Jupiter Ascending

What went wrong? Is it at least worth a try?

So-bad-it's-good cult classic
Watch it drunk with some friends and laugh your ass off

No. it's an abomination that no one wanted,

Art imitates life

I'm a little hazy on the details now but I think Channing Tatum played some kind of flying dog, so it's obviously a must-see

it's very self-consciously the same hero's journey story as The Matrix but with wAckY space opera bullshit instead of cyberpunk. it felt like the Wachowskis were trying to stay within their wheelhouse and generate another commercial hit after a few high-profile bombs, but this was the best that their HRT-rattled diseased minds could come up with.

The only funny thing about it is it was so bad the directors cut their dicks off, hah

kek

Just watched the trailer, what the fuck? Ship design is cool as fuck though.

The problem is that while the Matrix ended with Neo accepting that he is The One and being a badass hero, this movie ended with the protagonist rejecting her role as space royalty and going back to working as a janitor with her abusive fucked-up relatives. It's totally unbelievable and breaks with the established "hero's journey" trope in a way that adds nothing to the movie.

The setting and aesthetic are god-tier, but the story and main characters are Sy-Fy Channel tier crap.

I other then milas shit acting i love this film, the world building really is great

Why are women so obsessed with being royalty relative to men? Is it because women want to be loved without any effort on their part?

Yeah, I know, right? Who would like being rich and powerful without having to work for it? That's just crazy!

>can't read
RELATIVE TO MEN, dumb dumb.

>What went wrong?

>mila cunis
>queen bee
>you are the chosen one

Nice visuals for some space shit. Everything else is so "meh" I can't even comprehend how that happened.

I feel like this movie could have been good with some trips back to the editing table and maybe a few mild rewrites. The concept was kind of cool.

Are you illiterate lad?

>Amid the criticism, the film picked up an enthusiastic following, particularly among female sci-fi fans who have embraced the film with the general attitude of: "This movie is garbage, but it's OUR garbage!"

this should tell you enough

a dog with flying laser roller blades

Even better

>Plenty of other genuinely good movies with female protagonists/supporting characters
>Choose to support this
Bravo Feminism!

Was the last film I saw with my Grandpa before he was put in the nursing home.

He liked it. I like it only because I associate with good memories.

Watch it until the part where Sean Bean dies.

Movie was split between trying to be an epic space opera, and an action flick. So it's either too corny for the drama, or taking itself too seriously. Should have gone one way or the other.

I always wondered if channing tatum had a dog penis in that movie

If you like so-bad-its-good movies, it's definitely worth a watch. Redmayne gives one of the best terrible performances in recent memory

It would have worked as an animated movie, either anime style or western style. As a live action film it's just too weird.

In ten years though, I bet it'll be a cult film on part with Heavy Metal

>"The dog man! The dog man is flying around on his roller blades! The Queen of Earth loves him!"

The people at the group home must have a ball with him.

Women can't direct good action movies

The interstellar dynastic premise was cool but the casting was mostly faulty, the script was trash, and the fairy tale meets sci-fi just ended up clashing.

>what is point break

*dynasty

Yes, some parts are good but got buried by all the parts that are not.

An anomaly

it's a poor man's john carter which itself is already a poor man's dune

how many animes did they watch before they wanted to make this?

lovely b8 m8 but john carter was written before dune wasn't it

...ummmmmm i don't get dune vibe from john carter at all, if anything it's more like the 1980 flash gorden in that it's cooky as fuck and pretty damn underrated.

>Is it at least worth a try?
yes its comfy regardless of the shit acting and incoherent plot

the environment and scenery make the film entertaining. it's kind of like the starwars prequels, honestly

I CREATE LIFE

It was 8/10, comfy movie.

It would've been 10/10 if instead of Mila Kunis we'd have gotten a QT boytoy instead and some fancy gay romance.

And apparently so did redmayne

>Eddie Redmayne lounging around in tacky lingerie throughout the movie, flanked by dinosaurs wearing leather jackets

I fucking love this film honestly.

SyFy shit is better though.

rude desu

>had a completely flat body in Danish Girl
>looks like this in Jupiter Ascending

How?
also did the director get to take him from behind while he wore that outfit?

it was your standard female mary sue shit - "two hot white guys want me, which one should i choose?"

what a wonderful world we live in.. where CGI spaceships are magnificent, but we have no idea why they are flying around.

makes you proud, dunnit.

mythology. every woman in the tribe wants to believe she is secretly related to the alpha, because it means protection from all the betas. over time that myth evolved into the Daddy's Little Princess syndrome, and yet - as Jack Vance pointed out in his Lyonesse books - in a lot of ways it means having less power and choices than before.

yeah. you could tell at times it seriously wanted to be Dune. it's a shame that Frank Herbert is dead, or he could have written them something grandiose and epoch-spanning.

it had some crazy camerawork, fantastic sets and very imaginative worldbuilding

everything else is utter trash, but it's worth 1 watch

It was very meh. The kind of movie that you might flip back and forth to when it's on cable TV. It's not worth going through the trouble of putting in effort to stream or torrent and definitely not worth buying it.

