Luke, did I ever tell you about Blue Milk? Blue Milk was a specialty beverages intended for moisture farmers, but later adopted as a delectable beverage for Senators and farmers alike.
Sith Lord Binks once remarked "Meesa likie day dis here blue milk okie dokie." before he noticed Dexter Jettster had Republic secrets on the menu. He swiftly cut him in half and raised the building to the ground afterward, but that's not to say the Blue Milk was not to his liking. He was a good friend.
Hand over those droids, Luke, while I tell you about breasts.
In some cultures, sentient females nursed their own young. This was true of both primitive planetary societies like Dathomir, where the warrior-women of the Singing Mountain Clan would feed their children even during solemn councils of war,[and high-tech interstellar civilization: Leia Organa Solo nursed her twins for some time and Mara Jade Skywalker nursed her son Ben until he was a few months old. Even Tenel Ka Djo, Queen Mother of the Hapes Consortium, nursed her daughter Allana herself.
Alternative techniques of feeding infants did exist, as the TDL nanny droid could store up to two liters of milk internally. Other sentient species retained strong breastfeeding traditions as well: female Wookiees had six breasts, which they used to nurse their litters of cubs. Askajian females also had six breasts, while Gran females had three.
Even Dexxter Jetster and his 80's theme diner was reported to possess two breasts. If only he hadn't put Republic secrets on the menu, perhaps he would have found a fondness for three breasts instead of two.
Luke, let me tell you about a good drink for good friends. Hoth chocolate was a variant of hot chocolate containing Tauntaun milk, and a number of different spices mixed with cocoa and boiling water. Hoth chocolate was associated with the Wookiee Life Day.
You might have discovered that Dexxter Jetster and his 80's themed diner had Hoth chocolate on the menu, next to the Republic secrets to the left of the beverage list. Gladly you never read those secrets, so you are still here today.
What would Alec Guinness say if he saw these posts and how his character became a meme?
He would share them with good friends, over a shrimpi cup at Dexter Jettster's famous 80's themed diner, where he also had Republic secrets on the menu, or so I've been told.
Hungry for knowledge Luuuke? You're in luck. A Corellian fried ice cream cryer was a modern appliance. It was used to fry Corellian fried ice cream, an ice cream native to Corellia.
Corellian fried ice cream was a type of fried ice cream native to Corellia. It was made in Corellian fried ice cream fryers. An ice cream man on Endor was known to sell it.
I once heard an ice cream man say, ""Ice cream here...sold by the scoop." while selling the tasty dish. That man was quite possible Dexter Jettster in disguise, operating his 80's theme diner where Republic secrets were on the menu along with the fried ice cream.
Luke, you're looking a little shaggy, did I ever tell you about the Barbers of Sullust? The Barbers of Sullust were a group of Sullustan hair stylists who eventually supplanted the Wookiees for control over the barber business.
Have a seat Luke, I need to share something important with you. Bang-corn was a seed whose kernel, when heated, exploded into a puff of starch, hence the name. C2-R4 claimed, among its many talents, to be a bang-corn air-popper.
Not to be confused with Dust-Corn, mind you. Dust-Corn was a variant of corn that was used as an ingredient used in the creation of Skannbult Likker. The plant was native to the planet Skann.
It was once heard that both types were on the menu at Dexxter Jettster's 80's themed diner, next to the Republic secrets.
Thanks for the info, Obi one.
He would say "Go watch Ladykillers or Lavender Hill Mob or Lawrence of Arabia. Anything other than wasting your time on this garbage. I am a great English actor and you are too old to enjoy this carp." or something like that.
Speaking of info. Info to Go was an information brokerage located on Borgo Prime. It offered its customers the use of its resources to make discreet inquiries of all sorts while keeping their identities secret. Supposedly it was also owned and operated by Dexxter Jettster himself, next to his 80's themed disco diner, where Info was on the menu about the Republic, to go.
Holy kek user. Almost wet myself
Luke, it's about time I told you about your evil clone. Luuuke Skywalker was a clone of the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, who died in 9 ABY, created by Grand Admiral Thrawn to serve as his agent in the galactic community, which the Admiral controlled secretly using a legion of clones to replace prominent people. After warding off the Lost Tribe of Sith when they emerged in 43 and 44 ABY, Thrawn's first clone of Luke, Luuke Skywalker, retired after serving Thrawn since the original's death. Luuke was replaced summarily with Luuuke, who inherited duties as the Grand Master of the New Jedi Order and a significant political persona. Luuuke would go on to assemble a Clone Army comprised of the copies whom Thrawn had made over the decades. Working with another clone, Streeen, Luuuke devised a time machine that he used to attack the galaxy during the Clone Wars.
