What has been your worst experience at the theater?

What has been your worst experience at the theater?

Forgot my anvil and had to work in the popcorn mines for three weeks to pay for the rental. All I wanted to do was see the new Blacked.com video.

i got raped in the kino-showerd

I was basically forced to sit next to some black people who constantly checked their phones and smelled like weed.

Probably the simpsons movie.
There was an autist behind me overreacting to everything.
Laughing with fake laughter every single joke saying stuff life
"omg homer is so fucking crazy and brilliant"
"spiderpig hahahah omg this is an instant classic"
out loud
don't know for sure but he even looked older than me
Also no specific time but kids asking a thousand questions about the movie they're watching.
Some of those movies weren't even for kids, but apparently kids can watch them if they go with their parents.

Some yahoo stole the clams I was saving in my pockets for a snack. He literally put his hand down my pocket, made eye contact, pulled the clams out and slurped them down in front of me.

Luckily he didn't see my singles vest since I was wearing it under a large coat that I stored my mussels in >:o

>not carrying backup clams in your clown shoes
wewlad

The faggots in front of my putting up their hoods when I was pelting them with popcorn.

that one time a qt was sitting beside me and her arm touched mine
then she looked at me with disgust on her face

Watching Interstellar in the IMAX and some retard brought their fucking 2 year old with them who screamed out crying half the movie despite the complaints.

During that fucking awesome Saturn shot with the piano you just heard that fucking creature shrieking, I was on the opposite side of the theatre and I felt like I was right next to it

Batman v Superman

>go to inherent vice opening night
>behind a kid in line with a peacoat and a W.A.S.T.E. pin
>turns out some university pynchon club is here
>they sing gravity's rainbow songs the entire movie
>movie sucks anyways because paul thomas anderson is a hack
>I leave before it ends

what does this qr code do?

>Theater suddenly reinforces no-singles policy due to a few perverts
>Forced to go home in shame, they offered me a discount on my next ticket when I buy 2

This is why I watch movies at home.

Why would you even see that film in the cinema? What's wrong with you?

learned my lesson

I normally go with a lesbian friend of mine so that we don't have to pay the singles tax (her girlfriend is blind and deaf and don't really appreciate kino) so it's normally pretty painless unless they force us to have sex in front of everyone to prove we're actually a couple. I asked for syrup on my clams once though and they put salt on them instead, $80 down the drain.

I was watching Hacksaw Ridge next to what looked like a 8 year old Japanese girl and she kept on asking questions to her mom.

Oddly seemed unaffected by the war scenes.

>no-singles policy
Is that even a thing? That sounds fucking retarded.

Probably last week when I saw Split

>Sitting in the last row with my buddy
>very empty theater, like maybe 10 other people
>Just as the movie starts, two of the weirdest people I've ever seen enter the theater
>fat old man with a beard, graying, wearing a trench coat and fedora
>a literal prostitute, platinum blonde hair, garish makeup, fishnet stockings, high heels, old and used up looking
>make their way all the way up, past the empty rows, to sit 2 seats away from us
>absolutely nauseating reek of cologne and perfume
>make out the entire movie
>dude is literally fingerblasting her as the uncle molests the girl in the woods
>guy pulls a fucking laptop out of his coat
>spend 20 minutes watching a fucking video on the laptop
>leave 5 minutes before the movie ends

Definitely the weirdest shit that I've ever seen at the theater

>>dude is literally fingerblasting her as the uncle molests the girl in the woods
hot

fucking top kek

meant for

I was getting a handjob during Sweeney Todd and my girl didn't file her nails. She had a jagged fingernail that tore the underside of my cock so bad it started bleeding and we left.

Sounds more like Edward Scissorhands.

>going to watch some shitty movie
>some asshole teenagers sit behind me
>they keep spitting on the back of my head
>I pretend like I don't notice it because I fear conflict
>get up and leave after an hour of getting spit on

it still haunts me to this day

What sort of wonderland do you live in where singles aren't forced into a pen with an armed security guard?

I don't want to talk about it.

It took me five years of therapy just to be able to go see a movie again after what happened.

