The kid who would kick the ball 2 feet above the goal and waste 2 minutes getting it back

>the kid who would kick the ball 2 feet above the goal and waste 2 minutes getting it back

>tfw referee soccer and have to deal with timewasting bullshit like this

>tfw playing on a mexican mountainside and the ball gets kicked down the street and continues to roll for several blocks to the base of the hill

>that kid who had the balls to trespass the old cunt's property to get the ball back

>that kid who was shit but we let him play because he owned a nice ball
>if we didn't let him take the penalties he would just leave and take the ball with him

>tfw the masking tape ball starts falling apart after a few minutes

>the kid that was supposed to bring the ball and brings one of those unnaturally hard almost stone-like balls that hurts like fuck

>tfw you play on a huge makeshift field in elementary school and each goal is like 50 feet wide so you have 3 goalies per team

not sure if anyone else did this

>travel goalie

>that kid that tried to do rainbow flicks, elasticos, rabonas, etc., all the time and failed miserably

creep with me
as i crawl through the hood
maniac
lunatic
call him snoop eastwood
kickin dust
as i bust
fuck peace

>bring my wc replica match ball to play with
>Pump it to the max with air just like they do in the pros
>People complain that it's too hard(because they don't know how to fucking kick)
Cunts can't appreciate anything

>that kid that was bad and unpopular and everyone made fun of him but it was 7th grade soccer so everyone made the team and then the coach yelled at the team because we were bullying him

>wc replica match ball to play with
You will burn through infinity for this, d'you know that?

>the kid who hated soccer so he stayed offside deliberate until the coach gave up and let him go smoke weed in the dugout

>the kid playing early in the morning when the grass is wet and trying to stay on his feet the whole time

>that kid that ran one lap of the mile and walked the rest

me

>the kid who barely even made the jv golf team
>got cut anyway

>the kid who striked out at tee-ball

>that kid who was fast as hell but lazy as fuck so you had to pass the ball to his feet or else he'd make no effort to go after it

>that kid who couldn't dribble or shoot but was unbeatable on defense

me at basketball. my passing was alright tho

>that kid who was only happy when playing footy with his friends

>that fat kid with the best passing skills
I still wonder how did he do it; the fucker couldn't run for shit but everytime he made a pass it was an insta 1 on 1 vs the keeper

>that kid who would only be throwing up bricks from the 3 point line

>that same kid who got into traps because he didn't read the defense and pass then whined that he never got the ball

...

>the dad who asks if his kid could play with you and your cousins

>that kid that accidentally scored with his hand when he tried to hear it in, but no one noticed and was one the very few goal that kid got to score, so he stayed quiet and celebrated.

I was that kid

>the skinny autistic nerd kid who instead of hanging out w/ the other nerd kids in the bleachers during PE classes, tries to join the normal kids playing futsal, being picked as dead last and told to be the gk, but kinda of does ok in the goal seeing an opportunity to stand out and starts to try very hard to become a better gk, even bringing gloves, shin guards, padded uniform and other things no one wears, and eventually gets to be one of the first picks by chads in futures PE classes, enjoying some laughs and sharing good moments with them in the court, but still being marginalized by the group when outside of PE, having no other choice but keep hanging out with the other losers

>that kid who used to wear shorts in the winter and everyone tried blooting the ball off his thighs to make him cry

...

>that kid who was trash at dribbling and wanted to play goalie

this kid was usually fat as fuck too. Then again all fat kids are made goalie.

>the kid who would kick the ball 2 feet above the goal

uhh you mean every professional soccer player ever? Because every time I watch that shitty sport they all shoot the ball above the goal

That kid was the best

>that kid who always yelled names of famous players when he got the ball, trying to commentate his own play

also
>barefoot
>shoes were goalposts
>ball was from the bushes behind the goal of the nearest clubs training field
>everybody pays together for pizza

POST THE ROAST

If you don't commentate your own plays, are you truly playing?

>that kid that was too small to play anything but speed positions but was super slow
>still a dickhead and full of banter on and off the ice/field
Literally me

>be goalkeeper
>wet ball
>playing vs older lads

>the fat jani who deleted the comfy gym thread that was up for over 12 hours and had over 325 replies yesterday

>that kid who nags you to borrow your goalie gloves but you know he'll lose them or won't give them back

>he was that kid who never got picked and instead played with his PSP with the other fat kids

>tfw black and tall in predominately white elementary/middle school
>always picked first for basketball
>suck cock at it

>picked as goalie because I was the tallest in class
>too scared to dive for the ball
>eventually dropped from soccer and played basketball

kek, melancholy feel was felt too

Be competetive and fast. Do well in all sports despite being nerd

>make one hell of save
>with the face
>teeth are now perma crooked

Thank god there's proper dentistry nowadays

>that kid who made slide tackles on concrete

[spoiler]it was me[/spoiler]

