Luke...

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I let your father strike me down so I could become more powerful than he could possibly imagine? He knew I'd be able to help you blow up the Death Star but he did it anyway, rather than taking me prisoner and raping my holes. He was a good friend.

I was fucking there you old dead coot.

Why didn't Obi Wan try to get the high ground? He gets a huge defence+attack bonus from height advantage and it's Anakin/Vader's weakness too.

kek

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time Darth Maul came to kill me a few years before our adventure began? It was nice of him not to tell anyone else I was here, otherwise we would have been fucked. He was a good friend.

Because it was flat floor on a spaceship.

Why does the EU exist?

kek

Death is the highest ground, ghosts can float

>Luke, while I was sitting on my chair, which were pieces of furniture humanoids could sit in or on (depending on the type of the chair). Chairs came in many shapes and styles, and chairs that could hover also existed. Chairs were common household items throughout the galaxy and adjusting my pillow, an object which came in various sizes and shapes, ranging from very small pillows to protect or display small items, to those used to support an individual's head when lying down to rest or sleep, to pillows large enough to accommodate a humanoid being's entire body or serve as items of furniture unto themselves for back support, I realized something. The fork, an eating utensil. Many humanoid species used forks to consume solid foods. They were usually made out of metal, but could be formed out of almost any solid material, that I was using was a gift from your father. Darth Vader. He was a good friend.

It doesn't anymore

>Luke, Darth Vader is your father and you have a twin sister and these 2 droids just happen to be the ones we journeyed with back in the good old days before I gained dementia

Rebels lightsabers are so retarded. What were they thinking?

Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts?

Breasts were the mammary glands of mammalian species and some reptomammals, and were normally a distinguishing feature of the female of the species. Males did have breasts, but they were far less developed than their female counterparts due to the sexual dimorphism.

A good friend who was a female stormtrooper lamented "I don't care if you're built like an Askajian—nobody needs a chest plate that looks like it has its own gravity-well projectors."

>t-thanks, Uncle Ben

They're trying to evoke old Ralph McQuarrie art that had the blades be fairly skinny.

>Pete, did I ever tell you that with great power comes great responsibility?
>I had power once, when I was a young man like yourself, in the form of an M16 Rifle granted to me by the grace of God of the United States of America. Oh how we used to walk those jungles for miles picking charlies from the treetops, watching their God forsaken soulless vessels of degenerate flesh fall from the beautiful, scenic life above the dirt and swamps. We were just walking, no orders, no direction, just walking and shooting, waiting to get the call to go home, but this was home now. Anyway we came upon a village, nothing special, no brick here, just straw and goat excrement keepin' the raindrops from fallin' on your head. Well we saw the stripes in the middle of town and learned that a convoy had been here not a day prior and the villagers were aiding the American cause, whatever that meant at this point. We spent the night and got to know eachother pretty well, after all we had all been in different training camps, shipped and platooned a month prior but not a word between us for that span of time. I myself got to know one of the more shapely villagers, or rather she to know me. I was a young man, Peter, a God fearing young man. I had killed a man before I had known a woman, but before the Sun rose and the scent of blood and ash consumed the fog, I had known her. Not her name, not even her face, but her body, oh Peter her body. We left at dawn, and I didn't hear from her again for an entire year. We came back to the village, now ransacked by gorillas, and there she was with a little mixed bambino on her tit. I didn't approach her, I was 2 weeks from coming home. I had taken the guts from many a naked gook, but I didn't have enough to even talk to her. I can't remember her any more than I did back then, but I'll never forget that child, and I'll never forgive myself.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the ventilation shaft which you will eventually shoot in to blow up the Death Star? Did I tell you that it wasn't a simple shaft to the core and overlooked design flaw by a massive bureaucratic organization, but instead it was a purposely placed exploit for someone to blow the weapon up because some Empire engineer was mad at his boss. He was a good friend.

Why didn't the Empire have hostages aboard the Death Star? Even fucking Carthage utilized hostages. I'd have kids from important families from every world associated with the rebellion on a level of the Death Star if I was the Empire.

woah.

WATCH IT MAUL

Will there ever be a war as Kino as Vietnam ever again?

I liked this.