>sweeney todd cuts the throat of his victims and get away with it
>your gf cuts your dick and she gets away with it

Like pottery

Breaking my banjo string

you poor soul

sat through all of Deadpool

i only go to theaters with a no kids, no talking, no being a faggot policy. must suck to not have this luxury.

>go to the showing of Moonlight
>lights go off
>halfway into the movie half the niggers in the theater are sodomizing each other
never again

they accidentally swapped my falcon with another guy bc we shared the same shower cabin.

>watching Split the other day
>2 morbidly obese colored bitches waddle in
>arms full of food
>they yell at the screen the entire film
>count yo bullets bitch!!
>awww hell naw!!
>ruin the film for everyone else
The only good thing was at the end when the fatasses got into a fight. The thinner of the 2 fat fucks started cleaning up and the other started yelling at her for it.

Were you laughing at your own post?

wait what? singles tax?

i bet you don't tip your gym receptionist

This picture is bringing back bad memories.

>that time I had to hide in the cinema showers till shutting time because someone stole my trousers

Fuck

>few years ago
>mom wants to take me to the theater to see a movie as a christmas gift since she has a day off
>she asks me what movie i want to see and i tell her that she can choose
>she wants to see Up In The Air
>i agree thinking that it was the pixar movie Up i had heard about
>get to the theater in the local mall
>see the movie posters and realize i've made a mistake
>realize im about to see some boring george clooney movie about planes
>Up isn't even playing anymore
>mom buys our tickets and we go in to find some seats
>the theater is full of old people
>when we sit down mom smiles and hands me 20 dollars
>she tells me i can buy whatever snacks I want but asks if I can buy her a small diet coke as well
>i take the money and head out of the theater
>notice avatar is starting soon as well
>use my moms money to buy a ticket to see avatar along with the avatar combo which includes large popcorn a large fountain drink and a bag of m&ms
>rush into Avatar before it starts spilling some popcorn along the way
>only seats left are some shitty ones right in the front rows
>text my mom that i lost my ticket and that I will walk around the mall until her movie is done
>watch the movie and finish with a sore neck and an upset stomach
>check my phone to see that my mom had texted me back to tell me that she had bought me a new ticket for Up In The Air and that she has been waiting outside in the theater lobby looking for me
>leave my theater
>notice my mom sitting on a bench in the lobby looking at her phone
>try to blend in with the crowd of people that just left the same theater I was in and sneak into the nearby washrooms unseen
>text her back and apologize saying i didnt see the message
>tell her to meet me at the car
>wait a few minutes in the washroom and then leave and walk back to meet her at the car
>i ask her how the movie was
>she says she didnt see it because she was looking for me

I felt kinda bad for her, but why was she trying to take me to see a shitty film

>go see Rogue One in the theaters
>succesfully sneak past the watchtowers without a date
>evade the shower guards
>get to my seat
>its next to a fat guy
>movie starts
>the cinema sniper starts taking shots at us
>the crowd cheers and claps
>get an on-screen announcement that the sniper is gonna let a make-a-wish kid take a shot
>a sickly looking bald kid in a wheelchair is rolls into the cinema sniper's nest
>barely manages to hold the rifle steady
>aims and takes a shot at the fat guy next to me
>misses his head and instead hits him in the gut
>half-digested crab legs splatter on my lobzter popz™
I'd rate it 2/5

Not a concentration camp?

The US.

>go to see Lady In the Water
>friday night
>ive made a huge mistake
>high school shits all in the front rows
>talking, texting non stop
>they brought a fucking beach ball
>start throwing it up at the screen
>my friend and I go to get security
>he shrugs his shoulders and say there isnt much he can do
>get a refund
>leave
>glad that movie was shit and i didnt miss much

I havent been to movies in long time

But went to see indie elephant movie. lights and power came out and we all sat in dark silence for 20 minutes. which was just like the movie

was withdrawling form xanax really bad and had to watch a 3d movie

some other ones but don't care etc

>be me
>be mexican
>be brown
>go to movie theater far away from my local ones because I like walking
>it's a people with more money zone
>lots of white looking people, lots of qts
>go watch I.T. with Pierce Brosnan
>loud ass white looking family seat behind me
>they quip at the trailers, say the law and order guy from the bruce willis movie looks hot etc
>theater chain plays an ad that says you can donate to pay eye operations for poor rural folk
>they show footage of old brown people opening their eyes after the operation and smiling, in slow motion with feelsy music. meant to be heartwarming
>mfw loud family starts mocking people in the ad
>say lol he's old, gonna die of a heart attack
>kid says WHAT AN UGLY WOMAN
>I end up taking that shit personally :(
>change seats away from them
>during the movie, a woman sitting next to them changes seats too because they kept being loud
>lol internally when they throw a sweater across their row to cover kid's face because girl in the movie is masturbating in the shower

fuck white people, glad they are dying off [spoiler/]

Did you sue them or something, that's fucking unacceptable.

