my fellow harry potter fans, let me ask you a few questions about severus snape
1. why the fuck did severus snape even think about calling himself a half blood price? there was nothing royal about him, he was nothing more than bullied poor ugly boy.
2. did severus snape die a virgin? seriously, did he ever have sex with anyone?
You are a fucking idiot.
1. dunno why prince but half blood part is obvious i guess
2. 99% sure yes
1. Prince is his mother's maiden name.
2. Probably.
Because his mother's name was Eileen Prince
They should have changed the title for the Half-Blood Prince movie, that subplot has absolutely no relevance to the movie series at all
Snape saying "Yes, I'm the Half-Blood Prince." is the biggest "Yeah, so what?" moment
Because he was a masochist cuckold that watched over his ex-childhood love's husband's son and he also starred in easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
This. In the books the concept of the Half Blood Prince is a lot better illustrated.
Eat shit.
>1. why the fuck did severus snape even think about calling himself a half blood price? there was nothing royal about him, he was nothing more than bullied poor ugly boy.
Why did you use Sephiroth and atheism as your Something Awful trademark when you were a teen? He just wanted to sound edgy while he thought about gunning down hogwarts with his puke blood spell.
How much more of the subplot is there in the book?
what the fuck is wrong with you
A lot
Harry is obsessed with the potions textbook
When Snape finds Harry and Draco after Harry Sectumsempra'd him, he makes Harry bring him the book because he knows Harry has his old textbook
But Harry brings Ron's to try and cover his tracks, and Ron's name in the front of the book is Roonil Wazlib because he's been using a bewitched quill to write for him
Harry gives some bogus story about Roonil Wazlib being his nickname
>2. did severus snape die a virgin?
Yes. And he was like in his fourties so he had transcended average internet wizard status. If he hung there a few more years he might have reached chaos god tier.
Guess Voldermort did us all a favour.
I love you.
that sure is "a lot"
He was in his early 30s. Harry's parents had him when they were 21.
Never gets old
I just typed out a bit I found funny
That's a rough looking early thirties. Guess you need to do a lot of drugs to survive that shitty school.
He fucked many witches actually, but he imagined them to be Lily each time because it's the only way he could get off..
>He fucked many witches actually
[citation needed]
catch snitches fuck witches
keep up the good fight comrade
>early thirties
>21+17=38
Is this what Common Core taught you?
THE DULLEST
Wizards like user don't learn actual math, Hogwarts is actually a really shitty school.
wizards stay in the muggle school system to learn basic reading, writing and arithmetic until they're old enough to go to wizard school.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Rowling 544). Screencap this
No they don't. Only filthy muggle borns do that.
And blood traitors. I don't imagine families like the Malfoys or any Slytherin edgelords send their kids to a Muggle primary school.
>send their kids to a Britbong primary school.
Why would you do that to your child?
He was a high ranking Death Eater, can't see why he wouldn't be drowning in witch pussy.
1: IDK
2: 100%
>ywn get in a threesome with Bellatrix and Narcissa
He had a deadly case of oneitis user, women can smell it on you. Just ask /fit/. They have shit taste in women too.
What if you enchanted a sex doll to come to life
And suddenly this thread became interesting.
...
>Bullied
>fapped alone while his oneitis was being fucked by the Chad
>his beta cuckness made him bitter his whole life
>died a virgin
Is Snape /ourguy/?
. did severus snape die a virgin? seriously, did he ever have sex with anyone?
He secretly stashed some of Lily's hair, made polyjuice potion and gave it to a goat, so that he may pleasure it.
It's in the books. Read them.
Do you even need to ask, user?
Everyone in this thread talking about oneitis is forgetting that he fucked it up himself. Lily would have dated him if only he didn't go full dark arts weirdo. It was his decent into dark arts and the final straw of him calling her a mudblood that ruined it.
I mean there's probably some bullshit about "the more powerful the wizard, the more intelligent and independent a charmed object can be". But even wizards with a minimal amount of training can make objects that can seemingly move around and think on basic levels, and there are magic sentient portraits all over the place so the spells involved can't be that complicated. What's to stop anybody from creating their own harem of charmed sex slaves from the back-catalogue of Realdoll?
Counter point: Lily was a massive cunt and he called it like he saw it.
She would have ditched his ass for Chad regardless.
>Lily was a massive cunt
Provide citations for this. Even when he was calling her a mudblood it was because she was trying to help him and he got embarrassed.
>Lily would have dated him if only he didn't go full dark arts weirdo.
Stay deliusional. There is no way in the fictional world or the real one, that a girl will reject the advances of the good looking, rich, high-school jock, in order to be with her nerdy and poor childhood friend.
Grow up
Who actually thinks that this is acceptable?
J.K. Rowling herself said she may have grown to love him. But he done goofed and she looked elsewhere instead.
I guess they clicked when both were outcasts before school and then at school Snape thought he should be popular or respected since he was pure blood and talented but he wasn't and Lilly who should have been shunned as a mudblood became popular. Snape became resentful because she wouldn't denounce this new found popularity in favour of his affections because he felt he was more sincere because he loved her even when she was an outcast. She doesn't, so he snapped. Also James's humiliation of him was purely for the sake of her, he didn't want to upset her by destroying James which he could easily have achieved. She spit this back in his face by hooking up with James.