From a distance he would look like a good friend, but don't be fooled. He's never been to Dexter Jettster's diner and never will see the Republic secrets on the menu. This is his achilles heel, and only weakness.
Luuuke, let me tell me about your evil twin, Luuke Skywalker.
Luuke Skywalker was a genetic clone of the Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, grown from cells extracted from the hand Skywalker lost during his duel with the Dark Lord Darth Vader on Cloud City. Skywalker's hand and lightsaber were recovered by Vader and taken to Emperor Palpatine's Mount Tantiss storehouse on the planet Wayland. In 9 ABY, the insane clone Jedi Master Joruus C'baoth performed a mind trick on Imperial Grand Admiral Thrawn's subordinate, Captain Gilad Pellaeon, ordering him to make a special clone for him. The clone that later became Luuke Skywalker was grown in secret from sample B-2332-54, the sorting code assigned to Luke Skywalker's hand. The clone was grown in a Spaarti cloning cylinder over the period of less than a month. When he was ready, the clone was given Jedi training by C'baoth and over time became little more than an extension of C'baoth's will.
Luke, let me see what Master Yoda taught you.
>That's no moon, it's the Sun Crusher. The Sun Crusher is a nearly indestructible craft that is no larger than a starfighter, but is capable of unleashing destruction on a magnitude that dwarfs even the Death Star's capabilities. Unlike the Death Star, which destroyed individual planets, the Sun Crusher can destroy an entire star system by causing its target star to turn into a supernova. The key to its near invincibility is layered Quantum-crystalline armor, a material so strong that it can perfectly repel even turbolaser shots. Han Solo once was able to ram the Sun Crusher straight through the bridge of the Imperial-class Star Destroyer Hydra without taking any damage, and during the skirmish in the Maw, it even survived a glancing blow from the Death Star prototype's Superlaser, which likely would have destroyed any other ship it touched. The Sun Crusher took some engine damage from the blast, as this was its only weakness, but was able to continue to fight. The Sun Crusher is also equipped with a hyperdrive and was designed to slip unnoticed into a system, fire its weaponry, and then escape before its presence was detected.
Obi-Wan tell me about these Republic secrets on the menu
Only Dexter Jettster knows for sure. Before he was summary executed for giving up the Republic secrets by Darth Binks, the last of them went away with the destruction of his 80's themed retro diner. He was a good friend, but not good enough to keep those secrets to himself
Luke, I think it's time you learned about Gundarks. A gundark was a fearsome anthropoid from Vanqor known as one of the most vicious, strong, and aggressive species in the galaxy. These non-sentient creatures stood between 1 and 2.5 meters tall, with four powerful arms and large ears as wide as their head. Both their hands and feet ended with opposable digits. Gundarks were covered in short brown or gray hair.
Contents[show]
Biology and appearanceEdit
"I wanna get off this planet now. This place is crawling with gundarks!"
―Castas, about the planet Vanqor[src]
Gundark TOR
A gundark in the jungles of Dromund Kaas
Gundarks were birthed live with black coats of fur, and were able to fight almost as soon as they left the womb. A gundark's hair lightened as it grew older and its large, bat-like ears began to enlarge until, at puberty, they reach the width of its head, hence the expression "strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark." These creatures were born with only two of its four adult arms, with the second pair emerging during adolescence.
There were several subspecies of gundark, including the Burskan gundark of Burska and an unidentified green subspecies with four equal sized arms, a tail ending in a pincher-like pair of claws, two toed feet, and a more reptilian appearance. Another sub-species was the Brachian Beastlord which was found on the moon Lamus. It was particularly vicious compared to main-line gundarks, and had a poisonous bite.[4]
In addition to true gundarks, other species of carnivores were called gundarks by a young scientist named Kin Kimdyara, not because of physical resemblance but because of a similarly vicious, surly temperament. These species included the long-necked gundark of Kharzet III and the aquatic gundark of Yavin 4.
