While he didn't have one he was capable of possessing animals or people.

>Aaah ... pain beyond pain, my friends; nothing could have prepared me for it. I was ripped from my body, I was less than spirit, less than the meanest ghost ... but still, I was alive. What I was, even I do not know
> I had not been killed, though the curse should have done it. Nevertheless, I was as powerless as the weakest creature alive

It's magic, in a fantasy world. "broadcasting" or "booting up" isn't part of it.

Please don't talk to him that way.

>I won't read that
You're replying as if you did.

>retarded
No u.

And you're just repeating the stuff everyone knows, not explaining the finer workings of it:

>simply anchor the soul to the material world
So how does it connect to his physical immortality? Does he have to have a new body created for him by his servants every time his first one dies? How would his soul "exist" if no one made him a new body?

And if you're saying that the "conscious" Voldemort is the "soul" of Voldemort, prevented from "passing on" (as if that makes sense, but we'll roll with it), then that doesn't work with the idea that his soul is "split" by the horcruxes, or that parts of his soul can "die" while other "parts" can "survive". He can't be "one" (as he is) if his soul is "split" and contained within the horcruxes (as it allegedly was).

I suppose we could make this make sense if we said that his "soul" was merely "anchored", as you put it, to remain in the physical world, but then that doesn't align with the "splitting" of his soul. At best you could say that he's "tied" certain physical objects with his metaphysical soul (like putting stones on a blanket to keep it from being blown away in the wind).

Then there's the next question, which is, if we accept that the horcruxes DON'T "contain" his actual physical soul, more like a signature of his soul, then the question has to be asked what his disembodied soul would have done after it flew out of Quirrel's head.
It would be understandable if his followers could obtain one of his horcruxes and perform some sport of spell to serve as a beacon for his soul to flow through into whatever replacement body they have for him, but if his soul is able to DO anything while disembodied, that doesn't fit that framework either, because his soul shouldn't be able to do anything in the physical world if it has been stripped of all its connection to it besides the horcruxes.

>What I was, even I do not know

10/10 writing Rowling

>It's magic, in a fantasy world. "broadcasting" or "booting up" isn't part of it.

Those were metaphors.

"Broadcasting" describing the ability of the horcruxes, which supposedly contain the pieces of his soul that survived his first death, being able to produce the single gestalt "soul" that animated him during the book series, despite their great distance from each other, and Voldemort himself.

"Booting up" described the process that his followers would use to get his soul out of the horcruxes and into the physical world, after it had been "shut down" by his body being killed.

Tone down the autism friendo, they're kids movies based on kids books.

I don't think that is what OP was looking for

When his body is destroyed, the horcruxes prevent him from dying. He doesn't have a body, he is "less than a ghost" but still exists and can possess minds. He returns by convincing someone to help him with a ritual to create a body, which is no easy task - but who cares when you're immortal.

Horcruxes contain conscious pieces of his soul, learn to read. Those pieces contain the memories Voldemort had when he made them. They contain his actual soul.

His followers don't know anything about what Horcruxes are. Voldemort's soul needs to find a way back himself -whichever part.

>produce the single gestalt "soul" that animated him during the book series
>get his soul out of the horcruxes and into the physical world, after it had been "shut down" by his body being killed.

You misunderstand everything completely, retard. The soul splitting is permanent, he can't make his soul whole again. Each piece contains his consciousness from the moment it was split (like the teenage riddle in CoS) and it is conscious.

RED PILLED

There's literally nothing wrong with being autistic.

>hoping that they find him early enough since we are now in november and winter is approaching
>what are spells

>His followers don't know anything about what Horcruxes are.
Except /our guy/ Regulus.

How come Harry was the first to survive the Killing Curse?

It's stated his Mum sacrificed herself for him, he lived because of her "love" etc.

Was she really the first person to do this?

Were all other murdered parents in similar situations selfish cunts that offered up their children crying "Noooo!, kill my child! Just let me live! Please please let me live!"

Not one other person in magical history ever sacrificed themselves for a loved one?

How about when James went to hold Voldemort off, buying his family a little bit more time, essentially sacrificing himself for both Harry and Lily, so why didn't Lily survive due to his "love"?

youtube.com/watch?v=351Aa5q_S98

Why didn't rowling write something autistic pedos from Sup Forums could understand?