Short

What do you think?

drive.google.com/file/d/0BxU28xaRRiVKSXdNU1E3UjUtODA/view

Thank you.

Free kino, guys.

Ain't gonna click that shit

-good cinematography (makes it better than 90% of shorts posted on this shithole)
-work on color correction - the light of torch is too dark and muted
-thats it? the story doesnt make sense and it ends really weirdly
-despite that, good editing
-and yeah, the vfx shot from picrel is shortkino
-stories like this work best in literature - here its messy, I dont know whats going on and I dont care

Thank you very much, very useful feedback.

Noted, will address the highlights on the torch.

np what gear did you use? did it yourself or had a small crew?

Just me and the actor, i do everything production wise.

It was shot RAW on a hacked 700D with a vintage helios 44-2M lens because i'm poor.

that bokeh is cool

so you used magic lantern?

It's cool. Only problem I have is that the music is kinda distracting at the start. Maybe something subtler?

Yeah, ML for the whole thing. No point using this camera if you don't plan on using ML, it's shit without it.

The native h264 bitrate is shit, no focus peaking, no crop marks, nothing. ML is the only choice (or buying a better camera)

I understand, I have 700d too

no problems with the software?

Thanks for the input, again very useful to know. I did the music as well, so i'll try to fit something fingerpicked instead.

Thank you again.

No, not at all. The installation is incredibly straightforward, i use a nightly build from the last year and never had a crash, freeze or anything of the sorts. I reckon they have a stable release now.

I think it's a must have, even if you only use focus peaking.

A useful tip in case you're starting out and have only the kit 18-55mm lens. Never, ever go below 24mm on that lens.

>Never, ever go below 24mm on that lens

why?

Do it for photos, i'm talking about video. Not sure about the exact mechanics, i suspect it has to do with the shifting optics in the zoom and the pixel blending the camera does to record video.

When shooting RAW, you get an incredible amount on chromatic aberration once you go lower than that. you get some CA anyway, but when you zoom out, it call becomes concentrated, and you can see it fade away as you go above 23mm

In h264, since the footage gets processed, the camera tries to compensate for it, and you end up with an oversharpened image, something that looks out of a phone rather than a DSLR or a film camera.

Try it yourself.

Free kino, guys.

Add it to tmdb so i can log this on letterboxd

story is barely there
scream audio is very distracting and sounds cheap
looks nice enough

Thanks a lot.
Do you mean the first scream, the second scream, or both?

Once it's done, i will. You can tell me what you think of it here as well.

Okay.

I get that you're inspired by Bloodborne, right? The costume is really cool but the watch is a huge red flag pointing the viewer to an exact time period the action takes place in. If you have been going for that then cool but for me it felt like a weird detail that brought me out of the experience.

The actor is also not the best fit for this role, he's obviously too young and not rugged enough for me to believe in him as a hardened forest-dweller or the like. I understand that you were limited in your choice but still. If it's on the tape and it's visible then there is no excuse.

I understood the story enough but it did not resonate with me one bit which is a shame. The 4 minute limit is obviously a factor but I do believe that the atmosphere could have been better crafted even in those few minutes.

The framing is sometimes weird cutting off the flame of either the top of the candle or the torch (which I concur the other user looks like ass) for the sake of more nothing-black at the bottom. If that was meant as a metaphor it has not been setup (or I'm an idiot for not understanding some obvious connection between a ribbon an a flame).

The moon shot is cool and looks okay (work on the blurring the edges a bit, especially near the horizon) but is ultimately pointless in the short and serves no purpose apart from being eye-candy.

The music is also kinda meh but the weird-cutoff at the end of the guitar part is super jarring. I don't want to be a dick but if you'll need some music you can find loads of musicians that will do it for the sake of doing it (yeah, me included, shutup).

Overall it's not bad but you have to work on your focus as it will kill everything you make in the future.

Really well done short BUT Westerns really need square jaws

If I got it right he accidentally killed a girl while he was hunting for something else, that's it

Oh, and the woman's screems were really obviously from a soundbank.

Looks great, too much music, not enough plot. Seriously, what's going on? The story doesn't make sense to me and it's not even that beckoning or attractive to keep thinking about it. Great cinematography though.
Oh and your actor has the babbiest hands of them all

Very insightful critique, thank you for your time, i'm noting everything that's written down in this thread.