>Working both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day in shitty retail job
>Merry Christmas to me, I'll catch the late night showing of Star Wars VII on Christmas Eve
>Housemate sees me getting ready to go out and essentially invites himself and his friend along
>Sits checking his phone throughout the entire thing and grunting/sighing loudly in boredom with every scene
>Starts having a stage-whisper conversation with his buddy for the remaining 2/3 of movie.

Don't live with him anymore, so that's okay.

Wow user, what a mess.

I thought most theaters in the US had a no singles policy or at least a singles tax? I haven't seen on in CO without them at least.

>lol internally when they throw a sweater across their row to cover kid's face because girl in the movie is masturbating in the shower
What movie senpai?

Requesting story of the retard that joked with a girl for hours while watching Interstellar but pussied out of asking her number

I honestly havent had that many bad experiences
I dont go enough. I go to the premium theater. I go on off times to get cheaper tickets.

Cell phones and loud patrons on occasion just like everyone else.

How often do you go to the kinoplex? No singles policy has been a thing for nearly a decade now.

vomited all over myself after watching Oceans 13. Right when the credits started and I wanted to get up I couldnt hold it anymore and about half a gallon of a popcorn, beer and nacho mixture splashed all over my croth, chest and floor.
Needless to say I didnt really like the movie

whew lad. You need to be kinder to your mother. Sure, it's a shit film but it was a severe dick move to bale on her when she's wanting to spend time with you on her day off.

At the very least you could have both been laughing at how terrible it was afterwards.

>want to see Rogue One™ in theatres
>theatre shuttle drops me off
>arrive at the counter
>"That'll be 18 dollars plus a 7.95 singles tax"
>hand her a 50 while muttering about the jews under my breath
>before I can ask for change she goes "Next please."
>fuck
>want to hit the theatre gym before the movie starts
>get on a treadmill
>the little girls start laughing at my fat rolls bouncing up and down
>get off 30 minutes later
>all the showers are taken
>the movie starts in 5 minutes
>fuck
>waddle into theatre 7
>all the seats are taken
>squeeze past a dozen people to fit into an empty seat
>I get visible looks of disgust
>accidentally knock over someone's wine
>he punches me in the back of the head
>hold my breath and squeeze into the seat (I'm a big guy)
>movie starts
>remember I have low blood sugar
>I didn't get any snacks
>fuck
>try to signal the waiter over
>he doesn't see me
>fuck I want to see Darth Vader
>try to stay awake
>"Well golly gee, I guess you could say I'm a Rogue One™!" goes Jyn
>start seeing stars
>last thing I remember is the floor and hearing people yell at me
>wake up to cold water in my face
>the theatre fire department is hosing me down again
>tell me I have t-5 before they let the dogs out
>start running as fast as my legs will carry me
>rumble around in my pockets for change to take the bus home
>someone robbed me
>walk 6 miles back home
>mom asks me how the movie was
>I make up details
>go to my room, collapse on my bed and sleep for 72 hours
>wake up and post this thread on Sup Forums

Today is literally the first time I've ever heard of that, is it a meme or something? I go to the movies all the alone time here in Texas.

This is written just believable enough that I cant tell whether a typical Sup Forums autist actually did this or not.

Literally autistic. If this is bait then congratulations because I'm fucking fuming.

I sometimes go to a theater in north Philly. One time I was watching Insidious 2 or some fuck and an old lady fainted in fear near the front row. When the police came literally 2 minutes later her granddaughter or whatever was screaming at them saying they would have gotten here faster if her grandma was white.
>all the cops were black
The rest of the film was just the mostly-black theater shouting about cops and racism, drowning out the climax of the movie. Shit sucked anyway

Gotta agree with this user. Wish I could go back in time and spend more time with my mother. Treat her right while she's still around man

it's a meme you dip!