Why are you saying random numbers Ben? Why are you quoting people? Ben stop, you're scaring me
The sand people betrayed and murdered your Aunt and Uncle... Luke did I ever tell you about National Socialism? National Socialism (German: Nationalsozialismus), more commonly known as Nazism (/ˈnɑːtsJzəm, ˈnæ-/[1]), is the ideology and practice associated with the 20th-century German Nazi Party and Nazi state, as well as other far-right groups. Usually characterised as a form of fascism that incorporates scientific racism and antisemitism, Nazism developed out of the influences of Pan-Germanism, the Völkisch German nationalist movement and the anti-communist Freikorps paramilitary groups that emerged during the Weimar Republic after German defeat in World War I.
Nazism subscribed to theories of racial hierarchy and Social Darwinism, identifying Germans as part of what Nazis regarded as an Aryan or Nordic master race.[2] It aimed to overcome social divisions and create a homogeneous society, unified on the basis of "racial purity" (Volksgemeinschaft). The Nazis aimed to unite all Germans living in historically German territory, as well as gain additional lands for German expansion under the doctrine of Lebensraum, while excluding those deemed either to be community aliens or belonging to an "inferior" race. The term "National Socialism" arose out of attempts to create a nationalist redefinition of "socialism", as an alternative to both international socialism and free market capitalism. Nazism rejected the Marxist concept of class struggle, opposed cosmopolitan internationalism, and sought to convince all parts of a new German society to subordinate their personal interests to the "common good" and to accept the priority of political interests in economic organisation.[3]
It was an excellent ideology, and a good friend.
Those memes would be better if you would stop calling it ab 80s diner incorrectly. It's a fifties, dumbo
Dexter Jettster's 50's, 80's retro tribute diner had too many Republic secrets on the menu to keep to its own generational homage, Luke. He was a confused good friend.
>your father hated sand
>so I left you on the sandiest planet in the galaxy
just picturing old obi wan saying "Meesa likie day dis here blue milk okie dokie" cracks me up
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the kikes?
I don't know what Disney was thinking having Raimi direct the reboot.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Qui-Gon Jinn, my old master? No? Well, I guess he wasn't all that important in my life or your father's life.
Luke, it's because I'm using a computer. Did I ever tell you about computers? Computers were hardware designed for mechanical control and information storage. Astromech droids[1] and protocol droids[2] could interface with them. Starships were equipped with navigation computers to make the calculations necessary for a safe hyperspace trip.
Those skilled at hacking into computer systems were known as slicers.[3]
Hoth Chocolate sounds fucking delicious
Luke! Come back! I haven't told you about magic shoes!
Now that those secrets are out of our way, it is time you find out about transgenderative surgery. ransgenderative surgery was a type of surgery which changed a being's sex. It was a possible means to hide one's identity, but it was generally seen as a rather extreme method.
But it's a fucking 50s themed diner, why do you keep saying 80s?
Less stupid than Stsrkiller base
popped into tv for a good friend post and was certaintly not disappointed
>a moisture farmer drinks it so it must be made especially for moisture farmers
I hate this stupid shit in star wars. It's like Bothans having a society seemingly made up entirely of spies because Bothan spies were mentioned once.
Because it's the type of 50s themed diner that became popular in the 80s
Really makes you think
For you
Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about Four-cubes, Luke?
Four-cubes was a gambling game played by Ree-Yees and other members of Jabba's court.
It was so dangerous that the mercenary Boba Fett even opted out after a long night of drinking and flirting with Jabba's courtesans. Dexter Jettster would never had played such dangerous gambling games, and Boba made the choice for his good friend in his place.
Old man Ben, why in the name of a Sarlacc's asshole are you telling me all this crap?
God the old EU was so fucking stupid.
To better prepare you for the future, Luke. Speaking of which, I was going to tell you about Magic Shoes.
Magic shoes were a pair of shoes created by an Ewok named Teebo. He and his friend Wicket had to jump over the holes of Vacant Valley, during the search for Norky.
The Ewoks couldn't jump like Norky's species. So, Teebo bewitched some vines he had found, that spun around Teebo and Wicket's ankles, resembling coils. Speaking of which, Teebo himself once said, "We'll jump over the hole with this magic shoes." before he plunged to his death.
Best thread in ages. Keep posting lads.
The new eu will become just as convoluted
But will it be as maymay-y? Wil it be a good friend to us shitposters?
