Sitting in movie theater

>sitting in movie theater
>hear "TSSSST CRACK"
>you know somebody opened an outside contraband soda can
What do you do?

Feel free to open mine

Eat my crab legs in science because I'm to autistic to confront them

Call security. He needs to pay $10 for his small soda like everyone else.

Don't do shit because I know I'm breaking the singles policy and don't want to draw attention to myself

i've been in a similar situation. i'd do the same thing and tell the staff, if they fail to act i'd force them to stop the screening by standing in front of the screen and telling them to shut it off

>I'm that guy

Shout "fire".

>What do you do?
Smile and pass the bucket of KFC to my friend. He is such a dick, it is like he wants us to get caught.

I walk out of the theatre immediately. If security is that poor then clearly the theater isn't safe.

So you're the fucko who keeps spraying buttery crabjuice over me?!?

I fire my emergency flare gun into the air to signal the nearest authority figure to enforce swift justice.

who buys cans? i buy 12 oz bottles and candies from the deli

i once saw 9 blacks come in with entire set of chinese takeout lmao

Scoff whilst sipping beer from my large novelty hat

Alert the firing squad industry.

if it's a white qt, fill it with my latino semen

if it's a fatass, fill it with my latino shit

>i once saw 9 blacks come in with entire set of chinese takeout lmao
No you didn't

Despatch my falcon to relieve that patron of his can and larynx

>tfw too smart to eat my crab legs in science

>latino into scat
Over the line

>"TSSSST CRACK"
That is some first class onomatopoeia, OP.

I did my man, i hate chinese food too, so fukk them

ey man pass dem eggrolls

>soda

it's beer

I've seen black families come into the cinema with a fuckton of Mcdonalds senpai, I'm sure most of us have. his story's not really some huge exaggeration

Quietly watch the movie in fear as the theater security beats him with clubs and truncheons.

I know this is what they meant by "Security from freedom", but sometimes I think it was better in the old days. He was just a kid, man. They didn't have to beat him for that.

Yeah blacks dindu nuffin

>can
Laugh at such an amateur as I retrieve the bottle smuggled in my ass

Rat him out to the cinema security and receive 15% off my next ticket purchase and two complimentary shower tokens.

>go on vacation to the uk
>go to a theater to watch a good flick
>no fucking crab legs, just popcorn and nachos
>whatever, walk into the screening a bit late after inquiring if there was any crab legs in the back
>see singles all over the place
>everyone is sitting and watching the movie in silence, no one is on their phones or laughing like normal people do
>people are quietly eating and drinking contraband outer-food
>go to call security, they say it's ALLOWED
>movie ends
>NO ONE FUCKING CLAPS APART FROM ME
>people laugh at me as they exit the screening for clapping
Never go to the UK. Fucking terrible country with unsafe theaters and shit food.

I walk up and [insert hilarious response here]

How did you count them? Were they all smiling

came here to say this

>Assuming it was even a soda can and not a tall boy malt liquor.

>Medium cup goes through the cup holder
>large cup can only go about a quarter into the holder so it sticks out and you keep accidentally tapping it.

WHAT THE FUCK

Alert Ushers
/thread

I report them to security, my wife and her boyfriend are trying to enjoy the movie and I didn't stay up all night watching their kid just for their date to be ruined.

[pepe.jpg]
(You)

i hate it when i go to the movies alone because when you pick your Safety Buddy you have to pick a stranger.
I can't be the only one who feels like this...

>soda
>not sneaking 40s into the theater

Tell my mummy that the bad man broke the rules. Mummy goes to tell the manager and the good guys come and take the bad man away. Mummy rewards me with some milky and a plate of tendies from the candy stand, thank u mummy! me want more milky!

/thread

the stairs have lights so it wasnt pitch black

Crack open my tallboy of ghetto swill quickly after him, relieved that he started it instead of me.

put more foam in my bubble bath and overflow it into the front row

I've been going to theaters my whole life. Even a black theater once. People never bring fast food. They might sneak in candy or a flask. Never a fucking box of Chinese or a sack of cheeseburgers.

Delet this

no memeing
>go on vacation to the USA with family (New York)
>this was 2005-6, whenever 300 came out
>have the evening free so go see 300 at the theatre
>black gentleman and his companion whoop and holler at the screen throughout the picture
>whole theatre cheers when Leonidas decapitates the giant freak guy
>whole theatre claps at the end
>me and my family all looking at each other like what the fuck

...

call 9/11

>someone actually typed this

>buy overpriced soda
>proceed to pour a flask of booze into it
>acquire cheap cocktail and the theater doesn't bitch because they ripped me off on a soda

>Work at Regal
>No one there cares about outside food except for general manager.
>Frequently find empty liquor bottles.
>Taco Bell wrappers for days.

Seriously no one cares. Our prices just went up, too. Shit is retarded expensive. Even with my 50% employee discount a shitty chicken sandwhich there is $4.50. We even had this nasty as fuck burger for awhile that cost like $18 with tax. Not a soul ordered it.

Honestly as long as you're not brining in 3-course meals no one really gives a shit. At least where i work.

open up a can of Pilsner Urquell that I sneaked in and open this baby out

How do I eat in science

holy shit, top tier film experience

>going to see a bloodbath spectacle of a movie
>not expecting the audience to behave like actual plebians at a gladitorial bout
You played yourself friend.