I'd like to get in contact with you. You can post it here or alternatively send me your contact info (skype,e-mail) to [email protected]. It's a throwaway e-mail i'll be monitoring for today.


Yes, that's literally it.

Thanks for the feedback.

I'll try to find a better actor next time, nothing i can do about it now.

Story is

The bit about the actor wasn't real criticism t b h, just banter. He's actually alright considering other short film actors.
The story makes sense now, yeah

>what's going on?

The state of Sup Forums everyone.
Seriously, you guys are fucken idiots

hey man, you can contact me with your real email whenever you like via my bandcamp:
wounds.bandcamp.com

fuck off hippie

pure kino

is it the same guy posting these?

never said i didnt understand it
i said it was barely there
as in its thin and weak

Yo OP, I have no clue about film so whatever, but I liked your short.

Just a side note, make the gun prop heavier. He handled it like it did not have any weight (which it obviously didn't) but that sorta took me out of it.

Cleanly shot, that's the best part of this. However, I'm concerned you may have gone with style over substance.
I know the story now, but perhaps something that can give it a more sense, chronologically speaking, is perhaps a watch or something.
For instance, when he's burying the girl, it's ticking one time, and he keeps looking at the time. When he's hunting, it's a different time, and the ticking is faintly heard. At the end, the ticking reaches its zenith and then abruptly stops.

>it's an user posts his Bloodborne fanfilm proof of concept episode

you can't fool me OP, you didn't make it subtle enough. The costume, the decorative old gun, Mergo's crying and beasts growling mixed into the background audio in the woods at night, and the moneyshot of the moon setting.

As for critique: I like how the shots aren't obscured by le ebin grime and grit like every fucking amateur shortfilm ever, and some of the angles used are very nice. It's way too fucking short to even consider it a short film though, it's like 4 minutes of pretty scenery and no plot. And that fucking scream he hears when inside the shack - did you really have to use the most overused stock woman screaming sound effect ever made? You couldn't just pay a chick a few bucks to scream and record it?

Props for 2 reasons
>for having the balls to post your short on this cesspit
>for making something half decent

nice work
what camera did you use by the way?

he already responded earlier m8

That pistol is ornate as fuck.

It looked gorgeous and professionally shot.

It didn't get it but it was very well shot. Those dark scenes needed a bit more light though.

yeah, I've just seen

OP, like I said, I enjoyed it
A bit of advice that you can take or choose to ignore, don't shoot RAW
I thought it was the player's compression that was messing with the video but if I'm not mistaken, the 700D shoots sub 720p RAW for less than a minute at a time?
It's not worth it. Use a flat picture profile instead and shoot 1080p. If you're properly lighting your environments then the difference won't be noticeable. The file sizes will be a fraction of the size and, most importantly, you can actually record sound (though I'd only use that so that you can sync it with sound recorded externally)

As someone who loves bloodborne I liked this. Honestly the worst part for me was the guys acting, yeah he didn't have to do much but his expression and his eyes seemed way too casual for me, almost as if he was about to look at the camera and say "hey, how's it going jim?"

It is the compression of the flash player. I shot this at 1536x654 (2:35:1), which is upscaled to 1080p. There are no compression artifacts on the original file i have. Just for arguments sake, even 720p RAW is sharper than the 1080p h264 that the camera puts out. Plus, you get 14bit colour to work with.

I am glad you liked it, and i will try to fix all of the things mentioned ITT, but this advice i will have to ignore.

I am glad you noticed. The scream has been the most criticised element, i'll do what i can to fix/replace it.

Thank you.

see

Btw, is the bloodborne inspiration a bad thing?

Noted, thank you very much.
On point and true. He is not an actor, just an acquaintance of mine, he did it for free and was incredibly cold and uncomfortable by the end, which obviously shows.
Thanks for your time.

>no dialogue or even monologue
Easy way to make your short 6/10 at best

He's clearly inexperienced
For an early film, he's played to his strengths and downplayed his weaknesses

It won't work when it comes to making longer films or films with actual stories, but for it is, it's effective

But yeah, I wouldn't give it more than 6/10 if even

There were limitations i had to adhere to.
That's it for today, thank you all for the informative replies, they were really helpful.