Snape isn't pure blood and he knew that.
J. K. Rowling likes to appease people and change a lot in hindsight.
It's so none-sensial that absolutely nobody seems to have remembered that Severus and Lily were really close as chidlren until the "mud-blood incident". Every sensible person would have remembered that. But hogwarts is full of narcisists.
>bullied
>fat
>social sperg
>parents are insane
>failure at everything he does
>insecure as hell
>somewhere along the line he stops being a fuckup
>he mans the fuck up when shit is going to shit
>he saves the day when everyone else is too chickenshit
>gets a qt
Neville is /ourguy/. Become the Chad
what the fuck is oneitis?
In the book and real life.
Nevil Longbottom looks like THAT?
Obsession with a single romantic target characterized by the belief that they are in some appreciable way distinct from all other potential romantic targets.
I really hope this shit isn't actually considered a disease.
fuck alan rickman is dead
>lily was wrong to drop snape after he called her a mudblood
Wew
It's just slang kouhai.
she's a mudblood whether she likes it or not
if he called her a cunt then it would be up for debate
You better believe it.
T. Why doesnt anyone liike me
Dropping him as love interest is one thing, as opposed to dropping him as friend. She could have reflected upon their relationship as whole, and tried to hear his apologies, as friend. Instead she totally blocked him, which drove him even further into DA.
prove she's not a mudblood
are you some kind of Abatap that has a notification whenever someone posts a Harry Potter thread?
This is why I opened this thread
>why the fuck did severus snape even think about calling himself a half blood price? there was nothing royal about him, he was nothing more than bullied poor ugly boy.
Why did Elliot Rodger call himself "magnificent"? Why did Dylan Roof have delusions of grandeur? Why does Sup Forums like to roleplay (only semi-ironically) as noble traditionalist warriors?
KEK. Harry's dad was a chad. a fucking chad. this is like comparing Nick vs KK
>people should be okay with being called offensive names
God bless.
>no picture of the bulge
one job faggot one fucking job
People selling it??
>offensive
why? what's the problem with having non-magical parents?
if lilly thinks there's a problem with it, then she must recognize she's a mudblood
Lily would have dated him when they were both outcast weirdos. Then Lily became attractive, and from there she was always going to end up with the cool handsome rich athlete. That's just how the world works.
Look at it this way, if you were 12-13, a lonely short dude, and your only friend was this emo fat girl, you'd be nice to her, right? But then when you hit a growth spurt, maybe started working out, got attention from better-looking girls, you wouldn't turn around and say "ok Jennifer Raven Darkness Diabetes Williams, let's go out together". You'd go for the hot girls. It's just human nature. Snape was a greasy weirdo.
"Mudblood" is an insult, though, used instead of "Muggleborn". Think of it like "nigger" instead of "black". I'd be annoyed if somebody called me a "nigger" because the term is nearly always meant as an insult when used by whites, but I wouldn't give a shit if somebody called me black or mulatto.
Let's address the realest point here: the 'magic being unmagical' one. In the books there is so much inventive magic: the fight between Dumbledore and Voldemort in the fifth feels tense because both are being inventive and struggling to gain an upper hand, turning statues into defenders, conjuring giant shields, creating huge rings of fire that get turned into snakes... everything in the environment can be a weapon and a shield, and both are struggling to utilize that. Other than that fight scene, though, they seem to have forgotten that offensive magic can be anything other than streaks of light firing at each other. Literally so many potentially cool fights were ruined because they couldn't be bothered to choreograph anything.
I really thought it would be fixed in fantastic beasts and then it was exactly the same shit. The creatures were way more interesting visually than any of the magic. It's so dumb.
Why what's wrong with having black parents?
Why do black people get mad when I call them nigger?
they could try spinning too
I think the problem is that the directors of these movies were worried that they might end up confusing people. There are scenes of genuine creativity in the books that don't show up in the movies.
"Nigger" is a loaded term, based on historical racism from whites against blacks. It's not an innocent descriptive term for black people. Just say black, or "people of color" if you're some faggot SJW. But nigger is an insult. It's on par with calling a gay person "faggot".
>"Nigger" is a loaded term, based on historical racism from whites against blacks.
As is mudblood.
>"Nigger" is a loaded term
So is mudblood, you autistic doublenigger.
Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Oh, and I'm not this guy: Probably should have made that more clear, I know it gets confusing since we're all anonymous here (except to the NSA/MI6).
why didnt snape just make a potion that makes you unconscious and give it to a female student and lie about if you drink it, it makes you smarter then have his way with her?
Obviously Snape wasn't interested in anyone but Lily. He could have easily banged some Death Eater chick due to his status as Voldemort's right-hand man, he just didn't want to. Also, date rape drugs are disturbingly easy to obtain and use by anyone, look at what that one chick tried to do to Harry in Book 5, or how the Imperius Curse is so easy to use that Harry pulled it off at the age of 14. Not to mention the "total body immobilization" charm, which they teach kids at the age of 11, or the "knockout" spell, which they teach at the age of 13 or 14.
Rape must have been absurdly common in Hogwarts.
Because you touch yourself at night.
Because creeping on underage students is Dumbledore's territory and he doesn't want anybody else muscling in
>Huh, I never thought of how potions are actually the only recourse of criminals, because of how you can "replay" all the spells done by a wand.
>"No!"
Every time