My friends, you pay taxes to no one

>My friends, you pay taxes to no one

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Tolkien was a hack.

>LOTR ROTK: GRRM extended 'enhanced' cut

Why was there no scenes in LOTR of people having to use the bathroom? No one had diarrhea once? Food poisoning? Very unrealistic.

King Elessar made Shire an autonomous district protected by the king, so this is actually true.

...

>REEEEE WHY WOULD A SOMME SURVIVOR WANT TO WRITE AN IDEALISTIC WORLD?!?!

I know this is Reddit but I always get teary eyed when he says that, as well as many other scenes in this movie

this desu

>Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew, and her thirst sent her crawling to the stream to suck up more water.

Member when he started singing? Was it autistic bros?

Now this is fantasy with realism

>The three men were erect. The sight of their arousal was arousing, though Daenerys Targaryen found it comical as well.

BRAVO MARTIN

>he was actually singing his tax plans
Martin BTFO'd

This. They didn't have copying machines back then. Song was the easiest way to pass the information along

GRRM ON SUICIDE WATCG

they are fighting using the same weapon as 2000 years ago, I don't think tax or any social advancement is a think in tolkein land

Only in a high fantasy movie could three manlets do anything but get in the way of real men.

No wonder beta cucks love this shit-flick

That was actually an allegory for giving too much control to the State and how that would be reflected by them endlessly taxing you as the bureaucracy of government expanded .

but did they get representation in Gondor's parliament?

Why do we have 6 LotR threads up at one time

Would you prefer 800 capeshit and star wars threads?

Why is that the choice?

What did he mean by this?

My friends, you bend over to no one

These movies really haven't aged well, good lord they're so bad

This is worse than pedobot.

That can't be a real line even from this fat hack?

Pretty sure it's real. I think it's from the scene in the book where naked dancers with boners fuck women while doing actobatics.
GRRM felt naughty that day.

The ling rules.
When there is no king, the stewards rule in his stead. The line of Isildur decides who is king.

It's pretty dam specific.

Don't pollute yourself by reading that shit user. I've seen two episodes of the shit show and I regret it.

yep, can confirm

It's from the same mind that thought up fat pink mask and the more she drank the more she shat

Me too. It's probably my favorite moment in the trilogy.

I still think the funniest one is "they could be riding into deadly danger!"

PUSH this meme

That's not constitutional and you know it. You shouldn't give them any special treatment or funding.

>the sight of their arousal was arousing

Wait, this doesn't fit with his tax policy at all. PLOT HOLE ALERT

>You shall not pass prior to paying the toll!

>Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
>Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
>Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
>Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
>They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
>The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
>Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,
>Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?

Beware that Grima Wormtongue

What is with his obsession with death? Did he get hard when the Toders began their chant at Pelennor Fields?

I cried reading the books desu

*Riders

youtube.com/watch?v=8Tgi-j56ueU

What did you expect watching two episodes of one of the dullest franchise in the history of tv franchises. Seriously each episode following Daenerys and her wyvern pals as they fight assorted shitlords has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when GRRM vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; he made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody. Just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for his books which he will never finish before dying of fat. The GoT series might be anti-Tolkien (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-fantasy series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "dies."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several hundred times. I was incredulous. GRRM's mind is so governed by cliches and literal shit metaphors that he has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of GoT by a Redditor. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading GRRM at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on Reddit." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "GoT" you are, in fact, trained to be a Redditor.

>three

>That pic

...

absolute kino

>At that sound the bent shape of the king sprang suddenly erect. Tall and proud he seemed again; and rising in his stirrups he cried in a loud voice, more clear than any there had ever heard a mortal man achieve before:

>Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden!
>Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter!
>spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
>a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
>Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

>With that he seized a great horn from Guthláf his banner-bearer, and he blew such a blast upon it that it burst asunder. And straightway all the horns in the host were lifted up in music, and the blowing of the horns of Rohan in that hour was like a storm upon the plain and a thunder in the mountains.

>Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

>Suddenly the king cried to Snowmane and the horse sprang away. Behind him his banner blew in the wind, white horse upon a field of green, but he outpaced it. After him thundered the knights of his house, but he was ever before them. Éomer rode there, the white horsetail on his helm floating in his speed, and the front of the first éored roared like a breaker foaming to the shore, but Théoden could not be overtaken. Fey he seemed, or the battle-fury of his fathers ran like new fire in his veins, and he was borne up on Snowmane like a god of old, even as Oromë the Great in the battle of the Valar when the world was young. His golden shield was uncovered, and lo! it shone like an image of the Sun, and the grass flamed into green about the white feet of his steed. For morning came, morning and a wind from the sea; and darkness was removed, and the hosts of Mordor wailed, and terror took them, and they fled, and died, and the hoofs of wrath rode over them. And then all the host of Rohan burst into song, and they sang as they slew, for the joy of battle was on them, and the sound of their singing that was fair and terrible came even to the City.

It's cute that he thinks his commercially successful pulp-fantasy novels qualify him to dictate what Tolkien did wrong.

Who else sent in their application for the advisor role btw?

Malicion Darkwhisper and Foula Mindrot?

I am certain this will be studied by scholars of the English language in the future, just like Tolkiens.

Truely a visionary author.

>the Last March of the Ents
>Many of the trees where my friends, creatures I have known from nut and acorn
>They had voices of their own
>Saruman! That wizard should know better!
>EOOOOOOOOOOOOORUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
>There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men, for this treachery
>They have business with the uruks
>My business is with Isengard tonight, with rock and stone
>BRRRUMBRRM
>Yes, come my friends, the Ents are going to war
>and it is likely that we go to our doom
>the last march of the Ents
>dat fucking music

tears and chills, every fucking time, even now

youtube.com/watch?v=FnYbsAVdkYw
youtube.com/watch?v=4QfHKv86gRQ

They call him Wormtongue because he's a slimy snake and his words are poison. It's not like it's his family name.

I get chills reading this

He probably will be.
He'll be the example of fads masquerading as something deeper, contrasted by Tolkien's lasting work.
>One used his harrowing experience in war, all his knowledge of language and mythology to create a completely unprecedented epic that, if anything, is more influential today than it was decades ago

>One ripped off the war of the Roses, shoved some generic fantasy elements in and spurred on a resurgence of edgy fantasy originally spearheaded by Moorcock

>Milton? A hack. What was Satan's tax policy?

>Homer? Overrated! What was Priam's tax policy?

>Dr. Seuss? No good. Where is "Horton Hear a Due!"?

>it is likely that we go to our doom
>Completely rek Saruman's entire operation, lose one, maybe two Ents with a couple being burnt a bit

Treebeard sucks at strategic assessments.

Martin also made some absurd claims about what war's "truly like", especially concerning rape and sexual violence. He's claimed that authors who write about war without including plenty sexual violence and being dishonest.

Martin being a guy who was a concentious objector in the vietnam war; ie he didn't fight at all, and Tolkien being a man who fought in the trenches of the war to end all wars.

tfw no GRRM

This.
Its disgusting how he fellates himself, thinking he is the 21st Tolkien.
He honestly isnt shit.
I enjoy the books, but they're nothing special in comparrison to the LOTR universe.

>Sorry, Dante, I don't care about your allegories to Italian Politics, I want to know why the ice created by the Devil's constant attempts at escape aren't being capitalised on by the circle of greed.

so that's why his books revolve around cuckoldry

This isn't reddit at all

>I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "dies."

>getting sad as hell when the orcs set one of the trees on fire
>he gets extinguished 5 seconds later
Ents are gods gift to the universe.

Underrated desu

>The guy who brought Jon Snow back made this comment

The first edit I actually enjoyed.

>wrote instead that the character "dies."
made me chuckle desu.

>whole threads both on Sup Forums and /tg/ shitting all over GRRM and praising Tolkien

Feels good, man.

