Carmen Ibanez, worst pilot ever

Let's talk about Carmen, and why she's the worst fucking pilot in the history of the federation. We'll examine every time she gets behind the wheel of a starship, and examine exactly how much she is fucking up and how much of a retard she is.

First time we see her fly is when she takes the shuttle from the surface of the moon to the orbital ring. She flies the thing inside of the network of beams and girdles, and judging from the reaction of her passengers, she's not supposed to do that. You can clearly see that there are walkways and airlocks inside of that thing, so it's reasonable to think that sometimes there are people in there. What if another shuttle had been parked in there? What if a team of engineers had been working EVA in there? She'd have pasted them on the windshield, and probably sent the shuttle ricocheting to a wall and killed a bunch of people. Great fucking work Carmen.

Then she gets in the Roger Young. She shows off once again by not disengaging the fuel ducts until the last moment. What would have happened if there had been a malfunction preventing them from releasing Carmen? Would you have had time to brake before the pipes tense up and snap? Why do you think everyone else is uncomfortable when you do that? It's because it's fucking retarded. You wouldn't have had time to brake. You'd have fucked up the refueling umbilicals and the Roger Young would have been stuck a week longer at port while it's being fixed.

Damn this is long, cont

Yes let's talk about Carmen, how long do you think she spent in the co-ed showers?

What do you think she got up to in there?

Let's talk about the greatest pilot ever: Pilot Cadet Stack Lumbreiser
>cute
>skilled
>modest
>loyal soldier
>could suck the chrome off a Federation Fleet Transport

And then there's the stellar job she does at dodging the fucking asteroid. Why would she wait until the last second before starting to move away? How is it not better to start dodging as soon as possible? How does that make any sense? But no one else on the ship seems to mind, so I'll just chalk this up to nineties movie writing and give her a pass. Later when she's flying the escape pod it sort of makes sense for her to wait at the last minute before she starts braking because she's trying to let aerobraking do as much work as possible. The writers of a nineties action movie don't understand how maneuvering an airplane and maneuvering a starship are fundamentally different things. Never mind.

Let's move on then, to the Klendatu (or is it planet B?) orbital drop when the captain realizes that the bug orbital defenses are neither light nor random, and orders Carmen to break for high orbit. What would you do at this moment if you were in Carmen's seat? You'd punch the engines to full throttle and pitch up, right? And what does she do? She pitches down. She's going towards the planet where they're being shot at from. And before one of you retards starts talking about how she's dodging the ships in front of her, why did she have to dodge downwards? Why not dodge upwards? Not only does it move the ship away from danger, it also provides cover from ground fire because the other ships would be between the Roger Young and the planet. And why the fuck would she need to dodge anyway? The ships aren't accelerating, they're all moving at the same pace, just fly up Carmen, just fucking fly up, because this is a nineties movies and the writers don't understand how thrust works in a vacuum, let alone how orbital mechanics work, so these other ships can be stationary while having their engines turned on. Fly up Carmen. The Captain told you to fly up, why are you flying down?

Fuck you Carmen.

she was a cute
just goes to show that being an attractive qt3.14 gril is life on easy mode even in the movies

In Puerto Rico, every time they'd say "Carmen IBANEZ" in the film, the entire audience would scream out: "¡¡¡IBAÑEZ, coño!!!"

Don't forget she knocked the asteroid off its path into Buenos Aires.

But... But... I remember getting rock hard at the sight of her 90s body allure

Being a boy means having the hots for Carmen, being a man means understanding Dizz was the best girl.

I love how this is popular again

Yeah I can't fucking wait for RLM to make a video about speed racer

>she
You could've have ended there.

I gotta admit I always fantasized about the Brain Bug piercing her brain and sucking it out like it did the other dickhead pilot
I know it couldn't have happened plotwise and there wouldn't have been much brain to suck anyway, but man that would have been such a turn-on for me

i was expecting her to get whipped for risking hundreds of lives and millions of dollars worth of naval tech what a dumb cunt

>Carmen getting stripped and flogged in front of the other pilots
HNNNGGGHHH

Rico's negligence caused one death in training. Ibanez's incompetence caused thousands of deaths and the loss of a capital ship during an actual operation.

She would have hung, not been flogged.

>She would have hung, not been flogged.
HHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

>Rico joined the military for this fugly cunt

This movie is shit

I did like the twist
But as it happens I was barely paying attention due to my furious masturbating

I'm surprised they even flogged Rico. They were having a life-fire exercise right next to some guys doing an obstacle course, so they obviously don't give much of a shit for the lives of their cadets. The whole war was arguably fabricated as a form of population control to begin with. Carmen on the other hand risked ship-repairs that would cost millions, which they should have been more upset about.

Is he trying to find her clitoris?

I mean, Denise is an amazing woman, but the film itself seemed almost like a parody.

I do understand what you're saying, it came out at the height of the erotic thriller and it was like they were trying to throw everything in the pot

I can't watch this "ooh she's a womyn pilot ace without any fucking experience" shit anymore

GOVERNMENT LIED BEST GIRL DIED