This happened once before

>hear someone open a soda when the trailers start
>loudly say "whoever that was is going to have to answer to the theater employees or me, so admit your mistake or else I'm getting the worker in here"
>hear some guy "relax buddy it's just a soda"
>get up to look for him when he makes a gesture that asks what the hell
>tell him i'm going to get him kicked out
>he gets up and walks past me with his gf asking if i felt like a big man
>he leaves
>doesn't return

I felt pretty good about that exchange

Seeing movies sober is for plebs

I always bring booze to movies

I bring fast food and other garbage all the time, and I'm not even a nigger

Jesus Christ... I haven't seen this set in many years... I been here to long man, we need to go.

run for the panic button

>sitting in movie theater
>literally every other patron is female
>suddenly you hear
>*BRAAAAAAPPPP*
what do you do?

I recently went to Scotland and got a munchy box just to see if they're as good as people say. I couldn't even finish half of the fucking thing. It was so fucking greasy, my heart was racing for hours after eating it.

What the fuck munchy boxes are for groups of people idiot

Shit that never happened

Take the shot.
The designated shooter will just get him if I don't, and I'm not going back to the contraband collaborator mines.
I'm not as young as I was, my backs fucked from carting the anvil ore and I have falcons to provide for.

>People watch me pour the gallon jug of "Buttery flavored oil" (That's what it says on the jug) into the dispenser.
>They still order it.
>MFW people order popcorn "swimming in butter"

I've seen plenty of people eat one entirely by themselves before, though they've all been fucking hammered.

lol I thought the same brother

its all good

is there a better feeling than eating tons of greasy food while hammered?

>he doesn't love hot salted oil over carbs

Burgerland here. What the fuck is a munchiebox?

I shit in my hand and throw it at this person.

>Movie is about to start
>People are still talking
>The sounds of jovial shh shh shh as we prepare for the movie
>The shh dies down and I wait 3 seconds
>Open my can of soda with a big shhhhhhhhh and everyone in the theater starts laughing

One of the very few culinary masterpieces we're missing out on. Just a bunch of junk food in a pie box.

In denmark I got one with fries, red onions, cheese, kebab meat, ranch and ketchup and fuck was it good. Probably the only thing there that I couldn't get better back home.

screenplay quality to be honest

well something had to be carrying the floating boxes of chinese food

There isn't man. There's nothing better than inviting mates around to match some films while drinking lager, spirits and eating disgustingly unhealthy greasy food.

The best food Scotland has to offer. A huge pizza box pilled to the brim with pizza, donner meat, fried chicken, onion rings, chips (fries for Burgerland) and all with sauces of your choice. It's perfect food for when you're drunk or have a hangover.

I want to eat in science..

How don't the employees fuck with you Mr. Pants-on-fire?

Looks pretty nice, but can you get them any bigger?

How do you eat when hungover

Yes, you can get them in different sizes.

300 is pretty stylish. even someone as emotionless as me might gasp at some of the things in 300 if I could rewatch it for the first time again.

In a semi-comatose state.

missing the buckfast to go with the box there m8

I hate people like you.

me and a friend went to the kinos with a group of like 6 niggers from the neighborhood, 6'3 built guys, they literally brought one of those electric cooking pots into the theater, pulled an extension cord from the hallway and made chicken rice right in the middle of the movie

it was a small theater right in the street, still, neither manager or the ticket kid dared blabbing anything, they probably pissed themselves at the possible chimpout

and a couple cans of irn bru

I go to Tescos beforehand and literally buy a fuckload of shit before going to the cinema.

Usually a sandwich, drink, crisps, chocolate, sweets, all that

Often beer as well. Beer is great

Stay mad

I use a backpack if you're wondering, but even when taking stuff in a plastic bag I've never been stopped.

BEST THEATER PRANKS GO
>someone coughs
>shush them

Are you 12? What the fuck are they going to do? Start a mess because a guy is bringing fast food into the theater? Do you seriously think they actually enforce that "rule"? They have no basis, food size doesn't mean anything, a bag of fast food is about the size of a popcorn one, and if the issue is food from outside, then they would have to bitch about anyone bringing candy and other garbage.

Either way, I can't believe you have ever been to the kinéma before, in the big chains people couldn't care less about what the fuck you're doing as long as you don't cause a mess. The guys working there are soulless.

Eating tons of greasy food when hungover?

elohel

I think the "cinema staff kicking you out for sneaking in snacks and drinks" is an American thing. I go to my cinema regularly (at least a few times a month) and bring in a plastic bag from Sainsburys with a can of Appletiser and a pack of Haribo and nobody gives a shit.

Not being an alcoholic

what's the longest sentence you've served in your theater gulag?

Did 5 years for going single without applying for a voucher beforehand

What the fuck are all you bongs still doing up?

Step off your high horse princess

I went to see The Wrestler with a girl who brought beers. We tried to open them in the theater and realized that they weren't, in fact, the screw top kind. So we awkwardly had to fumble around with this shitty bottle opener in the dark for like five minutes while making obnoxious clinging noises.

Movie was good though.