Atleast they seem to only be working with a few writers instead of pulling stuff off of fanfiction.com and printing it.
I love this thread.
I don't get it.
Now that you're a man now, I thought it would be the right time to tell you something special. Wookiee-ookiees were a type of Wookiee food. Lumpawaroo was fond of these treats, as when he was young, his mother Mallatobuck commonly made them for him. Saun Dann also enjoyed Malla's Wookiee-ookiees.
Media mogul Ebenn Q3 Baobab also shared the cookie recipe on his Baobab HoloNet.
A famous Wookiologists, Sean Dann once said, "Now then... what's that I smell? Could it be some of those famous Wookiee-ookiees?" before he was smashed with a treetrunk.
Master Obi I've been wondering what are Order 66 Cookies?
Luke, this was your father's lightsaber. He wanted you to have it. He also wanted Rey to have it. She is a good friend.
Yuengling is a beer.
I haven't even heard of Yuengling beers, it's just that obvious.
Is this the one he killed like 100 children with?
They are only shared among good friends. For good reasons. The dark lord Darth Maul himself once ate such a cookie, and it plunged him into the Darkside so quickly he lost his voice. Only when I struck him down did he try to make mouth noises, as he fell through the evacuation chute of the elaborately designed hall of laser walls. Though I never heard what he said, I suspect he was lamenting their lack of flavor.
Did I ever tell you about Savage Opress? He was Darth Maul's brother. Savage killed his brother Feral Opress to prove his loyalty to his Nighsister. Later, after Darth Maul survived being bisected and falling down a bottomless shaft and got his robot legs, he recruited his brother to be his apprentice. Savage was later killed by Sheev. He was a good friend.
Where was
>savage
>opress
in all of this?
Fantastic foresight user.
Perhaps you should try one yourself, if you are so bold.
Yes. In some ways, the new canon is even more ridiculous than the old EU.
>it's a Mary Poppins Sith gang episode
/swco/ is creaming itself over this fucking garbage.
>execute order THICCty-THICC
yuengling is America's oldest brewery, you underage twat
Ben can you tell me about order 69?
>this entire thread
>no jizz-wailers
How the fuck should I know? Not Amemerican.
Order 69 was a fiendish punishment met out by Stormtroopers during the Galactic War on suspected Rebels. It involved not so good friends and they affixed two rebels or rebelettes to one another while they watched and possibly masturbated inside their plasteel suits (we might never know whether due to their suit construction). It taught many a rebel to fear the Republic, and for good reason. Only Dexter Jettster and his 80's retro diner have records on that order, next to the Blue Milk and shrimpi cup kid's meal.
I'm not American and I still got it. Git gud.
Yes you are Deathstar Jetstar you fat fuck.
Jesus Christ, Raimi...
[It ain't me starts playing]
[jabba's wailers start wailing]
You mean "it ain't sheev"
Kek, this may actually make sense
Dammit, Uncle Ben. Stop browsing Wookiepedia.
Luke did I ever tell you about bread?Bread was a kind of food made from grain that had been mashed into a powder or dough, then baked.
History
Five blossom bread was a kind of bread made on Naboo. Senator Padmé Amidala was given some of this bread by a Naboo ambassador during the Clone Wars. She saved it for a special occasion and offered it when her husband Anakin Skywalker visited her.
On the planet Jakku, Unkar Plutt traded survival rations for the gear brought to him by scavengers.[1] These rations contained veg-meat[2] and a beige powder.[3] The powder was mixed with water in a container. A brief stir caused a chemical reaction, prompting the mixture to rapidly expand and solidify into a doughy loaf,[3] known as polystarch.[2]
Another kind of bread called mealbread was served stormtroopers of the First Order, along with a side of meat and numian cream.[4]
Non-canon history
Anakin Skywalker did not like his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to made on rye bread. When his mother, Shmi Skywalker Lars, presented him one with this bread, he displayed a disturbing visage and told her that he found her lack of white bread disturbing. She offered him a sandwich on sourdough bread instead, and he cheered.[5] Bread was a good friend.
>Anakin Skywalker did not like his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to made on rye bread. When his mother, Shmi Skywalker Lars, presented him one with this bread, he displayed a disturbing visage and told her that he found her lack of white bread disturbing. She offered him a sandwich on sourdough bread instead, and he cheered