Ep. VIII opens

> Ep. VIII opens

What's the first thing he says?

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*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

There was a hand too..... did you bring the hand?

Rey...*I* am your father.

hey there wanna come back to my jedi cave and watch some netflix? maybe have a drink?

Dr. Pavel,...

Hi Batsy!

''Just..,fuck my shit up''

The sad thing is that murricans would clap

DOCTOR PAVEL, I'M JEDI KNIGHT

Where am I?

>You brought toilet paper?

updog

"Get down on your knees and start fucking sucking."

Internal monologue

Imagine being Luke in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Rey, you fuckin' fine, all powerful with your tight body and horrific xenomorph monster face. I would totally train you." when all he really wants to do is train another nephew in his temple. Like seriously imagine having to be Luke and not only stand on that planet while Rey flaunts her weird expressions in front of you, the panning shot barely concealing her spastic jaw movements and eyebrows, and just sit there, while she perfected that offer. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone in the resistance tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, REY HAS POWERS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been training nothing but a healthy diet of twi'leks and togrutas and later alleged genocidal maniacs for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Tatooine. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled forehead as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to stand there and revel in her "mysterious (for that is what she calls herself)" power, the power she pulled out of her ass last week. And then the force demands you hear what she gas to say, and you know you could do things to make Sheev look like a faggot and nobody could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Luke. You're not going to lose your future academy over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

Underrated

What's updog?

>Rey...*I* am your father.
>American audiences explode into screaming and crying applause, a fat guy in the theater literally whips his dick out and starts jacking off and cumming in the aisle, the blacks start whooping and hollering and dry humping each other, everyone starts shooting their guns

snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....

Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

Did you know Disney hasn't clued me in as to why I am lurking on this isle like a fucking hobo? I've ranted about how hard Disney fucked me for you. Lots of videos on YouTube if you're curious. Unlike you, teeth, I actually care about this franchise.

>You're not going to lose your future academy over this.

it's the little things with these pasta updates

You're right, it is pretty clever.

Need to mix up the brraaaappp pasta friend it's getting stale

>literally not a single instance of "brraaaappp"
>calls it the brraaappp pasta

youtube.com/watch?v=mjHEHuNyvME

Tip top kek, that's gold, liked it more than original.

> Palpatine is your dad
> Kylo Ren betrayed my order and forced to abounded you in jakku
> Mace Windu is still alive and is Snoke
> Wants revenge on both Palpatine and Skywalker clan for his pain and disfigurement

By the way these are real spoilers, kek

>I thought we had defeated the phantom menace, after all we survived the attack of the clones and the revenge of the Sith, and even when things looked their darkest we managed to find a new hope. But now even though it may be in spirit only, the evil influence of Darth Sidious is still very much around us as if the Empire strikes back at us from the grave. These past few decades have seen a great return of the Jedi and somewhere within the evil that surrounds us, the force awakens. Come, Jar Jar, we must make haste.

>Rey having already trained with Luke before the start of the film is handed back her lightsaber
>He pulls his hood up
>She leaves
>He turns to face the ocean as she departs
>He's not seen for the rest of the film

>he was a good friend
>what?

"Where is Carrie?... Is she alright? Is she safe?

So how are Han and Leia doing?

>Come, Jar Jar, we must make haste.
Goddamnit

>At last, after all this time, I have finally become Star Wars: Episode VIII

PURE IDEOLOGY

>Did you know that my sister just died?

"Is my sister alive?"

Screencap.

It leaked earlier. His first line is about her parents or something

>Rey...*I* am your father.
>The Big Ben starts to Bong uncontrollably
>The Queen spills her evening tea
>Bongs spill out hot beer everywhere

It seems Kylo failed in his mission, I'm surprised Snoke took this long to send someone after me.

She's in the movie you bakas

upluke

Gooood...