>that kid that started his run commenting his own play using Maradona's goal to the english commentary
ARRANCAPORLAERECHA EL GENIO DEL FUTBOL MUNDIAL

>that gyppo kid that kicked the ball too hard and it landed across the street in another part of the neighbourhood so he went fearfully to get it back but his family had a feud with some gyppos there and they catch him and beat him up and piss on his shoes and make him suck their dicks but he gets the ball back 15 minutes later and we keep on playing and never mention it again

>playing soccer
>have no idea what I'm doing
>just wait at other goal and try and tap ball in when ball comes near
>pe teacher never said anything about it

hi jozy

>the kid who would hop the fence and go get the ball in the parking lot after it would inevitably get blasted over by someone because he didn't give an f

>that kid that started varsity as a freshman and also played for premier teams. The same kid who was named MVP junior and senior year.

Me

t. R*ddit

t. Never played organized sports in his life

we called that "goal hanging" at my school. for a long while we used to always play football against the class above us, who were much better so every game was like a cricket scoreline, whoever getting that one consolation goal lauded as a hero. quite peeved to remember now that i used to goalhang a lot in those games initially but i remember getting better at football later on and didn't goalhang at all thereafter.

>that kid who pretended to be the superstar player of the sport whenever he played with you

>that kid who got assigned to guard the girl when playing handball
>she still scored

i was that kid

>that guy who played minor league baseball and joins your coed beer league softball team to stroke his ego for not getting into the pros

Half the people here are drunk or over 45 Dave it's not the world series Jesus Christ

This is your football for the afternoon.

Say something nice about it.

>Half the class line up to hit
>everyone else grab a mitt from the box and take the field

I still have nightmares about those smelly old ancient mitts

>that girl who showed you what it meant to choke up on a baseball bat

it was supposed to be the other way around, dammit

>that kid that couldnt dribble a basketball past people
>could make shots from almost anywhere though

please don't hit me in the face

Me

>everyone fights for the one good mitt

>do a shitty trick
>everyone scream RONALDINHOO WOOAAAH

>shoes were goalposts
>shoes get stolen

I know exactly this feel, I feel you on a deep and personal level. I was also shit in defense but semi-good at goal with great distribution and got picked like second after the semi-pro kid.

>the faggot betas who played soccer at recess

>Be in middle school playing soccer
>Away team's ball is being used
>The ball sucks/we don't like using it
>Soccer field is on top of a huge hill surrounded by fense and trees
>Team gets together and decides we are done using that shit ball
>Teammate kicks the ball over the fence and it rolls down the massive hill into the forest of trees
>Away team doesn't even try to retrieve it
>They were pissed

I usually intentionnaly make shitty plays/drop balls/act goofy when I have one of those fuckers on my team

Maybe I'm just too drunk when playing...

>that dude who argues with the ump

>time for the post-game popsicles
>they ran out of your favorite flavor

>playing World Cup at the end of soccer practice
>each pair has to pick a country to represent
>that kid who would always pick North Korea before anyone else even began considering who to pick

>not liking every flavor

>time for post-game fruit
>the mom assigned to bring it for that game forgot the fruit at home

>time for the post-game semen slurp
>they ran out of american flavour

>most of nu-/spuh/ won't get this reference

Sad!

>be me, in middle school
>fat kid so automatically the keeper
>actually start enjoying the role
>practice a lot, lose some weight, get better so I can prove myself worthy
>still the only one blamed for every single goal, every single defeat (and we sucked so we got defeated a lot)
And this is how the crippling insecurity, self hating and inability to take responsabilities that still are with me today begun.

>that weird shy girl who always watches you and tells you you played well

>time for the post-game circlejerk
>they ran out of biscuits

Not gay if the dicks don't touch

It's called Limp buiscuit

Then go edit the wikipedia article yourself, dumb leaf

>kid that has to get the ball out of the bushes
>takes long time
>finally returns
>guys look what i found
>nudemagazine.jpeg
>game suspended

>that one fucking kid fishing at the goal because no offside rule in middle school

literally me

>nudemagazine.jpeg
>game suspended
>It's a bunch of traps
>tfw soccer turned you gay

>ameribetas trying to play soccer
couldn't cut it on the baseball team eh lad?

>gun class
>that kid who always looked down the barrel
>that kid who never put his safety on

baseball is for spics and kids who are too fat to run

pic is (you)

>lunch class
>that kid that always brought pickles
>that one kid skinny that never had anything to eat

>tfw playing a 5 a side game this week

Fookin bricking it lads, my fitness and technique gave up on me a decade ago

>that rich kid who always had lunchables

lel
Hamsik like
wtf do you want midget

>that poor kid who couldn't afford lunch and somehow always persuaded me to give him a dollar

>tfw ate pb&j every day from K-12

The smell makes me ill

>that kid who came out for a simple kickabout in the street wearing full kit and shinpads

>all my four older brothers played soccer in high school/college/sunday leagues
>they never once pushed me to play with them or anything

Fuck