How much screen time does Ed-Red have? I've gotten to the point where I watch shit movies just for him.

plenty, and he's the only actor having fun with his role

Two words
SPACE
CHANDELIERS

So he's actually enjoying himself, and not being punished with this role? I never understood what an actor like him would get out of accepting such a role.

I can't watch it. I just can't take Choading Taintum and Mucho Cuntiz seriously. Shit looks Battefield Earth levels of cringe.

he elevates the material quite a bit
pity his character and performance are wasted on this shit

He's dead now

But Redmayne.

It was an embarassing piece of shit
the story is fucking retarded
the acting will make you turn it off within 15 minutes

>what went wrong
Two main leads give awful performances.

The plot really fucking repeats its self (she's captured and escaped approximately 800 times in 2 hours)

I thought this was one of those teenage girl mastorbatory novels made into a movie like Twilight but apparently it was an original idea by the Wachowski shemales.

I'm surprised they could come up with this kind of pure drivel. It's garbage to the maximum.

Its not as bad as people pretend it is.

Its literally Star Wars/John Carter tier, but targeted at women. Its the typical "women project themselves into her shoes" type flick.

>cleaning lady
>lives with overbearing family
>daddy issues
>SUDDENLY SHIT HAPPENS AND ITS ALL ABOUT HER AND HE SAVES HER AND SHE LOVES HIM AND HES SCARED AND BLA BLA BLA

If anything, this is a decent chick flick as a guy. At least the cgi was great and some ideas were great.

biggest art achievement by transwomen desu

>wish fulfilment for women
>she doesn't fuck the only non shit-tier male in the film

Haha she got cucked

Kek, women arent into androgynous shemales, theyre into male strippers, like Chad Tatum.

It's a series of someone betraying someone else, which ends up getting Mila Kunis in trouble or captured, which ends in Tatum sliding in on his space skates and saving the day every time.

eye shadow, rollerblades and redmayne

Women sure liked Fantastic Beasts a lot.

buzzwords, memes and autism

Not for redmayne they didn't.

Numales arent women.

>implying fantastic beasts wasnt popular especially in asia because redmayne looks like a shoujo heroine

Fucking idiot

>group of thugs threaten to kill your wife and baby
>they ask for you money
>'g-go take it no problem just leave us alone'
>they ask for jewelry
>'t-take it too just go away'
>one thug touches his telescope
>"WOAH ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!"
>goes into reee mode
>gets killed
>wife and baby is left to poverty

bravo dad

Look at any discussion of these two movies and I guarantee you the majority of women will say they liked them because they want to fuck Redmayne. Chads have gone out of fashion, user.

Moving the goalposts?

Were talking about Western women. Were not all weebo faggots, dont project your strange hobbies to others.

Mentally ill people shouldn't be allowed to direct high budget films.

>"Chads have gone out of fashion, user."
>He said without ever reproducing

I don't want to contribute to overpopulation so I fuck men.

Thanks for proving my point.

Homosexuals usually prefer feminized men.

>but we have no idea why they are flying around.

It's a shit movie, but there were plenty of reasons for the space ships to fly around. Just because you're retarded, doesn't mean everyone else is.

>women

dont forget the fags who shit up every thread by screeching about wanting to violate redmaynes boipussy

perhaps they are over-compensating. "yes, WE know what real women want."

>implying 90% of those fags aren't women pretending to be men so they can fit in on this board

It's fucking hilarious. Eddie Redmayne is magnificently camp, Channing Tatum plays a gay wolf with rocket shoes and Mila Kunis's disdain for the movie was written all over her bored face for the full 2 hours.

It's been years since I laughed at a movie that hard.

>still better than the farce awakens

wasted potential. should've went full space opera but no bitch just had to stay on earth.

bad:
>the most cliche space opera story about chosen one
>awful casting of Cunis and Tatum; including ""Oscar winning"" performance of Redmayne
>questionable choices like Tatum is dog, bees recognise royalty, main heroine going back to cleaning toilets etc.

good:
>worldbuilding
>really great visuals
>hilarious comedy space-bureaucracy scene completely different from anything else in the movie

the movie is shit but there were some great ideas with feeling of the new Fifth Element.

It doesn't really have any redeeming qualities, aside from the fact that it tried to be something original rather than another sequel/remake/reboot

Loving girl officially owner of planet in the eyes of the Universe.
Can't tell anyone because they'll think she's crazy.

What do you think "they" meant by this?

Who Judges the Soul upon death?

>hilarious comedy space-bureaucracy scene completely different from anything else in the movie
There's a reason Terry Gilliam plays that one clerk in the end

Great production values, poor actors, angsty teen fanfic tier writing.

movies such as?