Rey did I ever tell you about Luuke Skywalker? He was a clone of me made by the insane Jedi Master called Joruus C'baoth. He used DNA extracted from my hand which my father salvaged from Cloud City after he chopped it off when I challenged him to a duel. The clone was then grown in a cloning cylinder over the period of less than a month and given a crash course in jedi training. I then had to fight him in the Emperors throne room but I had a large migraine at the time and couldn't swing my light sabre properly. Luckily my future wife and ex sith apprentice was there to stab Luuke in the chest right in the middle of our duel. She was a good friend

>episode VIII premiere, audiences and their falcons on the edge of their seats/perches
>starts where episode VII ends
>close-up of his face
>mouth opens
>roll credits
BRAVO JJ

Kept you waiting, huh?

>Rey holds the lightsaber for a good 20 seconds and he doesn't say anything

>she lowers it down a few inches, takes another step closer to him and raises it back up extending her arm out a litter further

>after another few agonizing seconds Luke says, "If you're not going to use that thing, put it away"

>Luke turns his back to her and walks away

"Darth Vump is literally Space Hitler!"

Could she be Rey Binks?

>you are too old to begin the training

sounds interesting
is that a reference to something?

you're gonna need some training
I'll teach you to use a lightsaber, how to move objects with the force and the jedi mind trick.

Pretty sure I saw it somewhere but I can't remember.

WELL

...

> "Hello there!"

She's stable

Only right answer

C3P0 WHERE COULD HE BE??!!?

Kylo Ren was not a good friend.

it's treason then

youtube.com/watch?v=9wIbmAsyo_k

Rey did I ever tell you about the time Han Solo got cucked by Snoke? The by-product was the petulant little brat known as Kylo Ren. He was not a good friend.

dunno but Leia was killed offscreen by Chewie for hugging Rey instead of him when Han died, fucking bitch

The party's just getting started.

Kept ya waiting huh

AT

You don't get to bring Wookies

>not You don't get to bring good friends

>Rey did I ever tell you about the time I passionately kissed Leia? She was a good sister;

Tell me where is Han, for I much desire to speak with him.

I eat ass

He fell, through shadow, a hebrew of Morgoth.

I fucked ur mum once

>Where's Leia? Is she... allright?

>Live from New York, it's Saturday Night Live!

>I felt my sister life force extinguish...

"did you bring the coke? i haven't been able to conact my old supplier."

You got my cheez whiz, boy?

But that doesn't make sense, why would he say that when she is related to Obi-Wan Kenobi?

She better not be related to any character we know.

SHADOWS AND DUST MAXIMUS

"reylo confirmed yet?"

"it ain't gonna suck itself"

At the end of the vision Ray has when she touches the light saber in the box, she hears Oba Wan's voice(by Guiness) calling her name, then Oba Wan(by McGregor) says "these are your first steps". That could imply that she is a Kenowi.

...

"I still see those kids fall, one by one, on the floor... "-

>Episode VIII ends
>Black screen with cursive font
>"In loving memory of Carrie"

She lost the will to live

Also:

"The Force is strong in my family…" etc.

and MY DÅUGHTER has it.

Luuke didn't have a crash course in Jedi training. He was an almost mindless meat puppet controlled by C'baoth.

"dicks out for Harambe"

for the sake of argument, how many people do you think on opening night would pull their dicks out if he actually said this?

>Episode VIII ends
>"Note: Leia died on the way back to her home planet"

She... she was stable, I felt it!

How is Han? He was a good friend.

>she touches the light saber in the box, she hears Oba Wan's voice(by Guiness) calling her name, then Oba Wan(by McGregor) says "these are your first steps
The ol' "lightsaber in the box" movie theater trick. Classic.

Early episode 9 funeral incoming

This doesnt prove anything, she also hears Yoda, Luke and Sheev.

gimme that puss white girl

>also hears Yoda, Luke and Sheev
Really? When?
Also, Luke hears Obi Wan's voice on Hoth, and he's not his father either.

at 00:52 she hears the voices in the vision
youtube.com/watch?v=O3BEsKacmdg