If he hadn't made all the snide comments and stayed off the blog, people wouldn't be nearly so hard on him.
Even considering the out of context ones, he comes across as a man with his head firmly lodged in his colon.

>GRRM pretending for years he was avoiding cliches
>Show has spoiled Jon will come back from the dead fine, be revealed to be the secret prince, marry Dany and rule together happily ever after

inb4 "the books will be different!" a delusion that you can keep forever since they will never be finished anyway.

Fucking kek

Taking all bets that he's going for the subverting the subversion excuse.
Might have worked if he didn't pretend that things like The Black Company didn't predate ASOIAF significantly.

>implying the only reason ((they)) didn't destroy the Tolkien universe with a tv series was the fact it had already been done on film, and very well.
>leaving only asoiaf

>the guy who has the Dragon queen team up with the angsty, hot and misunderstood troubled teen
>the guy who has a big bad behind a big wall
>the guy who has drawn his world as two large continents that make no geological sense
>the guy who allowed ((them)) to gut stannis in got
>the guy who allowed ((them)) and Also helped create two dimensional irrelevant villains as filler while the two coolest kids on the block make their way to meeting each other


Yeah grrm has no right criticizing Tolkien. He's a degenerate Boomer telling one of the lost what he is doing wrong. The only reason grrm's sick fantasy novels are popular is because there is simply a gap in the market.

Honestly, I doubt even TWoW is going to be released.

desu this is the most Sup Forums thing that there is. People here are repelled by fakeness and are looking for something genuine which is why the critique of something that they intuitively feel isn't true is so harsh but also the acceptance of things that speak to them is very genuine.

The reason Sauron can't leave his tower was because he ate some bad guacamole prior to Fellowship and couldn't stop shitting.

Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew, and her thirst sent her crawling to the stream to suck up more water. When she closed her eyes at last, Dany did not know whether she would be strong enough to open them again

I think people have it right when they say he doesn't actually want to finish it, and is just waiting for the inevitable heart attack.
It was originally supposed to be a trilogy written in between other jobs, but got bloated into a saga and became viewed as his magnum opus.
No wonder he's just getting Mopey on his blog.

This always ALWAYS gets me

>the fiery eye of Sauron is allegory for the burning anus of one afflicted by diarreah, which is why he's a vile stain on all he afflicts, but is ultimately powerless
LOOKS LIKE POETRY'S BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS

>mordor is just covered in Sauron's shit
>the growing darkness is his crap
>it spreads across the land

holy shit kek

This fuck brought back Jon Snow and Catelyn Stark LMFAO

As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "dies."

>The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "dies."

There was no allegory about Italian politics in dantes inferno, he literally calles out all the politicians he didn't agree with and places them in hell. The weakest part about inferno

This makes me want to charge into battle desu

Sad!

>mfw this fat fuck writes every shitty dream he sees and redditors eat it up like hotcakes thinking its art

>You will never hate someone so much that you write that they're in hell even though they're still alive so you make up some shit about how they were so evil a demon took over their body

Some come to mind
>Boromir victory flashback speech (TT)
>Theoden battle speech (Rotk)
>Gandalfs talk with Frodo in Moria (Lotr)
>Sam speech (end of TT)
>Saruman speech to gandalf (Lotr)
>Galadriel's monologue (Lotr)
>Gandalf afterlife speech w/pippin (Rotk)
>second Bilbo speech with Frodo (Lotr)
>Theoden symbelmyne speech (TT)
>first Bilbo speech (Lotr)
>Denethor blaze speech (Rotk)
So many great speeches

Wouldn't that just make him humble as fuck? He overestimates the Ents, expects them all to die out and they fucking destroy Isengard and put an end to Sarumans reign.

He's a giant sentient tree thats older than time, he doesn't need to be humble

Sarumans army was at helms deep you retard
obv Treebeard didnt know this

Fuck I'm dying here

Kekafuckingroo