Yes dude it's a meme.

Way to ruin a thread Kevin

I mean, I do feel safer without creepy singles in the theatre but it kind of sucks when you just want a nice evening for yourself.

>Forget my anal speculum
>Have to rent one the front desk
>Its way too fucking big
>Try to push my popcorn simulant suppositories past it
>Cant get them past

Do you live in a small town in Texas?

Every real city movies actually sell out. There are seating issues and when you have singles it can fuck up seating for couples and groups.

Its not usually enforced on a wednesday at 2pm, but you know sure as shit friday at 7pm its enforced

You're a cunt and a spineless one at that, if you didn't want to see that movie you should've told her so

>designated shooter didn't show up and execute the old lady isis style

Nice try but I'm not believing your story.

"i.t." with brosnan aka best bond

she does it while a l33t haxxor is recording her

ITT reddit humor

It's a weird meme.

No man, I live in a really big city. I've gone at packed premiere nights with no problems.

some children were talking when i was watching the hobbit.

...

You got yourself caught, what's the next step of your masterplan?

>went to see Fifty shades with GF last year
>room was easily 35 (95f) degrees
>couldn't understand why
>asked attendant if the AC was broken when I went for water
>he told me no, laughed, and said to look around the room when I got back in
>whole room filled with middle aged women, all who are flushed and smiling like idiots
>legs apart
>oh lord have mercy
>movie wasn't even funny-bad, just boring

Are you new here or something? There's threads about it every day I know you can't miss them. How long you been on here?

I feel sorry for your mum, you should buy her flowers.

A drunk lady kept screeching out random shit during 12 Years A Slave

Not long enough to notice the meme, apparently.

>How long you been on here?

seems like nobody has been around here very long, what the fuck is up with all of these retarded replies

>literally mentions what movie he saw in the post
>UUUUHH WUT MOBI DID U SEE

I feel like this didn't happen but it gave me major feels anyways

underrated kinopost

What did he mean by this

I fell down the stairs head first and landed on my back once everyone was leaving after watching Knowing. No one helped me up and I heard some laughter behind me. I am so grateful that it was dark in there and no one saw my face.

Ruined my day.

Think of it this way
If it actually happened, this sort of sperg out is normal and has been happening for the last 25 years. She would be numb to it at this point

If this is real you should apologize to your mom

I wish I hadn't read this post

Totally happened

Deadpool
>opening night
>theater is packed, have to sit next to people I don't know
>everytime Deadpool says something witty/insulting, group of black kids say "OH SHIT, GOTEEEEEM"
>audience laughs at this
>old, chubby man in front of me
>keeps saying to himself "good meme, good meme..." after every other fucking joke
>someone threw popcorn at my dad
I would not have been saddened if someone came in and shot us all.

>"good meme, good meme..."

I think it's a meme like penis inspecting day in school

Inviting friends to see Pirate's World's End at a midnight premier and having none of them show up.

Sat in the front row and far corner alone with college kids who snuck liquor in.

>good meme, good meme

Friendly reminder that going to movies at the midnight showing on the thursday that it opens makes for the best kino experience, everyone there is usually as enthusiastic and autistic as you.

Are you that one guy that has been trying to force the anvil meme since January 2016?

>mom wants to spend time with you on her day off
>ditch her to go see some shitty cameron flick

Holy fuck I am mad

>at cinema alone
>sitting in the back row
>got the place mostly to myself
>this woman comes up the stairs looking for a seat
>she looks like an ugly tart. Too much makeup and short skirt
>she sits right next to me (wtf)
>stinks of cigarette smoke
>weird. Try to focus on movie
>30 minutes into movie feel something grip my thigh
>look down
>see big veiny man hand squeezing my jeans
>look at skank's face
>it's a fucking crossdresser
>hairy arms. Hairy legs. Stubble on face.
>trying not to panic. Can feel fight or flight response kicking in
>notice his fucking penis is sticking out from under his skirt
>HELP
>feeling sick now
>stand up and vomit all over him
>vault over seats and run out of cinema
>mfw